When a man is serious
5 Signs of a man seriously in love and to be trusted
The oldest institution, marriage, is as fun today as it was the day it was instituted in the garden of Eden, and still full of surprises too.For those who enter it, marriage is for life.
Marriage is between one man and one woman. This exclusive relationship requires intimacy, sometimes it is short on commitment and other times what is lacking is passion. These three elements in general, but especially trust, on which they need to be built, or rather the lack of it, can undermine a happy marriage.
Money is often mentioned in respect to marriage and to the strength of love's bond. Money can buy many things, love is not one of them. Money cannot strengthen the bond of love between two people. The bond of love and marriage is spiritual and intuitive, largely cognitive in nature, relating to, or what the dictionary might define as being a conscious intellectual activity, of thinking, reasoning, remembering, imagining, or learning.
The amount of money a man has or offers to a woman for love, is not an indicator of the amount of love he has for her, or of a man seriously in love. As in economics, money is not a factor of production. It might increase or accelerate interest and attraction, but money does not produce any goods; it does not increase faithfulness or dependability.
There are signs a woman can look out for, indicators of a man seriously in love, ready to make a happy marriage: passionately in love, mature, and trustworthy. No matter how passionately in love a man is, if he is immature, that marriage could be in for some headaches, under those circumstances, a woman would have to be prepared to nurture and grow the man. That is not what marriage is about. Marriage is for mature individuals. Again, it matters very much that a man is trustworthy otherwise everything falls like a castle built on sand.
Falling in love
It is so easy to fall in love. It happens all the time... people by nature are social creatures, and that is okay. God made us that way. He too is a social Being, One Who loves to associate with His creation. Man takes after His image, after the likeness of God. That is good.
Attraction is good. People are constantly attracted to others. For an attractive young woman that in itself can lead into temptation because many men may be attracted for the wrong reasons. God has put a sixth sense in the woman to know how to work through that. Suffice to say, attracting a man is not enough to make a marriage, but is a gateway to a more sustainable relationship. Attraction is often the front line of a relationship, through which a relationship can be explored further.
Attraction is an enigma. Some people would say opposites attract; others contend that individuals with common interests attract. Mutual attraction is a good indicator regardless of any obstacles.
There is a school that teaches that couples who do not learn to like each other's hobbies are doomed to fail. Some would place hobbies low on the scale of love's strength. Others would strongly argue love is blind to the artificial obstacles of culture, status, interests and religion.
My position is that true love builds bridges across any obstacle. I believe that God is love. Since God knows no obstacles, true love knows none either. Failure to find common interests cannot be a valid argument for a failed marriage. Like money, common interests can be useful tokens for a strong, happy marriage.
Marriage is between two growing individuals. A happy marriage therefore, not only strengthens itself through the parties involve, but also grows all the individuals involved. That growth is in terms of individual capacities and also in the corporate and institutional capacities that marriage is.
The power of love can be overwhelming between two. They want to spend time together, a lot of it, often, regardless of the consequences. A man who is in love is determined to show his true feelings to the one and only woman he desires. He wants to be with her. He dreams of being with her alone. He sees no other but her.
Even though attraction and passion are good indicators, they are not enough on their own.
On the scale of 1 to 10, intimacy starts off at near zero and can apparently grow to near 10 in a very short time. True intimacy however, is much more profound and deeper than what people would claim it to be. Many imagine that intimacy is closeness, and define closeness as being open to one another to the point of sexual intercourse. As a result, in their effort to develop intimacy a man and woman passionately in love engage in sexual intercourse and call that being intimacy at point 10. Wrong.
Intimacy is to be seen in cognitive terms of emotional, intellectual, social and cultural closeness. The question is, how closely does a young man relate to the love of his heart on those terms? In order to build up cognitive resonance, communication is vital. Sacrifice is also involved.
To commit oneself to another takes passion of love, intimacy and above all, trust. You can not truly love a person you do not trust. True love is not not the same as attraction. You can be attracted to a total stranger, but you can not be in true love with a total stranger. That would be infatuation.
A woman therefore must know the man she thinks she is in love with. Passion, intimacy and commitment are not enough. There must be true love.
Money can cause the wrong attraction. Many are fooled by the bounty of money they see. Love is far more precious and far more desirable than riches. A woman who finds a man that truly loves her is far more likely to find happiness that lasts than one who finds love mixed with riches and fails to separate the two.
How to tell a man can be trusted
Some simple indicators to find in a man you love...
1. Does he trust others? People who trust others generally can also be trusted. People tend to behave towards others the way they are. Men who have no friends or whose friends are suspect, such as those who indulge in unacceptable social behaviors may lend themselves to falsehoods and therefore not to be trusted. They would be compared to a flag that dances in the direction the wind blows.
2. Is he abusive? A man who portrays himself as a victim, an underdog, claiming others wrongly put him down - and did nothing to correct those wrongs on him, is not to be trusted. He may begin taking it out on you. True love is not abusive. Men who are overly jealousy may tend to be abusive to their own wives. A tender loving jealousy is acceptable but one that is pathological is not godly jealousy.
3. Does he trust God? Men who give themselves to the service of God are generally trustworthy. Men who give themselves to the service of mammoth and to alcohol, and to addictive behaviors and substances must be carefully evaluated. There is nothing wrong in being social, however, the bonds of marriage require no more than two partners in a relationship. Men with addictions bring more than one partner into the relationship.
4. Can you count on him... can you rest assured he will come through for you... can you vouch for him... is he dependable, faithful, responsible, steadfast, ...loyal? These are questions that need answers. I suggest a simple mantra, if a man can prove himself in simple things, he can be trusted with bigger ones. If, therefore, a man has proved himself in small ways, there is a good basis to trust him more. Trust is incremental and as they say, with one strike of the hand, a man can destroy work diligently put together over many years. Mis-steps must be seen for what they are, carefully evaluated, and not be misconstrued to be the character of the individual concerned. if a man makes a mistake or says something in anger it should not lead to the conclusion that is how he is. There is a difference between a pattern of behavior and a mistake of a moment in time.
5. Does he give you space to be yourself? Finally, but not least, in the area of personal growth, spouses should allow each other to grow. A man who demands to be served at the expense of his partner's personal growth, and does not allow her to grow intellectually, socially, and spiritually is not to be trusted. A woman should be able to determine this in courtship: a high degree of possessiveness can be a sign of dangerous undercurrents in the life of a man you love. Dig deep and find out why he is so possessive. If not, he may not give you space for personal growth later when the tie or marriage has been fixed.
We all have a sixth sense, and a spiritual heart that need to be employed in determining what is real and what is not. A woman should use hers to create a marriage that is beautiful, happy and lasting. A man who is serious goes to the trouble of learning how to manage a relationship that leads to a strong, happy marriage, knowing that by investing in the woman he truly loves he invests in his own happiness. Marriage is for better, for worse, forever.
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