Why Can't I Get A Girlfriend?

Lonely Man
Lonely Man

The keys to the dating kingdom are within your grasp.

That has to be the most asked question I've ever faced. Every guy, at some point, wonders this very question.

Are you ugly?

Too short?

Too tall?

Not dressing well enough?

Bad haircut?

Body odor?

Bad breath?


The answer could be a yes to any of the above. Usually though, it's not. (If there is a yes up there, work on what you can change and accept what you can't.)

If you ask yourself those questions then you're already prepared for the answer. It's like the person that asks themselves if they're crazy. If you can ask yourself the question then you're not.

The things that most guys miss out on is the fact that they are not getting dates because of only two things:

  • 1) Personality
  • 2) Perseverance

These are the keys to getting dates.

Summed up we have:

Personality: how you act and react around people. Are you a good conversationalist and a great listener? Do you actively participate in conversations or do you attempt to "hog" conversations, butting in, not giving other participants time to talk? Do you try to change the subject? Do you interrupt?

Are you funny? Are you good humored? Can you make people laugh with you (not at you)?

Do you get upset easily and share your disappointment with anyone within earshot?

People like to be with other people that have a positive personality; people that have "active listening skills" (being able to ask intelligent questions about the subject being discussed, paying attention to the current speaker, and not trying to change the conversation or butt into the group of talkers). Do people naturally gravitate towards you because you are smiling, warm and friendly?

Perseverance: how are you with problems, turns of events, when things don't go your way? Do you get angry and give up or do you hunker down and find alternate solutions? Being able to find a girlfriend is all about taking rain on your parade and hoping for a rainbow. Sure, you'll get some rejection, that's life. But can you make the negative experience of a "No" turn into a learning experience and work towards the next girl's "Yes"?

Guy's feel that, when a girl says no, their life is over. Self-doubt creeps in, ruining all other aspects of their daily life. Miserable, that's what happens. And this negative emotion is so strong that people around you can feel it and are turned off by it/you. You must persevere, you must not only tell yourself, but believe, that this downturn of events is temporary, exceedingly temporary. There is another girl on the horizon, likely a more friendly, more compatible, more date-able girl coming up next.

You have the keys to the kingdom now:



The ball is in your court and here comes the ball-girl now... what will you do?

Here's the next move:


I look forward to your comments.

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Comments 896 comments

Bug Mee profile image

Bug Mee 9 years ago from Great Midwest

well put.

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 9 years ago from Canada Author

Thanks, I guess all those lonely nights turned into something good afterall... LOL

maham profile image

maham 9 years ago

i have bf :) thanks nice informative hub

steve 8 years ago

I suppose its a decent article, but not sure how relevent it is to most people who cant find a date for the life of them, everyone I ask says there is nothing wrong with me, and I try as hard as I can to perservere with women but afater 22 years and not a single date despite the number of women I've tried to ask out I'm pretty much about ready to give up.

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 8 years ago from Canada Author

But Steve, did you read the paragragh that starts with "Guy's feel that..." ? Do you not see a resemblance of yourself? Giving up at 22? Maybe you need some more to read. I have tried to help. And will continue to try.

john 8 years ago

throughout my teens and up to the age of 24[im 26 ]i was in constant need to have a gf and seeking love and the life so many have and take for granted.im quite good looking,id say thoughtfull intelligent in good health,i have a decent job and have my life ahead of me.but i have never had a stable relationship and have totally give up trying and hopeing.i used to try and make an effort to look good be myself and im always honest,but lately ive lost all care in anything to do with females,i think the very nature of man is to procreate and its this what drives men and when you get to id say 25 and your in same position,u might aswell give up and live how you want without the constant need to impress,its great not having to make an effort knowing all your money is yours,i did want kids someday but ts ruled out,im just pleased to be an uncle now,i think women now have a resounding urge to have dark colored kids[im white]and that is a large factor,however im very happy and have come to terms with my situation and relish my futre travelling the world,in this life u either got 'it' or you aint,'it' is the whole man package and is abundent fortunatly for women,like a car with more features than a standard model i am glad that i will never be needed,i can live my life as i choose,totally free

R P 8 years ago

I think that, if you find yourself trying to hard to "get" a woman in your life, then many great opportunities have passed you by while chasing the wrong women.

Life is full of surprises and any guy that tries to create his own life, to direct the smallest details, will find himself a failure because he has set up for himself an unattainable goal.

Let life and love find you, but remain positive, clean cut and in good humor.

Love will find you!

Jon 8 years ago

i cant find a girlfriend, no matter how hard i try, or what adivice i take. i am considering suicide. i really need help. I AM NOT A TROLL

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 8 years ago from Canada Author

Hi Jon, stop trying so hard. Don't define yourself by the girlfriend you don't have yet.

And make a call to your local suicide hotline... you do need to talk to someone NOW!

Pat 7 years ago

Thanks for the advice. I'll try my best to follow it. Most of this stuff i've been doing for a while, and still can find a girlfriend...

I've been trying to find someone for long enough.

Matt 7 years ago

I appriciated your advice. My problem is I have the preserverence, but not the personality. I wouldn't say I'm shy, I'd like to talk to people sometimes but I can't, I just don't have anything to say. I'm somewhat of a personal guy, I hardly have any friends. Often times I feel as if I'm better on my own, I just want to think about girls or dating because it only makes me feel worse. Basically my problem I guess is communication, I'm not good at talking to people I'm unfamiliar with. And its way outside of my "comfort zone". I'm 18, a little on the thin side and have obviously never dated before haha, but the way things have been going, is it ever going to get any better? I'm in college and at this point its somewhat hard to meet new people (especially hard for me to be social). But I don't really want to date when I'm past 30. It would feel like I've wasted my youth and my "good days" would be behind me. I'm not a complete loner, I do talk to some people, guys and gals, but I suppose just not enough, I don't seem to have that "charm". On the other hand just about every girl I know and have meet is already dating! how is a guy suppose to compete with that!? I see couples all around me as I walk around everyday, its a little embrassaing sometimes. Haha yeah I'm a mess I know, but its life I suppose. I just want things to start improving, I really want to start feeling better about myself.

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 7 years ago from Canada Author

Hi Matt,

When you're surrounded by girls that are already dating, ask them if they have any single girlfriends. Making a quartet with the girls and guys that you already know is an excellent first step to becoming a guy with regular dates.

And for heavens sake, find your voice! Try this site:


ashes 7 years ago

being single and hanging out with mostly couples really fucking sucks. I realized that earlier.

Fuck impressing women

Pat 7 years ago

Tell me about it. I've tried really hard lately just to get a date to prom. I still can't get one and Prom is in 5 days. I just gave up and accepted the fact, and i'm going to sit it out this time. But It's like i can't impress them, I'm 17, Never had a girlfriend My whole life, never even gotten close. I try a lot, and i'm a really funny person, great sense of humor, strong (for the most part), but i'm too skinny. I'm underweight but tall. I'm also a very nice down to earth guy. But they always say no to me and yes to the next "Stereotypical hunk" that asks. It's been that way for me my whole life. Even asking a girl to homecoming was hard. The guys they usually reject me for is those "Strong", "Plays every sport", "complete jerks", and "attractive" kind of guys. I have my doubts that there are no girls around that would say yes to someone like me. but i'll try to hang in there for a little longer. It's driving me insane!!! oh and for the record i was trying to keep it clean in this post. Do you have any advice? Mr. Pseudomen

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 7 years ago from Canada Author

Maybe you just don't have enough "boyfriend qualities" yet.

There is a difference from being "funny, strong" and being a guy that attracts women.

Nobody cares if you never had a gf, excpet yourself... I have said elsewhere, that to be cool, hang out with people you believe are cool. Coolness if a "degree" of attitude only. It is a preconception of things only understood by those left behind by it's existence.

You haven't had a gf? The only girl that's going to care is the one you finally tell without crying or seeming to cry about it.

I am sure you know girls. Why are they unapproachable?




You said "Even asking a girl to homecoming was hard". That speak volumes about your FEAR of rejection but not of any ability to ASK a girl to go with you.

I hate to be harsh, but buck up or leave the corrall.


Pat 7 years ago

Thanks man. That extra advice helps. Not saying asking a girl to homecoming was hard, but finding one that wasn't already taken was. But anyway thanks for the advice. I'll try to keep in this.

LonelinessKnowsNoBounds 7 years ago

Screw the whole world.

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 7 years ago from Canada Author

"LonlinessKnowsNoBounds": I think you need to get some help.


some english guy. 7 years ago

All good advice. But here's the thing...what if you are just butt ugly?.

You can be clean, have a good haircut, Be funny, attentive have bags of conidence etc but none of that is going to matter to the women if she doesn't find your face attractive.

I know this. I am the guy with the butt ugly face...No surgery is ever going to make it better.

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 7 years ago from Canada Author

Ugliness is not a deterrence, lack of self-confidence and style make all the difference. You need to watch this video and start dating all the 10's you want.


some english guy 7 years ago

Nice link man.

If he's actually dating/fucking a 10 then I'm impressed.

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 7 years ago from Canada Author

I tell you no lies.... how else would a guy like that actually get any girl?

Charm, respect for women, respect for himself, and knowing how to please a woman in more than one way.

advice givers know zip 7 years ago

I am middle aged and have not ever had a gf. Those interested were boring and just did not inspire passion. Those that inspire passion are taken or have been raised to think noone is good enough and then complain about there being no guys. Women are no longer needed in relationships. let them be the only College registrants, take over leadership roles and start dying young like us. I have found just being the best person you can, putting out as much love as possible, being confident and happy is the best. You wait, all your friends will soon be bitching non-stop about their lame lives in slavery where eventually you can't ever escape the nagging and nesting self-centredness. Sex is overrated. Women offer little more.

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 7 years ago from Canada Author

Wow... talk about bitter!

I bet any woman you dated you BORED to death with complaints of life and love.

Sex is only overrated when you DON'T get any!

I can help... try this site and make yourself into the guy that always has the women, not the complaining little bitch you are now...


In a way, I can't even imagine why I bothered to reply to your sad, uninspired claptrap.

