Why Some Men and Women Stay Single

image credit: picapp.com
image credit: picapp.com

Nowadays, more and more men and women stay single in their late 20’s, 30’s & up. Why? Here are the common reasons why some men and women choose to stay single:

1. Family or parental obligation
Some cannot marry because they feel the need to attend to either one or both sick parent/sibling. Others allocate their time and money to support the education of their younger sibling/s. This involves a certain degree of commitment and some choose to prioritize their family and set aside their personal life.

2. Trauma from Physical/Sexual Abuse
A person who has been a victim of child molestation, rape or abuse would tend to fear physical intimacy.

3. Trauma from Broken Relationships
Some kissed dating goodbye after a painful break up/separation. Others choose to be alone rather than be in a relationship full of insecurities.

4. Financial Instability
It’s quite expensive to get married these days, moreover to raise a family. So others choose not to enter into relationship and be frustrated from not being able to fully support so. Also, it would be too selfish to drag your loved one to poverty.

5. Self-contentment or Gratification from Family, Friends & Career
Sometimes when you’re already happy with the people around you and/or satisfied with one’s career, you no longer seek for romantic affiliation. For what has been lacking was filled by other forms of love. Further, you enjoy freedom & independence more than anyone else.

There’s really nothing wrong with staying single/unattached. It's just a matter of choice especially if you find happiness and fulfillment in other things and not relying unto someone to obtain them.

But why do some people ask a single person, "Why are you still single?" with a tone of pity. Why, does it make one a lesser person? Does it make one's life incomplete & miserable? Does it make one uglier & less attractive? Hell no!

As what Princess Diana once said, “People think at the end of the day that a man is the only answer to fulfillment. Actually, a job is better for me”.

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Comments 20 comments

The Single Nice Guy 5 years ago

I agree 100% with this article. It almost seem as though I was reading my life's biography. The points that apply to me the most are 1, 3 and 4 with an emphasis on 3 and 4. I've had my heart broken by a girl I once liked so now I'm a bit skeptic when a new girl shows interest in me. Also, for me I need to have a sense of accomplishment before I even date; I want to have a stable job and own a house before I date. You may think this is a weird and odd behavior for a man but on the contrary it makes perfect sense actually. My thinking is if I can't even support myself, how am I suppose to support another person? This is why I need to be successful before I mingle with the ladies. Of course there are exceptions out there who don't care if I am successful or not, she just care about being with me unconditionally, but unfortunately for me I haven't met this exception. You see, everything we single guys do is ultimately for the girls. It is to get the girls in the end, when we have our lives straighten out and our future set. It all comes down to them. We are doing this for them. All it takes for guys like me to stop thinking this way is for a girl to walk up to us and show us that she is ready to be in a committed relationship and that she will never leave us if we don't have the means to buy her things and that she will promise to be with us through the thick and thin, no matter how poor we are. She will have to accept us for who we are while we're getting our lives straighten out with our education. Single guys like me who choose to stay single are not dumb. We choose wisely accordingly to the situation but more times than not the situation is never right.

"Getting girls is not hard, it's keeping one happy that is the hard part" I came up with this one myself. I don't want to be cheated on. I don't want my heart to be broken twice. I don't want to live a lie. I need a girl who can show me she is willing to work out every obstacles we may face together and that she will not leave me if things turns a little rocky or that I don't give her the attention she craves. I understand the mindset of women. Most women cheat because their guy didn't show them the love and affection they crave. What I'm afraid of is just how much love and affection I should give her? Do I go overboard just to make her happy or can I just show her through my actions and being faithful to her? Lastly, since I've been single for pretty much all my life (with the mindset of what was mentioned above), getting into a relationship is scary. I'm not gonna lie. Having a girlfriend/wife is like maintaining a very expensive sport car.

I hope a girl prove me wrong because only she can make me commit.

cbguillermo profile image

cbguillermo 5 years ago from Bataan, Philippines Author

Gosh, upon reading your comment, I thought "he's my male version". I feel from your words that you are also a Filipino, am I right?

I've written this article based on my experiences, all of them. I fully understand and totally agree with your points as to why you prefer to be single as of yet.

It's a good trait if one aims to have a sense of accomplishment, especially for a guy, it will help you boost your confidence. To want to have a house & stable job before dating seriously is actually not an odd behaviour or thinking, actually it is but right. Others if not mostly, do date just to feed ones ego just so that one can show that one have someone by his/her side. The real purpose of dating is not served i.e. to find your life-partner, someone you'll love and love you in return, completely & unconditionally.

I think both us men & women just fear the same, being cheated. Us girls being like a sportscar, financially some girls are but remember that everyone is unique.

If you would ask my advice, I can only say that love blooms, grows & goes deep as relationships are tried by problems & obstacles along the way. Moreover, love is not a one-way street, you'll know if you really love the girl & the girl really loves you. Perhaps you just need to meet that girl.

