Why I'm Dissatisfied With Men

Johannes Vermeer. The Girl With The Pearl Earring

Men--Don't Read This! For Women Only

MEN AT WORK

They dominate the workplace for no good reason. It isn't the quality or merits of their work. It isn't better qualifications, better skills, more experience or better education. It isn't more talent or better solutions. It is simply that men have always dominate the workplace. They've always been the movers and shakers and decision makers of the business world. It's the old boy network at work, and look where that's got us!

MEN AT HOME

Oh, my God! What I could say about men at home! I'll spare you most of the bitter details, but I really do wonder sometimes if men are capable of being domesticated.

I'm also afraid that men are hunters and women are prey, and they'll always be looking around for new meat. No hound hunts the hare he has caught--instead, he takes the hare and her homemaking very much for granted, and casts his greedy hound's eyes all around him for other hares to conquer.

MEN IN GENERAL

I trust men in general just about as far as I can fling a grand piano.

I remember being young and naive and in love. I loved my husband deeply and sincerely, and lavished on him all the tender affection of a warm and caring heart. I remember being devoted to him, going along with him, welcoming his enthusiasms and friends, and generally speaking subordinating my wishes to his.

Of course my husband betrayed me.

In time I recovered and moved on. I regained my equilibrium, and, since my orientation appears to be adamantly heterosexual whether I will it or not, I formed other relationships with other men.

But I've never felt quite the same way. I've never quite trusted a relationship to last, or to be worth it in the long run. Maybe that attitude on my part has doomed my subsequent relationships to failure.

Or maybe not. I've talked to many, many women who are now disillusioned with men and male-female relationships. We don't know quite what to do about it. Some very strong women simply move relationships with men to the far back seat of the car and don't let it be the main influence of their lives. I know many softer women, though, who can't help mourning what was lost and seeking to replace it.

I've known some very good men whom I've liked extremely well and wished I could have as friends. I like these people as people. Sometimes I admire very much their brains and abilities; sometimes I'm just so amused by thier wit; sometimes I've enjoyed their open and happy dispositions. But it just seems so hard for men and women to just be friends. I always feel the men may be somehow subtly assessing my potential as a furture sexual conquest, and if I had none at all, they wouldn't bother to be acquainted with me.

BOTTOM LINE

Men are untrustworthy. They all are. There isn't one single man who is faithful and true. They can't help it. It's in their natures.

Look at what's going on in the business world! There isn't an honorable man left on the planet, either.

Women, (and I'm so sorry to say this), show me a man you believe in and I'll show you a very good liar.

Comments 28 comments

Paradise7 profile image

Paradise7 5 years ago from Upstate New York Author

I know the tone of this piece is very fierce and adamant. I wrote this from experience, however.


Spirit Whisperer profile image

Spirit Whisperer 5 years ago from Isle of Man

You are brave to write this but you have chosen to take on board a belief that really isn't yours. I would stick my neck out here and say that your mother was a victim too and you have accepted her beliefs about men. this is how negative beliefs are passed down from one generation to another. You attract what you believe so if you want to keep attracting men who are going to betray you then hold fast to the belief you currently hold. It is sad that you choose this path when so many other paths are open to you.


Paradise7 profile image

Paradise7 6 years ago from Upstate New York Author

Nice to meet you! Thaks for commenting.


epigramman profile image

epigramman 6 years ago

..well you have just met one. A good one that is!


Paradise7 profile image

Paradise7 6 years ago from Upstate New York Author

Thanks, marcel. Yeah, tell your mom, just give up. She'll be a lot happier. A LOT of men do more harm than good to women, I don't know why. Probably if we asked the men, they'd say a lot of women do more harm than good to men!


marcel285 profile image

marcel285 6 years ago from New Zealand

Thanks Paradise, you lovely person! I understand your point of view too, some women just seem to have nada luck with men, likewise men with women. My mum is one of those women, every man she picks is worse than the last, and i have a growing urge to slap her and say 'For goodness sakes woman! You have no luck with men, ever!! Have you ever considered becoming a lesbian?' Or 'Can i pick one for you?'


