Why Women put up with Men
This hub is dedicated to my friend who recently went through a break up.
My friend Rachel just broke up with her boyfriend. Her reaction was not hurt or upset but mostly matter of fact. Her tone was even keel and she referred to this break up as nothing but a bump in the road. It seems he boyfriend of six months or so did not agree she should have an emotional breakdown. He did not agree that just because it is the change of seasons and this time of year reminds my friend about somepretty important losses in her life that she does not have the right to be sad. He pretty much put it to her bluntly that they needed a break until she saw things his way. He then followed up the next day with break up text message. Class .. pure class. Then it got me to thinking about my own experiences with my ex husband and my divorce. I clearly remembered how he would stalk me or pay others to follow me throughout the divorce proceedings and how he boldly stepped into my new home demanding a tour, even though we were divorced. These two separate issues got me to thinking why do Women put up with men? It seems that they are a pain in the side or a bump in the road. What makes us want them so? Let's explore...
Self Esteem or Society
At first I was going to blame low self esteem as a part of the problem.. But I don't think so. When I think of my friend Rachel I don't think of low self esteem. When i think of myself I don't don't think of low self esteem. I think more about loneliness and the prospect of being alone.. especially as we get older. Society dictated to us when we were younger 20 some years ago that we were to get married, have a family and live happily ever after. Society still dictates it to a degree but any seasoned woman knows that this is not necessarily the recipe for success. For me I think I have definite fear of loneliness. I admire Rachel's courage to be able to go out on her own with little emotion or little fear.
Maybe the fear of loneliness encourages us to make hasty decisions as I did with my marriage. I let myself get sucked in a void, a sticky spiderweb of control with my ex husband. It was a spiderweb I had wot work hard at getting out of.. and still do.
We just can't help ourselves
When it comes to my boyfriends sultry blue eyes and his smile I just can't help myself. I just melt. Is this normal for a woman over 40? Just a wink from him and I know everything will be OK. Is he fooling me? Is he the real thing? I admit I am gullible and want to believe he loves me for me. I have some difficulty in the trust department because lets just say I am too smart for my own good. He flirts with other woman on line and I don't like it a bit!
But I digress. I am sure most women would agree that we are taken in by a pair of pretty eyes a dashing smile and a hunky bod. When that package presents it self to us we are guliable and beleive everything Mr. Perfect says.
Women are conditioned to believe that there is someone for everyone. We are conditioned to believe that we can give unconditional love even when it is not given. We are conditioned to believe men are not perfect.. no one is perfect and therefore we have to settle. This is not a slam against the guys. We just believe we have to settle for the first guy that comes along that is willing to say I do! I think a lot of that can be blamed on our mothers, who were more from the Donna Reed era.
A good example of unconditonal love.. How about when you come home from work and find house hold chores haven't been done because your boyfriend was too busy on facebook all day fighting his dragon.. And you help him fight his dragon too without saying one peep about the trash overflowing in the kitchen. Or how about the fact that he has never read one hub of yours even though you publish it on his facebook account and never say a peep about it? :) Yep now the wine is talkin!
Not all Men are bad
I have always said my plan B if my boyfriend wouldn't work out is for me to acquire a lot of cats, wear a big Moo Moo and prune trees in the morning while the school kids made fun of me. The truth is not all men are not that bad. There are some good ones out there. Hopefully us single women who are left will not be tainted by our bad experiences and project them on the next guy. Because face it ladies. No matter how bad the lst one was there will always be a next guy. We will keep exploring until we find the perfect man for us..
a note to the guys
Yes we are occasionnly rational and know men are not all bad. But there are bad relationships out there. If you happen to " be the next guy" after a bad relationship take heed! It will be up to you to gently point out to us gals that you were not " the last guy" and there are differences. Don't puff up your chest and get all defensive. Us gals gotta talk thing through.You as " the next guy" will need to also take time to listen to us and validate that what we feel is OK. We will do the same for you!
So why do women put up with men? Probably for the same reason men put up with women. It is just meant to be.
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