Why Are So Many Black Women Single, Part 2


In Part 1, the question was explored of why so many black women were single (between 60-70% some estimates). Among some of the possible reasons was the failure of black males to basically assimilate—at least on a practical, not necessarily an entirely cultural level—to the point where they can take advantage of the same socioeconomic opportunities at the same levels which black women have managed to do successfully. At the same time, the caveat was noted that good ‘ol-fashioned racial/ethnic/gender bias is also partially responsible for the failure of some African-American males not being able to advance at the same rate as their female counterparts, even when the ambition and relative drama-free living is practiced. The result is unemployed black males whom many black women then rule out as potential mates, especially among the relative unskilled and lower socioeconomic levels. For black women—who have used opportunities presented by a combination of the feminist movement, personal initiative, and the personal irresponsibility of (along with institutional bias against) the black male—the reasons for their wallowing in an otherwise undesirable relationship status are more a matter of counter-productive thinking fed by social change. Many have used their increased earning power in the black family to dictate decision-making, at the risk of emasculating the black male. More so, even those who are willing to forgo otherwise nasty attitudes do not take into account the sobering numbers. At 1.8 million more black women in America than black men, if every black woman of age managed to find and ultimately marry a black male, 8.3% of all available African-American women—1 out of every 12—would still be single; so much for thinking that black males are a dime a dozen. The upshot is that most black women seem to want the same equally accomplished black male, but the reality is that he simply is not there in numbers enough to make a difference…which brings us to the continuation of exploring why so many black women are equally culpable in why so many are single.

They Assume That All Black Men Are The Same

…and this simply is not the case. While the majority of all men can be generalized to some extent, black males in particular are as every bit as diverse a species as any on earth. Some are Christians. Some are atheists. Some are Buddhists (or former Buddhist in my case). Many love oral sex, while some find it abhorrent. Some are introverts who prefer the company of books, while more out-going extroverts feel comfortable around crowds. Some are sanitation workers, business-owners, soldiers, and investment bankers, while others are between jobs. The point is that black men come in all heights, weights, interests, personalities, temperaments, and occupations. They are who and what they are, and not what black women assume or necessarily desire individually. But many black women make the fatal mistake of assuming one man is the same as another, to the detriment of their relationships. In many ways, this is understandable. With so many adult black men and women having been raised by single mothers themselves, many black women can only make assumptions about what a man’s role in the family and in the relationship should be. With only feminist revisionism as their rubric, the result is relationship tension caused in part by black women wanting to be in charge (a role that many have had to take in non-traditional black families), that in turn causes many black men to avoid by seeking out other women who may or may not be as argumentative or more understanding. Granted, there are some black men who will attempt be kept by some women in much the same way as their mothers raised them to expect such (while at the same time not bothering to instill a sense of personal responsibility in them), there are many who don’t. Most black men want to be respected by black women, who themselves are clueless about what such a notion entails. A black man’s dreams, hopes, hurts, as well as his relevant (repeat, relevant) desires have to be respected, not belittled or ignored. Simply doing everything a man wants is not respectful, nor is it necessarily showing love. For the family/relationship-oriented black man, there has to be a level of (here’s a loaded word) acquiescence on the part of the black woman (now some black women may ask, “Why should I have to cater to a black man’s ego and insecurities in order to make him feel like man?” The answer is, probably for the same reason a black woman expects him to cater to her socially-fed sense romance whenever she wants to made to feel like a woman).

There are some black men who will allow black women to speak to them in whatever manner and/or way they please, even allow themselves to be physically struck by black women knowing that they were raised to never hit a woman. There are others who have no issue whatsoever using physical force in an attempt to be respected. For black women, it is a relationship imperative that they get to know what and who a black man is, and what it means in relation to how he is expected struggle a little harder than her in America.

They Are Too Independent

Ok, its understood that black women have had no choice but to be the father, mother, gardener, chauffeur, cook, plumber, etc., while many black males were out sowing their wild oats, or whatever less-than-productive hedonistic endeavors they were engaged in. In fact, there is a historical precedent for this, as black women were expected to work both inside and outside the house in order ensure the stability of the black family. Between the history of her role in the family and the reality of her responsibilities, black women have had to wear many hats. But we have to know when to step back and accept that some things are simply bigger than we are as individuals. One of these things is expectations. Just as many successful black women have had to learn to avoid micromanaging in their professional careers, many have yet to learn to similarly avoid micromanaging in their lives and delegate responsibilities. When there is a willing and capable partner present in their lives, many black women have trouble letting go. Many mistakenly believe that because they’ve accomplished so much in their own lives without a man that its necessary—when one is around—to “dumb themselves down” to inflate his ego in order to make him feel like a man. Its about allowing him to be the man, to allow him to do the things which they both know she can do for herself, provided that he is able (and not belittle him if he does not have the means, not to be confused—which women often do—with a lack of desire). To sum it up, just as black men have failed to be what a black woman wants, black women often prove themselves to be the exact opposite of what black men want…a woman who wants to be lead, has the faith to allow herself to be led but knows how to take control, no and's, ifs, or buts.

They Do Not Consider Interracial Options

This one is pretty much self-explanatory. As mentioned in the first part, black women simply do not consider interracial options at levels comparable to black men. Whether this is out of an otherwise admirable sense of ethnic allegiance or due to social attitudes, black women are more likely to desire a black male to partner with. The only thing that can be said in regards to this point is that whenever someone limits either their options or the particular way they do something, they limit their potential for happiness or success.

Many Have Issues

Simply put, many are crazy. Ok, this is a bit of an over simplification. But many have emotional (or other types) of issues which impair their abilities to function competently within a successful relationship. I’m fairly sure that every single black male has had the one same experience (as myself) insomuch as the dating ritual…meeting a single woman who, for want of a better way of phrasing, is so “crazy” that she thinks that you’re crazy. In other words, everyone else in her relationships is the issue while she ignores the one common denominator…herself. These types of woman never listen to anyone but themselves, and cannot see things beyond their emotions. They are out of control and don’t know it (but if you’re a male, you’d better not suggest wanting to “control” them if you value your peace of mind). This forces many to make brash, mostly irrational decisions. For example, a noted therapist lead research revealing that up to 30% of now-divorced women actually said knew that they were not marrying the right man the moment they exchanged vows during the marriage ceremony (“Did You Marry The Wrong Guy?” http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/sex/did-you-marry-the-wrong-guy-2477252/). In a sense, this is related to competition among women; many feel that being a wife is a type of triumph among the masses of women who failed to make it down the aisle, and gives a sense of equality among those who did. However, for many it is a misguided attempt to gain a sense emotional security that the current divorce rate indicates will never arrive (most new marriages have a 50/50 chance of long-term survival). This proclivity for making irrational decisions carries over to other aspects of relationships—or lack thereof. Putting up with long-term abuse, both mental and physical, choosing less-than-reputable men over those who are more capable of love (“choosing who you love rather than the one who loves you,” as my grandmother’s generation used to put it), and “trapping” men with pregnancy are things that some black men have had to endure from black women with unresolved issues, forcing many to go to great lengths to avoid. The result for many black women is that too many of them simply complain too much about what they don’t have (especially in relation to other women), in part because of their own success and the level of thinking it elicits seems to never be at fault for what is wrong in their relationships.

