What Are Friends For?

My Friends respond to my Panic Button

People have different ideas of what Friendship is...

I have many different kinds of friends. I am only one kind of friend. The story that follows is true and has very little to do with any web site. I have met many hubbers, and correspond with some that I like to call my friends. This story, is about friends in the real world, not the ones who live inside my computer. I love you all very much, but this one is, to put it simply : All about ME!

In general, on hub pages, I write for others. If you would like to read this, please enjoy it. I am writing it mainly for myself, so that when I have to make a decision I can look at my own history. This is the history of friendships in my life. It is not for the faint of heart. Please understand that there are no names because the people who are my friends know who they are.

Lean on Me

You've got A Friend

Early friendships

When I was very young I tried to make friends. I remember the words that I thought I was saying "Can I play with you?" and "I want to come too, take me with you!" I was about six months old. No living relatives remember it but me.

We were all on my Grandparents' farm, and my dad's young cousins were there. I can still hear them laughing and see them running away from me to play. I still remember how hurt I was that they didn't want to play with me. I still remember how hard I cried. I remember my grandma coming out of the house to give me something to play with, to make me stop crying. Twenty-one years later, talking to my grandma, she finally recalled that spring and summer of 1962. Except for that confirmation many people have thought I remembered something that never happened. Some people would have thought I was reincarnated and had memories from a past life. I have spoken to people who believe in L. Ron Hubbard's "Dianetics", who did think it was a past life memory, until I explained that it wasn't my only memory of that time, and that my memories have been confirmed by others.

To this day, my life is affected by that early rejection. Most of the time, I reject others before they have a chance to reject me. Many times I do not even try to make friends or socialize because I know I may be shunned again. My only saving grace is when I remind myself that they didn't know what I was trying to say.

As a child in a suburban neighborhood, living on a dead end street, I made several little friends. I still remember their names, and their faces. I knew they were only playing with me because there was not anyone else to play with. I knew that my brothers and sisters had friends. I never had many of my own. There were few who would play with me because their siblings were friends with mine.

Later, when I made friends of my own, it would be those friends who abused me, or saw that I was abused. I learned that friends were the people who got what they wanted from you.

I now know that kind of thinking is totally messed up. This was all before I started to school. I started school when I was 5 years old. I thought I would finally make my own friends. You know, real ones, like my family had.

I Learn life's Hardest Lesson

Life's hardest lessons are these:

  • Some people will never like you, no matter what you do.
  • Some people will decide not to like you on sight, without ever getting to know you.
  • People decide to be kind or mean, no one makes them that way, they choose.

Imagine a little 5 year old girl, in her little pink dress, going to school for the first time. There are more kids in the class than she has ever seen at one time in her life. She hasn't even seen this many kids her age at church! Eager to fit in, glad to know that all of these people will soon be her friends.

The abuse has already started in her other world, the real one, the neighborhood. I am at this time, being sexually abused by a neighbor, I am being verbally tormented at home by a relative, and my mother has spent a large portion of my life in hospitals. My father doesn't know it yet, but he already has cancer and will be dead in little more than 5 years.

Imagine how hard it is on this little girl when the torment starts in school. I missed 54 days of my first school year due to illness. That is 11 school weeks. There are only 34 weeks of school (after holidays and vacations) so I missed almost a third of the year. If that happened now there would be alarms going off in the school computer. There were no computers.

I was being bullied in school. I made a couple of friends and joined Bluebirds, which was the start of Camp Fire Girls. I got kicked out later, when my father passed away and I didn't go to meetings often enough.

I had learned I was unwanted. I had been unwanted every where I went for as long as I could remember. It was nothing new.


That's What Friends are For

Later

I did not have a normal childhood, or maybe that is normal, I don't know. It was mine. Years passed, I endured many battles with imagined friends. The bonds I formed were with those who called themselves my friends, only to sell me to others for their own gain. It made them stronger to have me abused for my own good.

I tried being friends with my brother's friends, but they were not my age. Of course it would be difficult to form friendships with someone so young, I was almost 4 years their junior.

At the age of fourteen I belonged to a group that did fund raising and then went on retreats. We had meetings and walk-a-thons... Surely now I was making friends. I made the mistake of saying that to someone there... "I am so glad to be making so many new friends" I was given an education about the difference between friends and acquaintances... It would have been really easy to lie and say we were friends, let me enjoy the moment. But of course, that would not be fitting in with my already warped sense of companionship.

I was told that when we left the retreat we would rarely see each other again. I quit the group shortly after that. I had worked very hard at being a part of something, only to find that they didn't want me either.

I became a young mother, left to my own devices I found my own way to make my own world. I had found out that your children will need you and need was the best I could hope for in life. If people need you they might almost love you.

I love all of my children, and I made sure that they were strong enough to deal with life in the real world. I made sure that they knew how beautiful they were. My children are so lovely it takes the breath away.

Sadly, they think I only tell them that because I am their mother. They were tormented in school by bullies too. The beat goes on.

