When leaving friends becomes unavoidable
Leaving friends can be tough
I know that it is difficult to be happy without having any friends. Fortunately, it is never too late to start anything. The same can be said about finding and establishing new relationships. I have seen many friends come and go in my life. It would be difficult to believe that you can have one true friend from your childhood until the end of your days. Well, if that person is your brother or spouse, then maybe yes. And of course, there are always exceptions to any rule and I hope you have heard stories about life time friendships. However, today I want to talk on the topic about leaving your friends. When does that become unavoidable? It is a hard and painful choice, but sometimes it will give us more pain staying in relationship rather than quitting it. We spend so much time and efforts building trust and intimate ties and suddenly we decide to destroy what we have been building for a long time! I am not talking about opportunistic issues here on your part, but on situations that lead you to an end of a friendship.
When life paths change
What do I mean by this? Most of us have some kind of purpose in life. And we want to pursue it. However, your goal may and will probably differ from mine. What happens if we are friends and with time we become more and more preoccupied with achieving what we want in life? We spend more and more time for that purpose and naturally give less time for our friends who might be spending more and more time for their plans and dreams. If our goals intersect, we will probably stay good friends. But if they are completely different we will most definitely part at some point. Since I believe that we have to make some kind of impact in our lives and not just merely go with the flow, I also believe that the choice to pursue our goals can part us with our friends. We simply start walking on different paths and that’s how a relationship ends. It may happen very naturally. If only one of us is busy with his/her dream, then another/other person (people) might be shocked and offended by radical end of friendship. Unfortunately, but you cannot walk two paths at the same time. And it will be impossible to split yourself in terms of pursuing of goals and pursuing your old friendship that has not changed.
If you have seen movie “Good Will Hunting” I believe you understand what I mean. Will Hunting (Matt Damon) was an exceptionally talented guy who had been abused in his childhood and grew up without parents. He hung around with his friends (average Joes) that worked in construction and this relationship was everything that he had. He had trust from his friends. However, when his inner problems were solved (with the help of psychologist ‘Robin Williams’) he had to deal with his career and relationship questions. Will’s best friend (Ben Affleck) saw that the change was inevitable and advised him to make a right choice. At that point Will left his job in construction, his friends and went on to build relationship with his girlfriend and possibly prepare for his future career. He had to do this. Otherwise, he would have wasted all his talents and gifts. And so should we at some point. Of course, it is not necessary if we pursue the same goals. Then current friendships can last very long. I hope you see what I mean.
You have absolutely different interests
You may not even become friends if that is the case. However, sometimes friendships start very early when we are not mature and do not know what we want. When we grow as personalities and develop our own tastes, styles, interests some relationships may go away. I am not talking about temperament here. It is about interests. If you are interested in sports, movies and gardening and your friend hates those things what do you really have in common and what connects you? Only past, I suppose. They will come a time when go different ways and I think it will happen very naturally.
Your friends are interested in what you have and not who you are
There naturally is process of taking and giving in any friendship. However, when your friend only takes and is never there and you expect something from him/her, I doubt if he is a true one. He is more interested in what you have and not who you really are. That is not a healthy relationship. Your buddy is being egoistic and nothing can kill friendly ties as being selfish. You might want to talk on the issue with him and if he fails to change, there will come a time when you will have to leave him. There must be self sacrifice in any friendship and if it is absent on one side, there will never be real long term fellowship.
When would you leave your friends?See results without voting
A real friend allows you to be who you really are. He does not want you to be who he wants you to be. He will never expect you to be perfect and if he does, he is not sincere. In that case, he should first try to be perfect himself. There should be enough room for making mistakes, cherishing personal interest and being yourself in any companionship. When somebody refuses to give up those unrealistic expectations a comradeship becomes endangered.
When a friend tries to dominate or control you
This one is very much connected with the previous one. Wish to dominate stems from envy, insecurity and desire to be first everywhere. It maybe okay at work when you are a boss, but it is definitely not normal among friends. Freedom and mutual respect as well as equality should be underlying principles in any fellowship. There can’t be any place for manipulation, control and domination. If any of these are not uprooted they will kill relationships like pests kill plants in your garden.
When you are betrayed
Betrayal depending on its’ nature and actions of the guilty one can be forgiven. However, any betrayal destroys trust, which is the foundation of healthy friendships. True friends will try to avoid gossiping, envy and offending at any cost. If you want to have loyal buddies you have to cherish mutual respect, secrets that are entrusted to you, privacy of your friend and etc.
So, if you feel that your paths in life have changed, or your interests are too different, or trust has disappeared in your relationship you might start thinking about quitting a friendship. It will be painful, but as I said, continuing this kind of fellowship will cause you even more pain later. Good luck in finding true friends and pursuing your purposes in life.
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