Ethan 7 years ago

I've 17 and I've never had a gf either... I tried trying hard to get a gf, and I've tried going with the flow and nothing seems to work... So I've decided just to wing it and do NOTHING! Best thing ever to do. If you ever heard the song invisible kid by metallica, that's pretty much me.... For me, my problem is I hate myself to no end. Every picture I see of myself I hate, I hate the way I sound, look, think, everything.... I feel really negative inside, but I still try to be possitive, my friends aren't "bad" people so to speak, but they make me feel belittled and like my opinion doen't matter. Even the popular kids at school seem nicer to me. I guess I'm kind of the punching bag of my friends. Anyway, I'd have to say I'm clinically depressed. The only thing that keeps me from sleeping all day are video games and work. My dream now is to be like Metallica and play huge stadium concerts, but that dream is just not reachable.... I'm not good at singing, I can't play guitar(yet).... Idk I'm just going to stop wine a@#ing now :)

RP 7 years ago

Well, learn the guitar... life is just starting for you, find friends with a more positive outlook and you'll fare much better with the women. School does end, then life starts. Don't forget that. RP

PS. Take a look at http://www.gettingagreatgirl.com

edd 7 years ago

idk for me its just something strange, like if life didn't want me to have a girlfriend, i mean im good looking actually i work as a male model, im 18, ive traveled mostly all over the world, i speak 3 languages, im talkative, i get laphs from girls when being funny, as i said no girlfriend but i have had quite a few women to make out with (about 15) and have slept with only one girl but all the girls have said im a fantastic kisser and lover, unfortunatly thoes girls haven't been up to my standards a big reason is cuse i live in a country where there arnt a lot of hot girls, allthough i have found some which i really have liked and have rejected me with answers like your not my type or i think we are good as friends only even though i know 100% sure im better looking then them and i could get a much better looking girl basted on my looks i know it sounds egosentric but i just want help and im being honest, id say that some reason i could have truble finding one is: im homeschooled so i don't see people my age everyday allthough its not reason enouph since i do have many friends and go to a lot of parties and i think the only thing girls could not like about me is i can be a bit needy but that's cuse ive tried to relax and go with the flow and it hasn't helped eather, my friends do have gfs and i don't understand, like the usuall friends i hang out with, one is fat and the other is short as hell and neather of them are dsitinguished or charmingand im completely different i mean as i said im a male model, im talkative and a lot less shy then them to approach girls, what is it that girls don't see in me????

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 7 years ago from Canada Author

Girls don't see someone that is in their class. You're either much too self-centered or you don't try hard enough with the women that are "hot". 18 is a time of self-discovery, and that goes until about 25, so you have a lot of time to have fun, but don't puich the sex thing, maybe that's why your rejection rate is so high.

edd 7 years ago

hmmm thanx for the advice, maybe your right, maybe i should try harder, allthough im sorry, i didn't really understand the thing you said about,don't puich the sex thing, could you pleasee explain further on that?,(i don't really understand the meaning of the word puich, sorry my first language is not english) thanksss!

Pratap 7 years ago

Hi Nice article..

Indian. Here it is little different(You know). But now it is changing..

Still I want have gf one who loves.

I am short ( 5.3') and little small build.

And next one is about personality, as I have many friends and cool, confident etc.. person.However little reserved.

And about perseverance, I never tried myself..:)... One reason is shyness. other reasons are like my environment/ family/friends are like that.

What do you say?Pseudomen... :)

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 7 years ago from Canada Author

Hi edd,

Don't make why you want to attract girls about sex. That's a turn-off, big time.

You want a girlfriend, not another friend, that's fine. Be up front about that, not trying to talk and befriend a girl in an effort to "trick her" into liking you more so she'll date you, that rarely works.

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 7 years ago from Canada Author

Hi Pratap,

Personality if a big plus, obviously, but you have to shift gears when you are attracted to a woman, you want her to understand that you want to date her. Shyness is a disease that goes away when you TALK with women you are interested in. You don't have to be Romeo, just yourself and tr to stand out more. Be more "forward" rather than hanging back. A good place to start is http://www.alovelinksplus.com/advice/why_men_fail_...

Pratap 7 years ago

Hi Pseudomen,

Thank you for your immediate and caring reply!

I have gone through the link and found those 10 points are interesting.I will try to understand those practically.

Thanks once again.:)

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 7 years ago from Canada Author

Always glad to be helpful!


Matty 7 years ago

Im only 18 but i have never had a girlfriend i don't even know how to kiss!! i feel like a freak

I have been told im good looking, i have a really nice body from gym and karate, very good hygiene in very good health but i cannot speak to girls!! even if i just walk past them i get really nervous

im just like scared of talking to them, i really want a girl and feel like i am missing owt i just wish i could be someone else

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 7 years ago from Canada Author

You know what?

Every guy I know has pretty well gone through the same things, maybe different ages, but the same feelings of insecurity and nervousness.

This doesn't make you weird or strange, it makes you normal.

And I would put it to good use. Maybe from now on you can approach a girl and say to her "You know, I used to be pretty nervous around women but I am really wanting to talk with you, to get to know you better".

pat 7 years ago

thanks for the info but that stuff does not help me. i am 22 and i can not even get a girl to give me the time of day. i like to joke i could not get a girls attention even if i had a hundred dollar bill hanging out of my zipper.

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 7 years ago from Canada Author

Maybe you think about your zipper too much and all the women can sense your negative, woman-user, vibes.

V.C 7 years ago

I'm actually quite nice.

But I can't get any girl because I'm not very confident.

I'm too shy when I see a girl around me.

It's hard to be confident.

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 7 years ago from Canada Author

If you BELIEVE it's hard to be confident then you've beaten you're self into a corner, haven't you?

You should do some reading: http://www.alovelinksplus.com/advice/double-your-d...

Yorkfort 7 years ago

I suppose it's easy to state what you need to do to get a girlfriend if you're someone who can do it but you'll never understand what it is like to be someone for whom it is literally impossible to instigate relationships. Even if a girl makes the first move on me or shows an interest I still fuck it up. It's the most damning thing in the world to know that no-one wants you and even when they do STILL not be able to make anything work out. I was brought up Catholic but these days I just believe in God to hate him for making me the way I am

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 7 years ago from Canada Author

And you believe that you're NOT responsible for your own lack of positive attitude toward women?

Now, who's lying to whom?

And why?

What could I Do to make you have a better outlook on life? NOTHING. If you won't PULL YOURSELF UP then who will?

The TOOLS to date women are valuable but what will YOU do to make it happen?

Get a job... finish school... stop living the LIE that popular media SHOVES down your throat.


profile image

cubsfan1537 7 years ago

Let me give you a little insight to the female mind. We want someone that isn't afraid to make eye contact. If your eyes go straight to a woman's chest it's a major turn off. Look the woman in the eyes when you're talking to don't talk to her chest. That will only get you slapped or make the woman walk away. If you're looking her in the eyes it shows us that you're confident. If you're looking right at the chest then we know you're only looking for sex. If you look a woman in the eyes and can hold her gaze for more than five seconds then you have a chance. Most guys just want sex these days. Start out as friends and go from there. It is better to be friends then wishing you knew the woman.

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 7 years ago from Canada Author

Yes, it's all about seeing the "woman" not the "womanly attributes" as it were.

Guys, you need to get beyond searching for an FWB partner and find out what it is about yourself that women might like, or what they really don't like, about yourself.

chris 7 years ago

I'm 27 and I've never had a girlfriend. I used to try so hard and then I realized that it looked desperate, so lately I've just been working on my life. I'm getting my college degree next year, I'm going to be a cop soon after, I workout 7 days per week, and I volunteer at schools to help children with homework. I'm just trying to make my life as meaningful as possible, but I still feel like a kid because I can't get a girlfriend. I have no personality; like a machine. I have absolutely no charm or game; I've tried pretending to be funny and cool, but it's too hard to act like something I'm not. I'm not afraid to talk to women, but I just can't think of anything to say at all. I don't know how much longer I can live like this.

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 7 years ago from Canada Author

I hate to be blunt but maybe you're just going about this dating thing all the wrong way. Read through these comments and see if there isn't an answer here for you, because I am sure there is.

Good luck to you, it seems to me that your life, as it now is, does have some meaning.

Andy 7 years ago

I am a short guy, only 5,5 or 5,6 but I am good looking. I am 33, but look younger, have a great sense of humor and have heaps of talent as an artist. Can I get a girl I like to even seem remotely interested in me? nope! All my life it has been this way, when I was 21 I used to console myself by thinking "it's ok, by the time I am in my late 20s early 30s it will be different" But no, it's not. I have never had a serious girlfriend, I had a casual relationship of 1 year duration back in 2004 and last year a pretty latin girl I met when I was traveling south america, but she just used me as a cash machine and was always yelling and screaming at me so I told her to get fucked. And that's it. I don't what I have done or am doing wrong, I try to remain positive on the outside, but on the inside I have pretty much given up. I have developed an anxiety disorder and extreme depression over the last 10 yrs, mainly due to being so lonely all the time. At last I am trying to find professional help for this, as I am starting to hate women, and I don't want to go down that dark path.

It just seems that whatever I try, whatever approach, wherever I go it's the same story. I think maybe I am meant to be alone. Like Chris said, I too am trying to make the most out of my life, but I am getting tired....tired of everything, tired of thinking about it, of living it. I am thinking whatever wrong I have done to anybody I've paid for and then some. And unfortunately we are animals on this planet and I just don't feel any attraction for the ugly or fat girls that show interest in me.

I don't know what to do.

Anyway, I guess I wrote this just to let folks know that they're not alone and also to get it off my chest. Thanks for listening.

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 7 years ago from Canada Author

I have no doubt that there are many lonely places in the world and you are in one of them. It is good that you are seeking help for the depression you find yourself in. But I have to ask what type of girl are you looking for? A blond bombshell 10? If you set your sights high for women you have to work all that harder to find and keep them. Nothing is impossible, that is the crux of the article. If you seek help for depression do you also seek help for attracting and dating women or do you continue to do that alone and on your own? Rather than joining a woman-haters club, or continue to build anger inside because of rejection and fear of rejection, learn what the secrets are to attraction and build a new you, a new character that attracts women.

