Why is Forbidden Love so Tempting?

Forbidden Love

It seems like a very popular topic for I wasn’t even able to choose the title without running into duplication errors and lack of uniqueness. Whether it’s your boss, your coworker, a married man, a guy with a specific religion or perhaps none at all, your friend’s crush, your friend’s ex, parental oppositions … the list goes on and on but for some women –at least me- forbidden love is always more appealing, inviting and stronger.

Growing up, I pitied my friends as they fell for the wrong men. I disliked poetry when it revolved around ‘thee’ that you can’t have or ‘thee’ who doesn’t like you back. And man, is it easier to analyze situations when you are least involved. But when you are in the middle of the tornado, the picture gets fuzzier, your strong values loosen and depending on how involved you are, the whole universe may just seem dismantled.

Now, I always write my hubs in a rather logical style usually inspired from actual experiences. However, for the outlined symptoms, I do not promise to offer a wise article nor do I plan to deliver a valid advice. In a matter of fact, my phrases might just string themselves in an irrelevant consequence so please bear with my worn mind and young foolish heart.

Forbidden Love out of My Journal

First, I am not sure if I should label it love for I have never been in a relationship but I know it was more than just a crush. I am not sure if it was a taste of first love or a mere desire for what is forbidden. The source of this baffled state of mind is the way I chose to run my emotional life, a rather weird style that hopefully won’t curse me with loneliness for the rest of my life.

I grew up in a very traditional country, where by the age of 16, a girl is a legitimate marriage prospect. So long she had what a matchmaking woman or an interested man saw as a beautiful face, attractive figure and a lady’s mannerism, she was guaranteed to have proposals.

If she says ‘yes’, she would then go through what I would call a semi blind dating process where she semi-dates the guy. As in, she gets to explore the personality of the potential husband under certain regulations. Regulations would include certain times, certain places and certain parental approvals.

Unlike the other girls who fell for the charming guys almost immediately, my heart couldn’t care less. ‘He doesn’t match the list’ was my one and only argument and honestly none of them did match the so-called list. Criteria # 1 was that he had to choose me for himself, I wasn’t going to date a guy because his mom promised that she had seen a beautiful lady. After all, I only wear a dozen layers to attract those who are interested in things other than the external package. And to make the list somehow fair, I omitted any required or even preferred physical criteria from the list. Didn’t matter if he was too fat, too short or whatever ‘too’ that would make a guy less attractive. Little did I know that this phase represented the most stable emotional state I would ever have. So far, both my heart and mind were in harmony. They both cooperated in creating a united front.

Ultimately after a dozen proposals that came from interested mothers rather than interested men, a few started knocking the door out of personal interest. Even more surprisingly, they managed to stand up for the criteria on the list. Oddly or normally, my heart remained indifferent. This was the first clash between my worn mind and young heart. Each time I said ‘No’, I would picture a battle. A battle between a professional old woman fighting a rather foolish young girl who is for some reason wearing a sensual red dress.

Anyhow, as unprofessional and as inexperienced as the young lady seemed, her desires were nevertheless respected and she won the battle knocking the old lady down.

Years later another battle was fought, only this time the old woman was older and stronger, her hair was as white as the ashes, her makeup joined to form clumps between her wrinkles. The guy, those two ladies were fighting about, was obviously forbidden for personal reasons. Below is the craziest dialogue I have seen one have with oneself if that is even possible. And for the heck of it, we will call the old woman ‘Arrière-grand-mère’ which is French for great grandmother and we will call the young girl ‘Jeune Fille’ that is French for young girl.


Perhaps, the old woman and the young lady are too close to each other !!!
Perhaps, the old woman and the young lady are too close to each other !!!

Arrière-grand-mère: There is no use in weeping, this guy is not right for you.

Jeune Fille: But he matches the damn list, didn’t think anyone would ever stand for your standards.

Arrière-grand-mère: You two don’t have the same values.

