Ways For Males to Get Invited to Bachelorette Parties

Bachelorette party defined

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

• An American bachelorette party, with the bride-to-be wearing a veil, at left
  A bachelorette party, hen(s) party, hen(s) night or hen(s) do, is a party held for a woman who is about to get married. The terms hen party, hen do or hen night are common in the United Kingdom and Ireland, while the terms hens party or hens night are common in Australia and New Zealand, and the term bachelorette party is common in the United States and Canada. The term stagette is sometimes used in Canada. It may also be referred to as a girls' night out or kitchen tea (South Africa in particular) or other terms in other English-speaking countries.
• The bachelorette party is modeled after the bachelor party, which is itself historically a dinner given by the bridegroom to his friends shortly before his wedding. Despite its reputation as "a sodden farewell to bachelor days" or "an evening of debauchery," a bachelorette's party is simply a party, given in honor of the bride-to-be, in the style that is common to that social circle.

GUYS, BE HONEST

Guys, be honest, have you ever been invited to attend a bachelorette party? Of course you will answer faster than the SR-71 Blackbird, "No, you fool!" I cannot judge you. I like to guard my manhood at all costs.

Now, guys, again, be honest. If you were invited to attend a bachelorette party, would you go? Let me go first, "Duhhh, yes!" What did you expect me to say? Getting to enjoy the company of a room full of gorgeous girls and all at no charge, except for the $50-dollar gift card you bought for the bride. But what's fifty-bucks when you are going to have a night of laughter, listening to several girly girls giggling and getting drunk, and all you do is throw-in a conversation nugget now and again and not come-off as a prude or even worse, a Male Chauvinist Pig.

IS THIS AN AREA THAT US GUYS CAN JUST DREAM OF?

Alas, the "Number one Male Dream" is over. Let's face it, guys. None of you or I will never get an invitation to any bachelorette party. Some of you might if you suddenly become wealthy, but not you or I, the average American males.

A bachelorette party is more secure than Fort Knox or the C.I.A. Headquarters. Impossible to gain entrance is the first and only phrase that pops to mind. Tough, dangerous, and strictly-forbidden for males are more honest descriptions in getting to attend a bachelorette party. And I think this is a case of pure and open discrimination on behalf of all males. We wouldn't hurt these hot girls' images or reputations. Heck, we might make their reputations shine even brighter.

TIME FOR US GUYS TO TAKE MATTERS INTO OUR OWN HANDS

But to face it again, no one is going to help us. No one. We are to be compared to thousands of North Vietnamese, (aka, Vietcong), trying to get membership in the V.F.W. Not going to happen.

So instead of us sitting on the cold sidewalk crying our eyes out, how about us using this story entitled . . .

Ways For Males to Get Invited to Bachelorette Parties

• Transforming ourselves from tough, burly and verile guys, into soft-spoken, sensitive feminine guys. Yes, this is a big sacrifice, but it's worth it. This means spending some dough on female voice lessons given my an expert woman and in a few weeks, us males can speak as softly and sexy as any girl.
• Learning all about what girls like is another big step for us to take. So all we have to do is hang-out around girls who are talking and making lists of their favorite subjects. I would guess that today's girl chats about advancement on their jobs, trust in their boyfriends, clothing, shoes, how they might not be in-love with their boyfriend of nine years and how he is not fulfilling her "needs" in the bedroom.
• A very-serious area that needs our attention immediately is our shoes and clothing. Our shoes cannot be work boots, cowboy boots, or any shoe style that says, "I am a brute." We need to sport soft, slipper type shoes that look girly as possible and as for our clothing, I recommend silk shirts with lace on our collars and cuffs of our shirts. I was going to recommend lace on the tops of our briefs, but our visits to bachelorette parties will not involve one of the hot bridesmaids getting so uninhabited that she will ever see our briefs.
• Those of us who do have hair, you will have to get feminine-looking toupe's just for wearing to these special parties. I, on the other hand, shave my head, so it doesn't matter with me. Plus I have a goatee with a partial beard to look stylish in 2015.
• After we master the things they dsicuss, we guys can meet at one of our homes and pretend to be girls and I mean JUST pretend (this is a notice to all fakers) to be girls and practice-intensely how to talk with authority with these topics.
• We will have to buy acting lessons from a veteran actor who will teach us how to bridle our lust when we are inside a bachelor party (e.g. not letting our eyes bulge-out or mouths fly open) when the girls start showing each other the new panties and bra they bought for this party. Guys, I think "this" will be the toughest task to accomlish. But with practice, we can get plenty of invitatons to bachelorette parties.
• But, take notice, guys. The girls at bachelorette parties MUST be comfortable with us at their most-secret-of-secret places and will have to know that we are NOT gay. We are just soft-spoken, understanding men who are not ashamed of our feminine side. So when the girls get a bit drunk and start dancing and losing their clothing, we cannot use phrases like: "Hot dang! What a body!" We will just have to sit and ignore their wriggling and writhing in front of us. We will have to train our eyes to inspect the party hostess' house plants and maybe water them. What a way to not make girls uncomfortable.
• Some of us will have to bring our pet poodle or Persian to the party. This is a good sign that we pose no threat to these hot girls who have met to celebrate the upcoming marriage of their girlfriend, "Peggy," who just smiles at us as we nod in appreciation to her as we pass by to ask if we are needed to help in the kitchen.

List of Things We Cannot Do at Bachelorette Parties:

• Let the girls catch us staring at their scantily-clad bodies that are in great shape.
• Let the girls catch us adjusting ourselves, this will send the wrong signal to the girls and we will be shunned more than the Black Plague.
• Asking ignorant questions like: "Are you seeing someone and will you have dinner with me?"
• Making flirty moves toward the tipsy girls who are dancing.
• If one of these hot girls were to ask, "Would you care to join me in the bathtub for a private bath?" We have to answer quickly: "What kind of man do you think I am?" Or "I am filing a suit against you Monday for sexual harassment."

Now with us being invited to more bachelorette parties than we can attend, you may right now want to ask, "Well, what is the pay-off to being invited to a bachelorette party?"

Okay. A fair question.

I can answer this way: To just say that we achieved something that most men would trade their worldly-riches to do--be invited to a bachelorette party.

"So that's it?" you ask.

"Sure, dude. That's it. Ohhh, I see. You wanted a more-intense encounter with one of these bridesmaid-beauties, huh?"

"Well, let me tell you here and now. We are not that type of fellas!"