Anger Mis-management...When Angry Words Cut like a Knife
Words- Weapons of War!
I was raised by my Grandmother (God rest her soul). The woman was the closest you can ever get to a saint here on Earth! The family unit consisted of My father (who developed quite a drinking problem), My Grandmother, My Brother,My sister and myself. Our family had just been broken into pieces, my Mother divorced my father and decided to live right around the block from where we were and my grandfather suddenly died Christmas Eve on his way back from work 2 months after my mother left. It was like total devastation and we survived the best we could financially and with everything else. Thank God my Dad was a successful Commercial Artist so the finances weren't too much of a problem however the emotional fall out was different. Not so much against us 3 kids but directed at my grandmother was a daily slew of hurtful angry words that did cut right through her and right through us.
I'm sure my dad didn't mean to say the things he said, he was hurt himself and frustrated, he felt betrayed and probably felt so many other emotions that cut him as well.When my Dad wasn't angry and he wasn't drinking he was a wonderful Guy full of life and wonder and humor but when he was depressed that door would open and the wrath that awaited us all was too much to handle. Anger changes us! We have all done this to some extent, we hurt so we want to hurt others and most of the time it is directed to those that are just innocent bystanders. They are "just there" in the way of an out of control Tornado and they become the casualties of the anger. It's not right and its not fair and though the "Angry person" is having a natural reaction to their anger it is not a constructive way of handling the situation by all means! Their words become their weapons...Weapons of War.
Mr. Hyde I presume!
Ive often heard the term "Dr Jeckle and Mr. Hyde" used to define someone with severe mood swings, a legitimate psychiatric disorder! Though this isn't necessarily a psychiatric disorder it can definitely teach us that we can get away with using our anger in ways that is detrimental in our relationships...sort of like a child getting his way when he has a temper tantrum! In fact it is sort of like a temper tantrum except the person having it is not a toddler and should be able to control his actions...and it changes us! After reacting in that anger mode time and time again we don't understand that eventually we become this way every time we need to deal with stress and disappointment, frustration and guilt. We become a "Mr. Hyde" which begins to alienate our relationships with others affecting how people deal with us or even if they ever want to deal with us again! It is NOT OK to treat others in a disrespectful manner just because one is going through pain themselves! It is NOT OK to hurt others just because a person is hurt themselves! It is NOT OK nor is it acceptable to use words that hurt others! It may make one feel better at the time to release that anger but the wounds that person creates and inflicts on those around them may last a lifetime.
Put those weapons away there are other ways to deal!
It's impossible to expect a Human Being to react in a rational manner every time they get angry. We ARE going to get angry and we ARE going to act irrationally and hurtful at times, it is what it is as they say. However we cannot allow it to become "our way" of dealing with things...soon one will begin to treat others badly just because! Maybe there's too much traffic and your angry so you lash out at your passenger to "Shut the Hell up" when they tell you to calm down or you'll call someone a slew of names that are right next to your car knowing full well they can hear you and it's going to hurt! Or maybe your co-worker jams up the copy machine and you walk away spewing out words like "idiot" or "Stupid" or "Brainless" just because you were frustrated! And worse of all you start to become accustomed to being this way and eventually it is used against your own family! There are many ways to stop that destructive Anger and deal with situations in ways that will not rip up the people around you.
First and foremost you have to KNOW and really know that this is unacceptable on all levels! When you see yourself acting like a "Mr. Hyde" you have to STOP and stop immediately. Let whomever your lashing out on know that you have to take a moment and that your sorry, Turn around and go take a walk or excuse yourself and go into a room where you can be away from others for a stint until you calm down! Take a drive, sit and start to take control of yourself and get a hold of yourself...breath!!!! Do whatever you have to do to get away from the situation at hand so as to diminish those feelings of anger, calm your physical reaction first, slow your breathing, count to twenty untighten your fist and try to rationalize. When the anger event has passed significantly make sure to go back to the people you exploded on and apologize for reacting the way you did and when that's done start researching ways on how you can react differently to anger. There are many resources out there including actual treatment. It's not like it used to be when I was a kid and my father didn't know how to handle his ways. There's so much helpful information and support out there and all you have to do is really want to change for the better of your health and your relationships! Life is short and we are put here to learn from each other, it's all about how we treat ourselves and those around us. Don't take life and the people in our lives for granted! It may sound corny but treat everyone as you would like to be treated yourself! life is full of stress factors daily, it's not something we can get rid of, it's there and it will be there tomorrow and the day after that! It's how we deal with it that counts.Take it from me my Brother and my Sister and myself have learned to accept unacceptable behavior from others because of what we witnessed and accepted growing up, it allowed us to make excuses for those who hurt us instead of making healthy decisions. we learned how to become victims and that's not a life! many therapies later we began to see that life shouldn't of been that way and now we struggle but we know life is supposed to be different! Don't leave that kind of legacy, make your life one that you can wake up each day knowing you CAN make it a good day because YOU have the power to do so and make yourself a person that people want to be around always even in times of distress. It can be done and it has to be done! Peace out!
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