The issue for black women is that they are both victim and perpetrator in their own dilemma. While black men have shown a level indifference toward them (and by extension, the black family) which borders on contempt, black women have not helped their own cause by allowing their success to define the extent of their happiness. For the most part, both parties have allowed outside forces and social groupthink to manipulate their perceptions and their expectations with regards to one another. Black men have to be willing to learn that they only have one mother, and when they become an adult, they cannot rely on a woman to be a nanny, but a helpmate. Once again, black women, must understand that it is not a man’s job to continuously cater to their socially-fed sense of romance (or fantasy), but to allow themselves to become enlightened enough to appreciate things about an individual black male and learn to love him for who he is, not what they expect him to be.

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Comments 74 comments

davidkaluge profile image

davidkaluge 5 years ago

I think it is not only black women that have such problems because I know there are many single white women although I do not know how you got your statictists. Women can be single for various reasons and the black women can get married to white men.It is an issue that can not be generalized. Marriage should be a life union so care needs to be taken although things have changed and people easy walk in and out of marriage.For instance I have a vision for humanity and I need a lady that understands my vision


Beyond-Politics profile image

Beyond-Politics 5 years ago from The Known Universe (beyond.the.spectrum@gmail.com) Author

Most statistic come from official studies and/or the US Census Bureau's numbers. I will be glad to supply you with the sources. I add them because I know that most individuals think within the scope of their passions and emotions rather than objectively


RRLP profile image

RRLP 5 years ago from Florida

A lot of our black men have classified us as hard and chose to abandon us. Once the "struggle" was over and our freedoms were fought for the things that made the black woman unique and beautiful have been used by -- and now everyone but us is loved more. While we were left with "all the issues". If you catch my drift.


Beyond-Politics profile image

Beyond-Politics 5 years ago from The Known Universe (beyond.the.spectrum@gmail.com) Author

To be totally honest, black males are at the bottom of the socioeconomic hierarchy...even Hispanic men rank higher (because of their work ethic).


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 5 years ago

WOW!!! (Interesting & Controversial) :-)

Having been born and raised in Gary, Indiana by a divorced black woman I can see several sides of this issue. My mother worked hard and went on to get her degree. She was an RN. However I would have to say she didn't benefit from the feminist movement. None of the men she ever dated had college degrees and she didn't hold it against them. In fact I don't have a degree but I do fairly well in software sales. I believe a lack of a degree is sometimes used as an excuse. One problem is we limit our own potential. Look at Don Barden (black and also a college drop out) He owns a few casinos!

http://www.majesticstar.com/barden_bio.html There are numerous black millionaires without degrees. Intelligence, ambition, and persistence are more important.

A couple things you mentioned really jumped out.

"At 1.8 million more black women in America than black men, if every black woman of age managed to find and ultimately marry a black male, 8.3% of all available African-American women—1 out of every 12—would still be single;"

(If this is correct than the only option for black women is to be open to date outside of their race/culture. This is especially true when you consider the number of black males in prison and those that are gay) However can men of other races relate to “the typical black woman” issues? Is she willing to take an “interest” in another culture or does she expect her man to embrace her culture? I guess we also must acknowledge there are some black women in prison and others who are lesbians. Not every black woman is available to date black men.

"Most black men want to be respected by black women, who themselves are clueless about what such a notion entails."

(On this issue I slightly disagree. I believe he wants the respect of the woman "he loves" and could care less about what the rest of them think.) Recently I wrote a hub explaining why men in general don't bend over backwards to please women. Basically men are more interested in having the admiration and respect of (other men)! Women tend to want to be with the guy that other men look up to. A lot of us are taught if you are successful you can have your pick of women. In many ways women are seen as one the "perks" that come with success along with the big house and nice car...etc It doesn't matter what they think of us unless we are "in love".

http://hubpages.com/relationships/Relationships-Wh...

Thanks for writing another thought provoking hub!


Beyond-Politics profile image

Beyond-Politics 5 years ago from The Known Universe (beyond.the.spectrum@gmail.com) Author

You're welcomed. I aim to please. And you're right, a college degree (or lack thereof) should not be a requisite for a relationship. In all my past "relationships" (for want of a better term), I have--with one exception--been the more educated partner. In fact, education itself was never an issue as much as being open-minded and enlightened to different ways of viewing/seeing/perceiving things in the universe. Being an avid reader and active (as opposed to passive) television viewer (BBC, History Channel, Information-based television), it was always an issue that I couldn't see/view the world in more mundane ways. Its always (in my personal experience) been the black woman who could not see things beyond the beliefs which they were raised with, or their own emotions, especially with regards to social issues and/or religion/spirituality (again, I am an ex-Buddhist, and current agnostic)


RRLP profile image

RRLP 5 years ago from Florida

Yeah but how many beautiful black women do you see on mainstream TV or in movies. Unless its Tyler's movie. However, there is always a handsome black man playing a main role. Start paying attention and get back with me in a couple of weeks.


Beyond-Politics profile image

Beyond-Politics 5 years ago from The Known Universe (beyond.the.spectrum@gmail.com) Author

What does any of that have to do with the issue at hand? When you turn on the television news, you see far more women of color than men as news anchors. You see far more women (or color) with talk shows than you do black males. High profile/accomplished black women dominate television coverage far and away more than black males. And when you DO see black males portrayed in movies, they are usually (not always though) criminals (e.g., Denzel Washington won a Best Actor Academy Award for playing a bad guy in "Training Day;" he has played better parts in better movies in my opinion. Tyrese Gibson and the rapper Ludacris play criminals in the newest "Fast Five" movie). It isn't even close.