Imagine how hard it was to listen to all of these songs. To be that kind of friend and know that you can't have one who is like that.

I didn't have that kind of friend until I was in my twenties. I moved away from my home town and met people in Florida. Since they had no preconceived image of me, they were actually very good friends to have. I have a couple of real friends from my youth and a couple from my adult years.

These are friends that you can call at two o'clock in the morning, and they won't be mad... Friends you can count on to be there even if you haven't talked to them in days or weeks or years. Friends who won't let time slip away without contacting you... Friends who help you raise your kids, while you help them raise theirs. Friends who will stand by you when you are wrong, and then tell you privately that you were wrong. Friends who will forgive you for being wrong and continue to still be your friend, even when they know that you have decided to stay wrong! Friends are the people who will still be there for you when you have decided not to be corrected by them... Friends are the people who will say "I am not going to say I told you so..." even though they just did.

Friends do not let friends do themselves harm. Friends do not let friends make mistakes they cannot live with. Friends will grab your hand before you hit your wife, even if that means you will hit them instead. Friends will take the knife away before you cut yourself with it, even if it means they get cut in the process.

I said I am only one kind of friend. I am the kind of friend who will try to keep you from hurting yourself and others, even if that means I get hurt in the process. I am the kind of friend who will stand up for you when you aren't even looking. I am the kind of friend who will risk her own reputation to tell people what friendship really is...

I ran my whole life to get away from the little girl who nobody liked in first grade... I am the friend who will bring up her past to expose herself to more ridicule, for you.

Afterward: What is a Friend? What is Friendship?

Friend: (From Merriam Webster on-line) Pronunciation: \ˈfrend\

Function: noun Etymology: Middle English frend, from Old English frēond; akin to Old High German friunt friend, Old English frēon to love, frēo freeDate: before 12th century

1 a : one attached to another by affection or esteem b : acquaintance
2 a : one that is not hostile b : one that is of the same nation, party, or group
3 : one that favors or promotes something (as a charity)
4 : a favored companion
5 capitalized : a member of a Christian sect that stresses Inner Light, rejects sacraments and an ordained ministry, and opposes war —called also Quaker

friend·less \ˈfren(d)-ləs\ adjective

friend·less·ness noun

be friends with : to have a friendship or friendly relationship with

Friendship: Also from Merriam Webster on-line. Pronunciation: \ˈfren(d)-ˌship\

Function: noun Date: before 12th century

1 : the state of being friends
2 : the quality or state of being friendly : friendliness
3 obsolete : aid

I notice that there are two terms that we are all familiar with. One is Acquaintance. Ironically that is what we all are here in Hub Pages, by definition. We may talk frequently in the forums and comments sections of our hubs. We may even e-mail each other, and socialize on other sites. That would make us "Acquaintances."

The truth is that the old obsolete definitions are more accurate to the definition of friend and friendship. "Friend" was the equivalent of being related through a common belief or goal and "friendship" was to aid someone in that common goal or belief. The other more common definition is "Preferred companion." As you can see, for those of you who have been accusing others on web sites of not being a good friend... Well the evidence is clear. If my goal is to socialize and aid others in socializing, it is not in my best interest to be cruel to someone who has allegedly not been your "friend" or has treated you unkindly. It is not in my best interest to consider any one out of the millions of people on line my enemy because of something anyone says about them.

A beautiful and yet terrible definition of friend, and actually based on military tactics is: "The Enemy of my Enemy is my friend." It is taken from an Arabic Proverb, and there is a Chinese Proverb that means the same thing, according to Wikipedia.

Let us ponder that definition again. "The enemy of my enemy is my friend." If that is your way of thinking, I will probably never qualify as your friend. I have no desire to make enemies, nor do I have any desire to be the friend of someone who would arbitrarily decide that they can tell me who I am allowed to be friends with.

I choose. I decide. Me, not anyone else. I do not seek out friends and friendships. I seek to offer help to anyone who needs help, and kindness to anyone who offers me help. Beyond that I have real friends in real life who do that for me, and I do the same for them. My friends have never, ever told me who to be friends with. It would never occur to them to be so bold.

In my short time here at Hub Pages, I have met some amazing people who I hope to form lasting friendships with. I have also met people who think that they can intimidate me with threats to me or my friends. I actually lost a few great potential friends because these others decided to intimidate them until they left hub pages. How childish is that, to seriously target someone who is friendly with someone else? What kind of mind would decide that it is acceptable behavior?

The best part of this whole story is that it caused me some major anxiety, until I got strong enough to do some research on the subject. I found out that this type of thing has gone on at every web site where socializing is possible... Historically the internet is filled with different types of people who think they can control each other by forcing others to take sides.

