What It's Like to Be "Mrs. Kool-Aid Man"
I suppose someone had to write this piece. Out of professional courtesy, I waited on more-talented hubbers to tackle this subject, but when no one stepped up, I felt it only my duty as an American consumer to share this hub that will tug at your heart strings. Do not say that I did not warn you.
Only in America
Theirs is a strange, and sad marriage to be totally honest. "Ms. Kool-Aid Man," is the first to admit. Even today after 40 plus years of marital adventure and good measures of bliss, both "Mr. and Ms. Kool-Aid Man," are still as much in love as they were the first time they met in Central Park in New York City on a warm summer day.
"Ms. Kool-Aid Man," or "Kookie," as she was known in her single days recalls that she was sitting on a park bench watching a group of kids playing with a hula-hoop and she made an innocent mistake of just saying, "I sure could use a cool drink," and that set off a special moment that she has never forgotten.
"Now it's funny," "Ms. Kool-Aid Man," said. "Mr. Kool-Aid Man," came bursting through a clump of fir trees near the park and I was scared," she added.
Kool-Aid Man's patented entrance
For Your Information
this block-buster entrance always made by Kool-Aid Man, was one the topic of controversy between Superman and Kool-Aid Man.
Although it was a classic case of "he said, pitcher said," the dilemma was quietly solved out of the public eye as well as the scrutiny of the press.
Everyone has heard of "whirlwind courtships," but "Kookie," and "Kool-Aid Man," had what love experts today call a "liquid relationship," with "Kool-Aid Man's" position for Kool-Aid, the drink that kids of all ages have loved for years, and "Kookie," being so excited to be with a pitcher like"Kool-Aid Man," well, it was "love at first sip."
There were those times in their early courtship that they would visit mostly out-of-the-way places as to not bring alarm to the regular citizens who had not had the pleasure of watching "Kool-Aid Man," burst through cement walls as Superman ever could. But it was love. That was for sure. And "Kookie," as she recalled her early days with "Kool-Aid Man," still got that little twinkle in her eyes as she told her story about being with a true American icon.
Kookie's lavish wedding
"Only the best for me," "Kookie," remarked concerning how "Kool-Aid Man," stated how he wanted their wedding and the location to be decorated. With General Foods footing the bill for their wedding, money was no object as "Kool-Aid Man," had only the best designer tuxedos for his best pitcher man and pitch men and the same for "Kookie" and her crystal servers.
The music was one area of the wedding that really made the society news of all of the daily papers in New York City. Dean Martin's second cousin, "Larry Dean," a part-time security guard and nightclub singer did the honors of singing for the couple's grandiose matrimonial event. Hardly anyone today remembers "Dean," you can bet that the happy couple did not forget his version of "Tears on My Pillow," one of "Kool-Aid Man's" favorite tunes.
There were many well-known celebrities who attended "Kool-Aid Man and 'Kookie's" wedding. "Rocky and Bullwinkle," "Mighty Mouse," and "Bozo, The Clown," to name a few. And what an outpouring of gifts that the happy couple received. Everything from specially-designed straws to glass cleaner in the big, economy size--even a year's lease to a new Ford Galaxy given to them by Los Angeles Dodgers legend, Don Drysdale. Everyone from the famous to regular people loved "Kool-Aid Man and wife, 'Kookie.'"
After a quick honeymoon trip to the Grand Canyon instead of Niagara Falls, "Kool-Aid Man and his new bride, 'Ms. Kookie Man," settled in a quaint little cottage-style house just outside of Queens, New York where "Kookie" made a choice to be a stay-at-home pitcher while hubby, "Kool-Aid Man," went on with his public relations and commercial work for General Foods.
Early marital problems
With all marriages there are those problems that arise in the early days when the marital couple is in their learning process of knowing the like's and dislikes of each other and other vital information. The highly-heralded marriage of "Kool-Aid Man and 'Kookie,'" was no exception.
"I won't lie. There were some tensions we felt in our new roles of crystal server and pitcher," "Ms. Kool-Aid Man," said in low tone. "at bedtime, I did not get any sleep due to my husband, 'Kool-Aid Man,' having to sleep completely stationary in a sitting position in order to keep the refreshing Kook-Aid in his stomach from spilling on our new carpet," she added.
Then there were those tense situations when "Kool-Aid Man," would come home from work and sharing with wife, 'Kookie,' about the bad day that he had because of one brick wall he could not burst through and someone had to call in a wrecking crew and then film the wall already knocked down as if "Kool-Aid Man," had destroyed another wall to treat some thirsty citizens to a glass of Kool-Aid.
"My husband is a prideful man, errr, pitcher," "Ms. Kool-Aid Man," remarked.
Even more family problems
When "that" time came for "Kool-Aid Man and 'Ms. Kool-Aid Man," to talk about having children, it was a tense time," "Ms. Kool-Aid Man," said in a serious tone. "With Kool-Aid Man's" huge girth and my delicate crystal base, we just couldn't find a suitable way for us to well, develop more 'Kool-Aidettes,' so we chose to adopt a nice silver service with matching crystal serving glasses included," "Ms. Kool-Aid Man," explained.
With every obstacle, the couple have always found a way to dissolve it before it grows out of control. But there was one area of the marriage that "Ms. Kool-Aid Man," hesitated to speak of: Her husband's limited vocabulary of only being able to say, "Oh, yeah," numerous times day and night and some times while he is sleeping.
"But we love each other no matter what," "Ms. Kool-Aid Man" said as the interview came to a close. And I am only left to say that their 45 plus years of marriage is a living testimony of her statement.
Personal note to Kool-Aid Man:
I am not allowed to sell or insinuate that anyone from regular employees to the CEO endorse this hub via monetary avenues, but may I say this to you:
"If when you have read this piece and decide to crash through the walls of my home, please have a case or two of "you" in your hands for I get powerful thirsty writing these hubs."
More by this Author
Hey, married guys. Are you a dare-devil sort of guy? Do you love a good joke? If your marriage seems to be in a rut, doing and asking these things just might put it back on track.
Why spend tons of money on Valentine's Day gifts, when we men can just make and give our wives something "we" make. This is far-more special.
Yes, "we" talk funny in the South. Need proof? Just read this hub.