Jeune Fille: Regardless, we understand each other, besides one doesn’t need a matching replica of one self to fall for someone.

Arrière-grand-mère: Love is blind. A year, 5 or 10 from now your values will clash and not only are you going to get hurt but you will hurt your children.

Jeune Fille: Oh my, I can’t believe you are thinking of kids already, I barely know the guy.

Arrière-grand-mère: Exactly my point. You barely know the guy but what you do know is that your values are significantly different. And if you fool yourself in getting to know him you will fall for him even more causing your self grief and misery.

Jeune Fille: Listen to me, from all the fancy proposals, from all the guys, this one felt right, this one was sincere and this one is decent enough to walk away.

Arrière-grand-mère: Great, get him to walk away.

Jeune Fille: Why? If from all the things I have done, this never felt wrong, those long chats only brought harmony but I guess the combination of your age and your marital status wouldn’t know what ‘harmony’ is…

The dialogue doesn’t get any further because things only get physical from there. Needless to say, that as cold as the old lady seemed this time, she conquered the battle.

Forbidden Love in Psychology

According to [1], there are different kinds of love. Apparently, love as a long-term emotion is very different from the short-term. It suggests that we use the term limerence to describe intensive emotions one experiences on the short term. Only use the term love to refer to longer partnerships. According to psychologists, limerence consumes a great deal of passion and involves a lot of fantasy. What caught my attention about limerence is just like forbidden love it is distinguished by involving a state of intensive longing for the person. According to the psychologists, the person has to be unreachable in some way, for it to fall under the limerence category of love. The fact that limerence is perpetuated as long as the couple are prevented from being together, explains why the opposition to the love affair often ignites the emotions. Hence all the drama one goes through, without even being in a relationship.

A survey to feed my curiosity!

Just out of curiosity, I would like to know how would you describe your love. Is it companionate kind of love? Filled with intimacy and commitment. Or is it Romantic? Filled with passion and intimacy. Or is it perhaps a combination of all dimensions –passion, commitment, and intimacy-, what Sternberg refers to as consummate love. I wanted to add a Quiz to help identify your type of love but realized that the article only shows how confused I am and telling others that I can identify their type of love is far from truth.

References

[1] Understand psychology by Dr Nicky Hayes

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Comments 40 comments

Cheeky Girl profile image

Cheeky Girl 6 years ago from UK and Nerujenia

Limerence is not a word I understand or have heard of before. I wonder what language it is? The hub is quite interesting and I enjoyed reading it. Does the term forbidden love exclude other kinds of love, I wonder?


noorin profile image

noorin 6 years ago from Canada Author

Hey Cheecky girl, I got the word from the psychology book referenced at the bottom of the article =) The term is explained on page 60. The term was suggested by a female psychologist called Tennov in 1979. I am not sure what language it is. I am not sure if forbidden love excludes other kinds of love but I sure hope that one gets the same type of intensive emotions when falling for the not forbidden person ;-)


Nature_Boy profile image

Nature_Boy 6 years ago

suffering in love is another sort of love ..!!!! realy very expressive


noorin profile image

noorin 6 years ago from Canada Author

I guess nature_boy, i guess its some sort of love but its sure not fun !!!


michaelwilliams profile image

michaelwilliams 6 years ago from Tampa Bay Florida

It is very true that for many people that which is forbidden is more attractive, more exciting and desirable. This phenomena too has its roots in psychology or more accurately, human nature. It is called Scarcity. When something is scarce, with the right marketing, it can become even more desirable than it was previously.

This is very true when you see something that you probably shouldn't have, but you want it anyway. You are correct, that your values, morals and even commonsense go out the window. How funny life is.


noorin profile image

noorin 6 years ago from Canada Author

Micheal Thanks 4 proving that this kind of dilemma is based on psychological roots ... Tht's why I always advocate for following logic rather than the heart's desires ... I end up being harsh but oh well its better than getting hurt or even worse, hurting others.


