Why Did I NOT Get Married?
Why Did I Get Married? by Tyler Perry posed a rhetorical question, causing people to reflect on the meaning of marriage. In this article, four of my friends all past age forty share their answers to: Why Did I NOT Get Married?
Hopefully, adult readers who are not yet socially or emotionally prepared for marriage may gain some insights from their stories. Those who identifying with any of these four answers may receive a wake up call to change direction in order to receive a different outcome. Or some might be encouraged to be content with being single.
According to the United States Census Bureau, the number of never-married people is increasing in all age groups. In the 40-44 age group 4.9% of males and 6.3% of females were never married in 1970. Males were leading in 1999 and by 2010 there were 20.4% of males and 13.8% of females who never married.
See if any of the four reasons cited below ever come to mind when you think of the reasons that some people never marry.
Sara is an attractive, fashionable, high-strung go-getter. “I’ve had special friendships with men who seemed like good prospects for marriage, but there was always something factual or imaginary that scared me away. I called it caution, but looking back I think it was fear.
My parents were divorced, as were ninety percent of my relatives. I saw the women fending for themselves and doing it successfully. In the back of my mind I harbored the notion that it would be easier to skip the marriage and divorce and just concentrate on looking after myself. Perhaps marriage would have worked for me, but I gave up on the idea, and became content with being single.
I'm not looking but if I meet someone who makes me feel more comfortable than afraid, I'd think about it. What a shame it would be for me to have marriage problems now after being single and content for so long."
Joslyn is a retired educator, recognized by her peers for her outstanding contribution to her field. She seems happy all the time, but she thinks that she and her sister share the same predicament.
“We do not know how to receive affection. I still admire the one man I ever loved (he married someone else). I know that he loved me. He was everything I wanted in a husband. When he told me that he loved me, I smiled and walked away, unable to tell him that I loved him too. Whenever he tried to get physically close or his conversation became too intimate, I interrupted the mood or found a reason to leave. He never came after me and eventually he gave up.
I discouraged attention from other men, because I knew that there would be no happy ending. Love was never expressed in our childhood home and we never learned how. I watch my younger sister avoid men the same way I do.”
Jim is a tall, handsome, salesman with a magnetic personality and a track record of award-winning performances. “I’ve been a salesman before I even graduated high school. Everyone said that I was a natural, and I believed them. Even when my company promoted me to a managerial desk, I scheduled field days for myself.
I love one-on-one contact with people, but I have never had a strong desire for physical closeness with anyone. Whatever I think I feel doesn’t last. I love to be in the company of beautiful women—I’m referring to inner as well as outer beauty. I hug and squeeze as much as the next guy, but only in a caring and comforting manner. Several people call me their best friend, and I feel blessed to have people think of me that way.”
(4) Different Faiths
Right after high school, Stephanie fell in love with a young man who did not meet her parents’ approval. They were strictly religious; he did not even attend church. Stephanie was drawn to her boyfriend’s persistence.
"He continually expressed his love for me. I thought that by becoming pregnant, I could pressure my parents into allowing us to get married. They never gave in, and my baby’s daddy deserted me. I have not loved anyone else as much as I loved him. I am in my forties now, and still looking for love.
I am determined to find someone on the same religious path; but so far, it seems that all the men I meet who share my religious beliefs are taken. I am not comfortable with online dating."
- Sharing Activities For Christian Singles Over Forty
These ten sharing activities for Christian singles over forty meet the criteria for good-quality group building: learn something new, do something helpful and have fun.
- Calling Single Women To Show Their Respect For Marriage
Single women empower themselves and their married friends by respecting the marriage boundaries.
Different strokes for different folks, the saying goes. Have you ever considered how many different factors produce those different strokes?
In every community there are married, single, single-again and never married people who give us an opportunity to enrich our lives--and theirs--by our association with them. The more stories we share, the more we understand each other; and the more educated and experienced we become.
Let's not take anyone for granted, certainly not the never married, Some still have hopes of changing their status, and some have valuable lessons to teach about contentment.
© 2011 Dora Isaac Weithers
More by this Author
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There is no legal way to make an individual commit to a relationship, but there are several ways to increase the chances of getting that commitment. Here are five helpful suggestions.
First, each woman empowers herself then reaches out for association with like-minded friends. They establish a group image which highlights these six supportive habits including respect for womanhood.