When can infidelity in a marriage be forgiven?
Infidelity can truly tear a marriage apart. Emotions run high on both sides of the marriage when one partner commits adultery and there are a thousand questions that the faithful spouse wants to have answered. Feelings are hurt and it often feels as though the marriage can never be restored.
Forgiveness is Essential
Even as a Christian, I believe that divorce following an episode of adultery is fair due to the fact that the bond between husband and wife has been irreparably broken. I, myself, am divorced following my ex-husband's affair. I am not going to preach to you that all couples should remain married following an affair.
But I will tell you straight up that forgiveness is essential. I am not speaking here as a Christian, but as someone who understands the effect of "holding on" to the bad things that have happened to you. If you are going to be able to move ahead in a healthy manner, you need to forgive your spouse.
Understand that forgiveness doesn't mean that you're going to remain in the marriage. It doesn't mean that you aren't going to experience pain or that you aren't permitted to experience pain. It only means that you are going to let go of the anger and bitterness and the questions that you have, and move forward with your life.
Your spouse might not deserve your forgiveness, but you do.
- The Power of Forgiveness
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But Should I Stay?
This is something that needs to be very carefully evaluated by both spouses. Does your partner wish to continue their affair? Are they in love with their lover? Are they in love with you? Is there a way to restore the love into your relationship? Are you willing to do a lot of work to make things work between you and your spouse? Are you prepared for the feelings of uneasiness every time your spouse is out of your site?
You need to decide for yourself whether or not it is worth it for you to remain in your marriage. For me, I felt that it was worth forgiving and continuing to make an effort. But if you are going to do better in your marriage, you are going to need to look to yourself as well.
Forgiveness must be complete and even the "wronged" spouse should make some effort to change their attitude and behavior toward their husband or wife.
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I Had the Affair and Now He Won't Forgive Me!
If you are the spouse who was unfaithful to your partner, be prepared for questions. You need to be prepared for their anger and their lack of forgiveness. Patience is important on your end. If your husband or wife wishes to try to work things out in your marriage, you should do everything in your power to reassure them of your love or respect for them and to move forward with a new promise to one another. Remember that you broke an oath to your partner. He is going to feel betrayed and let down by your behavior. She might not trust you for a long time after the affair. Your spouse might never fully trust you again.
Marriage takes work. You don't deserve your partner's forgiveness if you have had an affair: but it is my most sincere hope that he will give it to you for his own good. Work on forgiving yourself, and don't place blame on your spouse for your behavior. Accept responsibility, and ensure that your partner knows that you have done.
Counseling is recommended.
- How To Seek Spousal Forgiveness Following an Affair | How To Do Things.com
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