Why Daddy Why

concrete angel

Because Of You


Alice J. Bard

Alice J. Bard  Born in Greensboro, NC on Jun. 29, 1945 Departed on Jul. 18, 2011 Will alway's be in my heart
Alice J. Bard Born in Greensboro, NC on Jun. 29, 1945 Departed on Jul. 18, 2011 Will alway's be in my heart


I could never understand or make sense of why as a child my dad allowed me to feel so much pain and devastation as I was growing up, and still to this day the torture I have sustained haunts me as an adult. I'm going to share my life experience with you all in hopes that a father will read it and never put his child through what I've been through or experienced.

It all started in 1977 I was just four years old, my mom was going to college to become an RN and my Dad had a job working for IBM. We were at that time a very loving and happy family,we were financially stable and couldn't want for anything. Then horrible things began to happen, my dad wasn't coming straight home from work like he used to he would come walking in the door at 2 AM in the morning smelling like an alcohol factory and his hair would be messy and his clothes weren't on him properly. My mom knew he was with other women because he would smell like there perfume and he would also have marks on his body that my mom didn't place there.

For a very long time my mom tolerated what was going on and never said a word to him about it because she didn't want our family to be destroyed. One night my mom decided that enough was enough and she started packing us up to leave ,but she waited to long my dad came home and had seen that my mom was taking us and leaving, my dad ran upstairs and got a shotgun, he loaded it and came down stairs, cocked the gun and held it to our heads and told her that he would kill all of us if she left. My mom fearing for her life and ours decided to not leave and stay. Shortly after this incident is when the beatings started occurring on a nightly basis.

My dad would come home from his night of drinking and would yank my mom out of bed while she was sleeping and just start beating her knocking her to the floor and proceed to violently kick her, I would sit at the top of the stairs watching in horror,crying quietly so my dad wouldn't know I was there. I was just a child and did not understand so I did not know what to do.

Neighbors, family and friends knew what was going on but no one did anything to help, everyone just turned there heads and looked the other way including the police. The police would always tell them, were not going to arrest anyone just try to work it out and no more hitting your wife.You see abuse back than wasn't a huge thing like it is today.

Finally the day came and my mom couldn't take the abuse anymore she was physically and mentally exhausted, she was tired of my dad prostituting her out to his friends so we could have money to make him happy, because he lost his job do to his drinking so she left and unfortunately to save her life she had to leave us behind. My mom attempted several times to get us back but do to the mental abuse my dad put her through she was mentally uncapable of taking care of us.This is when my life became hell and at the age of 5 when I wished I was never born. My dad would go out every night to drink and be with his lady friends' so he would have my uncle watch all of us. Then it started happening the nightmare began, while I was sleeping my uncle would come into my room and carry me into my father's room and would lie me on my dad's bed and started doing things to me that no child should have to go through. These episodes would happen all the time and last for hours and hours, the pain was unbearable, the fear takes you over, you lie there emotionless because it makes you empty inside. The hate you feel inside overwhelms you and you just want to hurt that person but you're just a child and there strength over powers yours.

I never told anyone about what was happening I was to scared to ,I thought I was the one at fault and if I told my dad I thought he would beat me like he did my mom. To my surprise my dad knew because my dad asked me to go to his room with him and I told him no because I knew what was going to happen, my dad said to me," oh you can f***k your uncle but not me?" and he told me he would take one of my sisters or brother and I told him no you wouldn't because I'll kill you. Now that I am grown I couldn't understand why my dad didn't do anything to protect me I always thought," isn't a dad supposed to protect his family and keep them safe?", but then I realized how could he have protected us when he was doing the same exact thing.

Well as years past and my uncle was molesting me and my dad was molesting my other siblings God sent me an Angel from Heaven and her name was Alice Bard ,her daughter Vicki and I became the best of friends. I felt safe with them and told them everything about the beatings, the molestation,my dad killing our family dog intentionally, not being able to go to school due to the abuse. I think at first she found it hard to believe until she started seeing the fear in me on going home and saw how I always wanted to be at her house. I thank her so much even to this day for constantly calling CPS and the cops, it took along time but the day finally came and I was 8 years old and CPS took us away from that horrible man that I use to call my dad.

Today I'm a stronger person for the trauma I went through as a child. Every so often the past bothers me but I will not let it get me down, I thank God for the person I am today. There is a song that is sung by Kelly Clarkson entitled "Because of You" that reminds me of my life when I was a child. The difference is , in the video my mom walked away and allowed us to go through the torment and torture that we endured. I have forgiven since then and we have became quite close however it has taken years to overcome the anger and pain that I had endured as such a young age. I still cry when I think about it and it opens up wounds that should be healed but if I can save one child, it is one less that will endure the abuse and pain that I have gone through.

