What Men Desire

All of man's deeds are subservient to the desire of getting hold of women and cars. It's all scripted

FOR a man, women and cars play an important part in shaping the course of his personal life and determine (with almost clinical precision) where he will end up. No other factor influences his life more. These two factors are his escorts that nudge him towards his fate, not allowing him to carve a path for himself of his own choosing. It is a tragicomedy from which there is no escape. The moment he steps out of the carefree world of his childhood, the two factors begin to cloud his adolescence, trying to dominate his soul and triumph over his mind and body. They seldom end up losing. All his deeds are subservient to the desire of coming closer to and eventually getting hold of these two creatures. It is all scripted; the faces change, the fate does not.

While women are around from time immemorial, cars began to play their important role only in the last century. But in a short span of 100 years or so, they have shown great progress to come close to top the list of a man's desires. It is not totally clear which of the two is more detrimental to man. The general consensus is that it is the women who are to be blamed more, particularly if you take into consideration the opinions of mothers and sisters of young men with gullible disposition. They would say that the affliction caused by women is more lasting, more haemorrhaging and has no cure. Cars on the other hand are like a bout of influenza. Severe, but their effect and addiction eventually wears off in due course, freeing the mind at last to think independently.

Although highly desired, cars seldom rival women. They always play second fiddle to them. If anything, they aid men's pursuit of chasing women. Some would say that men want cars to impress women, just like women submitting themselves to the most ludicrous fashion trends in order to impress men. But others would argue that men's love for cars is primal not secondary and has evolved from the love for horses. One area where cars enjoy a clear edge is tranquillity; all of them have silencers.

Women and cars have so much similarity when seen through the prism of a man's desires that they almost appear perfect substitutes at times when talked about or discussed without naming them. You only have to read the rest of the piece to be convinced of this viewpoint.

A man proceeds to the showroom in a mood not dissimilar to his mental state when he goes to his own wedding or first date. On his way back, he will be accompanied by someone about whom he has fantasized since he was a teenager. Getting hold of a woman would be the culmination of all his desires. She will ignite and their journey begins. He will be her chauffeur for the rest of his life. He rests his head gently about her and looks ahead on the road to happiness. She lights his path and sings a soft song. He ‘clutches' her and violates all the laws laid by society.

While going out with her, you can see the signs of possessiveness through the frown of his forehead. Nobody should look at her with an evil eye or try to touch her. He is especially wary of the young playful bikers. Anybody bumping into her can invoke even a brutal killer in him. Yet he would like others to admire quietly what a beauty he owns. Her glistening, smooth body and her cool looks need to be spoken of with appreciation.

It is true that ignorance is bliss. In a longer time-frame, cars and women both become unreliable after a while and start giving headaches. Hence, after acquiring these two objects of extravagance, men develop a feeling of being a bit hasty or making the wrong choice. They begin to observe other people's possessions more closely and envy begins to take root, which soon changes into jealousy. Others' wives seem to have more poise and grace, look smarter and appear to have been untouched by anyone else. Moreover, others' spouses appear to have soothing exteriors, absorb shocks better and are more economical to maintain, while your wife refuses to ignite and to add fuel to fire. Similarly your car growls in the morning, throws a tantrum and flares up for no rhyme or reason in the middle of the street when you take her out.

All this leads to the possibilities of offloading. Wives come with the arrangement and legal entanglements which make disposal very difficult and only the brave can dare contemplate this option. As their appearance alter for the worse with time, they start looking less attractive and old even from a mile. Fumes of bad breath leave a definite trail. They start giving trouble, consume more and deliver less, make noises which are unladylike. All signs are there for a man to go ahead and replace the dysfunctional model with a brand new version, new shape and guaranteed performance. But it is not easy.

For cars, it is different. They are not that cumbersome to part company with. The only resistance comes from the man himself, his nostalgia urges him not to part. For old times' sake. For the sake of his maiden ride's memory. But without selling it, the new one cannot be afforded. So he hands her to the most respectable gentlemen who come for the bargain. He loves her, therefore he ensures that she is not handed over to a ruffian with a malicious moustache, but to whom who will keep her well and provide for all her needs. For her sake, you even whisper in the ear of her new life partner, her personality weaknesses, her medical history, her overheating and excessive drinking problems. But you would vouch for the strength of her character. No sir, she would not betray you. She would never run away with anyone else (because she has an alarm system). This parting is not for the fainthearted, therefore majority is condemned to live with the old lady and old car, resisting the temptation of their desire for substitution.

Due to this reason, it is said that both women and cars come back to haunt men triggering the all too famous mid-life crisis. They will continue to control man's destiny and he continues to be driven by them. Even for those bold enough to change, the cycle starts again and in place of one set of each, two sets of the each species haunt him and control his destiny. Cars may relent and let go since they have shorter time-frame but women ...

There is an adage that I have authored as I finish this article. "Man always dies before his time due to two factors" ... rest is too obvious to state.

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