When To Let Go And Move On
There is no set time for how long it takes a heart to heal.
We have all been there. We are in a relationship and that relationship ends. Whether you ended it or the other person ended it, it is never easy... for either person. Our heart is broken. All we have left are memories of days gone by. Some good memories and some not so good memories.
If you are the one that didn't end it, you may be feeling an overwhelming amount of emotions. Sadness, anger, guilt, regret (that's a big one), confusion. You may have tried to mend things with your ex. You might even have gone through a ton of self-help books and websites, trying to figure out some way to get back with your ex. THAT is confusing to say the least. So many "experts" out there with so many ways to "get your ex back" that you feel like you are being pulled in every direction.
There is no set time for how long it takes a heart to heal. The longer you were in the relationship, the longer it will take to get over the loss. You made mistakes. They made mistakes. After all, it does take two. They blame you. You blame them. Isn't it a vicious cycle? That cycle can drive anybody insane!
Usually the person who ended the relationship is the one with the control. After all, it wasn't your decision to end the relationship. But... and here is where I'm going with this... you do NOT have to let them control YOU. Only you can take charge of you. Only you can allow the other person to have control over your feelings. And only you can take that control back and move on.
So when is it time to let go and move on?
When the other person won't talk to you
This is one of the hardest things to deal with in a break up. Being ignored. You feel disregarded, thrown away, and that all of the past meant nothing to them. If you have tried to re-communicate with them.... STOP! You are in a losing battle with this. All you will do is pain yourself even more.
When months have gone by with no hope or sign of reconciliation by your ex
When there is no hope you really have nothing left to look for. Hope may be the only thing you were hanging onto, but as time goes by it is time to MOVE ON. When hope is gone and you have done all you can to reconcile, all that is left is to learn from the experience and better yourself.
When your ex has moved on with someone else
Need I say more? I'm not talking about your ex going on a date here and there. I'm talking about when your ex has found someone else that they are spending significant time with. They have moved on and you have been replaced. Nobody can replace "YOU" but someone else may take your place with them. This is a sure sign that they no longer want you in their life. So why waste your time? Your time is more precious than that. You are better than that.
If you are communicating with your ex and they are constantly blaming you, and only you, for the break up, stating they were "forced" to leave. Nobody can force anybody to do something. It is a choice. If the other person is lying about events, exaggerating.... do you really want to continue a relationship with someone with such a screwed sense of thinking? All that does is allows them to give validity to their decision to leave, even if it is false. YOU know better. YOU know the truth. And YOU don't need to take it.
So the easy part is done. Discovering WHEN to let go. The hard part is HOW to move on. Here are a few tips:
- allow yourself to grieve and feel and then let it go
- don't go through it alone. Talk with a friend, a counselor, a priest/pastor/minister
- do not dwell on the negative. You may be going through a huge transition in your life because of the break up (eg. moving to a new place, having to supplement your income for financial independence) but focus on the positive aspects of the future. You are starting fresh and anew and that can be exciting!
- meet new people, go to new places, try new things.
- abstain from alcohol or drugs. Trust me on this one, it will only make you feel worse!
- make healthy habits. This will not only help your body but your mind. Eat well, get lots of sleep, and try a bit of exercise if you didn't before.
- learn from your mistakes and better yourself. If you made bad choices or decisions in your past relationship, learn from them to ensure it doesn't happen again. Find the reasoning behind these choices and decisions and better yourself, become more positive, and more self-assured.
- forgive. Remember how I mentioned it takes two in a relationship? Whatever your ex may have done, whether it be lack of communication, selfish acts, arrogance, ignorance, the list goes on and on... forgive. That doesn't mean forget! It means to let go of the past, let go of what happened, and release yourself of the burden of anger and bitterness. This in itself with lead to a positive and healthy attitude about yourself and life.
Letting go and moving on is never easy. It takes time. It takes effort. It takes courage. But by doing this, you will amaze yourself at all the possibilities life has to offer.... and in the process even learn a thing or two about yourself that you may not have discovered before. Do not let the relationship or your ex define who you are. Let yourself define who you are for the beautiful, courageous, and independent person that you are.
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