Why do women want to get married

It never stops to amaze me the urgency with which most women seem to want to get married. I have met several who would do no matter what to literally “catch” a husband. Like a friend of mine says, these women go around with their wedding dress in their handbags ready to hunt and capture unaware males into marriage.

Don’t get me wrong, I know there are many women out there for whom marriage is the last item on their list. I am referring here to those who are absolutely obsessed about marriage.

I must explain that I have nothing against marriage per se. Although I think it is becoming more and more an outdated institution. These days more and more women are opting out of it because they have become used to taking care of themselves, they have a good job, friends to go out with, a place of their own, and some even have children that they can keep happily without the aid of a man.

But despite more and more women being independent, most of them have it high in their priorities to get married and have children, the only difference being that the more a woman possesses by her own means, the more exigent she becomes with the search of a partner.

“Marriage has its good side. It teaches you loyalty, forbearance, tolerance, self restraint and other valuable qualities you wouldn’t need if you stayed single”.

Get Married: What Women Can Do to Help It Happen
Get Married: What Women Can Do to Help It Happen

Is it okay to want to be married? Is there anything a woman who has never been married can do to make marriage more likely?

 

Why do women need marriage?


Even though our society has advanced in its way of thinking and being single until a late age is now more or less acceptable depending on your cultural surroundings, marriage is still one of the highest ambitions for most women.  Why?  Because marriage is a man’s declaration to the world that a woman is so special that he wants to spend the rest of his life with her.  The feeling of being so special to someone has a dramatic effect on women, not only on her feelings but also on the chemical reactions in her brain.   Allan and Barbara Pease showed through research that a woman’s orgasm rate is 4 to 5 times higher in a marital bed and 2 to 3 times higher in a monogamous relationship.  Personally, I find that difficult to believe.  A woman’s pleasure cannot be tied to her relationship status.  Perhaps she can feel more at ease, more secure and more confident to enjoy herself, but I find it difficult to accept the Pease’s results. 

For women only

Would you agree that your sexual pleasure is higher when you are in a long term relationship or married?

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Women who do not want to be married

"I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something's wrong with me." Elayne Boosler

"I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon, and a cat that comes home late at night." Marie Corelli

Some reasons why women want to get married can be summarized in:

  • Need for security. Not only economical –a woman can provide that herself- but emotional security.
  • Happy stable marriages are still the most reliable ways to bring up happy, healthy children.
  • Need for commitment from their partner.
  • Social stability.
  • Need to fulfill childhood dreams and fairytale stories that promise a Prince for every girl.  A Prince who is going to romance her, adore her, provide for her and make her happy the rest of her life.
  • Social conditioning, leading us to believe that a woman needs to be married to be considered successful.


HubChallenge day 12

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Comments 14 comments

Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

An interesting take on the challenge. It's a rather large topic and you have handled it beautifully. My wife and I were 40 before we got married.


James 7 years ago

It's the husbands who learn the forbearance, tolerance and self-restraint. It would be nice if the wives did the same, but in fact they actually get worse.


robertsloan2 profile image

robertsloan2 7 years ago from San Francisco, CA

I find that a bit trippy, myself. All of the girls that I went to high school with and got fascinated with met undisabled guys and their brains leaked out their ears. They'd put on the ring and turn into Stepford Girlfriends no matter how talented or intelligent. I couldn't understand why they wanted them insnead of me, when I knew them better for who they were.

Then I met women their age who had ditched the jerks and I look better to them now even though I am neither rich nor athletic.

Having been in a long term monogamous relationship, I can say that the quality of sex in a long term relationship is better. When you know your partner that intimately and know every little individual quirk that turns them on, the dance gets a lot more practiced and both partners enjoy it in a variety of ways that can't be done with an attractive stranger.

One of those ways is comfort sex -- familiar, gentle, trusted types of sex that don't set the earth to moving but do sweep away every trace of the day's stresses and troubles, it's a different wave. It's something quiet and loving. It is more emotionally powerful.

Another is that the wild courtship intensity does return after a few years on the tides of love. I think that a successful long term relationship happens when the couple can get along at the ebb tide when for all practical purposes they are roommates and friends -- if they are friends at that ebb tide and stay in step through it rather than ripping each others' hearts out, that's when the high tide returns again and again. Romance is not a steady state. It gets deeper on the later go-rounds.

I think that falling in love the first time feels the same no matter who it is but when it's been held well over a long time and trust is created that's deep, it becomes something categorically different. And that is different from marriage -- that can be completely different from conventional marriage. I knew a couple who had 24 years together who refused marriage and raised a very healthy sane teen daughter, they had ideological reasons for not marrying and they lived well because they never forgot they were lovers and friends.

They never fell into the "tape" of doing what's expected, living everyone else's expectations and recycling their parents' marital arguments. They knew each who they were and loved because they did -- they knew it could end and so still worked at it. They did well.

