Why Do We Always Hurt The Ones We Love?


No one wants to be hurt in life, but for some reason, I ask, "why do we always hurt the ones we love?

It seems really odd that the ones we love get hurt and may suffer with inner pain and then unfortunately some may suffer physical pain. Many of us may not even realize that we are hurting those we love and a lot of times I see complete strangers being treated better than the ones we hold so dear in our hearts.

Why do you think this happens? When you really think about it, it makes no sense and the fact that so many families have disagreements and arguments, but than again so do the stranger and you have the same. The difference is I think we think we can get away with such hurting in our families lives and with the stranger we seem to hash it out and end it .


Lets just take for an example: The alcoholic or the drug addict. Many of them, including myself, live in a world of addiction and most of us live in denial. The sad part about it is we don't even realize what we are doing to our families and friends. We are hurting the ones we love and not even realizing it.

They love us and want the best for us, but we the addicted don't see the true love and care from our loved ones all do to being blinded by our own addictions. As each drink is drank and each drug that's being used, we not only put one more nail in our coffin, but we put one more hurt in the hearts of the ones that we love and don't even realize it, or do we?



Before you head out to satisfy your addiction, stop and look around at the ones that love you and care about you, then ask yourself, "do I really want to put these people in harms way by my actions and addiction in my life?"

Do I want to hurt the ones I love by doing things that can be totally avoidable?  If only I had the power to surrender and to stand up to this horrible addiction I have life will be so much better for myself and the people I love and hold close to my heart.

Your family and your friends are yours and my life and they can never be replaced. The problem is that many alcoholics and drug addicts replace their families and friends with alcohol or drugs, and by doing,  these folks are suffering right along with the alcoholic or the drug addict.  Think about it, is it really fair to hurt the people you love all over an addiction?



Many of us do really foolish and harmful things, and by doing so, we hurt the ones we love. Think about what you are doing, and who you doing it to, before you do whatever you may be thinking about doing, such as that next drink or the next high from your drug.

Look right into the eyes of the people you love and are hurting and you will be able to see their inner hurt and their cry for help for you to surrender to your addiction.

These things we do that may hurt the ones we love can be avoided if we only think about what we are about to hurt these people. In some cases, unfortunately, that person that you are about to hurt may not have even seen the light of day and is being hurt by our selfish and stupid actions. We all know exactly what I am speaking of just by looking at the photo to the right.

An innocent and precious child that is about to be born doesn't even have a chance at a clean life all because we as adults don't think before we drink or use. Think about who you are hurting before you do something you may most likely regret in the future.

If you are interested in knowing just how and why I started to drink alcohol and how I finally quit drinking then check out my new eBook titled My Life of Alcohol Addiction.

Life is precious and so are the people in your life, so please act responsible in ever move you make so that you will not hurt the ones you love.


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Comments 25 comments

MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 6 years ago from South Africa

There is an inexplicable meanness in all of us. It is our full-time job to suppress it with good manners and ethical codes. Thanks for an excellent hub about people hurting the people they love the most. Take care.

the clean life profile image

the clean life 6 years ago from New Jersey Shore Author

@ MartieCoetser. Nice to see you again Martie and thank you very much on you kind comment as well. Take care and God Bless! :)

Ruchira profile image

Ruchira 6 years ago from United States

So true...we take the ones who care for us for granted and that is so wrong!

Good pointers and well written :)

fucsia profile image

fucsia 6 years ago

When we do not love us we cannot really love others. I think this is the reason why sometimes we hurt the ones we love. Thanks for your precious page!

angel115707 profile image

angel115707 6 years ago from Galveston, TX

I am so glad that you have the courage to do what you are doing, I must pray for my X husband all the time, watching the results of his addiction and behavior and how it effects being a dad, I have to hope and pray my kids don't follow his footsteps... If anything he, like many people can better receive wisdom from you, than me telling him what to do, I hope he comes across someone like you on his own journey...

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Sunnie Day 6 years ago

I have always wondered this too..My son for one who struggles with addictions, always held his buddies in such high esteem. Deep alliances are formed with fellow drinking or drug buddies. I have seem though when the bottom comes, usually they scatter and it is the ones closest that truly love him that pick up the pieces. Such a good hub. Thank you.


the clean life profile image

the clean life 6 years ago from New Jersey Shore Author

Ruchira Thanks for you kind comment!!

the clean life profile image

the clean life 6 years ago from New Jersey Shore Author

fucsia Nice to see you here and for your kind words as you always same.

the clean life profile image

the clean life 6 years ago from New Jersey Shore Author

Sunnie I am so sad to here about your son and you are so right in the end they come back to the ones that truly love them. Hang in there Sunnie and I really think in time that your son will see the light. It took a long time for me to see the light and I thank God that my family stuck by my side because they knew that I would finally come around and I did and it's the best thing I could ever had done.

God Bless you and your family Sunnie!

the clean life profile image

the clean life 6 years ago from New Jersey Shore Author

Angel, I sorry to hear about your X and I truly think that your children won't follow his footsteps only because as I drank each and everyday for years in front of my children as of today, my son is 30 and daughter is 25 and either of them drink or do drugs. They are clean as a whistle. Maybe they were so turned off by my actions and drinking it turned them off completely to drink . I will all the best in life and stay strong for your children and everything will be just fine.

God Bless you and yours!

the clean life profile image

the clean life 6 years ago from New Jersey Shore Author

kethyjewel Thank you for your comment, much appreciated.