I suggest you to watch "Secret Garden", it's a Korean TV series, there the girl doubts the intention/motive of the guy, the guy even doubted himself on how far could he really do for the girl he loved. But both realized how they cannot live without each other and so they fought all the hindrance & pain just to be together.

By the way, thanks for your comment, I appreciate it =)

The Single Nice Guy 5 years ago

Hi cbguillermo all these time I thought I was reading this article from a male perspective, turns out it was written by a female? Or am I missing something in your reply? Anyhow...

I'm actually not Filipino but I am Asian, let's just leave it at that. I think the problem with me is that I was raised up right by my parents. What I mean by this is my parents instill morals, values, good work ethics, honesty, love and kindness, respect for my elders, you know all the typical good traits and characteristics one should have. I grew up thinking this way. I have also met a lot of people who think differently from me and most of them happen to be girls. We don't share the same beliefs. The problem then lies in me being this "wholesome" person with my rights and values and my insecurities and what not of the opposite sex not sharing in my beliefs. I fear they will not understand me and because of this bad things can and will happen (and when it does it will most likely be because of her).

I can always count on myself to be true, honest and faithful (based on my beliefs I had since I was a child) but the problem is I can't put the same faith in another girl to do the same. I fear that she wasn't raised up right and will do things in the end to hurt me, whether it be cheating or whatnot. Sometimes I feel as though deep down inside I am a female trapped inside a male body because of the way I think and things that I fear, which is typically the way most female think and feel. I'm a male version of them basically, meaning I am in tune with how female think and feel, thus I, as a male would never want to do anything to hurt them. Likewise, I wouldn't want to be hurt by them either.

Ultimately all relationships comes down to trust and for guys like me who chooses to stay single for whatever reasons, trust issues also factor into our decision. Honestly speaking I have never chased after girls because if I am the initiator then often times I won't be able to figure out the girls intentions. I typically let her come to me because then I will know for sure she is interested in me enough to break that "taboo" mold that only guys should be chasing after the girl. Then and only then I will know for sure she is genuine in her intentions and she wants to be with me for who I am.

Well this was kind of long but I thought I write a response back clearing up some matters as to why guys like me choose to be single and how we think, in general. I would love to fall in love one day, but I'm also not your typical guy either. I need to know from her, her true intentions before I commit. Also, to the readers out there I hope this clears up some issues or concerns they might have.

BTW, thanks for the TV series recommendation. I will most definitely check it out.

cbguillermo profile image

cbguillermo 5 years ago from Bataan, Philippines Author

Hello The Single Nice Guy! Thank you for the response. Yes I'm a female, I'm the one who wrote this article & I'm the one in the picture.

Believe it or not, I fully understand you so I think there's nothing wrong with you. Most people if not all, have insecurities. Nobody's perfect, others may not be just conscious of it. Trust issues are but normal to have if one has been cheated before.

It's good to be raised upright by parents and the typical good traits are always a plus. Each individual regardless of sexuality have differences in beliefs & opinions but there are also those who share the same passion or dreams, some just jive with their personalities & some opposites attract, heard that right?

Perhaps you just haven't met a girl whom you can put your faith on, someone who shares the same values & belief. As for me, I am single as of yet but I still believe in true love, just that it is hard to get nowadays.

I hope you'll overcome your fear of not being understood and someday I hope you can put your faith & trust again on someone.

I have a few foreign friends but in your 2nd last paragraph I felt rejection. Being a friend to them I am able to learn their culture & traits too, it's interesting to know someone not within ones race.

Thank you for taking time to read this article & I hope you get to read my other articles too.

I wish you well and I hope you'll have a great life.

The Single Nice Guy 5 years ago

Thank you for your kind words and I hope the same for you as well :)

Dark Heatnix 5 years ago

Yea, I'm also a single guy. I'm around my 30's N I'm still not married nor do I sleep around. I live with my famliy N I'm always in my room. N my reason that I'm still single is somewhat tha same as The Single Nice Guy had post. But not like him at tha same time. N tha reason I'm not like The Single Nice Guy, N tha reason is. I can't be around poeple with out shaking N votiming N that's why I'm always in my room. I also think tha same as The Single Nice Guy does. But I won't be able to do anything if I still go in panic around large group of people. Yea, Just like The Single Nice Guy had a girl that cheated on him. I also, had a girl that cheated on me but that was in high school. N tha reason for that as my ex told me is I didn't put out. So, even till this day I'm still a virgin. So for me geting a girl is just like a dream now. I don't see it's gunna happen, in my life.

