When Friendship No Longer Comes Knocking
The Culprit of Change
A letter that is compelling, as it provides insight into a very special friendship that has passed the test of time only to . . .
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I hope when my letter arrives you are in good spirits. Although we did not speak for a very long time, I sensed a deep sense of loss and despair from you. I miss my friend, the one that laughed, joked and dreamt of a hopeful tomorrow. The one that looked forward to events, helped to plan special moments within my life, and a friend that I thought could discuss anything and everything. The first time you went to the hospital you came home determined. The anniversary of your heart issues brought a feeling of fear to you as you worried, but you came through it fine as time passed.
When the next bouts of hospital trips occurred, you slowly began to change and you were no longer the friend that I knew. You stopped listening, caring and you just seemed to exist without expectations. You expressed that you hurt so much, but you wanted to live and not give up. Of course you do and you need to muster the strength to continue.
I sent you a letter and you really did not understand it. I knew there was only a 50/50 chance that you would; it really depended on your being in a good place at the time of reading it.
My friend, you will think that I do not understand because I am not going through the same experiences that you are. Perhaps, because I am not faced with the same challenges with an outcome that could prove to be fatal, you may think that I could never understand. However, I do understand with the heart of friend that cares for you deeply.
I took some time to wonder why I was meant to find you again after all these years. Why did God want me to find you? Could it be because I would need you? That most certainly was a possibility, because I needed someone to take the time to listen about the traumatic events that would soon be present. If not for you, I would have sorted through it all alone. There are definite reasons that could lean this direction. Or, could it be because you needed to satisfy a longing to find out who I have become after all these years; as you had expressed.
I have concluded, we both needed each other and that is why I was meant to find you. You may not want to believe it but I was told to find you, with this thought placed in my mind repeatedly over time getting stronger. So much in fact, that I could no longer ignore it and I set out to find you after all the years that we were apart.
It saddens me to see the light that made your beauty radiate, now become a voice that barely speaks. It is as if you whisper and feel that you have no control over the obstacles that stand in your way. You feel as if you no longer have choices and as if you are just waiting out your time.
I wish that I could fix this for you. I wish that I could do something that would help you to feel in control. I have not thrown away the envelope from your last letter because your handwriting is on it. I look at it, and then I think that this is what has become of us after all of these years. You have chosen to fade away from my life and this envelope is the last reminder of who you once were to me. Once I toss it that will be it, and just like that you are gone. Your repeated comment, "I am not going to argue with you" which was your safety mechanism to withdraw; no matter how damaging to our friendship that it was, you continued to repeat the same sentence with each conversation. I was not about to be blamed for your physical health failing, so I stayed away and you did not care; all the while I was worried about you. Some people change when faced with mounting tragedies as they work through them, and I wanted to provide the space that you needed.
All of us will die someday, and without the opportunity to discuss items of importance, laughter of the years together, the chance to share precious moments with those that are close to us. Like a thief in the night our precious moments could end and it would be too late to say our good-byes. If the outcome of your life should prove to have a fatal outcome, you have been given a gift. You have the opportunity to prepare those around you and leave the memories of love behind.
Life is precious and every moment counts. No matter what obstacles should stand in your way of living the life you want, do not succumb to it. So much can depend on our attitude and how we think and feel. Take hold of your moments, embrace them and make them count. Be sure to smile, laugh, reach out, cry if you must, embrace every moment of your life, give of yourself freely and travel the road of pure love untarnished by negativity. Cleanse yourself and allow God to show you the way. Do not try to strike a bargain with God, but instead let him know this is more than you can deal with and that you need his help to see you through this. Ask him to show you the way. Ask him to love you. Talk to him as if he was sitting beside you. Let him know that you are leaving this in his hands and that you trust him to know what is best. When things are too difficult and it seems hopeless, all you need to do is ask him to take over. It is when we stop leaving our heart and mind open to his miracles and the gifts that he provides, when the real tragedy begins.
I guess what I am trying to say, is that there may be something's that you do not have control over, but you also have so many things that you can control. Make the best of them my friend.
I will miss your voice each day, no longer being able to call you and talk about everything. If you change your mind and are willing to allow me the opportunity to be your friend, or if you would like to just talk please do not hesitate to contact me.
Take care my friend; I hope this is not the last time that I will hear from you. If it is, I want you to know how much I have enjoyed our time together and I will always treasure our memories and the laughter.
Longing to be with you, Your Friend . . .
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Blending of Hearts
- Sometimes there is nothing more that we can do but to cherish the love and friendship that once was. None of us can predict what will happen next or how we will react in the same situation. Love is a powerful emotion to be shared, and hopefully it will be returned completing the circle of friendship.
Take a moment today to hug your child, friend or spouse, let them know how much they are appreciated. Travel the road of life with kindness and appreciation. Learn to never be a score keeper, because it will take away from the very moment that will disappear in a second; never to be relived again.
- Sabrina Delaney -
Blending of Hearts Today, Tomorrow, Into the Future!
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