"Can't get a girlfriend" is not "Will never get a girlfriend". Start doing some reading: http://www.trydeepinnergame.com

derek 7 years ago

i am basically somewhat skinny guy, just turned 20 years old didn't really want to get into a relationship until i started looking about almost a year ago. i basically wanted to go to college which i'm doing and then during or after look for love. everything else in my life is going good for me, but i just can't seem to find a girlfriend or at least go getting on dates now. well, i've been looking probably 8-9 months talking a lot of girls i knew from school or wherever else some in person, others from facebook myspace(but i knew these people before), and anyways my strategy was basically talk to them be friends then eventually ask for their number and ask them out. basically i went after girls that i liked both in personality, and looks (in between average to good). i've basically only been able to go dating with one girl which i liked, but to make a long story short, didn't like her past and just decided to be friends. I'm basically looking for that special someone, but can't seem to be able to just be more then friends with girls. I'm not doing it to impress anyone at all, just want to at least get a date, and go from there in a relationship. after i talk to them for a few weeks maybe every other day, i ask them for a number or ask them on a date and the response i get is pretty much i'm busy, or mostly just kinda ignore it or either say well i have to see then don't call back. can anyone give me any advice on what i'm doing wrong? I try to be nice, and can keep a somewhat good convorsation, but i just think i'm missing something that they just don't want any kind of even dating or love. advise would be appreciated

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 7 years ago from Canada Author

Too slow... meet a girl, chat her up, get email or number, take on a date... none of this "friends first" crap, it doesn't take a few weeks for a girl to decide to date you, it takes a few moments.

Speed up your pace, you'll do much better.

Kevin 7 years ago

Hey... Im 15... i've never dated before... Theres this really good looking blonde in my class and i'd like to know how to approach her... I know i shouldn't aim for looks over personality but i cant help it... I'm just attracted to her... Some people might say im too young but that's not the answer i'm looking for... I'm average looking... But even good looking guys haven't tried to ask her out so what would be wrong with me trying?..

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 7 years ago from Canada Author

There is nothing wrong with trying. Often the pretty girls can't get a date because guys are too afraid of rejection... ask her, she might just surprise you!

Craig 7 years ago

Hey I just started college and met a nice girl in one of my classes. She gave me her number and she and her roommate are new in town. The first time i texted her...towards the end i said we should do a movie sometime when she's free to get to know each other better...She writes back saying "sure just let me know when". Am i pretty much set? I am also debating whether or not to invite her roommate to come with. She might feel more comfortable that way and if so i think i should bring a friend as a wingman. What do you think?

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 7 years ago from Canada Author

You are set with her, no only talk real plans with her, not "let's hang out sometime and do something", guy's with definite plans impress the ladies.

As for asking her gf along, do you need an audience? No, don't ask her to tag along.

David Sadvicate 7 years ago

I don't understand why you would be considering killing yourself because you can't get a girlfriend. Why not kill everyone else? What have YOU done wrong?

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 7 years ago from Canada Author

That's right... no desperate measures here, just an attitude adjustment. Has everyone stopped reading the original article above?

Francine Smith 7 years ago

Canada, you make one fundimental mistake in your hub; women are do men the favour. Truth, we are just as insecure, complex and lacking in slef confidence/esteem as any jock/geek. But we are different when it comes being shallow gold digging hookers. If the nice man from Bombay in your picture wants some 'hot totty in a cold wet tanktop', he should max out his cards and act like an amoral wall street banker. Very soon he will become a Slut Magnet. And that's, I guess, all most guys want to be. Spend spend spend. That's how you get a girl (who is no) friend. If Bombay wants a wife, tell him to marry the village virgin.

Have a nice night.

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 7 years ago from Canada Author

Francine Smith: While I appreciate your comments you are totally off topic. Sometimes a picture is just a picture. When a guy wants a gilrfriend he has to understand the basics of a dynamic relationship and he needs the tools to lead him on this path of getting a girlfriend. This has little to do with the color of the man's skin in the picture or his culture, unless YOu want a guy to try to buy your affection and love, only to fail miserably in the end.

Poet Ro' 7 years ago

Good read, but it ignores the reality that women are also as shallow as men. An equally important piece of advice is not to overreach. Don't expect a dime piece, when your own appearance is at or just above a penny.

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 7 years ago from Canada Author

Not entirely true.

I've seen many men that would be a 4 or 5 dating ten's. These guys have confidence where to go where other men fear to, that is, talking to a beautiful woman. Although looks may be an instant turnoff, positive attitudes and making a woman laugh can work wonders!

Francine Smith  7 years ago

Canada, you say "the things that most guys miss out on is the fact that they are not getting dates because of only two things: Personality and Perseverance". You see, I read the article!

I've been poured over by dozens of guys with NO personality. Often at our computer department's christmas party. Agreed, many are persistent, but this because many are sociopaths with no understanding that no means go jump in a volcanic lake you buttugly freak. Sorry. However, you *are* right that persistence does pay, even for the guy who thinks photographing buses is a fun hobby. Insider fact, eventually, most women give it up because, at three on a Tuesday morning, the guy with the missing wedding ring is the only one still putting it our there. Maybe I should move to Canada? Have a nice day.

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 7 years ago from Canada Author

Maybe you should leave the bar before 3am... and try to have more encounters with men other than the once-a-year Christmas party.

Have you tried being 'nice' to a guy? You know, just be friendly without sexual expectations? Maybe you are just too full of expectations and an over-all fear of rejection of men?

Francine Smith 7 years ago

Canada, I'm nice to every guy I meet, even the *holes I work with. That's why I am the go to girl. But not in the way you think. I have immunity from photocopier rage. Anyway boys, at 3AM girl's aint looking for Mister Right, they're desperate for Mister Right Now. Which is a bit of a hint for any guy who's gone beyond speed dating and is looking for a speed relationship. Guy's beware, at 3AM there's a lot of damaged stock on the shelves. Happy hunting ;-)

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R Pseudomen 7 years ago from Canada Author

Very true, damaged, alone and horny... guy's it's not a score at 3am.

butt ugly face 7 years ago

hi im buttugly and is this article suitable for yall to answer for 13 years olds(and I go to public school and hear a lot of bad things from queers)

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R Pseudomen 7 years ago from Canada Author

You're 13? Too young to worry about dating, in my opinion.

What am I doing wrong? 7 years ago

I've had many girlfriends in my past, but never quite cared for any of them. I only dated them because all the girls I've ever liked turned me down. I tried different approaches, but none seemed to work.

I have personality and perserverance, I'm attractive, I'm smart, I'm funny, I'm a gentleman, I'm caring, I'm fun, I'm a great listener and conversationist, and I'm talented. I'm not at all cocky about any of this, and I rarely ever let people know if I'm feeling gloomy like this. I just can't understand why just one girl can't say yes to me.

I have actually asked a couple girls (who I was rejected by, but became close friends with) what's wrong with me. They told me nothing's wrong with me and they couldn't see why I would have trouble finding someone. So then I asked why they turned me down and they say they don't want a relationship. But, that's a lie; I find every girl I like just lying to me and dating someone else.

Can somebody help me? It seems like I've tried everything. I want a relationship, but I want someone who I like instead of someone who I accept. I'm sure all the girls I like feel the same way (they want to date who they like instead of me). I just can't find a girl who I like that likes me also.

Goid help me.

Mark 7 years ago

There is one surmountable problem today, and that is women have a stereotypical image of the man they want-good looks and wealth. I am the exact opposite and no matter how "nice" I've been, treated people with respect, shown empathy and been generous, NONE of these have made the slightest difference.

I am now divorced after a disastrous 5 year marriage where I ended up in debt trying to support my wife and two children on a wage meant for one. I met my ex-wife through a newspaper advert-DO NOT TRY THIS! I must appear very sad as apart from two other brief daliances I've never had any confidence with girls who I've really liked-it has always been too overwhelming to actually strike up a conversation and take things further. EVERY ONE of them wanted a good looking guy, never mind kindness, chavalry or good communication!!!

My age? I am too ashamed to mention it. I am now actually beginning to resent confident people in happy relationships. It has totally destroyed my life and as a result no one has ever shown ME any affection or love whatsoever.

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R Pseudomen 7 years ago from Canada Author

Hi Mark, If ever their was a poster boy for "lack of confidence" you are it. Kindness, good communication and good looks. You need at least two of these three things to be able to have enough confidence to get dates and build great relationships. It's time to take up a home study course: http://man-transformation-dvd.com/

Bas 7 years ago

Im 20 n never had a gf. im realy tired of this n this problem is taking over my mind. a few times i wanted to do suicide bt i can't. never. i don't even hav a proper friend that is a female. i just want a good life like a lot of ppl like all my friends. im quite confident but it just never works n i don't know the reason. this is really evil. i realy need help.

bas 7 years ago

im really suffering from depression coz of this. i need to find a way somehow. why do a lot of ppl get girlfrends and why the minority like me cant. its really unfair on how this is. its destroyed me jus because of this. its a nightmare and it is in my head everyday.

TANK 7 years ago

hey man,

Im 16, no matter how hard i try i cant get a girl. all of my friends has a girl but me. i feel lonely. i used to be huge i lost weight got my ears pierced and done all these things... but i never took a chance to think, why am i doing this? is it for me or for the girls...now my only question is who am i?...am an imposter?...i turned my self into a different person but i yet cant find a girl.

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R Pseudomen 7 years ago from Canada Author

You can only work on yourself. Some good dating adcive is what you need, and maybe more help than that too. Talk with a teacher, friends, a trusted family member, someone soon.

bmg 7 years ago

Im 20 and never had a gf. im realy tired of this. I don't know how to get a gf. i don't even hav a proper friend that is a female. wen i approach women they r mostly not interested or don't like me. i don't know why its like this. most ppl has and can get a gf bt i cant. i don't get why i cant. its reallly depressing. its destroyin me jus because of this. its a nightmare and it is in my head everyday. its very unfair tht most ppl can get it n the minority like me cant. i need som help on advice man. wat on earth is goin on.

profile image

ForteX9 7 years ago

Okay guys when everything fails there's another option and it works for me all the time. If you're like me and hardly go out just to work and back home then you might want to go on myspace - you guys heard of myspace.com before, right Okay, now add whole bunch of girls close to your zip code one of all of those you added has to talk to you! By the time you know it you'll be exchanging numbers... texting? Try it. Hehe. I work at McDonald's (It's sucks I know) and lots of girls there' have myspace even the managers. Just ask them straight "Hey you have myspace?" just don't go crazy asking everyone that right away... lol

Having your co-workers on myspace is a big plus, you can now think about what you're going to say before you type it any time. I'm skinny and I talk very little, but when it comes to girls it's a different story. They say I'm different than many guys so that's a big plus for me.