Nature_Boy profile image

Nature_Boy 6 years ago

What is Pleasure Without Pain ....!


noorin profile image

noorin 6 years ago from Canada Author

True, for one type of emotion to exist and be experiential the opposite emotion must unfortunately or fortunately also exist and be experiential. But they shouldn't be experienced together or should they ? Besides, why does one's pain from a broken heart lasts a lot longer and beats a lot louder than one's pleasure ? It amazes me how one's heart or brain could spin so hard that it triggers emotions from vain. Creating the illusion of loss when there was nothing to loose in the first place. Usually with forbidden love you end up with painful yet seducing pleasure since NOT a single date, not a single song, not a single kiss, not a single poem, not a single walk took place that could possibly lead to the persistence of painful pleasure.


jasper420 6 years ago

this is a very eye opeing topic its informational i think to all who will read it will give them a better underdstanding on forbidden love


noorin profile image

noorin 6 years ago from Canada Author

Hey Jasper, I didn't mean 4 it to be informative, basically used my journal and a psychology book but im glad u think so... =)


gulnazahmad profile image

gulnazahmad 6 years ago from Pakistan

God created the universe in such a way that everything that is forbidden is appealing and this is how he is testing men/women. Yes it is difficult to stop yourself from having wrong desires but you have to do it and this is the real test of life.


noorin profile image

noorin 6 years ago from Canada Author

Gulnazahmad, I guess this is life but the feeling u get from not doing something that according to ones values is forbidden fulfils one's life or at least mine with a more lasting sort of pleasure =)


M. Rose profile image

M. Rose 6 years ago from Orange County, CA

noorin, this was very entertaining to read. I love that you've included parts from your journal and made it personal. Keep up the good work!


noorin profile image

noorin 6 years ago from Canada Author

Thank you so much M. Rose ... I guess it's about time 4 me to take advantage of my journal. After so long I have decided to let myself off the hook, just cause I journal in this manner doesn't mean that im a schizo, or maybe it does. I guess I couldn't care less anymore... =)


Alfred 6 years ago

Some of my comments:

First off, no matter how well-worded a definition of love is, anyone who has never been in love will never ever understand the words of that definition.

Second, my opinion about love is that the word commitment does not belong in the definition. While being in love is more than being friends, it is evident that generally you don't feel committed to your friends [because you get to choose 'em]. Add to that, the currency of love - intimacy and the its glue - care!


noorin profile image

noorin 6 years ago from Canada Author

Interesting comments Alfred... But u said 'some' of my comments ... I am interested to know the rest =)


Alfred 6 years ago

Okay sure! It is more of a general wondering than a comment. Would you consider an "engaged man or woman" forbidden?!

A very close friend of mine is engaged in more or less the traditional way you described and the semi-blind dating is ongoing with little revealed to either. He is currently in a huge crush on a girl and honestly thinking it can go somewhere. He is wondering if he should pursue that? I have been reluctant to give advice; however, I believe that a potential lost love is a definite lost life!


noorin profile image

noorin 6 years ago from Canada Author

Well, I would definitely consider any one who is not single to be forbidden let alone if that person is engaged. Though I don't know much about the situation, my advice 4 u Alfred is not to give any advice, just throw suggestions but not an ultimate solution. I can't judge his situation, but usually ppl seek advices to avoid responsibility. I didn't mean to attack this kind of dating, sometimes it actually works, especially if the guy is wise enough to propose after having done his research based on personality criteria and not looks and the gurl has done her research again based on personality and not fiances -if u know wot i mean ;-)- For all he knows the gurl hes currently dating might be totally right for him and hes just torturing himself by looking around. You can also suggest to him to get to know his fiancé a bit more. I am sure that if he opens up, she would too =). If all his attempts fail or if he feels that this person is not compatible with his own criteria, he could break his engagement cold heartedly but only if he was going to anyways. As in he should leave the other gurl out of the equation. Chances are, he knows even less about the other girl but i could be totally mistaken. Finally my golden advice that I always suggest to all guys is to treat the person they are dating the way they would want their sisters to be treated unless they r pigs who could care less about their sisters in the first place. I personally reach peace with all of my dilemmas after doing -Isthkara- which is a prayer that muslims do when in doubt. Depending on his religious status, seeking advice from God wouldn't hurt. Hope I helped Alfred =) Oh yeah since hes ur very close friend, please kick him where it hurts and tell him not to dwell abbot other gurls unless he's single coz guess wot its still cheating. Meeting in thought may have worse consequences than anything else coz God knows of the scenarios our minds could sew. But just out of curiosity why did ur friend go with the traditional path if hes into some one else ???