Dr. Mr. Jesus

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Comments 28 comments

MF 3 years ago

.......this has never happened to me before but..... I commend all of you on your honesty and transparency to be able to help so MANY people.DONT ever let anyone ever make you feel bad about coming out with this OR let them tell you it was your fault.... Those are LIES!!!!!!!!!! I applaud you many times over!!!!!!

dwachira profile image

dwachira 4 years ago from Nairobi, Kenya

Hi GlstngRosePetals,

Reading this horrible story here, i kept wondering if all these things can happen from a man that really valued his children. It is such a painful life you went through but thanks God you came out stronger. Am humbled and proud of you that even after all that pain you found the courage to forgive and let go. May the pain go away forever and never come back. Voted up and useful.

Secret lies profile image

Secret lies 4 years ago from Redlands California

So sad to find thy this has happened to so many people. Something I wish I could forget. Guess life can be harsh in many ways, but in my heart the pain taught me well. Thanks for sharing.

GlstngRosePetals profile image

GlstngRosePetals 5 years ago from Wouldn't You Like To Know Author

Janie- You can't blame your sons actions on yourself. What he has done wasn't your fault. We as adults no matter what we have been through no right from wrong. A lot of times things happen in families that are blind to the eye. Families don't think about other family memebers hurting another so we tend to over look these things. Don't blame yourself for your sons actions he is at fault and the rest of you and the 16 year old are the victims and not him. I'm sorry you and the rest of your family had to go through this but now he can't hurt anyone ever again. My heart goes out to you and your family, I hope you can find peace in your hearts and happiness from whay you have been through. God Bless all of you.

janie 5 years ago

You are so brave. I too went thru similar experiences but much worse. I have come a long way working thru this but was not able to protect my children. They are all grown now and dealing with this much better than I. My reason for research and finding this has to do with my son. He molested my three youngest, his younger sisters who are now 31, 26 24. He is now 36 and in a florida pen on two life sentences, three thirty yr and two fifteen yr sentences, consecutive w/o possibility of parole. I have had concerns, nightmares etc that he may have been involved in a rape and murder of a young girl when he was sixteen. Events that came about that put him in prison made me put two and two together. Now I have recently learned this unsolved murder and rape has bee solved. All signs point that it was my son. The news reports didn't say who but only that the case had been solved and the perp was in prison for life in Florida. Oh MY GOD, What kind of person does that make me. Was I a monster mother? He is my genes. Did I create a monster? I feel at fault.

GlstngRosePetals profile image

GlstngRosePetals 5 years ago from Wouldn't You Like To Know Author

d.william: Thankyou very much. Yes I love my children very much and I'm very over protective of them from what I went through. I still cry to this day when I hear that song especially when I played it for my girls. I agree with you I don't think I'll ever fully recover because the memory will alway's be there but it has definitely made me a strong person and a very loving mother. Thankyou again and God Bless you and your family as well.

d.william profile image

d.william 5 years ago from Somewhere in the south

I am not ashamed to say i wept all through this article and the video. Very emotional and powerful stuff. I have never known anyone who was abused as a child, and i cannot imagine what that must have been like, short of a continuous living nightmare. No child should ever have to endure such atrocities, both physically and mentally.

When i hear these horrible tales of ones childhood, i can never understand the mental state of the abuser. There is NO excuse, and no forgiveness for those creatures. I am so glad you recovered (still recovering - as i am not sure one can ever fully recover from that trauma), and have children of your own. I am sure they are loved all the more for your lost childhood. God bless you and you family.

GlstngRosePetals profile image

GlstngRosePetals 5 years ago from Wouldn't You Like To Know Author

OneCuteCookie: To my mom the woman that gave me life and the one who protected me as much as she could even though you were being put through your own hell and torture. I don't blame you at all, you had know control or knowledge of what was being done. I love you very much and your my mom and your also my best friend and I ask you to find it in your heart to stop blaming yourself for what's happened to us as children because regardless a mothers and daughters love runs deep no matter what transpires. I love you so very much and I want you to be happy and for us both to let the past go and let's look at the bright future we have together... I love you Mom!!!!!!

OneCuteCookie profile image

OneCuteCookie 5 years ago from Neither Here, Nor There, But From Somewhere

I have never ever cried over a hub before but this one made the tears flow,I am sorry for what your dad and uncle put you through a child should be able to trust their parent always.I hope that you can find peace and joy in your heart like you had at one time in your earlier childhood.I had no idea what you were put through and ask for forgiveness from your heart because I love you and I am so....so sorry.

GlstngRosePetals profile image

GlstngRosePetals 6 years ago from Wouldn't You Like To Know Author

arb thankyou for your comment and I'm glad to hear that you love your children the way you do and that you would never hurt them..When I was growing up I could never understand why my dad did what he did. I always though dad's were suppose to protect and not hurt but through all of it, it's made me a strong person and has made me a protective mom.

arb profile image

arb 6 years ago from oregon

I am always saddend by such stories. As a father, my children own my heart and soul and give meaning to life and who I am. I suppose I would like to believe that all homes grow the fathers so needed in a world already frought with danger.

