What Not to Say When You Meet Your Future Daughter or Son -In-Law For the First Time
Your son or daughter has finally gotten up the nerve to introduce you to their significant other. You do not want to scare off their potential spouse, so one should be prepared for this important meeting. Face it, you may have very little chance of being impressive, but one, armed with this list, can at least not embarrass your offspring or spouse.
1. You should not say that you were worried that your kid would never find anyone after he/she was released from the asylum. Furthermore, do not bring up the fact that your loved one was released because there is no cure for “pure evil”.
2. Do not say thank God for mistrials or your kid would never have beaten that murder rap.
3. Do not follow up the previous statement with the question, “So, what is it like to date a serial killer?”
4.Do not say, “You could never tell that my child at a sex change operation.”
5. Do not say that you are so glad that last exorcism worked or you would never have grandchildren.
6. If you are the mother, do not say that you are not her real mother and that you found her in the front yard after a jackal had given birth to her.
7. If you are the dad, do not say that you are not the real father, Satan is.
8. Do not ask your offspring, “How is that nasty case of herpes going?”
9. If your child is a male, you should not ask if he still pees on the toilet seat.
10. Also, if you have a daughter, you should not ask if she still pees on the toilet seat.
11. Do not mention that you have always thought your daughter was a good kisser.
12. Do not bring up the fact that your child has always been a little strange. In fact, your little angel ate the cat when she/he was a toddler.
13. Do not bring up the fact that you never thought you would be able to wing your child off a mixture of human blood and mother’s milk.
14. Do not mention that the whole family was on The Jerry Springer Show titled Modern Cannibalistic Families.
15. Do not mention that the whole family was on The Maury Povitch Show titled I Am My Kid’s Father and Uncle.
16. Do not bring up the fact that Dr. Phil called your family, “The most fu**** up and dysfunctional family in America.”
17. Do not bring up the fact that you have always thought that your son was a good kisser.
18. Do not mention that you and your spouse have an “open” marriage.
19. Do not mention that your child went to the prom with their imaginary friend named Creepy.
20. Do not mention that you breast-fed into the teenage years.
21. Do not mention that your child’s birth was mentioned in the Necronomicon.
22. Do not bring up the fact that you had to have ther 666-birth mark lasered off a few months after birth.
23. Do not bring up your opinion that people are to squeamish about incest.
24. Do not bring up the fact your child seems to be allergic to holy symbols.
25. Do not say that raising a child without a soul, “Is not that difficult.”
In closing, armed with this list of not what to say , and if you make sure not to look like any of the parents whose pictures are in this article…you will make a great impression on your future son or daughter in-law.
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