Diary of a Mad Brother! 5 years ago

The answer is simple....its the negative, ugly,I KNOW EVERYTHING, mouthy, no self control!! ATTITUDE that's why Black men get enough of that shit in his life........


davidkaluge profile image

davidkaluge 5 years ago

Beyond-politics, you are right that religion and sociocultural do have influence. For instance, I strongly stand for religious tolerance even not minding atheist. I have wondered how I can find a lady that understands my vision/dream for humanity because such is important for a happy and long marriage. I know many people will want a man that supports their religion. Only few ladies won't mind but how to know this few and get along with them is another problem. So there are many reasons women are single.


Beyond-Politics profile image

Beyond-Politics 5 years ago from The Known Universe (beyond.the.spectrum@gmail.com) Author

David, thank you for the observation. I know people don't want to admit this, but I find that black women generally are the least religiously/spiritually intolerant demographic in America. If you are a black (or even other ethnic) male and aren't a card-carrying member of a traditional Christian church, aren't spouting the virtually intractable dogma that "Jesus if your personal Lord and Savior," or even if you are of the mind of questioning the notion of a supreme deity or organized religion altogether, then you may as well consider either someone of another ethnic persuasion, or consider becoming a monk. From the sense of religious intolerance, the Christian Church is partially responsible for so many single women. ;)


davidkaluge profile image

davidkaluge 5 years ago

It is funny how religion has become a strong barrier in human relationship even among blacks in Africa. I have read some African scholar ask, why the blacks are the ones that are so intolerant even to their own religion which they had before the foreign religion was passed to them. More whites have learnt some truths which made them to overcome religious difference and call for a common unity yet most blacks refuse to learn. Maybe the blacks do not value what they have even their men/women or what?


Yung brother with new eyes 5 years ago

That's why I don't deal with black women anymore...i was with a black woman for a while when all of a sudden she "suddenly" found another man...i treated her with nothing but respect and i got burned. If i had did that shit, i would have been a "dog!" Black women wouldn't know a good black man if he stood in front of her...brothers, fin yourself a white or mexican woman!!


Beyond-Politics profile image

Beyond-Politics 5 years ago from The Known Universe (beyond.the.spectrum@gmail.com) Author

Thank you. And don't be too mad. The same thing happened to me...a few times. I try to be as objective as humanly possible when I write, but sometimes I feel our Creator should have been smart enough to have created three genders instead of two...that way, women would only be my SECOND choice. ;) But seriously, women do use their feelings/emotions to justify doing things that men could never get away with. For example, we both have had women suddenly fall for someone else. If the situation had been reversed, our ex's would have gone crying to their girlfriends, who would have no doubt attempted to comfort them with words to the effect of, "You know how men are...they are all the same." But if a woman does it, its' "Its not you, it's me..." or "You didn't do this" or "my feelings 'this' or 'that'..." Give me a break ladies!


Yung brother with new eyes 5 years ago

Thank you. Like I said...get a white or Mexican woman! black women have some ridiculous requirements. they want 6 foot tall, as the average man is 5 foot 7. (my height). that's the difference between white woman and black woman. if white lady likes you and you like her. that's it, done deal. however with a black she will measure everything.


Beyond-Politics profile image

Beyond-Politics 5 years ago from The Known Universe (beyond.the.spectrum@gmail.com) Author

You sound a little bitter. Here is MY take on the interracial aspect of the subject (why some black men like yourself choose to date interracially):

WARNING: WE ARE NOT GOING TO AGREE LADIES! (1). Black women act as though they are in competition with black men. They have their strength misdirected in a way that finds them challenging black men at every turn. We're supposed to be on the same team--us against the world--not working against one another. Black women don't use their strength to support their men; instead they seem to make it a point of challenging him. For the most part, black men who date interracially believe that white women seem to know to let their men lead...

(2). Black women are not very open-minded. Not every black man is a Christian, and that doesn't make him "un-Godly." This point can be used to expand past religious intolerance with regards to black women...it could mean she's not open to his hobbies, his interests, political ideologies, stand on social issues, etc. It is not a black man's job to appeal to a black woman's sense of romance and be who she wants, but HER job to open her mind and love him for who he is---something that black women fail at. Black men who've I've talked to always tell me that "white/other women are more open/accepting of who they are."

(3). Being excessively mouthy is not "being strong" nor is it being "assertive." Learn the difference (See # 1.)


gmwilliams profile image

gmwilliams 5 years ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

Many of us just want to be single, no chaser.


Beyond-Politics profile image

Beyond-Politics 5 years ago from The Known Universe (beyond.the.spectrum@gmail.com) Author

For some, that may actually be true. But I've been around a while and have managed to observe quite a bit. For many who profess that, it's more a matter of "too much independence" rather than "wanting" to be single. Show me someone who desires to be alone 24/7, and I will show you an alien, a ghost, and a unicorn in the same room.


No user name 5 years ago

Just one reason---they talk too damn much!!


Beyond-Politics profile image

Beyond-Politics 5 years ago from The Known Universe (beyond.the.spectrum@gmail.com) Author

I know plenty of black males who would agree with you. It seems too many have more mouth than sense.


Liberiangrl 5 years ago

Well sir I must say that was one interesting and provocative blog. I am a single African-American woman by choice, only because I don't feel the need to deal with the foolishness of some men. I know that I have a lot to offer a good man and I am positive that there is a man out there with a lot to offer me. I decided a long time ago to stop settling, I know my worth and expect my future mate to know his worth as well. Black women in general...and this is just my opinion, should stop acting like they don't need a man. Every women needs a man..unless she's gay. Just being realistic.


Old school ways 5 years ago

I agree with No Name. There was no reason for a long drawn out article...if a black woman is single, the reason usually is her mouth.


supperbadmom50 5 years ago

As a single black woman, I am as you stated not entirely in agreement with your opinion. Question being: Do I want a man with certain requirements, YES I DO. Frist: He must believe in God. Second: He must believe in himself!!! Third: HE must understand that a job,whether it's a high position or not helps to pay the bills. Fourth: He must understand it is never alright for any conduct unbecomming. We are two intelligent individuals, who must respect one another. It would be great to meet a wonderful strong man of any race, who knows his strength and weakness without being ashamed of it. He must also know that together in a commited relationship will and can conquer any and everything. Life is an adventure two adults can traverse together as one strong force,in peaceful coexistence.