GlstngRosePetals profile image

GlstngRosePetals 6 years ago from Wouldn't You Like To Know Author

Shil1978 thankyou for your comment and yes it has definitely made me stronger and I hope it does teach people to take a different path then what my dad did. My life has changed for the better check out my cinderella story when you get a chance and tell me what you think. Thanks so very much.

Shil1978 profile image

Shil1978 6 years ago

No child should have to go through what you did. Alcohol destroys families, it is so sad what it does to some people. I am glad for you that you are stronger for the experience - stay strong!! Thanks for sharing your story - am sure it would help some stay away from the path your dad took!!

openwater diver 6 years ago

I read this post it brought tears to my eyes... As I kept reading I heard the John Micheal Montgomery song "The Little Girl" . Makes me want to hug my son and never let him go. I'm terrible sorry that you had such a bad experience. No one should ever do that to a child. Can't say I know what it must have been for you. We need to increase the awareness of this more, people believe that it does not happen that much today, but I think it is getting worse. Be strong, stay safe,

Lester LaChappelle

GlstngRosePetals profile image

GlstngRosePetals 7 years ago from Wouldn't You Like To Know Author

nigelking: It is horrible to go from one abusive home and go into another only to find that the same thing is happening again.. I'm so glad that you love your children.. I love my children dearly and I think from my experience it has made me a very protective mom.. I'm glad to see that so many people on here that have experienced some form of child abuse are able to let go of the past, I feel we are all strong individuals and if we can survive that we can handle anything..

GlstngRosePetals profile image

GlstngRosePetals 7 years ago from Wouldn't You Like To Know Author

drpastorcarlotta: I'm sorry that you went through the same thing.. I thankyou for your comment and yes God is with both of us and has made us both very strong people..

GlstngRosePetals profile image

GlstngRosePetals 7 years ago from Wouldn't You Like To Know Author

cagsil: Thankyou so much and it has made me a very strong person, I'm glad I'm able to share my bad experience with others with the hopes that i can possibly help save a child out there from going through what I've been through..

Cagsil profile image

Cagsil 7 years ago from USA or America

I can understand where you're coming from and I've known plenty of people who were in your same place. I can honestly say, I know what it is like to have to sit there while unrealistic things happen to a sibling and to not have any control or way of protecting. I'm saddened by your experience, but the end result is a much stronger person, who I am sure has learn to overcome. Thank you very much for your story. I am glad you were able to share it. :)

nigelking profile image

nigelking 7 years ago from Planet Earth - I think!

I was taken into to care to 'protect' me from physical abuse. Unfortunately, I was then sexually abused by my carer! However, I am a survivor and live to love my kids and help others overcome the past!

Cheri Schultz profile image

Cheri Schultz 7 years ago from Midwest

I am so sorry... May god always guide and protect you the rest of your life. I wish you love and peace.

Christian Q profile image

Christian Q 7 years ago from Chandler, Arizona

What an awful story. I'm glad that people were there for you to help you recover from the unforgivable actions of your father and uncle.

drpastorcarlotta profile image

drpastorcarlotta 7 years ago from BREAKOUT MINISTRIES, INC. KC

I feel your pain! The same thing with my father happen! But now look at us!!! God has a purpose for us and sometimes we really don't know what it is. Your testimony will help a lot of women out here. I wrote a book and had it publised about my ordeal. My book has been used in Correctional Facilitiesa and Recovery Support meetings. This is a GREAT HUB, thank you!!!!!! This will speak to many! Blessings!!!

GlstngRosePetals profile image

GlstngRosePetals 7 years ago from Wouldn't You Like To Know Author

Rebecca E. Thankyou for your thoughts and yes it definitely has made me stronger but it saddens me that there's children out there that go through this everyday.

Rebecca E. profile image

Rebecca E. 7 years ago from Canada

This is a powerful and moving story, made all the stronger because it is true. Thank you for sharing.

GlstngRosePetals profile image

GlstngRosePetals 7 years ago from Wouldn't You Like To Know Author

Kevin, It is the real story I left out the graphics and there is more to it, but it is a real life story that was my life.

Kevin Peter profile image

Kevin Peter 7 years ago from Global Citizen

Is it the real story ?

GlstngRosePetals profile image

GlstngRosePetals 7 years ago from Wouldn't You Like To Know Author

AEvans your right it should never hurt to be a child. I'm very thankfull to have a wonder friend like you.

AEvans profile image

AEvans 7 years ago from SomeWhere Out There

You were brave for sharing this story that is what I admire about you and I hope that the point comes across loud and clear. It should never hurt to be a child never. Great Job my friend, great job. :)

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