There's pressure on men both to marry and to cheat, to treat getting women as a prize in the game of life. Doesn't work for the self-honest, you're setting up an enemy in your own house treating her that shabbily and she would get back at you with all legal fury when you have to pay for the divorce. I don't live by common custom.


viryabo profile image

viryabo 7 years ago

Really enjoyed this hub. Im happily married, but with all the tumultuous marriages out there, i've always wondered if the marriage institution is fair. I mean, why should 2 people have to be stuck together for life? Why not make it a form of contract? Say 10 years. Then if it flops, marry someone else. Without the painful rigours of divorce of course.

Enjoyed the quotes from women who don't want to get married.


Pink Sock 7 years ago

I liked your article. I decided to stay single even though deep inside I feel I want to, but only for the right reasons. After nearing 30 I have a feeling it will never happen, I will never find the guy I'll fall madly in love with and it's not as horrible as I thought it would be. There are times when I feel it's scary and I'm all alone but somehow I manage to gather myself up and get back on track. I feel lucky not being trapped in a loveless marriage or in one that's filled with problems. It's lonely, yes, but bearable.


Portia Briton 7 years ago

Your article was so interesting to read - thankyou! I myself am not married yet have a home, a job and a child. I do beleive in marriage, not necessarily as a security blanket or childhood dream but because I feel we have let SO many conventions go in our society that it would be sad for this one to disappear also. There is no doubt a child is best raised in a family situation, yet we allow so much to become acceptable and little by little our society is broken down so much we don't have family, community or social cohesion - the reality, in London anyway, is kids running around raised by kids with no concept of family or community, I think it is so sad and worrying. I am not suggesting for one moment that we should all run out and get married, but perhaps, our society could benefit from a little thought going into marriage, relationships and the children we then decide to bring in to them - a liitle old fashioned maybe, but life teaches us many things we are meant to learn from.


troyseph0 7 years ago from 68502

I really enjoyed this hub. Keep up the good work. You should write a hub entitled: "Monogomy, is it natural?"


Jeo512 profile image

Jeo512 6 years ago from Sweden

nice top and keep in touch


Captain Jimmy profile image

Captain Jimmy 6 years ago from WV

The inspiration for marrige is within every man and woman as it has been since the beginning. It's sad that today everything is about sex and pleasure rather than the truly intended joy of marrige that is the family. That same joy that God had in watching his children grow should be within everyone of us.

Genesis 2:18 And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.

Genesis 2:19 And out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof.

Genesis 2:20 And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him.

Genesis 2:21 And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof;

Genesis 2:22 And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.

Genesis 2:23 And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.

Genesis 2:24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

Genesis 1:28 And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.

Genesis 9:1 And God blessed Noah and his sons, and said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth.


Katharella profile image

Katharella 5 years ago from Lost in America

Nothing to add, everyone said it all! Great hub.. (well, Not into the preachy stuff, I did have a Christian upbringing so I'll give a thumbs up to Genesis 9:1,) after that note, running to your fashion hub lol :)


ahsima 5 years ago

Nice and real things happening today's life. Funny to read the quotes from Marie Corelli. Thanks.

http://www.m6.net


David 4 years ago

I don't see why a man should want to marry a woman he's already having sex with or living with. I think it is sexist from a woman to expect such a commitment. In an age of equality as long as they are together they are together as equal partners - what else is needed? Asking for a commitment for life is like asking a woman to remain virgin until marriage. Men have forsaken their egos, I think it's about time women forsake theirs! You wont commit to your family why should he do the same?


Brandi 4 years ago

This "equality" stage us ridiculous. Men and women have their specific roles, while neither role should be held higher than the other. It's not sexist for the woman, nor for the man, to remain a virgin until they are married. Not only is it safer that way, but something wrong happens emotionally when you sleep around. I am 25 and have remained a virgin for my sake as well as for my future husband's, as he too will have waited for me. It's called selflessness, something modern marriage doesn't understand. The Bible in Song of Solomon says, "I am my lovers and my lover is mine." If a marriage is failing, somebody isn't trying. It's a partnership, a friendship, til death do you part. Why would I want to constantly drift from person to person when I have the one who would know me so well and loves me anyway? Love is an action, not a feeling. You have to choose to not let it fail, because if you make that an option, it surely will fail.


The Man 3 years ago

Brandi - I like your comment, "Love is an action, not a feeling. You have to choose to not let it fail, because if you make that an option, it surely will fail." Hell, I was married for ten years and I am currently headed for divorce. My future ex wife indicated that she doesn't love me anymore, doesn't feel love anymore, and a bunch of other made up excuses. Understandably, marriage is a commitment and nothing else. Through good and bad times. We have three beautiful little girls of who are suffering through this tragedy. They love their Daddy and they only get to see their Dad 4 days per month. I was married to a spoiled brat of who is very vindictive and lacks the emotional intelligence to make a marriage work. Unfortunately, I didn't know this until about 7 years into our marriage. Now with three kids suffering the inevitable and a future ex wife of who holds a golden parachute through her millionaire parents...I am nothing but a sperm donor to a very shallow people. I loved my wife and lost direction in our marriage due to the birth of three children, job loss and my future ex wife starting a business. She put the business above her own Family including a rented husband. LOL. Anyway, I laugh at the experience for it is just that...an experience to leave behind and laugh about it until the day that I die. No longer will this wonderful man with a great heart ever get married again.

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