Alfred 6 years ago

Let me mention a couple of things that may put more light into the situation:

My friend is a good practicing Muslim. He is one of the most supportive and caring persons I've ever known! For instance, he chose to take a major in university that he didn’t like simply so he can find a job to support his family (paid out his mother debt, his brother university tuition and bought them a car). He had been trying to find a girl of his own for over 3 years but as I sensed “meeting and dating girls while being a Muslim can be challenging”, let alone that he is living in the west and it is already hard to find Muslim girls! I learned from him that Islam in general encourages a man who is financially and physically capable to get married as it is a sacred thing; not to mean to rush things! After the 3 years he was actively looking, he didn’t find a girl of his own. He became more financially ready and with no options left he went the traditional way [he got into the traditional way as the last resort and he was not into anyone when got engaged (about 2 years ago)]. He did open up with his fiancée to get to know her more but he told me something that’s very hard for the likes of me to understand “She is too shy and he is not getting the communication he wants also due to in part of her family being strict in terms of communication between the two!!” He hasn’t been looking for a girl ever since he was engaged. By coincidence, he ran across the girl [whom he has a crush on recently] about three times [never talked to her but knew her from a circle of friends]. He told me it is amazing how much in common he has with her and he very much likes the kinds of things she does! Finally, I am no matchmaker,:), but as active and ambitious this girl is and as supportive and caring my friend is, I can only say it may be worth it for them to talk. I believe he deserves happiness to knock his door for he has opened many doors of happiness to others!


myownworld profile image

myownworld 6 years ago from uk

You write very well noorin and are naturally gifted in reaching your reader - which is one of the most important qualities in a writer. I can perfectly relate to everything you say as I lived in a similar culture for many years too. That dialogue between the 'rrière-grand-mère’ and the young girl was so typical it made me laugh out loud! You already know how I feel about this subject, so will just conclude by saying, I understand exactly what you mean. Keep writing... and best of luck with it.


noorin profile image

noorin 6 years ago from Canada Author

Thank you very much myownworld. I appreciate your comment and I am relieved to find out that the dialogue isn't all that odd =)


loua profile image

loua 6 years ago from Elsewhere, visiting Earth ~ the segregated community planet

Quite a rhetorical escapade running up and down the flagpole... A fun romp... Thanks

The classic dilemma of desiring a feeling and not feeling the desire of the emotion - Welcome to the club... Humans have a propensity for wanting what they do not have and not wanting what they do have (the grass is always greener on the other-side syndrome)...

Happy scripting...


noorin profile image

noorin 6 years ago from Canada Author

Thank you very much Loua. Couldn't agree more with you ... Sometimes we just fail to appreciate what's in front of us because we are busy appraising what we don't have or in this case, not supposed to have. =) And once again Im relieved that the dilemma is classic and is not all that queer.


msorensson profile image

msorensson 6 years ago

Romantic love comes with the longing to possess. This is human. Our desire to be with another, in the sense of romantic love is dictated by our karma.