Oh and I just turned 24 and I kind of have a girlfriend, she doesn't want to go away! :)

lonelyman 7 years ago

Dating is impossible for someone who is ugly unless they lower their standards & date someone equally or more ugly than they are...that's basic math. If you're a 4 on a scale of 1-10 you cannot possibly hope to ever get a girl that's an 8 or 7. You might be able to get a 6, maybe, but you will need additonal factors in your favor (money, social status, type of job). Personality cannot makeup for being unattractive. The only possible ways to get a g/f while being unattractive is if you have a giant tubesnake in your pants or if you have tons of money. In order to change ugly you need hundreds of thousands if not several millions of dollars. Surgery, fashion coaches, dating coaches, stylists, follow-up surgery....it really adds up to more than a regular person can afford or will ever make in their lives. It isn't a one time $19.95 procedure then your good-to-go. Then on top of that when you have a g/f it's a never ending abyss of spending money on her.

I am unattractive but cannot see the point to pursue an unattractive girl. I haven't been on a date or in a relationship in 9 years & now I'm almost 38y/o and will never get those years back. Even if I got a g/f any time soon I don't see how it could make up for too many years of not having one. Having been so long without a g/f I have absolutley no confidence to approach someone for a date nevermind the fact that I'm unattractive. On top of that is the depression and dispair I feel being so lonely & in a hopeless situation. I'm stuck with the 3 fatal flaws....unattractive, lack of confidence, & lack of dating experience. I'm so hopeless when it comes to women not even Hugh Heffner could fix me up with one. The only woman I could go out with would be one that couldn't say no to a date with me....like a corpse. LOL

Joe 7 years ago

If you ain't got a girl, get rich! 'Nuff said.

If you're ugly or overweight, get plastic surgery!

Mystery 7 years ago

Snake on the money kidda.

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Marco0208 7 years ago from UK


First of all, thank you very much for the article.

I have never been in a relationship before. I tried many times and everytime i failed i blamed myself for being short (5 ft 6) ........ Ugly...... etc

Sometimes i just think why is the world so unfair..... why somebody could get as much girls as they wan. I couldn't even get the one i wan.

I am a funny guy... most of the ppl say that.

This month i met this girl i really liked. I tried to talk to her but the negative thoughts always come up...... ( i am not gd enough to approach her). She said hi to me the other day but i was so nervous that we end within 2 mins. Afterwards, i blamed myself for being such a coward.

I am quite a sporty guy as well but......... i just dun understand why can i get a girl....

Many Thanks


CoolGuy101 7 years ago

Check it..get a Myspace & hit up them bitties..

simple as that...

Mark 7 years ago

My problem is I hog the conversation because I feel that if I don't say something she wont and then its awkward. I feel if there is an awkward silence then im messing up somehow and that's where I lose perseverance. I am 24 years old and I'm going bald which ruins my confidence so I wear hats all the time to hide it. I think I am a pretty fun individual and have a pretty good physique but I am petrified to approach a women in fear of rejection plus when I am talking to a women and I feel she is uninterested I immediately shy away because I feel like I am annoying her. Can someone please help me? I'm desperate

salroc 7 years ago

so im 19 and ive had a few gfs back when i was in HS. I am now in college andi find it so hard to find tha special someone. there are some girls that like me, but i do not like back. but the ones that I like, i start talking to them and whatnot, most of the time we connect and i always think its the right time to tell her i like her blah blah and at the end of it all they say they are not looking or some bs like that and heyget bfs like the week after that. I just wanna give up on this...its too depressing. im a nice guy and everything i just don't know what im doing wrong.

Tree Man 7 years ago

Advice is always useless if you don't follow it. Honestly, anyone under 20yrs old shouldn't be worried about women. Focus on your schoolwork. Honestly, they will come to you if you are a good guy and even a "LOOOSER". Be patient. It's about quality, not quantity. Believe me. i am one of those 'loosers'. I suck at interpersonal skills, yet I am getting married, because my fiancé is a women willing to deal with me. And she FOUND ME!

Patience guys, Patience.

Namewitheld 7 years ago

I am 20, and I've never had a GF. Not that I want anything serious, but I sometimes feel ashamed and frustrated that every other guy my age (especially my mates) seems to have it so easy.

Thing is, I see some of the problems, but don't always know how to deal with them. I am relaxed, good looking, laid back, fairly confident, but I'm a bit reserved (especially when it comes to concealing when I feel unhappy) and find it hard to open up to people sometimes, not knowing the sort of things to talk about.

In fact the only time I got a date by simply popping the question of going for a drink tonight was with a German girl in France.

I have had other problems (like fear of beautiful women) in the past, but I've managed to overcome many of them.

Instead, I'm afraid of the potential of them already having a boyfriend (which seems to be almost always), and when I find they DO have a BF (99% of the time), it angers and frustrates me.

But I also don't want to give up like some of the guys here. I am terrified of being still in this situation years in the future. That's a horrible image that I want to avoid, and I don't want to give up (I think most guys who give up are being unfair on themselves), nor do I want to commit suicide because then I DON'T stand a chance. I'm actually not a virgin, but that was the only time unfortunately.

To be honest, I'm considering going/moving abroad if it keeps going on like this.

Steve 7 years ago

Hi R Pseudomen i need your help !!!!!!!!!

Steve 7 years ago

Hi R Pseudomen i need your help !!!!!!!!!

Roberto 7 years ago

Just turned 47 and have never had a girlfriend and have never kissed a girl. All this advice is bullshit! If you haven't had a girlfriend by the time you're 30, your odds are less than 10% because you are what you are. Either you have what women want from a guy or you don't and if you don't there is nothing you can do about it. Except make the most of living alone and getting your fantasies on sex web sites.

lifesucks83 7 years ago

Im 26 and have asked out probably close to 200 girls.

Denied every damn time. Perseverance and personality don't mean shit when your ugly as hell.

cyrus wragweed 7 years ago

i am an accomplished pianist and i love classical music.i also have a large collection of jazz 78s.i am six feet tall ,44 years old,have a full head of hair yet i cant get a girlfriend.what is wrong with me?

LeMONdRoPs 7 years ago

RJHome, the only reason why girls from foreign countries like you is because of one thing. Its called a GREENCARD.

stop being a douche. I, for one, a girl, would NEVER want to date a guy who takes advice from a cd called "How to stop being a loser." Guys, take it from me, generally all we want is a sweet guy that we can rely on. I mean good looks are nice but even if a guy is rich and handsome, if hes a bastard towards me, i wouldn't want to date him. I must admit there are some shallow girls out there who go for that type of guy, but would you really want to date someone like her? The Personality and Perseverance thing is true too. DON'T GIVE UP. Im sure you'll find a girl who likes you just the way you are. Get off your sorry asses and start looking for her. Shes out there. CHIVARLY IS NOT DEAD.

randy 7 years ago

I don't get it I did all the stuff u said but my dream girl sill said no. I think she still said no because im ugly:[. we were talking having fun and i asked her she said she would think about it she did 4 3days but she said she said she wasent looking 4 a relationship but the next day she gets a goyfriend but he is the most annoying selfsented person I know so if you could give me some resons why she did that it would b great

JP 7 years ago

My problem is that...after so many girls have said no,i just don't know how to talk to them anymore, like u said abouve: they feel the negativity and it turns them off.I try fo face things happily but i don't know how anymore (obviously girls aren't my only problem) i don't know what to do.

Saint32 7 years ago

I still can't

James 7 years ago

Hey, my name is James

I have 2 things to ask!

1. Whenever I like a girl they just like me as a friend, I try to get to know them first but it never works because at the end they just see me as a friend!

2. I like this girl and today she said that she likes me as a friend

So how do I change her mind and hoq can I get to know a girl without getting too "friendish" with her

-whats your advice about dating?

chasey boy! 7 years ago

people love. especially girls! but the 'just friends" term is somethin i have a problem with.

Chalen 7 years ago

love is like God, they both don't exist.

lol 7 years ago

I am crap at love. Don't think I am ugly but just not good with women. Maybe I just do not try hard enough ?????

big pimpin  7 years ago

think about this....if u lower ur standards u wont be turned down!!!

Becca 6 years ago

I am almost 18 and finishing highschool, and i honesty found this site completely by accident during a google search, but i started to read some of the comments and was extremely saddened by many of them, and i thought maybe hearing a girl's perspective might be helpful. Honestly guys, personality does trump looks. Im not saying this because im ugly either im acutally "hot" or "sexy" or whatever u want to call it, but i can tell you that pretty girls do not want to be subjected my cocky, jerk guys who just want some ass, attractive or not. The guys who left the best impressions in my life were the ones who made me laugh, or were just honestly nice, caring people. If there's a girl you care about, or would like to get to know, just acting genuinly friendly is a good start. Even just being an open friendly person day to day will help u meet people and eventually you'l find someone you click with. Girls can totally tell if you're not being yourself, so i know it's cliché to say be yourself, but if you do then the person you eventually find will like you for exactly who you are.

I will also tell you that my current boyfriend of 5 months is someone that at first glance i didn't pay any attention to,and people who don't know him tell me i could do "way better". But even if i brushed him off at first he wasn't afraid to make it obvious he liked me, so eventually after getting to know him i realized what an amazing person he is. You should just know that there are girls out there who are willing to give guys of all types a chance, and please don't ever give up on yourself, because god made you the person you are for a reason and somewhere out there is an amazing girl waiting for you.

Joe 6 years ago

My advice to you guys who can't get dates is simple: be brave and approach women and TALK TO THEM!

"Confidence" in the dating world means being able to approach women easily and take charge of your interactions with them. I actually don't like how people use the word "confidence" for this because it's not exactly right. You can be confident IN YOURSELF but still not get dates. If this is you, your problem is you're not approaching women enough, either that or you're just not being yourself.

Here's a challenge, next time you're waiting for your coffee at Starbucks, or waiting for class to start, or whatever start a conversation with the women closest to you. JUST DO IT. Act like yourself, be friendly, don't try to be a "player" or something just BE YOUR DAMN SELF. If you keep doing this you WILL find a woman who digs you and will go out with you if you ask.

Okay? Just do it.