KrystalD profile image

KrystalD 4 years ago from Los Angeles

Glad I came across this post. I agree with some points for some Black women. I think we must be careful of generalizations that lump a whole, diverse group in one, tight, negative box.

Black women are independent as a whole and I think that has been a matter of survival. Considering history, there are many times they had to survive without a partner (See Deborah Gray White, Ar’t I a Woman: Female Slaves in the Plantation South ). Even as far back as slavery these strong women were fending for their selves. I am not saying this is good. I do think it took away some feminity in the sense of what men like. Men, overall, want to be wanted.

Finally, I can't resist going to the comments about "crazy." There are many, many crazy people in the world and I am not so sure there are more Black women represented disproportionately in that group. I will say, as a whole, it is a known fact that therapy has not been embraced by the Black community and considering the problems associated with our families, historically and currently, I would state that "crazy" is a problem for all Black people. I prefer the term damaged (See Bell Hooks, Black Love-series).

By the way, I consider myself, a single Black woman, of the emotionally damaged variety. Crack addicted mother, ex-pimp father and a childhood of rape, cheap motels and shelters to be quite blessed to have survived! I have been able to be "independent" and put myself through college (a master's degree) and start a wonderful and fulfilling career. I am glad I did not buy the lie that therapy is a bad idea for Black people because I have found with all I have been through, relationships ARE a challenge. I am not the only woman of any race, to struggle with issues of low self-esteem and low self-worth!

I think we all need to go easy on each other. We are living in a world that has hurt us all in many ways. Compassion is beautiful. I think the divisions between Black men and women grow through lack of understanding on both sides.


MoneyMath 4 years ago

I was disappointed. I was really expecting more in the article, not that it was bad. I'm actually complimenting you as a writer, implying that I believe you have the capability to breakdown this topic even more. I just think that this subject deserves a lot more specific attention. I was waiting for you to work backwards starting with the crack epidemic in the 1980's, a decade which shocked any black person who has lived through the 1970's. Music, television, drugs, sex(HIV), violence, all made some intense, dramatic changes in that decade, and it seemed to effect everyone's life more and more. There really wasn't a very realistic option for dating outside the race at that time due to the taboo associated with interracial dating. People were more inclined to choose to "stick with your own kind", a saying that I was told as a child. Let's not forget the famous Emmett Till case in 1955, a case in which young adults living in the 1980's would have definitely remembered. Those killers were acquitted, furthermore letting you know that you would have gotten killed for being black and messing around with a white women given the right circumstances. Not only that, our lives as far as perception goes was dramatically different. Wasn't no internet to see when and who was doing who. Your world back then was local, and television was nowhere near as diverse as it is today. Television, which is arguable a low level form of hypnosis, did not have images of "hustlers and gangsters", hell New Jack City didn't come about until the 90's. Hustlers/gangsters were NOT rappers or vise versa back then, they were 2 totally different things. Now they are 2 peas in a pod. Men were at their last stretch of losing their strength in numbers on the college campuses. In the 60's, more men were in school than women, by the 80's those numbers have switched. Black people had just barely gotten integrated into the school systems when the switch started to take place. Young adults today, whether they realize it or not, grew up in a crazy era riddled with violence, drugs, and inexcusable parental behavior. Only now is there a real awakening away from this destructive path, but it's happening in a new world. All along we've consciously been pushing toward being "Americans" and focusing less on our ethnicity as a whole. You better believe it was the EXACT opposite for black people in the 1970's. Now if we go back to he 1950's a lot more women didn't work, which was slowly changing at the time, obviously. What made a man a man back in those days was the fact that he was the bread winner. This had been a challenge for black men for decades, being that we were still very much in a racist world. There also appeared to be a more set structure in place for courting one of the opposite sex. Promiscuity was not as socially acceptable. Now, some women make fortunes off of having sex for public display, and a lot more women provide for themselves. Let me pause. Women have it economically EASIER, ESPECIALLY if they have a child. The government will give food stamps, collect child support, give Section 8 housing rates, and even welfare spending money, all for the sake of having a child. Plus, men are still socially inclined to take care of a woman, which only adds to my previous points, because if a child is involved the government will step in. It's more rare to have it the other way around yet still socially acceptable. The man gets the money out of his paycheck and goes to jail if God forbid he looses his job or gets laid off(talk about pressure). Having a wrecked relationship with a child involved is hard enough. To add insult to injury, a lot of times this support is spent frivolously, on vices or personal items. All this does is damage social morale for males who get involved in that situation. So now women can work, drive, feed themselves, and buy what they want for themselves. There are also more women in school then men, so they even have more formal education now. This puts a squeeze on any incentive a man would have to provide for a woman or makes it more challenging to say the least. It CAN give a sense of not being needed(if you can do everything by yourself). Black women act on it by objectifying black men(hence the 6ft tall, dark, blah blah...), which I believe has become more and more common among American women in general. When you objectify people, you lose sight of who they are as a person, and fail to connect with them. Therefore, it's not as easy to really see the true worth of that individual. I lean more toward the scenario that black women are being brutally picky. Too many of them are not interested in men they are interested in things or things that men can get them. With all the white women we have in America, imagine if I wanted one with bleach blond hair, a real brazilian ass, at 5'2", with 34Cs (all natural), that is a financial advisor, a gymnast, and a swimmer, that works from home, and has their degree in Math and loves Calculus. That just might be a tall order.


Beyond-Politics profile image

Beyond-Politics 4 years ago from The Known Universe (beyond.the.spectrum@gmail.com) Author

Thank you for the responses. But in my personal defense, when one works 80 hours a week, its really hard to put these articles together in a way that requires more in the way of research. Admittedly, I could have done better...if I were willing to lose even MORE sleep than I do. ;)


KrystalD profile image

KrystalD 4 years ago from Los Angeles

I have created a hub based purely in response to your Part 1 and Part 2 series :) I think your hubs were well written. 80 jobs are good to keep ;)


stacym82 profile image

stacym82 4 years ago

The question should be why are black women "in America" single? Black women in africa the caribbean and other parts of the world are not single. I wish i could comment with an answer to this question it is definitly an elusive mystery to me and the world as to why there is so many single black women especially in atlanta my guess is that these women don't want to be single and my reason for thinking this is because i used to live in atlanta and noticed how quickly a black woman would jump at the opportunity to date a foregin black man so my guess is that single black women have not lost hope in marriage but have not found any desirable black men to their taste or likeing to court or even give the time of day to aside from that i notice that the single men also seem to be disinterested in the women me being a caribbean girl myself saw this as unusual since where im from men show much interest in women. I just feel like the men in USA are disillusioned to a certain extent and i suspect that this is probably part of the reason why the women are not dating them.


