How do you forgive, When someone hasn't changed?

Shattered-Trading Yesterday

Hope

I loved you. I trusted you. I had faith in you. I hoped you would come around and finally do what was right. You are not the person I thought you were.

Nothing Has Changed Poem

I thought the anger would be gone, it has been two years

But your still in my mind and all my fears.

I still can not believe what you did to the girls and I.

There are many nights that I still cry

The thoughts in my brain say I hate you a lot

I still can’t believe how you continue to plot

Your secretive with all your ways

Your chosen words in what you say

Your hidden meanings in the words you choose

Your smug little smile that you use

You change the subject to draw the attention away

Confusing people with your words that they don’t know what to say

But in the end your true self always shines through

And eventually karma will come around to you.

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Comments 9 comments

oldersister profile image

oldersister 4 years ago Author

Well latest update. Baby sister has removed herself from bothering with any of the family members. She will occasionally send them a text or an email but that is the extent of it. Anything they invite her to she says she can't come or she say yes and backs out last minute through an email or text. This has made things very pleasant for me not to have to deal with her. Whenever I think she is coming to a family event I start to feel sick to my stomach. I don't want this to stop me from seeing the rest of my family so I just go in hopes that she won't start anything while we are there. So her canceling has been great for me but crappy for my family who has invited her. She has really made some bad choices in her life and instead of trying to rectify them she will isolate herself from everyone. One thing I can share is that my life has been so much more peaceful without all her drama. I am still hurt about what happened with moms estate and have accepted the fact that I will never see moms jewelry or other sentimental items she refused to give us, but I am happy that I have decided to cut all ties and move on with my life with my family without all of baby sisters drama.


hub friend 3 years ago

I am so sorry you had to go through that with your sister. Stay strong and do what you feel is best for you and your family. We can not change the way people are. Some people feel that they are entitled and have no conscience. there sense of entitlement is more important to them than their own family. In the end they will end up with no one around them and they will realize what they have done.


heartstricken 3 years ago

People do not change, they use you and when they can't use you anymore they want nothing to do with you


bubbles 3 years ago

Heart tricken, I think if people want to change they can, but they have to want to do it


waterlily13 profile image

waterlily13 2 years ago from Somewhere

Is the rest of the family really unhappy that she isn't there? If they were happy and she found out? Would she start showing up? (I hope not).


oldersister profile image

oldersister 2 years ago Author

Waterlily. My extended family invites her to family functions. sometimes she shows up some times she doesn't. Recently she did not come to a family function and she told one of my family members well just cause I can't come I hope everyone doesn't stop including me. She wants to be included but only comes when it is good for her. She doesn't call anyone an occasional text, but that is it. When she does show up me, my children and my husband just stay on the other side of room and do not talk to her. I don't want to make things uncomfortable for the rest of my family. I have told them to invite her , and if there is a problem or she starts something, I will leave so there is no scene. I do not want to reconcile with her whatsoever $6. Nor do my kids. I don't think she wants to either in her mind she did nothing wrong. But I can not go back to even trying to be a friend let alone a sister. I can't trust her, I have forgiven and moved on but I can't trust her. The rest of my family will have to figure it out on their own, she will eventually try to manipulate them when she needs something and when they can't do for her she will not want to bother with them either. She is a lier, manipulator and a people user. People like that don't change, they only pretend to change to get what they want


waterlily13 profile image

waterlily13 2 years ago from Somewhere

Yea, that's pretty common with abusers. "I've changed! Let's get back together. I can change!" Bla bla.

At least you have no illusions of her now and, like I said, she's no longer bothering you. Hope it stays that way.


Bambi 22 months ago

Sibling Betrayal has devastated my life and I never saw it coming. For the first 50 yrs of my life I had what I thought was the BEST family on Earth. My parents were about to celebrate their 60th wedding anniversary when Dads second heart attack hospitalized him for close to 2 months. Mom had been diagnosed with Alzheimer's and Dad was her rock of strength, security, love & devotion as she faced an unavoidable scary future. Our family had always been very loving and supportive. My big sister, Raven and I even lived only houses away for one another on the same block as Mom & Dad. My half brother, Bill was 12yrs older & had lived in another state for the last 40 yrs...visiting Mom seldom. Bill's GF had passed 6 months prior so he offered to move in with Mom and help take care of his mother for awhile. BIG MISTAKE, but I had no reason to think foul play would be his real agenda. Immediately he makes rules on our individual hours to visit Dad in the hospital & spend with Mom at home. He changed her daily diet to Hot Pockets, soda & cookies. Removed my name from the doctors discussing her health with me, removed Dads name and added his name to their bank accts & investment accts held in a Living Trust that named Raven & I as their Successor Trustees & POAs. He also sent off a claim form to collect Dads VA Life Insurance a month before he died via the Internet.... following up later with Dads death certificate. Then $omehow he convinced Raven (probably by her IRS debt) to sign a new Health Directive for Mom removing me & adding her daughter instead. They kept that a secret for 2 1/2 yrs from me. I found the form when I began cleaning & boxing up Moms house and asked her "WTH is this?" i also found 5 FULL MONTHS of Mom's RXs. He then filed court papers to be named Conservator over Mom & the Estate. Raven does not answer her phone or her door to anyone, so Mom had NO ONE to protect her if she had a stroked or whatever due to NO MEDS.

I am estranged from ALL OF THEM. Mom passed on Christmas Eve & now I am in Probate Court. I have tried to get some JUSTICE 4 MOM...But 3 Attys have all said "Nobody cares that your Mama was ABUSED. She's dead now, so just get over it!"

I can't!!!! It's so wrong!!! I will never be the same. The BETRAYAL, the ABUSE, the NO JUSTICE, the DISRESPECT, the HEART BREAK IS TOO MUCH.

I am SO Sorry Mom & Dad, RIP. I am still fighting to have your wishes respected...but it isn't looking good.

See you in Heaven! Your Loving Daughter, Bambi.


oldersister profile image

oldersister 13 months ago Author

Bambi I am so sorry for what you went through. It is very painful to have that happen. The trust and closeness you had for someone destroyed . It has been 5 years since my mom has passed. Nothing has changed with my sister. We still do not speak and she never did the right thing. I have come to terms with the fact that that will never change no matter what I do. I have moved on with my life without her and if anyone in the family says anything to me about how she is doing or her daughter is doing I say oh thats night I only wish the best for them. That being said does not mean that I am still not hurt by what happened it just means that I do not wish them any harm and I have told myself that they have to live with what they have done and will have to answer to someone much higher to me and that is God. You can't change the past or change people. The best thing you can do is let it go for yourself, if you do not it will eat at you and prolong your grief, Trust me I know. 5 years later I dont think about it every day but when I pass by her block i get that pang in my stomach and ache in my heart for what she has done. I am sorry I did not see your comment sooner I would have responded. How are you doing now?

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