BS 6 years ago

I'm 31, going on 32. The last thing I'd call a relationship ended 6 years ago, after 3 years being together, she cheated on me. Since then, I've had dates but nothing I'd consider a relationship. In the last few years, I barely even get that. I find that approaching women, doesn't work very well for me. I'm told by my female friends that I am attractive and would be a good catch for a woman. My confidence has went down dramatically after being rejected so much that now at my age, I really don't expect anything to happen. Pipe dream is gone, no wife, no kids. I always try and put my best foot forward, but after so many failures....you get tired. I've even tried several online dating sites, good luck even getting a reply from women on those. I love how they say what they're looking for, and when they get an email, they don't even respond. Talk about shallow, online dating is more cruel then just going up to someone to ask them. I suppose that's because of the lack of actually having to see the person and give them an actual response. It's easy to click delete.

Sammy 6 years ago

Hey I'm 17 and I've only had one girlfriend in my life. I don't understand why I'm six feet tall in very good shape (I got to the gym five times a week) I don't have acne or anything like that. Girls say that I dumb but im not I just can't help acting dumb around them. Any advice?

frylock 6 years ago

some people just don't get girls

simple as that

in life, some people get to be happy and get what they want

others never get anything

theres nothing we can do about it except to admit defeat

we must accept that we are here to make others feel better about themselves

life isn't fair, i know its cliché, but its true

as soon as you accept the fact that you'll be alone forever, you can move on with your life

you need to learn to get rid of your emotions as they do you no good

there is no purpose or meaning of life, its just there, so just accept it

if you believe in god, then you can believe that your terrible life is merely a test to see if you'll go to heaven

those with good lives are either predetermined to go to heaven or hell, as god has no need to test them

J.J 6 years ago

Hi I was trying to get a girl and just said I liked her and asked if we could go out she rejected me. I'm buut ugly with peanut for a head now my friends going to ask her out what do I do.

J.J  6 years ago

Hi me again like I said i'm butt ugly with a peanut for a head I'm 11yrs old in middle school I feel like i'm the only one without a gf also I have dandruff. I doubt plasic surgery is going to help. I'm rich (185$) and I thought she sais yes about going out. I'm half black half white but with brown skin color she was mexican but I want a white girl what do I do

NP 6 years ago

To J.J

JJ, ur only 11 years old come on u in the 6 grade, you way to young my dude, just because everybody else have a partner doesn't mean u need one, u have a lot of time a head of so don't rush things cause when u do, ur going to find the wrong thing.

Andy 6 years ago

Hey man I feel the same as u I asked so many girls out I get rejected I never use to have this problem I had girls wanting me left right and centre why can't I even get a single girl now. I just want to settle down and be happy this girl I met recently was like omg ur soooooooooo funny and such a nice guy I charmed her told her she was so pretty she was ringing me at 4am in the morning wanting to talk to me ringing me like 5-10 times a day and txting me but then she sends me a txt one day saying im sat nxt to this guy whos soo hot i can't stop staring at him I txt her bk and said I was jealous then we have not really spoke since. I mean idk what to do I can't get a girlfriend I did everything they say to do to get the girl and I just can't?? I use to look so hot I look at old pics of me and not to be vein I was freaking gorgeous even in my passport photo I had like 20 girls in 1 year telling me they liked me I rejected every single one that year I had huge standards. This was like 5 years ago though. Now I have 0 girls telling me they like me=\ I look at the pics I take now and think I look ugly as hell how did I change so much?? Maybe its Gods revenge for me rejecting them girls and treating them like shit?? I just feel so lonely now and say to girls I don't even like that I like them because I feel so depressed I tell them I feel ugly they never say ur not ugly. Some women said to me ur handsome and my mum went yer he has lovely eyes doesn't he. Maybe I turned so ugly no girls find me attractive anymore I don't want to die lonely im not a jerk anymore im the nice guy whos caring and makes girls laugh not make them cry=\. Maybe girls are as shallow as I use to be life sucks=\

Jack 6 years ago

Ive gotten lots of girls, but then all of a sudden they stopped dating me like that. Ive been talking to this one girl and she says she really likes me, she even said that she would go out with me. I asked her out. She said, "IDK i like being single right now." I'm like WTF ok w/e.

c w 6 years ago

Hi i have a different problem i need help with. I can't get over my ex we broke up just before xmas last year and i just can't get her out of my head. My friends tell me just move on, but i still love her and when you love someone its impossible just to simply move on. What's worse is that we are in the same class at college, i think she stills has feelings for me but talking to her is really hard it feels like im meeting a person every time we talk, please help thanx im 19 btw

R W F 6 years ago

Well I have a real big problem I'm in the marine corp and I'm about to be deployed to Afganastan where it is real and I hate the fact that the only people who love me is my family. And now that's all good and all but I just want someone to love me and care about m just as much.

anonymous 6 years ago

good article. but the reality is that its difficult to find someone in the 'game of dating' because there are many bad people out there.

no one is perfect, but being that there are many bad people out there who like to hurt other people - this in turn makes it very difficult for those of us who want to find someone that is good.

its easy for one friend (who has found someone) to say to another friend (who is still going through the emotional trauma) -'yeah, someone is out there, just wait, when you least expect it'...you have to be going through it to know what its like.

guy in need 6 years ago

Im in high school and Im not bad looking. Im pretty confident and most people say im funny. However I always get stuck in the friend zone. Or the girls i like say they just dont feel like dating me would work. Im gettin sick of it. Help please?

To Andy: 6 years ago

Up to a certain age you can get away with being a cocky jerk and girls will think its hot and be all over you, but there comes a point where woman no longer find self-absorbed superficial guys attractive. They know they wont make good boyfriends/husbands or be good in a relationship because the attraction is only skin deep. That's probably why you cant get women anymore.

Julian, Australia 6 years ago

I recommend a book by Neil Strauss called 'The Game- Rules of the Game'. It has the potential to be a life changing book, but it all depends on how committed you are. You'll know what I mean when you read it.

Evan Sackett 6 years ago

You know, I have often considered suicide because I could not get a date. But you know, when you hear or read somebody else saying that, you realize just how stupid that is. "I can't get laid so I'm going to kill myself!" Here's ,y advice: its all for sex. For $250, I can go just a few miles and get the best piece of ass a man could want from a real woman, nos trings attatched, just business, vs. spending $150, date after date, and "maybe" getting some. Once you get some ass, those suicidal thoughts go away. Buy the shit. Just remember, all those hot girls you see, it is nothing you can't buy.

Raptor 6 years ago

Sometimes getting a girlfriend is all you can think about when you're on your own. I have actually had a few girlfriends, 4 in total, and 3 of those were sexual partners.

Yet here I am 35 and single. If you think asking them out is tough, then let me tell you, the relationship side of it all is tougher still. I loved my last girlfriend so much, but that didn't stop it from being the worst relationship I ever had. She was young and didn't know what the hell she wanted, sometimes it was me, sometimes it was her ex. Which caused me a lot of pain.

It's been a few months since I have seen her, and even though I told her to leave and never darken my door again, I'm still in love with the stupid cow! However I have enough dignity to know that if I tried to contact her again she would use me just like she always did.

I hate being single, and the last relationship has basically ground me down so now I think all girls are selfish lying b!t@h£s.

I live in hope I will meet someone that actually likes me for me, but I guess what I'm trying to say is don't let "getting a girl" be the only goal in your life. I think guys that are single and find it tough to get a girl tend to just dwell on it and it becomes some obsessive disease in your head.

You gotta just get out there and live your life, see your friends and do the things you enjoy. Chances are you will bump into a girl at some point.

Jason 6 years ago

I'm a freak-in-the-face. I still look very very good, but there's zero chance of getting a second date due to simple genetics. Nice guys do not finish last--far from. The slightest imperfection in your face and you're lower than dirt. Any suggestions, genius?

Dillon 6 years ago

Im one of those guys who plays 3 sports(football,wrestling,track) I wear my varsity jacket I start on the football team. Why can't I get a girlfriend? I entered high school 3 years ago with this preconceived notion that football players/jocks always get the girls it just happens. Unfortunately I guess for linemen it doesn't. I know I'm a big guy but I work out everyday I have big muscles. Is it just my looks? I talk to girls and it seems to go well I make them laugh I've even asked some of them out and usually somehow the date gets canceled. I don't get it can someone help? I'm thinking about giving up.

Jason 6 years ago

@Dillon Specific advice for dating and attracting another person is pure rhetoric--biggest scam in the world--so don't listen to it. What you can do is try all sorts of different things. Each person is different, and you have to unlock each person with a special key, even for a simple date. I personally think you shouldn't be incredibly indicative of yourself. Maybe drop the "look at me I'm a football player" and try to show that there's more than that underneath the helmet? Some might be too intimidated by your size.

no name 6 years ago

The advice people give where they try to be positive, here on the internet, is such crap. It totally always overlooks the real gravity of someones situation just so that person can sound like a good person. If you actually have something to say that can help someone tangibly, good, otherwise keep your self righteous platitudes and cleches to yourselves.

Rasetsumaru 6 years ago

I'm a hispanic 21 year old u.s. marine and not to brag I'm very attractive have decent sized muscles but no matter how hard I tried in the past I could never get a girlfriend even now its as if it wasn't meant to be yeah maybe 1, 2, or 5 times but to get rejected 68 times! I've gotten close sometimes but never sealed the deal now I have given up and the only way I get by is by not thinking of women, everytime I see one look the other way, if they smile or say hi ignore them, and now avoid them at all costs!

David 6 years ago



R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 6 years ago from Canada Author

Intimidating girls is not the right attitude you ever want to show a girl. Respect and appreciation go a long ways here.

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 6 years ago from Canada Author

If you need to "kick your butt" into getting interested in finding a girlfriend, start with these two simple steps:

1) Go to online chat rooms and just talk in the group with some girls. This will help your confidence as you become able to talk one-on-one with girls. A great place for this is an online games site, like www.pogo.com.