Beyond-Politics profile image

Beyond-Politics 4 years ago from The Known Universe (beyond.the.spectrum@gmail.com) Author

Thank you for sharing your comments. I could write about this subject forever, but currently I am working on a book about the issue which (I think) speaks a great deal about my personal experiences.


gmwilliams profile image

gmwilliams 4 years ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

Well thought and analytical hub. Already, it has started some great discussions.


Beyond-Politics profile image

Beyond-Politics 4 years ago from The Known Universe (beyond.the.spectrum@gmail.com) Author

Thank you. Now that I've changed jobs and have settled in after my move, I hope to start turning up the heat with my writing. I do believe in analyzing and writing for solutions, not just to define the problems. ;)


stacym82 profile image

stacym82 4 years ago

another thing i would like to comment on is that relationships in general suffer alot due to all the evils that exist in society today. I personally think the answer to it all is that single people shouldn't be as picky there is no perfect mate although one does need to be careful when choosing someone but I also think that inviting the Lord Jesus Christ into our decision making process makes the world of difference in finding a good partner.


davidkaluge profile image

davidkaluge 4 years ago

You mean, its in USA that black women are single, if you are right then I want to understand the gap. I know that there are single ladies in Africa but most of them can claim that poverty contributed to it because men don't have the money to start a family unlike in developed nations like USA where there is more of equal responsibilty in running family.


stacym82 profile image

stacym82 4 years ago

Maybe someone should study the differences between american single women and foreign single women to come up with an understanding of why women of color tend to marry and stay married longer than american black women do.


Beyond-Politics profile image

Beyond-Politics 4 years ago from The Known Universe (beyond.the.spectrum@gmail.com) Author

There are aspects of our culture which are not conducive to the longevity of relationships in America. For one thing, we are a sexually-obsessed society. Men are sexually greedy and perverted, and women have adopted THEIR desires and preferences to that of these sexually greedy/perverted men where they are willing to tolerate what many men want in order to have/keep him (yeah, I know you don't THINK you do, but you do). Secondly, many black women don't know how to turn off their independence streak. I'm not saying do so so you can become a doormat, but if you see that you have a willing partner who's loyal, learn to take a back seat. It's not about being "submissive;" its about learning to accept traditional roles along the lines of mutual respect. Personally, I wont allow a woman (or any person) to talk to me any kind of way (Freedom of Speech be damned). It's this culture which promotes rugged individualism, and which equates power and success to money (and which carries over to feminism) which has women thinking they can run a household that has a man who makes/earns less. Simply put, NO man is going to allow himself to be emasculated by a woman who makes more money than him. It's not about insecurity, its about him having some level of self-determination in a society which tells him that he is less because he is not (allowed to be) as successful as the woman.


stacym82 profile image

stacym82 4 years ago

I agree with you on mostly everything you wrote while it may not be true in every case that men are just these greedy sexually perverted and sick in the head monsters that women have no choice but to accept because she wants to "keep him" I do think there are some good men who were raised with values and morals. Finding a man who hasn't allow the perversion of society to mold him is where the problem comes in while black women need to be really careful of who she hooks up sI think she also shouldn't be too picky and possibly overlooking someone who could have probably made a good husband because she was looking for that certain stereotypical type of man.


Beyond-Politics profile image

Beyond-Politics 4 years ago from The Known Universe (beyond.the.spectrum@gmail.com) Author

Exactly. I wrote a piece called, "The Lack of Sexual Modesty" that I still receive e-mails from ( http://hubpages.com/politics/Americas-Lack-of-Sexu... ). It seems that most people cannot think beyond their emotions, or their social indoctrination when it comes to sexual perversion. When I told a woman once that I don't "go South," she responded that "I refuse to make love in a juvenile way."

My response was, "how do you know YOUR way of sex is 'evolved?' Maybe MY thinking is evolved and YOUR thinking is 'juvenile' and outdated? After all, outside of food and drink, you weren't born putting thing in your mouth." She was speechless. Not surprising when one responds with emotion rather than reason.


stacym82 profile image

stacym82 4 years ago

Yeah well there's more to life than sex or getting off or reaching some kind of peak. That gets boring after a while at the end of the day its all about the relationship we have with our creator.


Beyond-Politics profile image

Beyond-Politics 4 years ago from The Known Universe (beyond.the.spectrum@gmail.com) Author

Definitely agreed!


DeborrahC profile image

DeborrahC 4 years ago from Oakland, California

Check out the soon to be released book on the black church and single black women entitled THE BLACK CHURCH WHERE WOMEN PRAY AND MEN PREY. Will be available on or before 5/30/12. You wrote a very intelligent analysis of the mixed messages and condemning words being spoken about single black women. I think you would get a kick out of reading a book that busts these guys church games wide open. Find out more about the content on the website at http://www.womenpraymenprey.com.


Beyond-Politics profile image

Beyond-Politics 4 years ago from The Known Universe (beyond.the.spectrum@gmail.com) Author

Will do


shawn davis 4 years ago

hub author doesn't have any truth or proof hispanics are the largest poor minority group and blackmen don't have to have a degree to get rich blackwomen go to school just to work for someone else


Beyond-Politics profile image

Beyond-Politics 4 years ago from The Known Universe (beyond.the.spectrum@gmail.com) Author

Actually, who said anything about black people being the "poorest minority group?" You're allowing your disagreement and your emotions to impair your thinking. In factm you are making arguments that I don't even put forth ("straw man fallacy"). What I am saying is that the disproportionate levels of financial and social stability between black women and black men--regardless of whether they are working for someone else of whether they are self-employed--is a major reason for why so many black women are single. Who wants to be with someone who cannot contribute something to a relationship? I see many Hispanics willing to work the same farms that I worked as a teenager--the farms that too many blacks are too "proud" to work (however, most farmers pay Hispanics in cash, without taking taxes out, while offering the same labor too Americans for considerably less while taking out taxes). Trust me, growing up the way I did, and the years that I've spent working for various social service and educational services, I see the causes of examples of the dysfunctions I listed on a daily basis. It would help if you were going to make such an argument to be as old as I am, and having as many experiences as I have. ;)


Levertis Steele profile image

Levertis Steele 4 years ago from Southern Clime

You said, "Simply put, many are crazy. Ok, this is a bit of an over simplification. But many have emotional (or other types) of issues which impair their abilities to function competently within a successful relationship."