I am a baby in this vast On Line world. I have been actively participating for four months. In that time I had four solid days of tears over people coming and going here on Hub Pages, and three solid weeks of anxiety attacks so strong that I could barely type. I had come here to make money and ended up terrified; I entered the forums only to answer "distress calls" from people who needed "Hub Help". After learning that some people consider that a form of "Cyber stalking" and that kindness is thought to be a prerequisite to "torture" in the virtual world, I stopped even that. See they wrote a few hubs saying that the people who help you out in the forums are just waiting to prey on your weaknesses...

I have never preyed on someone. I help people because I like helping people. I like giving... I cried some more, I had more anxiety attacks.

I was rescued by someone who decided to give me a place I could speak in without fear. She has been tormented herself, by many on line and real world entities. I was made stronger by her. It was not until her buttons had been pushed that I grew strong enough to stand up for her again. I do not care if she is who she says she is. I do not care if you like her or do not like her. She is my friend. She chose to be kind to me regardless of any other person's ideas of me. We go to a place called Friend's Hang Out. (sadly the "Friend's Hang Out" web site is no more) If you think she has preyed on my weaknesses, that is your problem.

See, when it comes to who is my best friend, really, my preferred companion... I choose me. Deal with it. I have rarely had any fights with myself, and I seldom make myself cry. I can laugh at myself and even buy myself flowers if I choose. I take care of myself and those I love. I like me, no matter what anyone else thinks of me.

Oh and by the way You can Quote me on that... I do like being quoted.

More by this Author


Comments 69 comments

samboiam profile image

samboiam 6 years ago from Texas

Faybe, thank you for this wonderful hub. I have few friends but the ones I do have are precious and valuable. Voted this up.


Faybe Bay profile image

Faybe Bay 6 years ago from Florida Author

Thank you Samboiam. I was not expecting such a rapid response. I just published it. Yes, real friends are so valuable. I treasure them, and they love me even when I screw up, which is an added bonus. I am human, so I do screw up. I believe that's normal.


TattoGuy 6 years ago

We are all human Faybe and I screw up all the time, thing is I never claim to be perfect and have always claimed to enjoy getting drunk at weekends, being a sarky git, making errors in my life. Who you are friends with is your business and whether I like them or anyone else likes them should not be an issue, your friends are yer choice.

Can I tell you a secret, I actually love the personal sock puppet attacks and how they follow my hubtivity and scan my forum, it actually makes me realise there are sadder people out there than me.

I dont need those silly lil bunch of sheep to tell me my imperfections, I know them but alas do they know theirs, I think not. Awesome hub and you will always be my friend, enjoy the rest of yer weekend x


Faybe Bay profile image

Faybe Bay 6 years ago from Florida Author

Thank you sir, for visiting my humble hub. I do have a multitude of faults myself! Fortunately, for me, people don't get to see them if they are busy baiting me without giving me a chance to show them my faults first. A true gentleman, you are, allowing me to expose my faults all over your forum. Have a great weekend.


TattoGuy 6 years ago

Lol I have been called a lot of things but never a gentleman, and you are welcome Faybe and thank you, I am deff no gentleman though ; )


Faybe Bay profile image

Faybe Bay 6 years ago from Florida Author

Gentlemen come in all shapes and sizes. It is a gentleman that never points out the lady's faults. At least I believe that was the definition of a gentleman in some movie I saw or book I read. :) Another definition of a gentleman was one who makes others feel at ease in their presence. Usually though, if I am unsure, I break it down. "Gentle" well that means not hurting, and "man", well that is what I am told you are, not a woman. So "Gentleman", yes it fits what I know of you. ;)


epigramman profile image

epigramman 6 years ago

what are friends for: so we can have people like you in our lives. Your hubs are always well researched and so absorbing that I feel like a human sponge soaking up all of this goodness....


Faybe Bay profile image

Faybe Bay 6 years ago from Florida Author

I was just about to log out of MSN for a nap, when I saw the mail! So good to see you Epigramman. Again, you are way too kind to me. I didn't think anyone would actually want to read about the kicks in the teeth I got in the name of friendship. The only thing of value in the hub at all is the people who decided to show me what friendship is supposed to be like.

Kindness, so odd the feeling I get when treated to a daily dose of it, Epigramman.


kimberlyslyrics 6 years ago

Faybe my biggest and most important wish for you has always been that you could see yourself through my eyes.

This hub was beautiful, moving and just so damn true. Could not have been easy to write, but you did so in such an inspiring and creative way

Thank you for putting things in such proper perspective for us

You are loved by more than you date to know

fuck the rest

love you no matter what

kimberly

2 thumbs up

thank ypu

xo


Faybe Bay profile image

Faybe Bay 6 years ago from Florida Author

Thank you Kimberly! You know how much that means to me, and why I couldn't tell you about this before. You wouldn't have let me do it. So there it is. My guts all over hub pages. I'll see you in the Forum. Big Hugs!


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 6 years ago from TEXAS

Faybe - your conclusion was full of wisdom. Being one's own friend is vital. She is someone always at hand, always KNOWING all the facts about you before making any judgments and when you know how to like yourself, then you know even better how to like others, and no matter how it seems, it is when people feel genuinely liked that they are drawn to us.