Denise Handlon profile image

Denise Handlon 6 years ago from North Carolina

Very intersting first comment by MartieCoester about surpressing the desires to be mean. I think that is what she was saying. I totally disagree. Not that I advocate for anyone to treat anyone else unkindly. But, if we inherently have a mean streak in us (we all do to some degree) my solution is not to suppress it, but to expose it. Not act on it, expose it. If it is 'suppressed' it will eventually come out-usually in a very untimely and inappropriate manner; if we are aware (and awareness of our moods is a key tool here, then we have the choice to examine this within ourselves and ask ourselves questions. Like, why am I being mean, or feel angry, or am irritable? Have I always been this way? Do I want or like being this way? There are tons of ways to explore and learn to understand ones meanness.

The only freedom we will get from patterns of behavior is through understanding them. The only way to understand them is to get to know them. The only way to get to know them is to face them...not hide or suppress them. Then, when we understand and feel the underlying feelings are we able to overcome them; or rather, they dissipate with the exposure, because it is like shining a light in a 'dark' corner. The dark corner in this case being the mean trait we hold in ourselves.

Thanks for bringing up an important topic, Marky. And, I must add. It is not the addict alone who can create chaos and hurt in the family. Anyone with a personality disorder which encrouches on the rights and respects of another (i.e. narcisstic personality disorder or antisocial personality disorder) can fall into this category also.

Great hub, Mark. Keep on doing what you're doing. It's a wonderful service.

the clean life profile image

the clean life 6 years ago from New Jersey Shore Author

@ Denise, you are so right in every word you said and I agree totally with you. Also, when you said it is not only the addict it can be anyone is also so right. I am so into writing about addiction that sometimes I forget that people not addicted to anything can also hurt the ones you love.

Thank you Denise as always for you kind and uplifting comments you make on my hubs and me personally.

Mrs. J. B. profile image

Mrs. J. B. 6 years ago from Southern California

I went out with an alcoholic for a long time. It was a nightmare.. Yet I stayed, hoping and praying I could change things. It only got worse. I had no choice but to walk away. He acted like the victim and told anyone and everyone I was the bad guy... I am so proud of you for getting clean.

the clean life profile image

the clean life 6 years ago from New Jersey Shore Author

@ Mrs J.B. Thanok you for your comment and I am, sorry to hear about you x- boyfriend. I can relate because no matter what anuyone told me I always thought I was right and they were dead wrong. Boy, was I ever wrong in those findings. Thank you for your kind comment to me about getting clean. It really means a Lot! :)

jennifer 5 years ago

i lived with an alcoholic for 9 years. i loved him dearly and still do. he lied, insulted me and cheated on me. he has everyone told i was the problem.i am all alone now and he is living it up with one of his conquests. he is only using her for a drinking partner. he cant even look at me when we meet.i am devestated

the clean life profile image

the clean life 5 years ago from New Jersey Shore Author

jennifer, I am so happy you read this hub. Also I am very sorry you had to go through those things with the person you love. Seems like he is the one that feels guilty and and putting the blame on you to make him look that the good guy. I put my wife through some crap with my drinking, but I must say I never cheated on her, but some thing I said were not very nice. Just let him go and party away and when he grow up or takes a look at his life and where it is headed he probably will be crawling back to you. Then it is up to you to forgive and take him back or tell him to be on his way. Start living the life you deserve Jennifer and I would wait around for him. The big question I guess is, does he love you the way you love him.

I wish you all the luck and I hope everything works out for you. Ever need to talk I am only a email away. I hope what I said helped a little for you.

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iamaudraleigh 4 years ago

I guess we are nicer to people we don't know because we have little time to vent with the. We are nicer to our customers for the same reason. The people we love sometimes set off triggers for some reason or another. Like your hub too.

the clean life profile image

the clean life 4 years ago from New Jersey Shore Author

iamaudraleigh, Thank you for reading and commenting on this hub. You are so right, we tend to be nicer to those that are not even in our family or circle of friends. Strange isn't it? I know one thing, I will never hurt another person by my past addiction to alcohol. Love everyone for now on in and never ever hurt the ones I love.

faisal mubiru 4 years ago

i am 26 now. my dad is an alcoholic, and he has been for his entire adult life. Just wanna thank you guys.

the clean life profile image

the clean life 4 years ago from New Jersey Shore Author

faisal mubiru Thank you for reading although I am sad that you had to life with your Dad being addicted to alcohol. I pray he sees the light and finds his sobriety so that you and him can begin a new chapter in you lives.

God Bless

Levertis Steele profile image

Levertis Steele 4 years ago from Southern Clime

Alcoholism is a horrible state that causes everyone who loves the alcoholic to suffer. It is painful to reside with it. A young person thinking that his/her friend is only a casual drinker is deceived because it will likely get worse. If one does not want to live with an alcoholic, I would advise the person not to marry anyone who drinks, even casually.

the clean life profile image

the clean life 4 years ago from New Jersey Shore Author

Levertis Steele- Thank you for your comment and your advise too. You are so right, when meeting someone that you think you may want to spend the rest of your life with we should look at his/her lifestyle and habits because they will more than likely follow him/her forever.

teaches12345 profile image

teaches12345 4 years ago

Wise words and advice. I hope those who hurt others pay attention so that life can be happier all around. Blessings!

the clean life profile image

the clean life 4 years ago from New Jersey Shore Author

teaches12345- Thank you so much for always reading and commenting on my work. Your the best my friend :) Sorry so long to reply to your comment :( God Bless you always!!

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