Paradise7 profile image

Paradise7 6 years ago from Upstate New York Author

Thanks for the comment, Marcel, and I do understand your point of view. I'm so glad you found a really good guy, and that you and he are back together, and that you've learned a lot from your youthful mistakes (that a LOT of us make). Your BF was RIGHT to forgive you, you seem like a great person.


marcel285 profile image

marcel285 6 years ago from New Zealand

I don't agree with all of this..In my relationship of 5 years, it was i whom betrayed my man, several times, all the while he has been nothing but faithful to me. He is very tolerant, and has put up with a lot of crap from me in the past..For example, i don't drink spirits anymore, because when i do i become someone else, it scares my bf, it is like i'm possessed.

One time when i was drunk i was sitting in a room with my bf and one of his best mates. I don't remember any of this whatsoever, when i woke up i was very confused about why my bf was upset with me...

But i had been sitting next to his friend, hugging him, and trying to kiss him, while my bf was sitting there watching in disbelief, devistation, and disgust.

These sort of things happened early on in our relationship, in the first 2 years. I am not that person anymore. I wasn't an intentionally horrible person, i was a lost soul, and i didn't really know what i wanted being only 17-19. I also was naive, about people and the consequences of my actions.But i learned from my lessons the hard way, and i learned good and hard.

We have been through a lot, a year apart included, but we love each other with all of our hearts. for my bf to take me back and forgive me for all the horrible things i did that hurt him, he loves me very much, and i never doubt that. It is enough for me to trust him, as he has never given me reason not to trust him.

We both have come from broken homes, and both had difficult lives, so we are determined to bring our children into an ideal family. One where mum and dad love each other, show it, and are 100% devoted and content with one another.

We spend all of our time together, i doubt many couples could do this. We get up in the morning together, go to work together, work together all day, as a team. Then we come home together, drink together, spend all of our time at home together. There is nothing about one another that we are unaware of. We don't socialize with other people where we are currently living, because we don't really get along with them. But my bf is great company, and i appreciate all of our time together.

I am one lucky chick that he was able to forgive me for hurting him, and have me back.

I agree that most men are untrustworthy, but so are a lot of women, and there are men, if only one in a million, whom are just wonderful and can be trusted.


patspnn 6 years ago from NYC

yeah.but you can't liv with them and you can't live

without them


SweetiePie profile image

SweetiePie 6 years ago from Southern California, USA

I have no problem with men, but I am not really into the way many view relationships these days. The ones I meet declare they are in no rush to marry, and some of them have dated the same girl for years. One was in an off and on again relationship for about ten years, and he could not figure out why I did not want to date him. The last time he texted me I just ignored it because I have better things to do. If I am destined to ever have a lasting relationship in this life it will be on my terms, and I am not really interested in a guy who can date a girl for years without a permanent commitment. Well many women are okay with just dating and not getting married, but that is not me. I really do not think any of the men I have dated have been jerks or anything, but what they want out of life is totally different than what I want.


Paradise7 profile image

Paradise7 6 years ago from Upstate New York Author

Ok, good comment, and thank you for visiting!!!!


cathinfrance 6 years ago

Nothing like a good old rant against men! I agree they're not generally to be trusted as regards fidelity. Plenty of women are unfaithful too though. I've been badly let down by a much-loved and trusted man and that does kind of colour ones view. On the other hand there are loads of things to love about men. (OK, I just pictured Brad Pitt there.) They do almost all the heavy dirty work in society - and seem to enoy it. Give most men a tractor or a JCB or a power tool and a pile of dirt/bricks/garden refuse and they'll do something useful. Frankly, I have no interest in all those 'guy things' - I'm very pleased to see a man do them! And men can be great company - funny, un-neurotic, practical... And sometimes heroic. So let's keep this thing balanced! :-)


Paradise7 profile image

Paradise7 6 years ago from Upstate New York Author

Thank you so much for the comments, RM & Do Not Fear. I'm glad, RM, you found a true friend, and can just kid around without getting a whole lot of pressure from the guy. Believe me, it's a RARE thing.

Do Not Fear, I still just can't let myself trust men very much. I've had too many bad experiences. I try not to live a bitter life--I'm willing to live and let live and just stay away.


donotfear profile image

donotfear 6 years ago from The Boondocks

You have a right to feel this way. I myself have a difficult time trusting. Seems like every time I let myself trust, I get it thrown back at me like rubbing pooh in my face (I've been married 12 yrs). From past experience, I know how you feel. Bitterness can over-ride logic, though. Somebody told me this once: Men are from Mars, women from Venus, Women think with their mind, men think with their @#%$&*! (You know the drift)


rmcrayne profile image

rmcrayne 6 years ago from San Antonio Texas

Thoroughly enjoyable read Paradise. Damn near brilliant in places. I've had many male friends in my life though. And yes, at least one made no secret he'd like to be a friend with benefits. He never pressured me on it though. We turned it into a running joke. He'd say "If you ever change your mind and want me to xxx your xxxxx..." Anyway, we thought it was funny. We went to a lot of concerts and shows together.