As far as anyone who isn't drawn to us - so what? We don't want them to fake it - nor would we want to have to fake welcoming their fake friendship. It's nothing to fret about - just let it go. Let them find what they want. There are others who may fit their bill. But it's not our problem.

The more we learn, the more comfortable in our own skin we are, oddly - seems like the more others respond favorably to us.

But someting in Kipling's famous poem "If" always reminds me that whether it is criticism or praise - it is still only "their" perception and "they" never have all the facts about oneself.. So there is no way they can give an accurate analysis of us, either good or bad! We must take it all with a grain of salt.

They either like us or they don't. It's not really a choice & has little to do with qualifications. It's simply a response they feel. We can treasure those who have it but no point in bitterness about those who don't. Give them your best wishes and let it go. No sense in wishing anyone ill to go out and add to the misery in the world.

In the end, it's what we ourselves know about ourselves that counts.

I have enjoyed what i know of you since you've been online here. I haven't been here very long myself.

I appreciate this heart-felt story of your experiences since infancy. I can empathize. Now you're your own person and best friend, though - and I'm proud of you! Thanks for the glimpse into your life!


Faybe Bay profile image

Faybe Bay 6 years ago from Florida Author

I have to thank you, Nellieanna! I know that I like and accept myself and others for who they are, but to have someone of your caliber confirm me is a great comfort. It took me a while to get through all of this hub, and at times I wondered at my own sanity for doing it. I have a great deal of respect for you. Your opinion does count, with me.


epigramman profile image

epigramman 6 years ago

the only time I feel melancholy is when I don't hear from you .......


Hummingbird5356 profile image

Hummingbird5356 6 years ago

This is a heartbreaking hub. I hope that from now on you never have to go through something like this again. You have shown yourself to be a very strong person.

God bless you.


Faybe Bay profile image

Faybe Bay 6 years ago from Florida Author

Good to see you Epigramman. I will be visiting your hubs today as usual. It's nice to wake up to a comment from you.

Hummingbird, I am always glad when you come by, yet somehow sorry to expose you to my history. I learned to separate myself from what was done to me. I am not so strong, sometimes I hide myself away, so that I don't have to risk strangers entering my life. (Stranger=Danger, not new person, possible friendship)

I know what the desired response is to my abusers and try not to give them the satisfaction.

Some want to see me cry, and they will not get those tears from me, those who would want me to scream, rage or struggle, I learned got no pleasure if I remained quiet and still...

You may find it heartbreaking and others find it mentally shaking... The truth is, I learned not to give people the desired output for their undesirable input. If they don't get the reaction they want from me, they go away. It is the only time I've enjoyed disappointing anyone.

The tears I cry, I cry privately. The only reason I told of my sorrow here, is that it was a sort of mourning. I was helpless to stop people from hurting each other, right before my eyes. I did this to help others stop hurting. Try as I might to stop them, people on line will hurt each other with words, there is not a thing I can do about that.


timorous profile image

timorous 6 years ago from Me to You

Wow Faybe. This must have been tough to write out. I do know what you mean. Some people seem to have a twisted way of dealing with others. I think these same people were abused themselves, and that's their modus operandi. These people have no real friends. You need to ignore them, and not take their comments to heart. It's not about you, it's their problem.

I was always shy (or timorous) growing up. I had trouble making friends (still do). Luckily I was never bullied. I knew that words would never hurt me. I always had a good sense of humour that I could use in my defense.

I find if you're honest and straightforward with people, they generally respect you.

I'll certainly come to someone's defense, especially where the attack is completely unwarranted and mean-spirited. Especially women, like kimberlyslyrics and yourself. It's just the right thing to do.

See you back at friends hang out soon.


Faybe Bay profile image

Faybe Bay 6 years ago from Florida Author

Thank you, Timorous. I was very shy, more so because of getting picked on. There were times I wished I could just disappear, and times I wished I'd never been born. Some schools are implementing serious surveillance systems to stop the bullying. CCTVs and other forms of intelligence gathering have been brought in. Big Brother is watching, because people just can't seem to leave each other alone.


kimberlyslyrics 6 years ago

kiss


Rafini profile image

Rafini 6 years ago from Somewhere I can't get away from

Faybe - this is too beautiful for me to put into words. Rated you up. :-)


Faybe Bay profile image

Faybe Bay 6 years ago from Florida Author

Thank you Rafini. I know you have had a hard time as well, in more ways than one. Big Hugs my friend. You deserve them, every day!


timorous profile image

timorous 6 years ago from Me to You

Hi Faybe again. Yes, it's unfortunate that security measures are deemed necessary. However, to me that's just a band-aid treatment that doesn't address the original attitude problem. These kids were just not brought up right, and until they learn to respect others, they're going to grow up to be problematic adults. Sad. Thanks for letting me rant.