2) Practice your smile. A friendly face is an approachable face and when women smile back at you life becomes a better experience immediately.

leep123 6 years ago

Women want 2 things: confidence, (or moreso, overconfidence), and POPULARITY. I cannot stress that enough. You can be hideously ugly, but if people know who you are, women will flock to you. Popularity is the key. No one seems to realize that. And money helps too.

leep123 6 years ago

Like I said, I can't stress popularity enough. Get out. It doesn't matter if you're yourself, or trying to be someone else. it's all about WHO YOU KNOW. If you're an artist, in a band, or hilariously funny, and if no one (including guys) know who you are you won't get a date. I'd be willing to say that 75% of guys who can't get a date are not getting OUT enough. Exposure will make girls want you more. Exposure will make people NOTICE you. Trust me.

dragons1 6 years ago

im 18 never had a gf. its not if i havnt tried i get really shy around girls like i freeze up. i have never kissed any1 eitha i get nervous thinkn about kissing. when im around my mates im fine but as soon as a girl comes over i jus stop talking

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 6 years ago from Canada Author

To dragons1: to the very next girl you see that you like say this "Do you follow sports?" and follow the conversation from there. If there is a pregnant, awkward pause quickly say "The pizza is too cold to smile" and when she says "Why did you say that?" tell her your practicing for the "Statements that don't make any sense" contest online.

And smile. And ask for her email. And walk away.

Danny 6 years ago

I am 17 still a virgin and I haven't had a girlfriend in about a year. I used to have loads of girls every other month now its depressing there is no girls on my course at college and I don't hang about with any outside. What can I do?

agent47 6 years ago

This is my problem, i have loads of friends at school(high school)but like only one friend that is a girl. Now, i don't even get on with 'guys' that well, but still i 'need'(term used loosely) them more for study motivation ect... because in my relativity money is the key to happiness and one of the best ways to secede. I did go out with this chick for a little while, but it fell though very fast, now, i want a girlfriend again, but the girl i have liked forever, ditched me for some fag guy,that everyone hates... =( it seems how hard i try/don't try, how funny i am,am not, nothing works, making friends, pfft, easy, getting a girlfriend, i think i will have to stick with making money and passing school.....

N boy 6 years ago

16 years old and never kissed a girl...I have lots of friends but they see me as a friend.

They seem to like me but the friend way...What shoul i do???

lonelystill20 6 years ago

well i had tons of girlfriends in highschool and i thought i had met the one. we ended up dating for 5 years and in that time we had 2 awesome baby boys. we recently broke up and she found a boyfriend within a couple days. it seems like i cant find a girlfriend now because i forgot the rules of dating. im a little rusty at spittin game. im scared of rejection, and idk what to do.

Shitpickle 6 years ago

I'm 20.. I kinda gave up sometime ago. I had GFs in my life, nothing special, not a single stable relationship. I'm the fat ugly kid, my face isn't too bad and it couldn't stop me from getting girls, but it does now. I feel myself pretty worthless, every idiot has a girlfriend, I see couples everywhere, it makes me sick. Last time I had a Gf (if we could call it a relationship) was about 2 years ago. She sent me to the bottom. It's kinda rare to find girls who are interested in me, I like things that are so "uncool" these days. Even if I could find a girl that's interested in me, they're all want me to be their "actual best friend" - little blood suckers pff.. - I have friends, they're telling me the same crap over and over. Be positive and etc. Well maybe I'd be positive in their position too (long, good, stable relationships yeah yeah). I'm a funny guy, always making the girls laugh around me, they like because I respect them, but still nothing. I'm always the "best friend". I also play various instruments, I draw too. But I guess I'm not special enough for girls :D I don't have money, car or anything that makes them wet. Girls are like parking lots, the good ones are already taken, the others are shitty or ya have to pay for them ;)

Cy 6 years ago

i always feel uncomfortable talking to girls ( except relatives ), every time I'll try to be that humorous natural comedian that i am to the opposite sex ( that is not a relative ), i....can't. i lose it, the thought that "i'm just doing it to impress the ladies..." comes into my head. it makes me uncomfortable, i suddenly withdraw. the reason i get uncomfortable to the idea is because of the fact that i don't want to look like an asshole. i'm not an asshole, i try my best not to be an asshole, i'm really using that term because...it makes me wonder; do i have to be the absolute jerk face that i'm not to get a date? is there no one in this world ( no, really i'm asking, the world ) will ever appreciate my high practice of high respect, perpetual smile, shining dignity, and absolute neutrality? do they hate for being me because they can't be me? is that the idea? you guys would probably think " good guy eh? then why do you poat such whiny comment? ", my answer, because it hurts. it hurts that I've been doing this for 11 years ( i'm 20 ) and no one seems to appreciate me for being that. it hurts me so much that i looked around me, i'm smiling, but no, they'd rather be getting cigarette-smoking "bad boy" there rather than "stupid, creepy, boy in plain clean white shirt and brown bland pants and shoes, with big smile" on that corner. it pains me that i wake up, every morning, expecting nothing but to one day finish school, get a job, get old, die i an apartment from heart attack, depression and loneliness, only to be discovered as a rotting body three weeks later. maybe it's my body " going through the unsuccessful phase of finding a mate " talking, i don't know. it's annoying, as i'm typing this i'm sad, i wonder where did i go wrong, am i evil? am i being punished for something? i look in the mirror, everyday asking; " what the heck is wrong with me that i can't see?!! ", " why are they happy? ", " why am i unhappy? ", " why do i feel this hatred to myself? "...i feel like a failure, am i a failure because unlike most of them, my interest is comics, videogames, cartoons, and jackie chan movies? am i a failure because I'd rather be washing my hands everytime i handled money, or that i always brush my teeth after a meal ( or even just a snack )? am i a failure because i always look at myself at the end of the day to evaluate myself, always seeing at the end of the day how many mistakes I've made, cursing myself, for wishing i've never done those mistakes. maybe this is one of 'em, typing this down, hoping to find some help, on random site, filled with strangers...i don't know, maybe i'm like this because i don't know what it feels to feel "handsome", i never felt handsome in my whole life. i always see myself as this blank figure that people find uninteresting...yeah, maybe i'm right, maybe that's my end. to die alone in an apartment, from loneliness...i feel stupid. :)

CPT 6 years ago

Gratitude, self-confidence, mind set and all that stuff you are either born with or not.

You can look in the mirror and tell yourself you are a confident happy person everyday, you can walk round with whatever mindset you can think of but at the end of the day your still in the same boat and still have nothing.

Im 26 now and no female has ever give the slightest **** about me in any way shape or form. I wasn't born confident, funny or charismatic and NO its not possible to change that, YES i have tried, repeatedly. Its just not who i am, name one person in the world (any of you) who has successfully done a complete personality overhaul....

There is nobody, unless someone is capable of altering their own DNA and genes then you are lying my friend.

I know i will never find anyone, but people misunderstnad that and spew out the generic:

"o but that's negative and its a turn off so you wont find anyone with that attitude/you have already give up so you wont now anyway"

NO, its the truth based on logic, reason and probability, not false hope.

You expect me to walk round all smiles, positivity and happiness? Well that didn't work either, i was still in the same boat as any other mindset at the end of the day.

Another grevance for me if half of you don't practice what you preach. For example i seen one here telling a guy to go around and smile at women. You really think that works? haha. I did this for a while and guess what....nobody smiles back, you get strange disgusted faces and still nobody gives a damn. Im not talking about 1 or 2 here, try around the 50 mark.

Don't spew generic advice when it don't work.

Here's another great one:

"Talk to the girl at the till"

She doesn't care if you drop down dead infront of her, this is not a mindset/negative thinking or any of that bullshit, this is from facial observations, tone of voice, body language i KNOW that she REALLY DON'T GIVE A ****. Again this is not 1 or 2 this is ALL of them. Its not the way im talking to them ive tried all sorts of happy & interesting ways. It just don't work.

And my all time favourite generic statement" Get yourself out there!":

WTF does that actually mean? out where exactly? and do what?

Walk up random people in the street? Most people are going about their business and DO NOT want to be disturbed (Again something ive tried extensively).

At work? NO most are a lot older than me and already married/kids etc. Changing jobs is not an option.

Through friends? Same again, as you get older more and more marry off and have kids. Nobody here.

Through any sort of hobby? What? driving? nobody is going to open your car door and get in for a chat. Car clubs are full off men and ego. I suck at any type of sport or game, pointless joining a football team for example when you completely suck at it.

At a gym? People don't want to know, they have earphones in, working away facing a wall in the corner....if there is even a female in the building.

Online dating? If you don't look like a male model, state that you swim with dolphins or your an astronaught then you can send 1000s of msgs with 0 replies. 30 guys to 1 women on any given site. Women have their pick. The shallowest of the shallow reside here.

Clubs & pubs? Pubs are for old men here in England, Clubs are like dating sites(20 guys to a girl, shallow women) and you can't even hear anyone, nobody can hear you.

Again, the above things i have TRIED, TESTED AND FAILED.

This won't apply to all of you, some of you are the ones that piss and moan but have never even tried.

I could write a 1000 page essay on this but to spare you and me the time and effort i will end it here.

Fix this and you are are superman, people who study human nature and psychology for 40+ years who i paid good money to see can't.

Danny 6 years ago

Hey , I`m 15 and i never had a girlfriend , i don`t even know how to kiss . Everybody says i look good , i have the perfect weight for my size ( im 170 cm and 54 kilograms) , I have a nice muscular body couse i always liked sport and i`ve been skateboarding for 2 years . the problem is that there are a lot of girls that like me but , most of them are ugly in my perception , some of my friends say they are hot . anyways when i like a girl i talk to her and she smilesi tell jokes and stuff and at the end of the day she tells me that im her best friend but i never get past this and this fucks up my mind . becouse everytime i like a girl i can be only her best friend and that makes me fall into depression and makes me hate myself . why are there like 10000 girls that i don't like but they love me ? but there isn't only 1 girl that i like that could like me to . PLEASE HELP ME!!

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 6 years ago from Canada Author

Confidence is not something we are born with.

However, we are born with a great fear of rejection.

You can grow confidence one question to a girl at a time.

Try to start with something you have in common with a girl. Same class? Ask her for help. Same school, ask her to hang out after.

Rejection happens, but the more you try the better the odds you'll end up with a girlfriend. Remember, she's scared of rejection too.