Many black women do have the problems you mentioned, but not all. They have them because of bad experiences with men: cheaters; deadbeats; physical abusers; discovery of down-low husbands; disinterest in self-improvement and marriage; brothers, fathers, and sons in jail. As faithful as black women have been to black men, many show a lack of respect and appreciation of them.

Of course, we know that this does not describe all black men because there are some great ones out there.

If black women have so many negative issues, why do the ones who choose to marry out of their race tend to do better in marriage than other couples, including black men married to white or black women. Actually, most black men who date white women do not marry them.

I think that it would be great for black men and women to put their energy into improving their race for the children, at least.


Levertis Steele profile image

Levertis Steele 4 years ago from Southern Clime

MoneyMath:

Your post is so indepth and so true. You have given many reasons why marriages are few among blacks. You have said it all!

BeyondPolictic:

Thanks for such a thought-provoking hub.


Levertis Steele profile image

Levertis Steele 4 years ago from Southern Clime

Author: Many black men between 20 and 40 are single, too.

Krystal ID: You are wise!

Yung brother with new eyes:

There is not anything wrong with black women setting standards. Just because you have been hurt by a few black women is no reason to condemn your whole race of women that you do not know.

Your statements were weak and embarrasing coming from a black man. You are an angry black man. Calm down! Black women get hurt, too. How would you like for your spouse to walk away leaving you with 5 children and never paying child support? Your hurt is small in comparison.

Black men can marry whomever they want, but, FYI, most black men do not marry the women they date outside the race, and many who do end in divorce. Black women who marry outside of their race stay together more than black men and white women..

My point is not to put black men down, but to tell the truth. I am glad that I am not too proud to say that there are many good black men. People who are not angry know that there are many good black women.

Stop acting and apologize to black women for throwing a tantrum.


Beyond-Politics profile image

Beyond-Politics 4 years ago from The Known Universe (beyond.the.spectrum@gmail.com) Author

Thank you for reading and commenting. I believe that all of our individual experiences comprise our realities, so that for someone like "Yung brother," is experiences are that black women are bad and white (and other women) are better. Who are we to say? Admittedly, I've had that thought myself a time or two. And as a friend of mine once told me, "Behind every 'bad' black woman is a bad black man who made her that way."

I myself am turned off by the prospect marriage (see: http://beyond-the-political-spectrum.blogspot.com/...


Levertis Steele profile image

Levertis Steele 4 years ago from Southern Clime

Often when people comment on an issue, they base it on personal experiences, observations, talk of the people, and reports in the media (articles, statistics, popular surveys, etc.) They usually sum it all up in statements like some posts.

I see your points, and I checked your link, and, yes, it all makes sense.

I also can appreciate MoneyMath's comments because I believe that the problem with black women being single comprises a pile of reasons, not just a few. Because the reasons, overall, have gotten out of hand, we flip the script and start pointing fingers and blaming each other. We put each other down and sometimes say ugly, senseless things. Some may be true, but out-of-control behaviors won't solve anything.

I hear a lot about black women educating themselves, becoming independent, and finding no need for a man who is not on her level. When educated black women marry a man who is less educated, she is accused of "marrying down." the truth is, I believe, most black women want a good husband. It is not true that they do not need a man. It is true that many independent black women refuse to lower their standards just to say, I have a man. These women want men who can remember that they are their wives, men who believe in the importance of family, men who will be around to teach their boys to be men, men who will not run when they discover that a child is homosexual, and this list can go on and on. A looooong list can also be written for the traits that men would like to see in women.

So, what's the point? I do not know exactly what the point is, but I do know that both sexes need a revival. Black men and black women, overall, have faults of which some are beyond our understanding. Even though there are many of us who have it together, many more of us need help!

Angry black men and women can marry 50 people of other races if they think that will solve their problems. If a black man, for example does not support his black children, is it likely that he will support his half-white children if he also breaks up with his white woman who has his children? If a nagging black woman, who is also an out-of-control alcoholic marries someone of another race, will that marriage last unlike her marriage with her black ex? Not likely.

Who black people marry has not one thing to do with blacks being instrumental in helping to fix black problems. Although I do not have children in college, I will send an occasional donation to a certain college.

I will always try to help my black race because it is a God-given obligation. Condemning my brothers and sisters won't help. According to stats, 70% of our children are fatherless. Crack and many other things have taken many black mothers.

When we were very oppressed, we banded together and sang, "We shall overcome . . . Lord, one day," we were strong because most of us were on one accord, and we encouraged and believed in one another!

Now, we have gotten away from that true brotherhood, that faith the generation of the 60's had. We have also gotten away from God. Regardless of what people feel about a high power, when we hold onto Him, we progress. When we let go, we fall. History holds our proof of this.

If every black person helps one person with a genuine need, I believe that we will notice a difference. Just helping a child to develop self-esteem can create a domino effect that can go a long way.

When I was a child, an old sister in the church told me that I could really sing. I stood before the congregation and crowed a tune that I thought was super. Applauses went up like thunder. I really could not sing, but those black sisters and brothers were proud of me for trying. Where has all of that support gone?

There are many reasons why black women, and black men, do not marry as much as they once did. Some are listed on this page.


Levertis Steele profile image

Levertis Steele 4 years ago from Southern Clime

Beyond-Politics, I forgot to add that this is a thought-provoking hub well put together. It is one that should get much attention if it gets the traffic.

You wrote, "They assume that all black men are the same." Black women know that all black men are not the same. This is what some say when they feel defeated after experiencing one or more bad relationships. They throw in the towel and say this because they do not know how to attract or find the right man. Black women, probably most women, were taught to wait for men to approach them. So, men have the upper hand here. It is plain to see that most black women are not likely to reach out to men of other races. Some of the younger women are getting away from this teaching and becoming bold enough to approach men. Reaching out to other races is not the way to solve problems among blacks. That is comparable to a white girl getting a black boyfriend because she was hurt by her ex-husband or father. How can anyone condemn a whole race because of what a few individuals did?

I am reminded of a statement that Whoopi Goldberg made in an interview. In response to a question about her choice to marry white men, she said that she is just not what black men want. She has been the object of ridicule by many people of all races, even blacks. Her role in THE COLOR PURPLE did not help. I can almost see her reasoning, but even Woopi has not experienced all blacks.