It means there is something to work out within ourselves, regarding that person.


noorin profile image

noorin 6 years ago from Canada Author

Thanks for the comment msorensson. Very true, I like how you worded it =)


andromida profile image

andromida 6 years ago

Very interesting analysis on an interesting topic.I also believe that passion, commitment, and intimacy are crucial ingredients in a love relationship, but a true love must be filled with purity and selfishness.Thanks Noorin :)


noorin profile image

noorin 6 years ago from Canada Author

Thanks Andromida. I really appreciate your comment. In an ideal relationship, those ingredients would always be present to serve the dish of love. But even in a non ideal relationship, purity and selfishness are a must to me =)


De Greek profile image

De Greek 6 years ago from UK

Noorin, your subject is interesting and provocative, child. Well done :-))


noorin profile image

noorin 6 years ago from Canada Author

Thanks De Greek =) I really appreciate your comment.


Granny's House profile image

Granny's House 6 years ago from Older and Hopefully Wiser Time

Wow, great hub. I am glad I found you


noorin profile image

noorin 6 years ago from Canada Author

Thank's Granny's House. I am looking forward to reading ur hubs too =) Keep on stepping by =)


Granny's House profile image

Granny's House 6 years ago from Older and Hopefully Wiser Time

I will do that.


noorin profile image

noorin 6 years ago from Canada Author

Thanks =) Ur welcome anytime =)


Rookie70 6 years ago

it is difficult to stop yourself from having wrong desires but you gotta resist them unless you end up with the wrong mate. Also, Romantic love comes with the longing to possess. This is human. Our desire to be with another, in the sense of romantic love is dictated by our karma. Would you consider an "engaged man or woman" forbidden?! Humans have a propensity for wanting what they do not have and not wanting what they do have (the grass is always greener on the other-side syndrome)...


noorin profile image

noorin 6 years ago from Canada Author

@Rockie70, u got it right =) C'est la vie, its all about resisting what ur not supposed to ave or do ;-) ... Not only do I consider engaged men or women forbidden , but I consider anyone who is not single 2 be forbidden ... It doesn't matter how much I luved a man, I wouldn't even approach the idea of being with him , if that person belonged to some 1 else.

I haven't been in the phase of not wanting what u have, thts y im more than cautious with what I get myself into ;-)

Thanks for the comment. Keep on stepping by.


noorin profile image

noorin 5 years ago from Canada Author

LOOOOL because I just read this since the last time I ve written it and realized how the 18 year old version of me was naively romantic :S I bet the 18 year old girl wouldn't recognize the 22 me ... If that makes any sense =D


Ravin89 4 years ago

Firstly thank you for this amazing post :)

I found it very insightful and true.

For me there are many forms of love etc.

But the reason for looking this page up is a long and troubling one.

I fell in love with a girl who is now a woman quite a few years ago but I'm troubled because I don't know what to make of our relationship or more I'm wondering if there is a possibility of one.

It really gets tricky, firstly she is 9 years older than me and I guess that might have made me a forbidden love. Now I've recently remembered a drunk night where a bunch of friends ended up at her place and we ended up getting intimate. Now what happened next is troubling to contemplate because I can't make sense of it.

This is where I'm at: It appeared that she was trying to settle or more make a decision about how she felt about me or perhaps it seems that she was trying to prove to herself that I didn't really love her. It gets tricky because I later found out and now know that she is a professional model and actress. She seemed to think that it was some sort of puppy love affection that I had for her and that she was going to prove by getting intimate with me that she didn't really have such deep feelings for me and that I was only after her physically. I think she was trying to get it out of our systems or something.

I think it might have been something of a rebound moment for her as well which made it all the more disastrous. She seemed to be viaing for or more expecting a simple physical "fuck" for lack of a better word. But I did the opposite. And she rebelled at the fact while keeping her legs tightly wrapped around me. She then went through phases of emotions. From yielding to the intimacy to clawing me to almost trying to fade into nothingness just to get away from it all.

I kept trying to stop it to the point of physically getting to my feet by she was so tightly wrapped around me she just got lifted up with me. She pulled me back down and there was this look in her eyes almost a fear of being rejected at that point. I've never seen someone that vulnerable.