Faybe Bay profile image

Faybe Bay 6 years ago from Florida Author

There is never a problem with a good rant, Timorous! No surveillance does not fix the problem, any more than metal detectors and having police officers at every door, but that is what public schools are forced to do. I would blame it on taking the prayer out of schools, but I can't because prayer was still in schools when I was tormented. I believe it was wrong to tell us we are not allowed to pray in public, but that would not fix the problem. You are right about it coming down to raising them, but who is raising the kids when both parents have to work? Kids are raising each other, more often than not. That's a rant for a whole set of hubs.


Pamela99 profile image

Pamela99 6 years ago from United States

Faybe, I am very touched by your hub and I am amazed at your strength of character. It had to be difficult to write about your childhood and the friendship problems, but I think maybe you are stronger because you thrived. You are able to express yourself beautifully and you have those beautiful loving children.

I have had some negative remarks made on a few hubs but I really don't react in any emotional way because I don't care what they think about me. I know some people won't agree with me and some people are just mean. Sometimes I don't make a comment and sometimes I do. I usually print them unless they are lewd remarks which only happened once, but I don't think I have been bullied. I didn't even know that people were intimated enough to leave Hubpages. I guess I am naive.

I do know self worth and happiness has to come from inside us. You have many special gift and writing is one of them, plus you have a lot of support on Hubpages which I see just by looked at comments that have already been written. It is important for you to know that you are a unique special person.


Faybe Bay profile image

Faybe Bay 6 years ago from Florida Author

Hi Pamela, Thank you for your kind words. I too was surprised at the outpouring of support. I have had some hubs go completely unnoticed for months.

It's good to know you haven't been bullied here. Often a person will get bullied in the forums, and then find nasty comments on their hubs. I have read hubs about the trolls here going back two years! One recommended "Lurking" to keep from being a target! I think it's almost a year old. I have actually checked forums for bullies and not posted because I know there is one posting in that forum... That's lurking, reading, but not posting so that you don't get attacked. Some people lurk for a different purpose, they want to catch you saying something that they can attack... I have had that happen as well.

I am glad you haven't been bullied here. I hope you never are. Big Hugs!


Hummingbird5356 profile image

Hummingbird5356 6 years ago

I thought Hubpages was a civilised place where we could write about anything we like. It is preposterous to hear that bullying occurs. I haven't had any experience of this.

Also, about you talking about things that have happened to you. I have found that writing about things can help a lot. It is the feeling of sharing a burden and it seems to make it lighter.


Faybe Bay profile image

Faybe Bay 6 years ago from Florida Author

Hummingbird it is my fervent hope that you never experience any of the things that I have seen; I hope no one does. You have to understand that I was afraid to write any hubs because if someone was a frequent commenter on my hubs, that might make them a new target... You can imagine how upsetting that could be.

I was afraid to approve comments and yet afraid to deny them. I learned better. I will approve all comments and then if anyone is bullying it will be apparent to all.

Big Hugs to you Hummingbird! Thank you for reading.


Ivorwen profile image

Ivorwen 6 years ago from Hither and Yonder

It never ceases to amaze me how the early memories can leave such a lasting impression, yet virtually everyone I know is affected by them.

I like that you are a true friend, the kind that will be there through thick and thin. Everyone needs friends like that. :)


Justine 6 years ago

Im glad you changed your mind about if internet people can be friends. Sure its not the same as a real life flesh and blood person to sit in your kitchen and have a cup of coffe with, but if weren't for my internet world, I'd be pretty lonely!! Great hub Faybe. :)


Faybe Bay profile image

Faybe Bay 6 years ago from Florida Author

Hi Ivorwen, Yes our early memories can cause problems later, and often impact our reactions to social situations in ways many may never be able to document, because in some the memories are "forgotten" yet active.

Hi Justine! I have been worried, hoping all is well with you! You know I am always here for you, if you want to write to me. I don't know what I would do without my internet friends, I don't want anyone to think they can attack people because of who their friends are. No one has a right to tell us who we can "hang out with".


Ivorwen profile image

Ivorwen 6 years ago from Hither and Yonder

I have two such memories. Very distinct memories. One tells me I am on my own, I have to do everything by myself, for myself. The other tells me I need permission form an authority figure to do anything I want and that my ideas for my life are not worth much. HA! Wish I could throw them both out of my subconscious.

Through studies of the brain, they are finding more and more that those early incidents really do so much to shape our lives.


kimberlyslyrics 6 years ago

Again, it is such a wonderful hub and I am so sad the forum is gone. You can't imagine. All of you above me were the greatest supporters and I don't know how to thank you nor tell you how sorry I am. I was not aware this was going to happen. A gain I am so sorry my friends,

xo


Faybe Bay profile image

Faybe Bay 6 years ago from Florida Author

Hi Ivorwen! Yes it is odd that they are finally understanding this phenomenon, and yet not a thing to be done about it. L. Ron Hubbard was on to something, unfortunately he may have gone too far with the "Failed Abortion" theme that was so prevalent in "Dianetics".