Another scenario: whenever an unidentified gang commits a violent act, it is automatically assumed that the gangsters are black, even though most people know that the number of non-black gangs and gang members far outnumber black gangs and gang members. Non-black gangs and their acts make black gangsters look like little boys playing with stick guns, cap and water pistols. To me, that is complimentary. Blacks did not start prison gangs, but they have that rap. Any gang is bad, regardless of race.

http://www.businessinsider.com/dangerous-american-...

My point is that stereotypes are common, and the idea that black women think that all black men are the same is the true thought of many women, but generally, black women know better. They just want to find the good guys.


Tiffany 4 years ago

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! This comment is for "Yungbrotherwith neweyes" I have never in my life put my black men down becuase of one or a few bad examples. Color has nothing to do with character by any means. For you to have had a bad expeirience with a few black women and then turn around and "HANG" a black woman your no better than the typical racist. How dare you as a black man crucify the only one who knows what its like to be black for starters and then deal with society on a day-to-day basis because of the color of your skin. I'm offened and pretty hurt by your comment and you my "BROTHA" should be ashmaded of yourself. No matter the heart breaks I received from black men I still to this day will not count him out just because he's black. That is such an ignorant point of veiw you have


Beyond-Politics profile image

Beyond-Politics 4 years ago from The Known Universe (beyond.the.spectrum@gmail.com) Author

Go easy Tiffany...hurt feelings take a bit of time and effort to overcome, even for us men.


stacym82 profile image

stacym82 4 years ago

its just hard to find a good man anymore whether white, black, hispanic or asian


Beyond-Politics profile image

Beyond-Politics 4 years ago from The Known Universe (beyond.the.spectrum@gmail.com) Author

My personal observation is that too many people are too quick to believe that it's "the other person." No one wants to believe the worst of themselves, or to question themselves. We as adults--especially women--tend to keep company with people who validate our self-beliefs that what we are seeking and asking for in a mate isn't "too much," when the reality is that if you are still looking or haven't found/him or her yet, it might be apparent that maybe we DO ask for too much. Standards are one thing, but "preferences" are just another euphemism for prejudices.


stacym82 profile image

stacym82 4 years ago

I think is great to keep high standards asking too much is not the problem i think men that are under achievers are the problem why sgould women settle for less no one wants to be with someone that they despise you don't just wanna settle for someone that doesn't meet expectations


Beyond-Politics profile image

Beyond-Politics 4 years ago from The Known Universe (beyond.the.spectrum@gmail.com) Author

My mother used to say, "keep doing what you've been doing, and you'll keep getting what you've been getting." I'll leave it up to you to ascertain the implications. ;)


stacym82 profile image

stacym82 4 years ago

i read your comment again about people who validate our self beliefs and come to think of it you're absolutely right black people in general need to stop letting friends and family make decisions for us.


Beyond-Politics profile image

Beyond-Politics 4 years ago from The Known Universe (beyond.the.spectrum@gmail.com) Author

By George, I think she's got it. ;)


stacym82 profile image

stacym82 4 years ago

lol i finally did


Abluesfornina profile image

Abluesfornina 4 years ago

Let me just say I knew this would start something big as this article is not at all biased, allowing people to come to their own conclusions as whether to "stereotype" anyone. Both sides are stated clearly and precisely from an "equal" vantage point. Wow.


Beyond-Politics profile image

Beyond-Politics 4 years ago from The Known Universe (beyond.the.spectrum@gmail.com) Author

Thank you Blues


Angela D. Coleman 3 years ago

There are a lot of myths about Black people, love and relationships: http://africanamericanmatchmaking.wordpress.com/20... What we need are more matchmakers (informal and formal, friends and family), who can help us be more self-aware and identify compatible mates so that we can find loving relationships with other.


India 3 years ago

Im not feeling this article because black women are single for the same reasons some non black women are single. I meet many,many non black women who have all the issues you listed here. I meet many non black women who are crazy yet they still manage to find husbands. I have good non black women friends who are bossy and demanding. I have good non black women friends who are always marrying "bad boy" types. I just met an RN who is caucasion she has a 19 year old daughter,well this RN friend of mine is sweet and kind not to mention good head on her shoulders,she told me that she preferred being unmarried because she just didn't have the best taste in husbands. Her white ex husbands stole from her and one of them drank and gambled not to mention cheated. Finally after her second divorce she just didn't have a reason to marry again. She decided to have a child on her own without a father involved she went through sperm donor which resulted in her beautiful daughter. I thought that was cool. I just find some people to be too judgmental of black women. Sometimes its better to be on your own. Single doesn't mean somethings wrong with you. I meet many black women who are sweet kind and committed. Black men have a right to marry who they want. By the way all races originate from Africa. We all are African if we trace our roots far enough back.


Beyond-Politics profile image

Beyond-Politics 3 years ago from The Known Universe (beyond.the.spectrum@gmail.com) Author

One thing I've noticed between parts 1 & 2 of my essay is that (as I write) part 1--where I explore the black male contribution to this pathological relationship dynamic of so many black women being single--received far more Facebook "likes" than part 2, where I focus more on some of the contributing factors of black women insomuch why so many are single. This indicates a level of denial by black women...especially in light that the viewing numbers for both parts are virtually equal. There is no other explanation.


Dorothy Lucey 3 years ago

I've been filming a documentary that is about this subject matter. It is exploring statistics of unwed mothers in the African American community, exploring the reason why black men chooses to date/married outside their race, and why the media and social networks openingly belittle, disrespect, and judge black women when every race are guilty of the same flaws. My film is due for completion in 6-8 weeks. I will be shopping around to different networks. The difference with this documentary is I'm going to take a stand and challenge black men, women, and white women. Everything we are speaking about goes back to Willie E Lynch and slavery. If the name doesn't ring a bell it's because u were once me uneducated about this topic and history as a whole. You never see a wealthy white woman marry the average black man. The roles have reversed and in a negative perspective.  This topic makes the hair on my arms stand(literally). As a black woman, you will never understand how deep the words cut and scar BUT in 6-8 weeks.... YOU WILL

Dorothy Lucey

@Dorothy_Lucey (twitter)

Dorothy Lucey (Instagram/Facebook)

Dorothylucey2012@gmail.com


Beyond-Politics profile image

Beyond-Politics 3 years ago from The Known Universe (beyond.the.spectrum@gmail.com) Author

Well, one difference is that black women are the only group of women who say things like, "I need a man who can handle me." That's rather annoying. People/men are supposed to "handle" animals, not another human being. A relationship shouldn't be about "handling" someone as opposed to a woman having the discipline to "handle" (and control) herself!