I told her I wanted her to kiss me and she did but she started panicking almost when I started getting too much of an emotional response for her liking and then she wouldn't kiss me again.

I can't remember how long it lasted, I was so drunk that I couldn't remember it afterwards until just recently.

For me it was a chance to be as physically tender and affectionate as I'd always wanted to be towards her. I don't begrudge her or anything I just want to make sense of it. We didn't use a condom and when it started she literally started ripping at my pants and then gave me an ultimatum; Was I going to have sex with her or was I going to never speak to her again.

I don't want to get into a jaded description of how I feel about her, I just hold true to the fact that I love her.

Afterwards she let go and pushed me away and told me I could leave.

I insisted on staying a while and we spoke can't remember what exactly about. It was mostly everyday stuff although I fell asleep I think around when she actually told me what that had been about and stuff. She woke me up and told me if I was going to fall asleep I had to leave and she told me she wouldn't repeat herself, I didn't press the matter. I replied that I would stay until she fell asleep and then I would leave. We sort of spoke for a few minutes then she put her head down to sleep. Just before she fell asleep she reached across and locked fingers with me and we both fell asleep at the same time.

She woke up ridiculously early and panicked at the sight of me sleeping next to her and wanted to know why we were holding hands. I don't think she remembered what happened. Her dad in the next room was about to leave for work and heard her and came into the room and pretty much blitz at me. He frog marched me out the house and threw my 1kg goth boots at my head when he dropped me off.

She was really upset that I didn't remember what had happened and I think I might have heard her say that she had gotten pregnant. She avoided me for a bit after that and then asked me to promise to leave her alone in future. Which I did. A while later I was leaving, moving to another city and she suddenly came tearing around the corner in tears and kept asking me if I had planned to say goodbye and kept telling me that I didn't understand. I asked her if she wanted a hug goodbye, we always used to hug... And she said, "No! Don't touch me!" It was almost as if she was expecting me to kiss her or something but she wouldn't even let me get close to her so I just went home.

I ran into a friend Drew short for Andrew a week or two later and he told me to swing by the club and bar to see her. Apparently she was running around looking for me and interrogating everyone to find out if anyone knew where I lived or something like that. She was said to have been sitting around not talking to anyone just waiting for me to show up. I made him promise to tell her that I loved her completely and that I was so sorry that I couldn't see her...

I can't explain why, it had to do with my occupation at the time.

This was 8 years ago.

I went passed her dad's place and got her number about 2 years ago and phoned her up but she sounded confused, she had changed her name and didn't seem to know how to respond to someone calling her by her old name that she hadn't used in 8 years or so. I told her it was me and that I was a barman and she decided to give me a surprise visit at work. I didn't say anything to her for a bunch of reasons, it had a lot to do with the shock of how gorgeous she was. I'd never seen her dress up before. She left possibly agitated and I haven't tried to speak to her since. Everyone there made a fuss because she's famous and they kept asking me if I knew her. I lied and said no and that was the end of that.

I left the bar a short while later because one of the barman tried to mug me while we were working behind the bar and I knew I'd probably wind up in jail if we got into a fight. People seem to think I'm a lot nicer than I really am...

I really miss her and I don't know what to do, she's currently dating another actor and my life is pretty much in the toilet.

I feel it'd be cruel of me to make a move because she would probably have to change her lifestyle just to cater for a relationship. I've always thought about her, being friends with her changed my life in so many ways. I don't know what to do and I don't know how she feels about me. My expectations are pretty low as a survival thing but I always just get things done sort of thing. I just don't know if I should let her continue to live in her current happiness or as I keep wondering would she be happier with me...