Hi Kimberlyslyrics, well it was good while it lasted. I find it ironic that some people thought there was a forum just to talk bad about them. I didn't notice any threads open for that purpose. We had some serious health threads, and music and fun... I must have missed the "whose our worst enemy?" and "Who shall we talk badly about today?" threads... Oh right, Because there weren't any! But that is what is to be expected. Some people expect the world to revolve around them, sad really.


timorous profile image

timorous 6 years ago from Me to You

Hi Faybe, Kim and Ivorwen; I guess we were just having TOO MUCH fun in our little forum. So sorry.

It's sad there's people out there that have nothing better to do than to make other's lives as miserable as their own. I think it's best to ignore these people. They're just looking to provoke and get a reaction. If they don't get one, they'll move on to their next victim.

Be happy, my ladies.


Faybe Bay profile image

Faybe Bay 6 years ago from Florida Author

So good to see you Timorous. I think it's time to show you all my place. I will send you an e-mail.


TattoGuy 6 years ago

The Forum will be back later tonight, twas being revamped, I hope you still know the directions ; ) x


Faybe Bay profile image

Faybe Bay 6 years ago from Florida Author

I know my way. Thank you for the update. For anyone interested in Friend's Hang Out there will be a link when the site is all fixed.


heart4theword profile image

heart4theword 6 years ago from hub

First of all, I am sorry to hear about the people who mistreated you. True Friends are hard to find, sometimes they find you! I think we all, have experienced...being shunned by another. As you said, we can easily cut off relationships, before they go bad. Feeling like, better now than later...after more time and heart is invested. This was a heartfelt hub:( I hope and pray...some inner healing, will be experienced soon:) I know for me, it has been a life long journey of healing, from the inside out:) This didn't really start happening, until I was older. Maybe because, we are able to handle things better, older? Anyway, may many blessings, be showered upon you...Faybe Bay:)


TattoGuy 6 years ago

I will be putting the link back on my profile as well, the revamp will be even better, you and Lyrics, Ivorwen, Tim and the good guys are true friends, and I will always be there for you. Be up and running in about 2 hours ; )


Faybe Bay profile image

Faybe Bay 6 years ago from Florida Author

I have to thank you for reading this, Heart4theword. I would not want anyone to have to go through these types of sorrows. I am sorry that you have been hurt too. You are a truly gentle spirit, and one that deserves so much better. (I guess we all do?) At any rate, my healing was going well, but then I saw others being hurt... I cannot imagine using someone to hurt another. Worse is taking what has hurt people and bringing it up over and over, pouring salt in wounds that are starting to heal, or dragging an incident that has slipped into the past back up to hurt someone. It is what it is, I guess. That's what they tell me. If I hurt you and say I am sorry, it must be someone's responsibility to write a story about our pain, and then rewrite it in a different way, all the while trying to make you feel foolish for accepting the apology, make me feel guilty for hurting you... Then if you still forgive they must rub your nose in it and tell you how you deserve whatever you get, it is their responsibility... It is what it is. Now someone will probably write to you and ask you what I did to hurt you... It is what it is.


Faybe Bay profile image

Faybe Bay 6 years ago from Florida Author

@ TattoGuy: I am glad the link will be back on your profile. I guess that will be a good place for all of us to put our links, on our profiles. That way it is easy to access.


heart4theword profile image

heart4theword 6 years ago from hub

Faybe, thanks for sharing, I don't see how anyone could think you offended me, because you haven't. I do think you have a sensitive heart, and we all need to be more sensitive to others. If we all knew the background of events in a persons life, I feel, we would all understand each other better:) Take Care!


carolina muscle profile image

carolina muscle 6 years ago from Charlotte, North Carolina

That observation about people trying to control others by making them choose sides- very astute!!!


Faybe Bay profile image

Faybe Bay 6 years ago from Florida Author

@ heart4theword: I know, I am just making the observation that some people don't even know the difference between hypothetical and real, let alone reality and fiction. I am happy that we don't have a problem.


Faybe Bay profile image

Faybe Bay 6 years ago from Florida Author

Hi Carolina Muscle, always good to see you! Thank you for the complement. I think that people will deny it, but if they think about it long enough, they will see it's true. I remember it from school, but really didn't expect to see it used so frequently as an adult.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 6 years ago from TEXAS

My apology for being slow getting back to read and acknowledge your reply, Faybe. Took me so long to catch up on my comments to new hubs, I didn't follow up as I like to. You're so kind to value my opinion. I relate to wondering about one's sanity when writing some of the more heart-felt hubs - or even those which expose one's silliness and "clay feet". But it's all part of being a whole person so may as well be open about it!