India 3 years ago

Not true...again you are don't realize or maybe you WANT to believe that black women are the only ones who supposedly preferred to be "handled" I have heard plenty of non black women make the same statements. Each woman is different, I'm black and I for one am an Atheist and I used to get looks from some black men as though I worshipped the Devil. I have learned that if you tell some black men that you're a non Christian they treat you like you're completely unmarriable. So its not just black women who seem obsessed with the church either. I find many black men who want you to be a saint while they run around playing the field.


Beyond-Politics profile image

Beyond-Politics 3 years ago from The Known Universe (beyond.the.spectrum@gmail.com) Author

As a former Buddhist, current agnostic myself....point taken.


Chance 3 years ago

It's not a surprise that there are so many single black women. There are few available black men; they're either in jail, don't earn enough money to support a family, or too irresponsible. I feel sorry for black women that they don't have to many good choices when it come s to black men.


deaha 3 years ago

As a divorced black woman who is single I see my white female friends dating many men while im waiting on a guy to ask me out or waiting me to ask them out. The difference is white men don't play so many games, a lot of black men manipulate women they talk about color most black men don't care its about what benefits them. Yet they are do charming and smooth they got black women thinking its about color. 70 percent of us r single cause 70 percent of black men are playing. Gay or low life, crook, or player or my fav jackass. Men get your butts together raise your kis treat black women with respect and stop playing and manipulating to keep doing your mess!


Beyond-Politics profile image

Beyond-Politics 3 years ago from The Known Universe (beyond.the.spectrum@gmail.com) Author

Deaha, believe it or not there ARE black men out here who are responsible. The problem is that women aren't attracted to these men because they tend to be "boring" or have some other "defect" that women take out of proportion.


Levertis Steele profile image

Levertis Steele 3 years ago from Southern Clime

I do not see enough Black men unable to attract women to call it a problem. Of course, there are many responsible Black men, but many are married, in a serious relationship, or enjoying the single life without anyone to hinder them. Some of these single women are divorced, some are shacking with men or in a relationship, and some do not want to marry.

We cannot forget that half of marriages in the USA end in divorce. That is not encouraging to single people.

Many women fear marriage because so many men cheat, and many men declare that they cannot be with just one woman. These women do not accept that. They do not buy "A man will be a man." Cheating is a major reason for all of those divorces.


C.Drizzle B.Msc. 2 years ago

When I was a child my mother was always upset at my father. She used to tell me to marry a white man because black men aren't worth anything. I always had a mind of my own, and wondered why did she marry my black father if black men weren't not anything? Why did she feel hurt when he cheated if he wasn't anything to her? White men are nice, but not my cup of tea. I have dated white guys in high school, as well as other races. By my experience a man is a man. I don't see black men being less of a man than any other race of men. Men are similar. But I love black men because they are so beautiful to me. I haven't gotten married, even though I have been asked. One man I was supposed to marry gotten block by God. I'm thankful for that...he was later to be found as a pediphile. And the other man I was supposed to marry had lots of unquestionable marriages and divorces... but after he went to the navy he soon married someone else...making it his 5 marriage in in about 15 years. I learned I also had to question why were they in such a hurry to marry and what were they wanting to hide. But despite what my mom said about black men... I love my black men. Because what I have seen a man is a man. But its a choice on who you love and why you choose him. But as for women we can not judge our men because of a past boyfriend or what our angry mothers told us. We got to be smarter than that. Our men are looking for love and acceptance as well as we are. I've raise two black young men by myself and seen their trials as being black and wanting love and acceptance. My sons had cried to me as adults with broken hearts spilling their hearts out. With my sons I see the heart of all black men. It takes a special woman to be by a black mans side and stay there. But it also takes a special man to remain by his black womans side. The bond is love. And if that's not there, nothing will grow and remain broken. A long time ago slave times our black men were always referred to as "Boy!" ...so woman and others never seen our black men as men, only boys. We as women have to let our men know they are men and we love them and accept them. When a man is comfortable with you he will allow himself to become close to you, knowing you will accept him with flaws and all. He doesn't need his woman comparing him with her ex, telling him he's nothing, calling him names, degrading him or what ever. Women don't need that either. My point is we need to love each other and stop degrading each other.


Beyond-Politics profile image

Beyond-Politics 2 years ago from The Known Universe (beyond.the.spectrum@gmail.com) Author

Amen


DJones 22 months ago

Interesting blog, although you claim not to be emotional, I actually found this to be very emotional and sounded more like name calling...when you group people into a category that's not being rational but emotional. Anyways I believe a lot of the problems we as black Americans face is our inability to revere our history and finds ways to make mends with it. Slavery destroyed any form of humanity black americans have and in other to fix this must understand the broken pieces that lie within. White has made it possible to slowly extinct the black population here in America by setting up various roadblocks that makes it impossible for black men and women to cohabit peacefully and successfully. As we know marriage is an economic transaction, and so laying out what transactions out to occur with a partner is a necessary step. The idea that "black women" (whatever that means) have to become a certain way before being desirable is obviously a Western ideology, and that "black men" (I can't with all these generalization) have to be brad Pitt dipped in chocolate is a flawed misconception. We as a community have to begin to ask ourselves what exactly do we want? Be honest with yourself? When you are about to leave this planet would you feel as though you have made the necessary contribution you ought to make? And the notion that black people have to marry each other is complete bolony (I say that because sometimes you need to step outside the box to see the box fully and see where you fit). As a black man, I am not looking for a partner who will agree to everything I pitched, but rather challenge me intellectually with progressive partner, I don't believe the "traditional notion" (whose tradition by the way) a woman has to be submissive to her husband, but RESPECT is key and (RESPECT doesn't equate submission), I have been in numerous African communities where woman are the "head of household"/ decision makers with the input of the men, because the women spend more time catering for the home that the men, and the men have no problem with this and in no way feel emasculated but actually prefer it this way. So I think we as a community need to stop bad mouthing each other and begin to focus on the POSITIVES. A brilliant ex-girlfriend of mine who happened to be black once told me, to capitalize on your effort direct your energy to you strengths and don't get down by your weakness rather maximize what you are good at and be the best darn person at that. She was right!

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