Paradise7 profile image

Paradise7 6 years ago from Upstate New York Author

Thanks, poet. True!


poetlorraine 6 years ago

i like the picture of the girl in the pearl earing, and the hub. Men just can't exist without lots of fairer sex around end of story


Paradise7 profile image

Paradise7 6 years ago from Upstate New York Author

Sure does seem unfair, I couldn't agree with you more, Ms. Anonymous. Men just aren't interested unless they're interested in THAT way, it seems. Too bad, THEY are the ones that miss out on having some very interesting women friends.


anonymous_gal 6 years ago

rightly said.. "But it just seems so hard for men and women to just be friends".. I too had lot of friends who ended up proposing me.. wherein i was just interested in pure friendship.. and I have no clue on why all males are like this... its unfair...


Paradise7 profile image

Paradise7 6 years ago from Upstate New York Author

Thanks for the comment, relltaulk. I feel exactly that way, that you described, often but not always. I work from home now and find it's not only more profitable but much more relaxing. I only deal with the people remotely; most don't know whether I'm a man or a woman, and that makes for a much more level playing field and is partly responsible for my success.


Paradise7 profile image

Paradise7 6 years ago from Upstate New York Author

Thanks for the comment, relltaulk. I feel exactly that way, that you described, often but not always. I work from home now and find it's not only more profitable but much more relaxing. I only deal with the people remotely; most don't know whether I'm a man or a woman, and that makes for a much more level playing field and is partly responsible for my success.


reeltaulk 6 years ago

Maybe because you are surrounded by a bunch of arrogant males that don't give a fu**! More than likely the dollar as well as their status is their only concern. Unless you are striving to follow in their footsteps and be an arrogant fu** as well I can see why you are dissatified! Just to break up the monotony make it your business to entertain more relaxed confident and established men. Whether through dating or just affiliation. It is what it is dear, either stick it through or quit your job. Then again I dont know if you would want to do that.


Paradise7 profile image

Paradise7 6 years ago from Upstate New York Author

Thank you for your comment, and I'm very glad for you and the happiness you and your husband have found.


DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

DeBorrah K. Ogans 6 years ago

Paradise,

You really do have a right to your opinion. But I must tell you that I have a gem of a husband who is loving, committed and…. we mutually Trust and respect one another. It is understandable that you are guarded and should be. But leave a little opening to peer through for when Mr. Right does come through. Of course only when and if you are ready. Some as you say “are just looking for a sexual conquest.” You have have gained some valuable insight through your experiences and now know what to look out for.

Thank You for sharing.

Blessings!


heyju profile image

heyju 7 years ago

Paradise,

I understand completely. Coming from a male dominated company, I built a department only for it to be given to a man who knew nothing about the business. Every man in my life has hurt me one way or another. Every friendship as you said has basically turned sour because over time they don't just want to be friends they want more. I don't pretend to understand it but I do understand where you are coming from. I feel your pain sister!!!


Pacal Votan 7 years ago

You have every right in the world to think this way. I'm not sure if it pays off though.


Paradise7 profile image

Paradise7 7 years ago from Upstate New York Author

Thank you for commenting. Of course there are some good men! There are a lot of good men I'd like to have as friends. It's just the relationship part that gets me down. That's where men are socialized to be users of women instead of appreciaters of women.

In business, too, it's a long, slow journey before things level out and women and men are accorded respect on the merits of their work with no gender bias. It gets discourgaging, but I think you'd have to be a women to quite realize it.


vaidy19 profile image

vaidy19 7 years ago from Chennai, India

Sorry I read the hub, and how would you know that if I did not comment?

I understand your point of view and am also sure that you write from personal experience. I can therefore feel the depth and intensity of your feelings. Just one question: Why haven't you said anything about women? If it can be reasonably assumed that we are all defined - loved, respected and hated - by our beliefs and actions, could women be so completely different from men? In other words, if one can find good women, can't one find good men, too, at least some?

Vaidy

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