Maria Cecilia profile image

Maria Cecilia 5 years ago from Philippines

Some people still have this thing taught in the old school, that the only destiny of a particular person is too get married, and if you still think backward, you'll be pressured and worst will lead yourself to further destruction. What I hate the most is when people tell to get married as if they can be held responsible for you if because of pressure you led a bad life... Pressure often comes with bad choices... so as a single if there is no one out there that can tickle your fancy, then why the hell you worry? it won't be easy kissing someone you don't like just to be told you have someone or at least you are married...

cbguillermo profile image

cbguillermo 5 years ago from Bataan, Philippines Author

It's nice to read your comment again Maria Cecilia. Yeah, I hate that old thinking too.

stacey 4 years ago

I would definitely say #3 is my main reason. I dated alot in the late 80's & 90's and when you've had your heart broken for the umpteenth time, you get to the point you don't even want to attempt to go through it again.

Cherie 4 years ago

Sjngle,dumped,married who ever you are be true to yourself,do things that help you connect to make you the person you want to be,make the world a better place,follow your dreams,face fears and make it fun,all take care.Oh Happy Easter

alison 4 years ago

by the time these people find the right ones they will probably be old age pensioners life goes by so quickly,alot of people are non commiters afraid of emotional involement,and live in fantasy worlds waiting for misss or mr perfect who dont even exist

adl 4 years ago

Because of what I witnessed growing up...I've always wanted to remain single for life. I was a virgin until 26 and now I'm celibate because I always feel I should be married to be sexually involved. Now at 33...I feel that I would like to remain single...I have a great career, I'm going for my Ph.D, I'm always on the go...so...remaining single seems to work for me. However, if I am blessed to meet a man that understands and is good with my lifestyle...things could change.

cbguillermo profile image

cbguillermo 4 years ago from Bataan, Philippines Author

Wow, what a coincidence, we have the same past/current situation and same perspective too..I am happy for you are enjoying what you have right now..I hope you'll be blessed.

Mike 4 years ago

All a single man needs to be happy is sex on regular basis, a stable job that pay's good with minimum stress, a place to live that's cheap on rent and he will be happy. In the best case scenario one night stands on a weekly basis in the other case regular prostitute visit. This might chock women but this is all a guy needs to be happy.

cbguillermo profile image

cbguillermo 4 years ago from Bataan, Philippines Author

Not all guys are the same

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scorpioman 4 years ago from Bacolod City, Philippines

Hi. I am a 27-year old male from the Philippines. And I would like to share my thoughts regarding this topic also. Actually, I have the same views and ideas to Single Nice Guy. We only have a different experience with regards to our past relationship. I also had a girlfriend before and she was the longest partner that I had and of course... Love the most. But then, when she worked abroad that's when we had our ship sailing on rough waters and eventually, break up. She can't handle long distance relationship with great family obligations on her back. In other words, she initiated our separation.

Now, I had been single for more than a year already and I don't even bother to look for a "brand new" one to replace my ex. Since women are not supposed to be treated as "things" that you can dispose when its already gone obsolete. In my case, I am currently working as a regular employee in a certain company but I am not earning enough. I am also an engineering undergraduate. Maybe that's the reason why I can't have any good position in my workplace. My primary reason why I chose to stay single is the same with Single Nice Guy. I wanted to be settled first in my own life before I plunge into a commitment. I am also raised with good manners and character. I only have an introvert personality since my tests always shows that I am an INTJ. Well anyway, that's another issue. Another thing is that I am aware that not all women are the same in their beliefs as well. But then, we are living in a "material world" where all you want and need are bought by a particular currency than a commodity. Even though how faithful or loyal a guy could be if he is not earning enough to support a family, it will just dissolve along the way. Since you can not eat emotion or feelings or any abstract things in life.

So, my remedy for this particular problem of mine is to finish my studies and land a much better job with much better compensation and save for the future. In that way, I can have all the confidence to get into a serious commitment (since I am also a serious person). I just hope that I can achieve this goal and make it as the great turning point in my life.

As for everybody, I think staying single (for men) are more influenced by Insecurity, Intimidation and Financial Instability. So, just make plans to remove the root of these problems and make the wheel of life rolling.

cbguillermo profile image

cbguillermo 4 years ago from Bataan, Philippines Author

Thank you Scorpioman for sharing your story and thoughts. I wish you well and I hope you become successful with your plans =)

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scorpioman 4 years ago from Bacolod City, Philippines

Thank you too cbguillermo. I'm gonna start it next year when I've done with my personal obligations. I'm looking forward to have a career at NCR area 'cause most of my college and high school classmates are working there and maybe I will meet my only one by that time. :)

Bibiana 3 years ago

I am a single woman of 57. I have been divorced over 20 years. I have always had companionship, although I have never remarried or even shared a home with a man. My reason is that I have never met anyone I wanted. to be with 24/7. Also, I do not want to get stuck paying half the bills. and doing all the housework! I am more than willing to split expenses, but that means everything else has to be split too.

HonestTruth 22 months ago

Well for the women that really like staying single, they really enjoy dating different men all the time since they Can't settle with just one man to be Committed too.

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