:-)


Faybe Bay profile image

Faybe Bay 6 years ago from Florida Author

Nellieanna, it is so kind of you to follow up! I don't follow up as I should because I don't even know when someone has responded half the time. I didn't even know how to find the hubs I commented on for a while! Your hub about that really opened my eyes. I have since gone back to see more often. Now the Hub Feed, which I didn't know about before, makes that all so much easier. :-)


Marijana Reynders 6 years ago

Faybe, I can only see that little 'friendless' girl and my heart cries for her and the cruelty suffered at the hand of mankind and so-called friends. But reading all the wonderful and supportive comments of 'cyber' friends, should tell you that there are people who genuinely care and they are the ones that matter. My friends are the wild creatures sharing our space and my pets ... and they have never ever disappointed me. Oh yes, my best friend is also 'me' (and my other half of course). Sending comforting hugs your way ...


Faybe Bay profile image

Faybe Bay 6 years ago from Florida Author

Thank you, Marijana. I appreciate the compassion in your comment. I think that the Cyber friends is the point. I have spent my whole life trying not to be that little freckled red headed girl, but every where I go I have to prove my worth over and over. Here they took me at "face value" without having seen my face.

The world is a cruel place, ask any 7 year old child.

I appreciate the hugs more than anything, and try always to send some back. So here are your Big Hugs!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vr3x_RRJdd4


Faybe Bay profile image

Faybe Bay 6 years ago from Florida Author

Thank you, Gabe, for your kind words. I am sorry that you read this one, of all I have written. I guess anyone can see this is my latest and that I haven't written since. Yeah, it was hard. You know about that though, I am sure yours was equally painful to write, but you did it. We do what we have to do.

It is a shame that people couldn't just be writers together on a site. I don't know if other writing sites have the same problems. I did my research and didn't leave. I found out that these people were new once too, they had a bad experience and took it out on everyone else. I can't be that person. I can't let the actions of others change me. If I let anyone change me now, I am lost for sure. I am me, I have to be me. I have tried being someone else (in real life not in cyberspace, I have no sock-puppets yet) and it isn't good; I know how to be fake, I know how to make myself pretty for others... I was even told by a cosmetics company (I sold door to door, and did parties) that it is my duty to be pretty for people, that they need to see pretty, and that it makes other people happy if I look pretty... What kind of crock of bull stuff is that to feed a young impressionable mind?

I was told that if I don't put on the pretty make-up, I deserve to get looked at 'funny'... I had surgery on my nose in 2005 and don't wear make-up because it makes the scar stand out more. I got used to my real face. My son says that I am plain, and that plain is good. So, if people choose not to like this little red-headed girl, whose freckles are fading now, that is their problem, not mine. It's my life. I am plain, or ugly if that is what they choose to see. I am used to my face. Some people like it, I like it okay. I mean, when you weigh the alternatives, a face is a good thing to have!


Faybe Bay profile image

Faybe Bay 6 years ago from Florida Author

Thank you Gabe, your kind words are appreciated, possibly more than you could know. I wouldn't even have signed in to Hub Pages, but to read your comment. I am sure I'll write more soon, I just don't know when. This whole thing has taken a bite out of my drive to write. I guess just like quitting the cigarettes, I'll write when I am ready; I have just never been at a loss for words or inspiration before. Maybe 'll just go back to fiction! :)


SEM Pro profile image

SEM Pro 6 years ago from North America

Clearly Faye, your honesty brings out the best, the truest connections people could ever hope to have - on the internet or in person. My life changed when I considered Carolyn Myss's theory as possible. She says we have "sacred contracts" with people as spiritual beings - before we choose to live a particular life. These contracts represent the lessons our spirit needs to grow. Some fathers for example, contract with their children to disapprove, until the child learns to not need outside approval from anyone. Her theory helped me trust again completely, because it really is only me I have to trust - and my ability to respond with love and compassion. I suspect you have learned the same. Very, very well written, as always :)


Faybe Bay profile image

Faybe Bay 6 years ago from Florida Author

Thank you, Sylvia, obviously you get me. Many people believe I would expose my wounds to the open air like this so that people will see them and say "Ah, poor baby" or "Wow, look how strong you are" when in reality that has nothing to do with why I wrote the hub, or exposed my soul to anyone. I don't care what other's think of me, or my wounds, although compassion is a wonderful thing. I expose them so that others who are wounded may know that they are not alone, I am wounded too. I write them so that those who stand proudly by my side are recognized for their heroism. I write them so that someone else who is wounded and reading will know that there is another exit from this dark cave; the tunnel is deep and dark yes, but the light is coming, there is hope on the other side of the pain.

Someone asked me what children are thinking of their abuser while they are being abused. I remember thinking, "if I am just quiet it will be over soon", I think there is that and sometimes the "when I am big I will fix them" sometimes. I was asked if abused children hope for death or even think about it, I do not know for others but for me I just felt I wouldn't be so lucky as to die, that I was to live so that someone else didn't have to suffer, even that the suffering I was enduring was in my life because I was strong enough to handle it.

I believed that some people are not strong enough to handle the pain, and so they must watch and shake their heads and say "poor thing" but someone has to suffer so that humans can show compassion, without suffering there is no compassion, you see?