Danny 6 years ago

Thank you Pseudomen

Michael 6 years ago

Hello - I have really appreciated your responses on above topics however one area I would appreciate covered. I am 27 have only dated one girl and got engaged with her...unfortunately she cut off communication cold about a year ago... phone number changed and no replies to emails. Never did get along with her family so guessing that is the reason but I am divulging from where I am meaning to go. I am religious and a bit over-talkative...I can live with this and work with it however I am having a very hard time finding where to meet girls... I do not drink and also work in a profession which there are no younger (under 40)people besides myself. Where and how is a good to meet opposite gender and where is a good place to go to see how to start communicating in that area? PS - most friends I have are basically circular through church... or at least I have not found one that is comfortable setting up a date for me so that area is kind of out. Thanks so much for your time.

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 6 years ago from Canada Author

Hi Michael,

Start with online dating to help yourself opening up to women, send messages to the women you might like to meet, but play it cool, don't give up too much info on yourself, don't scare them away before you get to the first 'coffee date'. Here's some reading for you: http://www.alovelinksplus.com/advice/online-dating...

Daniel 6 years ago

This article is depressing as anything. It appears whenever someone has a "problem" everyone tries to find ways to "fix it." The thing is, you don't need to have a great personality or even perseverance. I know men who are angry all the time, and their personality is anything but miserable. Yet, they go home to their wives and children. So it's clear that those qualities you speak of have nothing to do with a lasting relationship at all.

When I think about it, I think in life you either have it or you don't. It's all based on circumstances that you're in. Sure, the more you go out and try, the more higher your chances are. However, that doesn't mean that everyone who tries the same things will get the same results. I think some people are meant to live alone and I think even more so, this world sort of laughs into the face of these people. It's clear that every evil man in this world tend to be single. Think about all the powerful dictators of this world. None of them are married! Most of them force women to be with them, and in all they were single. So it's clear that relationships have a profound effect on your mind and body. In my opinion, you should just wait to see what circumstances come available to you. You shouldn't try to change who you are, because that only drives to insanity because it won't always work out the way you'll expect.

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 6 years ago from Canada Author

Hi Daniel,

I think that not only are you a poor example of a man, based on your opinions, but that you don't try either, allowing life to kick sand in your face and take it without trying to change your circumstances.

As for evil married men, everyone has a perspective on other people's lives, why don't you just try to live your own life a little more positively?

And dictators often have a wife... but they don't beat her, they beat thew common folk.

Why don't you try to smile a little more you sad pathetic whimpering thing.

Chris 6 years ago

I am 30 male..... no girlfriend or touch any women before. considering suicide this year to leave this lonely place.

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 6 years ago from Canada Author

Hi Chris,

taking yourself out of the game is not the answer! There is a ton of advice to help you become a confident guy, so don't stop looking!

Mitch 6 years ago

Go places where you have another purpose, and finding women is secondary. This way you don't come off as desperate.

Ballroom Dancing is a great place to meet women, Community College, Conventions of various sorts. I met my wife at a community college.

If you are still in High School i recommend looking for women who do not go to your school. That way its based on looks and personality alone, Not on their friends opinions

Don't go where women are already tied up with friends. ask for email adresses not phone numbers, then from the email see if they want to hang out at a public place you both like, bookstore, movie theatre, out for coffee, and if you had a good time reschedule before the 1st meeting is over. This is where she may give a phone number. if She is reluctant say you will Email her, if no reply leave it alone and find another friend.

Give those tips a try, they seemed to work for me.

David 6 years ago

Dude, im a very picky guy, and i recently found a girl i really liked, talks to her a lot, felt like she really liked me only to get a text from her once saying that she feels discomfort around me... all my relationships are like that... i try to be very nice and romantic but i don't know... it sucks.

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 6 years ago from Canada Author

I think you try to hard, to much emphasis one one woman... really, if you can make her jealous then she's yours, if you're trying to hard she'll always reject you.

This is especially true if you tend to "hint around" at starting to date her rather than asking her straight out. Girls hate that game, they want a guy that can make decisions, not waiting for the triple-green-light to move forward.

If you are more direct about you intentions, that you want to date her, you'll do much better with the ladies.


David-A 6 years ago

Hello all,

Here is a problem I am having. I am in my mid 30's now, and I have had only 1 girlfriend in all that time. I pretty much considered her "the ONE", after getting to know her for the better part of a year.

Neither one of us wanted our relationship to end, but there were things that were beyond our control, and let's just say "life" happened.

I never even considered having another girlfriend for about 3 years after that. That was quite a long time ago, and now I am starting to feel all alone and by myself again, but now it is practically impossible for me to find a girlfriend.

I am in the worst possible sitution for attracting a woman at this point in my life.

I am currently unemployed thanks to the current economy. I also now am rooming at my mom's place since I can't even afford an effeciency or small apartment now.

How can my sitution get any worse? Everybody knows that no stable income and living with your parents are two of the biggest turn offs with almost all women.

I really don't have any clue anymore on what I can or should do at this point.

James 6 years ago

I have never had a proper date in my entire life and I'm forty two and unemployed. I spend most of my life trying to get a job and the women I like just ignore me. I never had a single girlfriend or date hrough out my entire teenage years or twenties. I am reasonably confident now but approaching a girl I like still worries me. I have pretty much given up on women.

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 6 years ago from Canada Author

Hi David-A: Maybe you want to take this opportunity to network online and take some classes to better your work skills and become a more valuable asset.

Sure, it would be nice to have a girlfriend right now but I think circumstance dictates that you take care of business here first, women second.

belle 6 years ago

because your a whiney bitch

nobody 6 years ago

hi my name is nobody

i dont know if ill ever get a reply to this but i thought id put it up anyways. this is the first time i openly talk abt myself on the net. im not being cocky, but im good looking. people have told me that. im 18 btw. that's not the issue. i have no personality, i like to feel reassured, i like to be given compliments, i always want to be the centre of attention, but when i do get the attention, i falter and stuff everything up. im so hard to understand. nobody in the world understands me. i feel like i have nobody in the world, not even god, although sometimes i wish he was beside me to tell me what to do. when i feel like i got no friends, i feel depressed, but at the same time, it reassures me for some very weird reason. im not an intravert, but not an extravert. im not the life of the party, but i always wish i was. im noot popular, but ii wish i was, and when i do get some attention, i never know how to cope with it. i feel like i should have been born an animal, i wish my looks can be given to somebody who needs it more. i would trade my looks with anybody in the world who has bad looks, in trade for a better personality. sometimes i wander to myself, am i the only guy who feels like this? im not a depressed case, im not suicidal, i enjoy life as much asi can, and i have a lot of friends are university, but i always feel like i have nobody in life. nobody understands me. i wish i can get with girls. i know i have the looks, and sometimes i feel i have a great personality, but often when i reflect, i find that i actally don't. i hate being overlooked. many people judge me badly. i wish i can be a better human. when i was young, i lived in lebanon for 8 years of my life. i was carefree (from what i remembeR). i had a different perosnality. i had friends, and girls loved me. i had a beautiful life. i now live in australia. i have conformed. i am no longer what i was. i am no longer the same little lebanese kid who came to the country and everyone adored because he was different. i am now just a nobody.

to those who didn't want to read this and feel bad about themselves..im sorry.

to those who read this and felt that they feel the same way, please reply to me, it comforts me to know there are others out there..

and if i get no reply, well..ill keep talking to god, maybe one day he'll answer me..

thnanks everyone.

man26 6 years ago

Hello guys, i've read almost every post here within the last hour, trying to get tips and I also am seeing that what I feel inside is brought up here by other gentlemen on this site.

I actually read on many websites about the issue of never getting laid and often i can feel suicidal and i have contemplated suicide, because its getting to heavy on me, like a burden that i cant beare, but this website offers me some hope thou, because it is a comfort to know your not alone. I really don't want to be a part of the problem, instead a part of the solution, so I'm not going to whine anymore. Anyways, I'm 26, but have zero skills when it comes to women. But sometimes I feel like a parasite, kind of needy, which does not display my character in a good way. Overall, I like this website but I don't like to see my peers (which seems to all be good men)feeling this way, and we MUST support each other. I am trying to be optimistic now.

I wish all the guys here the best and don't EVER allow suicide to be the last resort, or I will be angry with you. I rarely speak about this, but I believe that masturbation has kept me through this insanity LOL. I am sincere, otherwise I would blow my brains out. Afterwards I'm not even wanting a girl, I want to be by myself. But I hope the right circumstances will come along for you guys, and IT WILL, if you just try to think outside the box for a little bit.

In fact, when it comes to this matter, I had nobody to understand me, not women, not family, not God,..the only thing that rescued me was YOU GUYS. And I hope we guys stick together and watch each others back, because no one else will (well actually im sorry for using Gods name in vain, I know that he is the one caring for us). Yea, anyways this post got a little bit too long.

Although I am the last guy to give any advice I will give one anyway.

Whenever you see a hot sexy woman but your feeling to insecure about yourself or you think you are too ugly and that you are not worth anything and want to give up, THEN PLEAAASEEEE, think on us in that situation, we are 100% behind you and know that you are not alone, you belong to the brotherhood of MEN. Wether you may be a teenager of a middleaged man or a young man or an old man. Women are really good human being and they afterall gave birth to us so we must atleast in return not give up, instead FIGHT 4 OUR RIGHTS. And it's going to be cool and you'll find a cool lady only 4 YOU.....................Peace

6 years ago

Yeah, tell that to the 50+ year olds that have never had one.

You are raised with it as a child/adolescent or you are not, the ones that say they have gained these skills (like the guy answering the questions) had them all along just didn't realise it.

When your brain is developing and pathways are constantly being formed, if you did not acquire the relevant experience(In a very broad term) then you will always struggle.

In layman's terms its more like "You can't teach an old dog new tricks".

I wouldn't start teaching a 70yo to fly a plane, would you?

I knew a friend like this who gave up/miserable/hopeless but i always knew he could do it if he tried. He did.

Then i knew someone else who was also hopeless and i know he just does not have it in him at all, even if he did try. He is now 33.

I won't be as nasty as to say your defects in the gene pool but in nature the weak and those unable to mate die off.

Sucks to be in this position, i know im there myself but at the end of the day it is hard and if you don't get to pass on your genes then so be it, that's just nature taking its course, instead strive to do what you can to help society in any other way you can.

