A Diplomatic Tool, or an Emotional Solution - An Apology Can Work!
I'm not Sorry I said I was Sorry
I will apologize to anyone to get them to shut up, or just think more of me. There is nothing like an apology to stop unlimited commentary and drunken pattering. Don't worry if people will think you're a soft touch. Apologies are just to look like a soft touch and have people misunderstand that you are a person of peace. Apologize as a tool. Don't use the tool indiscriminately. Use it like a deft sword fighter. "Aha, there I got you. I apologized!"
If someone doubts your sincerity or just outright disbelieves you, then say, "Well, you think I should apologize, don't you?" Of course, they will say "Yes." Then your retort should be "Tell me how and why I should apologize." That will work because they will not want to, and thus end the whole stupid conversation, OR they will tell you. If they tell you, look sincerely. Master a self-deprecating look, and then say: "I agree with you." They have saved the energy it took you to make up an apology.
Then you can pick up with a new conversation, as you have allowed your enemy to have the day, and give you a new state of grace. In answer to your question: "Yes, yes, yes, always apologize, unless you are in Court, Divorce Court, or otherwise!
The Way Antony Wishes People to Think About Caesar
Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears;
I come to bury Caesar, not to praise him.
The evil that men do lives after them;
The good is oft interred with their bones;
So let it be with Caesar. The noble Brutus
Hath told you Caesar was ambitious:
If it were so, it was a grievous fault;
And grievously hath Caesar answer'd it.
Here, under leave of Brutus and the rest, —
For Brutus is an honorable man;
So are they all, all honorable men, —
Come I to speak in Caesar's funeral.
He was my friend, faithful and just to me:
But Brutus says he was ambitious;
And Brutus is an honorable man.
- Antony, scene ii
The Way Antony Really Feels Is Later Revealed
This was the noblest Roman of all
All the conspirators, save only he,
Did that they did in envy of great Caesar;
He only, in a general honest thought,
And common good to all, made one of them.
His life was gentle; and the elements
So mix'd in him that Nature might stand up
And say to all the world, This was a man!
- Antony, scene v
Antony goes out and declares war on the group who assasinated Caesar. Diplomacy is a word that people need to become more friendly with. You are your own Diplomat, and if you accept this idea, then you need to become smoother. And if you accept this idea, then you need to learn about "apologetic language".
"Speak Softly and Carry a Big Stick"
Teddy Roosevelt ---
This is not to recommend carrying a big stick literally but there is a significant issue to consider. Just because you "apologize", just because you "speak softly", that does not mean you can't back yourself up, and act strongly about an issue which you care about deeply.
You Aren't Going to Jail if you apologize, You are being Diplomatic
In the tug and pull of conflict and argument and verbal struggle and people just being ill mannered and noisey, it behooves the best of us to control the flow of energy through apologies, charm, special silences and muted smiles.
We Tend to be Loud and Interruptive These Days
As you move through the channels, by ways, highways and avenues of your life learn to "rise to the occasion instead of falling back on your basic level of training". My father used to say, "the world is run by amateurs, and that's because most of us are just amateurs."
He wasn't saying that we are primitive or stupid. He was saying that as a "professional actor" he read lines; lines that had been thought about for a long time by brilliant authors and writers. This made him realize that as people on the planet -- our lines are not written for us. This sounds simpistic. But if you walk through your days with diplomacy on your mind, it might just affect the way you use "your dialogue". Use your dialogue in a meaningful and conscious way, and you will start to see yourself, "rising to the occasion" and not falling back on your "basic training".
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