What Not To Say When You Want To Break Up

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What should you avoid saying when you want to break up?

What kind of things should you avoid saying when you want to break up with someone? From my own experience, probably the most important things to remember as you prepare to tell the other half of your relationship that you want it over are - not to say anything to put the blame on the other persons personal attributes, and not saying anything that could leave the other person hoping that you may change your mind. Never admit you're leaving them for someone else. It could be of benefit to bear these things in mind before approaching the other person to tell them you want to relatively drama free break up.

It is reasonable to expect that the person you are ending your relationship with will want an explanation. So hopefully you can provide them with a genuine reason for your decision. But you should try to avoid saying you're breaking up with him/her because of a physical attribute, as it could potentially lead someone to long term self-esteem issues, plus your soon to be ex may think if they fix that attribute you would take them back... ie: Avoid saying something like "I haven't felt attracted to you since you put on weight" or "I really feel I want to be with someone with larger breasts". As if the other person thinks that is the sole reason for you breaking up with them (When it isn't) there's the chance that person could expect that you will take them back after they've hit the gym, or gone and got a boob job etc!

Also, if you want a clean break, as you probably will, with minimal drama's, let the other person talk and express their feelings and answer any questions they may have. This will actually be of benefit because then they are less likely to feel the need to pester you for further clarification about your reasons for the break up over the next few days and weeks. But despite their possible distress and upset, remain clear and firm about the fact that you want to break up so that the other person isn't left to hanging on to hopes for months to come that you'll one day get back together ie: After you've sorted your personal issues (Job, Study, Family problems) out. If you imply your reason for wanting to break up is because of these kind of things, the person you're breaking up with may keep checking up on you for some time to come and think that once you've resolved the issue you've described as the reason for the break up, you'll be back. They could even expect it, and may even go to some lengths to help you resolve it.

There isn't always a way to avoid hurting someone when you end a love relationship, but if you have a good 'Breakup talk' at the time you're ending your relationship, it gives you both some closure and then it's easier to start moving forward.

So what kind of things should you say? Try being honest to a certain degree but try something along the lines of "I think you're a great person and I've enjoyed my time with you but I don't feel I want to take our relationship further" or "I don't feel we are a perfect match for eachother". And if there is another person you are interested in DO NOT admit to this, as bringing a third party into the mix is definately asking for drama and tears...You don't want to go there!

Or not!  At least wait a few days before making a big break up announcement on social media, it gives the other half of your broken relationship a little time for the breakup to sink in.
Or not! At least wait a few days before making a big break up announcement on social media, it gives the other half of your broken relationship a little time for the breakup to sink in. | Source
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For how long did you know you wanted out before you told your significant other?

  • The day before.
  • I confessed to wanting out on the same day I realised it.
  • I waited years to break free.
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  • About a week.
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Comments 7 comments

brakel2 profile image

brakel2 3 years ago from Oklahoma City, Oklahoma

This is a great article. I know someone whose boyfriend of two years broke up with her with reasons which would have broken my heart. She did believe she could change all that and tried to get back with him. You are right that people need to say the right things and not mess with someone's self esteem. I think people need lessons like this article, so they handle themselves appropriately. At least people have friends who support others when relationships turn sour. Thanks for sharing.


stricktlydating profile image

stricktlydating 3 years ago from Australia Author

Thanks Anthony, I appreciate your input!


Anthony Binks profile image

Anthony Binks 3 years ago from Northern Ireland

The dreaded, "it's not you it's me" never works, in fact it is probably the main reason for getting a slap in the face. People aren't stupid and know it is just a palm off.

As you say being honest to a certain degree is the best advice, it is never a nice thing to do but you will know further soon afterwards that it is the right or wrong thing.

Thanks for the great hub.


stricktlydating profile image

stricktlydating 3 years ago from Australia Author

Thank you for your comments and feedback on this topic they are always valued :-)


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 3 years ago

" Never admit you're leaving them for someone else" lol!

I believe most people would rather know the truth that their mate was cheating on them either emotionally or physically than to be told a fake reason they are being dumped. The only reason to avoid telling the truth would be so one does not make them self look like a "bad guy". You really have to put yourself in their shoes. Wouldn't (you) want to know the truth? He or she is already seeing someone else or has plans to..etc

Some people treat relationships like they do jobs. They won't leave one until they have another one lined up!


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 3 years ago

"Never admit you're leaving them for someone else". lol!

I believe most people would feel better about knowing the truth as to why they got dumped. Knowing their mate cheated emotionally or physically is better than being left with fake explanation. Naturally if you withhold this information you won't be thought of as being "the bad guy" and most likely there will be less drama.

However you have to put yourself in your future exe's shoes. How would you feel if you later found out you were dumped because your ex was either already seeing someone else or had designs on seing someone else? In all honesty I bet this is fairly common. Some people treat relationships like jobs. They won't leave one unless they have another one lined up! :-)


KoffeeKlatch Gals profile image

KoffeeKlatch Gals 3 years ago from Sunny Florida

Excellent advice. There are some things you should never say.

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