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Regards

Ravin


esah 3 years ago

ok theres something i need to know...fine its a sin talking to non mahrams but once comitted and now there seems to be no way out..i talked to a guy for a year who is now probably getting engaged to someone else but i keep on asking allah to get him to me ..since childhood i have been told that not even a leaf moves without his will...so instead of prayin to get over ..cant i stick to my prayers n pray for him as a husband...i might get over but every time i pray my hoes get higher...please i need to know is it wrong of me to ask allah to make him my husband...


noorin profile image

noorin 3 years ago from Canada Author

Dear Esah, thank you very much for trusting me with your dilemma and thank you for revisiting my hub :) but first off I must say that I am not qualified to say whether a thing is haram or not, however, from my own personal opinion, I don't think its haram 2 simply make duaa i.e. pray for a thing to happen.

However, my only concern is like you said that your hopes get higher and the higher they get, the more you will get emotionally attached to this person and refuse the idea of meeting someone else.

And God says in surat al-Baqara"...and it may be that you dislike a thing which is good for you and that you like a thing which is bad for you. Allah knows but you do not know."

So who knows mabe this person on the surface of it seems perfect for you but on the long run will make your life miserable. Perhaps Allah who knows u better has hidden a better opportunity for you in the future and perhaps his fiancé is a better fit for him than you are. Perhaps Allah has more rewarding opportunities and experiences for you to explore before you meet Mr. Perfect who will ultimately take most of your time :P

Therefore, I strongly recommend from my personal experience that u ask Allah something along the lines of " if this person whom I am deeply in love with is right for me and I am right for him on all levels, even more than he is with his current fiancée, then bring us together as husband and wife, but oh Allah if this person is not right for me then distract my heart away from him and replace the both of us with better partners"

This way you ain't raising your hopes and you remind urself that this person may not necessarily be the right person for you. And at the same time, you are expression your wish in a prayer.

I know its hard for the heart to have so many emotions towards a person without being able to have these emotions expressed and reciprocated but take my personal experience for example. Few years ago, I wrote this hub with a completely broken heart, I could have followed my heart and went ahead with a relationship that logically would have destroyed my personality and everything I believe of. Yes, it hurt back then but now that I look back at it, I can't even come close to understanding what my heart fell for. Perhaps it was the attention that I liked or the idea of someone loving me for me but deep down I knew that the person wasn't right for me so I did the prayer above and I believe it was answered. Right now, I'm in a wonderful relationship that I'm extremely grateful for. It turned out that back when I wrote this hub, my dreams of a soul mate were narrow and temporary but God had a much more suitable, more loving and caring person waiting for me.

I personally like understanding the source of my emotions and I find that it helps me get over emotional dilemmas. Perhaps you could do the same by questioning what is it that you like about this guy, is it his character, is it the attention he at some point could have surround you with. This might help you understand your emotions better. Also, remember that no matter how deep your love is, it will never be able to sustain a lifetime relationship without reciprocation so if you know that his heart is with someone else, just pray Allah that he distracts your heart away from him :)

I hope my humble advise helps, best of luck in life and love. Lemme know if you have further questions.

TC,

Noorin :)


noorin profile image

noorin 3 years ago from Canada Author

Hey Ravin , first off, sorry for the late reply. For some reason your comment was marked as spam. If you haven't already acted upon the whole thing, below is my response:

I feel for you and looks like you really love her. Unfortunately I don't have many advises. This is not because your dilemma is unsolvable but rather because many of the elements embedded within your story have never come near my personal lifestyle.

But I personally don't think that age matters so long the couple is mature enough about it. I also don't think that occupational differences or even status differences represent an obstacle in the path of true love but that's just me thus I can't predict how she would react about it.

I can only think of three options in this scenario, 1) Not speaking to her while keep on wondering, perhaps asking yourself "what if" in the future or 1) Arrange to meet up, not necessarily confront your feelings right away but just hang out, avoid drinking this time to make sure you evaluate the whole thing properly or 3) Be upfront and confront your feelings, in which case, she will either reject or reciprocate ... Its your choice. All the best.

Cheers,

Noorin

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