SEM Pro profile image

SEM Pro 6 years ago from North America

Mother Teresa believed in suffering so it must have its merits. I have witnessed many disasters and much suffering. Yes, compassion is the pearl formed but am beginning to realize that as adaptable creatures, many have lost sight of the greater hope for change; have forgotten it is our God given promise to be able to create a glorious future, and choose an abundant quality of life. With the strength we have gained, my goal is to form a strong enough team to be able to offer a hand to those who feel they are stuck in quicksand - the harder they struggle to get out, the deeper they sink. I have been there, and I believe, so have you. Now there is a vehicle on which we can depend, a global team to rely on to help us pull out whoever is willing to join us in creating that bright future. God willing we will find many. Be prepared though, some who are drowning will attempt to pull us back into the quicksand. Synergy is what the team relies on to thrive :) Perhaps an additional definition for friendship? And currently, a global necessity...


Faybe Bay profile image

Faybe Bay 6 years ago from Florida Author

True, I did get told in no uncertain terms much later in life that while there must be suffering we do not have to accept it and take it as I did. We have to find that one that leads us out of the suffering and into the light, and that is what awaited me on the other side, but I had to keep moving through the pain and suffering to get to the other side. Some people just stop and wallow in their pain, instead of moving on to the light. I am ready to go with you and start guiding people to that light! Big Hugs, I will call you tomorrow!


kimberlyslyrics 6 years ago

Just checking in to let you know I miss ya. But make no mistake that this means I am not still mad at you for having larger breasts than me. Do love you though :)


Faybe Bay profile image

Faybe Bay 6 years ago from Florida Author

Ha ha, I also outweigh you by almost 90 pounds, dear heart, so they're fat is what they are. When I lose weight they'll just be empty wallets. Heehe. Big Hugs. Had a tooth pulled today, I'll be better soon now.


Tamarii2 profile image

Tamarii2 6 years ago from NEW YORK

Interesting hub.Enjoyed the comments and the reading.Thanks for becoming a fan.Enjoy your journey with great peace.


Faybe Bay profile image

Faybe Bay 6 years ago from Florida Author

Thank you Tamarii2. Being your fan is my pleasure. Reading your hubs calms me and renews my spirit.


DoorMattnomore 6 years ago

Hope your tooth is better! You'll write more when its time to write, I am looking forward to it.


kimberlyslyrics 6 years ago

This hub always lifts my spirits, it really is a great hub, I too hope your feeling better

your friend

xo


Faybe Bay profile image

Faybe Bay 6 years ago from Florida Author

@ DoorMattnomore: I guess my tooth extraction is getting better. I put an ice pack on my face today and that helped a lot! I don't know why the dentists assistant didn't recommend that to me to begin with.

@ Kimberly and DoorMattnomore: I had a very strange week, a friend passed away Thursday, and another friend turned 81 on Friday. I am napping tomorrow. Big hugs to you both! Thanks for waking me up with the comments.


DoorMattnomore 6 years ago

Have a good nap, hope your 100 percent soon. Im sorry about your frend.


Faybe Bay profile image

Faybe Bay 6 years ago from Florida Author

Thank you. I am settling some old debts in my life, cleaning the old "mental" house. I needed the break, can't really write in a cluttered mind.


heart4theword profile image

heart4theword 6 years ago from hub

Visited this site again:) Love the video of "that's what friends are for." Thank you:)


Faybe Bay profile image

Faybe Bay 6 years ago from Florida Author

Hey Heart4theword, you can get the video without looking at this mess! LOL. I was just talking to someone on FB about exposing my deepest darkest history here in Hub Landia. I was surprised to see I had a comment and checked in and found you. So sweet of you to still stop by after all this time!


AEvans 6 years ago

Through my years because of my kindness, I have had friends who have used me. At this point in my life. The friends I have in real life, I can only count on my one hand. When you are down and out and have no one to turn to they are there for you. Well Written! :)


Faybe Bay profile image

Faybe Bay 6 years ago from Florida Author

Hi Honey! Lord, AEvans, did I fall off the edge of the world or what? I am back. It was hard going through the decisions I had to make to get here. It hurts me to think that anyone would use you, as you always remind me of "the perfect people" who have it all together, so much so that no one can hurt them. (Don't they get struck by lightning if they use people who are as kind as you? They should, lol)

You will always be able to count on me, just so you know.


Fluffymetal profile image

Fluffymetal 6 years ago from Texas

Faybe that was just a great hub. Loved reading it. Rated it up.


Faybe Bay profile image

Faybe Bay 6 years ago from Florida Author

Thanks Fluffy, I had to read it to find out why you would call it great, why anyone does... Now, since time has passed, and I remember writing but not how much I put in, now, through your eyes, I can see. It is like the grand masterpiece of who I am, and why I keep my distance. Wonder what a psychiatrist would make of it though? LOL

It's always good to see you, my friend (now you know I don't use that term lightly).

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