Nima S profile image

Nima S 6 years ago from Los Angeles, CA

Very Well put .

man26 6 years ago

lol, very well put, it's true what you have said. No man want to find himself in such a situation. This is not a single vs. married matter, this is a about being single, not by choice, but by default, being that there is no option for the guy. 50+ virgin men really need to manipulate their own thought pattern radically to accomplish sex, too nice is never good to be because people will step their feet all over you. Remember, women was put here to satisfy mens need, not the other way around (if you want to be blblical LMAO),nah but seriously,in order to have a good life, I believe you need a healthy sex life too, and each men are responsible to care for their needs as do women. Honestly, without being that philosophical about it, I think we're heading into a feministic society. I bet you that the young men in the 30's 40's 50's would have a hard time finding women in he 21'th century. I believe women were more easy back then, in order to increase the world population or something, but now in our time, nature wants to regulate it, so it won't be too overpopulated maybe, I don't know I'm just ranting, just a thought. From mens perspective, it is uncalled for, but from natures perspective, everything is in order. Hey, I just want sex, let's worry about children later, I don't even want kids now, I just want sex, you know sex isn't just about having kids, it's about more than that.....Peace out dudes

6 years ago

I'm 28 and I've had a few girlfriends, but small talking with women or really anyone for that matter is soo hard for me. I ended an 8 year relationship about 4 years ago and have been on but a couple of disheartening dates since.

I love living alone and doing what I want/need when I want, but I am starting to get really lonely from time to time. I have never had a huge group of friends and as I have gotten older I have less and less; which means I have less and less opportunities to meet women.

I'm afraid that the feeling that I have nothing of value to offer is growing inside and I think I am starting to resent others for it.

All I would really like to have is a chick to squeeze every now and then...someone other than a relative that truly cares about what's going on with j.

The author says change what you can and accept what you can't, but what about those of us for whom personality is the unchangeable obstacle? I mean I'm not mean, spiteful, chauvinistic, or generally just a jack-ass; but I am cripplingly introverted and wholly unable to engage in small talk. And yes some may say that these are things to "work on," but ultimately for those of us that have such issues, they will never be wholly rectified and we will always struggle to make connections.

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 6 years ago from Canada Author

Hi j,

You seem to miss the point: "personality is attitude, expressed" and what you express to others is what they learn about you, even if it's not what you feel to be the real you.

We all struggle, we're not dogs looking for food, we're human beings looking for a person to be with, to share a life with, a person that will help us belong to a family we create with them.

I really ache when I read about these guys giving up, about them losing hope, when they have this marvelous tool, "The Internet' where they can connect with others so easily, so quickly, and be themselves without too much risk.

I have hope for all of you. And I want you to have hope for yourself.

6 years ago

The Internet isn't as good a tool as people make it out to be.

Dating sites are feeding ground for the shallowest of shallow women.

Women with nothing/very little to offer looks wise or personality wise expecting a perfect 10 guy.

If your picture does not look like a male model, your profile does not state you are an astronaught or you swim with dolphins then you will not get so much as a reply.

Do a little test.

Make a profile with some good looking guy with a fancy job and watch the replies/views/first contact pour in.

Now go back to your profile and message the same women.


Any given site there is 20 guys to 1 girl, so if your not similar to the guy i mentioned above then you won't get picked above the others.

Women know they have their pick of the guys so they take the best.

If you were really that good looking with a top notch personality you would not be using a dating site to begin with.

I personally have sent 1000's of message but no matter how interesting, personal or funny you make them seem they go ignored, simply for the fact that im not an astronaught/sky diver/undercover agent, i work in I.T and im not a male model im average looking.

Taking the internet in general for meeting people; because its worldwide the chances of finding someone remotly close to you are very slim.

Disregarding dating sites and taking other social things on the internet into account like gaming, forums, Q&A sites or even this one.

You meet people from other countries, other continents or maybe even your country but an entrely different region.

Chances that its a female and lives within a 100 mile of you are just way to slim to rely on the internet.

Like i love how people pull out the phrase:

"Theres 3 billion women on this planet"

But you will never meet the vast vast majority of them.

All it takes is a little commom sense and you can work it out:

You are not going to be looking outside of your country

So for me, take the population of England = 50 million

Minus the males = 25 million females

Population of my region = 5,300,000

Minus the males = 2,650,000 females

Minus those too young = ?

Minus those too old = ?

Minus those of ill health = ?

Minus those of disability = ?

Minus those that are married = ?

Minus those that have children = ?

Minus those of stong religious belief = ?

Minus those of different race = ?

Minus (Another undesireable trait)

Minus (Another undesireable trait)




You can work it down to such a small number that the phase "3 billion women in this world, so surely you can find one!" and relying on the interenet to find somebody is a joke.

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 6 years ago from Canada Author

Hi v,

I have no idea, really, why you bothered to post here.

While your outlook on using online dating services is slightly skewed, there certainly is more men than women on most dating services. I think the reason is because of the truth I wrote about in this article "Men are afraid of women".

You too.

If you settle with being "average" in every category it's no wonder you're having such bad luck with women. If you feel there is nothing "special" about yourself, well with such low self-esteem you can only go lower!

Online dating is a tough place to find a date when you have no special qualities to share with a woman. It's not her job to pull you out of your shell, it's your job to have already done that.

Don't worry about attracting all 3 billion women, worry about "The One" you want to meet!

http://www.alovelinksplus.com/advice/attraction-co... has some basic tips for you, because you need to start with the basics, and grow your special qualities from this point forward.

Bas 6 years ago

I hav read these comments, I wonder why a few of us cannot attract women. I don't get why like me.

Bas 6 years ago

Is it that we are not manly enough, is it that coz we are too manly or is it that we are miserable or too nice. The way of attracting women is really hard and I don't know how to. The society really sucks coz women only go for their best ones, only those who are talented. I don't get why women don't want men who care for them or want to be with them. I really need to know the ways to attract women. safe!

Taylor 6 years ago

Okay well one thing I did not read this article but I do have some asdvice on how to get a girl to be intrested in you enough that maybe you will be able to go out on a date with her. First, you should show confidence in yourself because women love it when you are confident, but not cocky. So do be to into yourself show some intrest in her as well, but when she wants to know about you, you have to be confident in yourself. When talking to her give her good feedback and actually pay attention. 2nd- dress apporpriatley for the occasion, if you guys are going out to lunch I suggest wearing nice jeans and a casual shirt, but if your going out to a fancy resturant wear something more sufisticated. Be nice and treat her with respect but most imprtantley be yourself. O and wear lots of colone and brign her flowers and make sure you don't wear unserwear o and also GET A LIFE and FIGURE IT OUT ON YUR OWN

Bas 6 years ago

But how do you show confidence to a girl. How do you express it, what words do you say and how do you chat to women.

Someone 6 years ago


I'm a 20 year old guy. I am not a model, but I think I'm at least OK. I have a good sense of humour (though I must admit that I am in an ironic/sarcastic style), I'm highly intelligent (I don't want to sound egocentric but I know my values), and I'm playing in a number of bands as a singer/guitarist (not famous though, as I do not play pop or emo shit), and I must say I have good expectations for a good career both in my civil life and in my musical career. And I AM CONFIDENT. Yes I am. And I still can't get a girl. I constantly get rejected.

There are times when I get close to a wonderful someone, everything goes as it should be, I feel my luck is changing, and BOOM. I never reach the finish line. Well, I must also admit I have high standards. Not exactly model looks or such though - if I have at least some physical attraction towards a girl, it's the personality that counts then.

My friends, even those that are uglier than me get girls without effort. But as I want a serious relationship, I do not approach girls as they do - in a cocky and arrogant way, like they were roadside sluts.

And it seems the world just wants to piss me off... One day introducing me to a beautyful, nice, charming girl, who likes me, looks up at me, and think I am a great person... And the other day messing things up and making me fall down to Earth again.

I just don't understand.

Bas 6 years ago

Man the way it is is not fair lie. The unfairness is unbearable. Alie I don't know how to impress or attract a girl. I don't even hav friends that are female and I don't know how to get them. I need help! Blad what do you need to hav and show so that you will get a gal?

Bas 6 years ago

I will pay money if someone finds me a girlfriend!

Bas 6 years ago

Can somebody find me a girlfriend please! I cant get ne myself coz im not talented. If anyone finds me a good one I will seriously pay you!

Kyle 6 years ago

Im in junior high, ive never had a GF before. I try to get some confidence in myself, but ive made so many foolish emberassing mistakes in school that people remember me by, especailly girls. I do have some friends but i feel like whenever someone looks at me they think im some sort of fagot or loser.

Brian 6 years ago

Hey Kyle. You're in middle school. I'd change schools if I were you and then start from scratch. Ask your parents to change you schools. Those girls that age can be really superficial and immature. Ignore them they aren't worth the pain. They will grow up to be bigger losers than you I guarantee it.

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 6 years ago from Canada Author

For Kyle and Brian,

Changing schools is not the answer here, gaining confidence is.

Try scouts, try judo classes, try something that gets you active and involved...

Laugh at life and people will laugh with you, be embarrassed or small-minded and people will laugh AT you.

And Bas... enough whining already.

try this: http://www.seductionsciences.com/

Tommo 6 years ago

Man, it's all well and good to say personality and perseverance prevails but what if the only girls you seem to attract are sluts, liars, cheats or outrageous flirts? I like to think I'm a good looking, personable guy. I have a little trouble finding things to talk about with girls one on one and am a bit scared of rejection. I just can't seem to find a girl that I "click" with. I don't know why and at my age, 24, every one of my mates seem to be in a relationship or at least starting one and I haven't had a girlfriend to even start with. I'm at my wits end, I just don't know what to do.

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 6 years ago from Canada Author

Pick one and date her.

Kiss her even.

At the worse you'll get a kiss, at best you'll learn a little more about boys and girls and dating.

Trust me, you have to start somewhere.

carl 6 years ago

I need one last help.

Many girls tell me im sweet,they laugh at the things i say so easily and sometimes at parties( i am 16) i stay alone with girls and talk to them. I really got a lot of friends,even people i just meet seem to like me instantly.

But,here's the problem, when im with a girl the things I do and say don't seem to work for her, I can't get any kiss at 16!!!! what do I have to do???

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 6 years ago from Canada Author

To Carl:

When you're talking with a girl you're laying the groundwork for anything beyond friendship. Unless you just want to be friends.

At 16 it's hard to know what the differences are, so here's my tip for you: When you're talking with a girl that you really like, you need to do some "moves" so she knows that you want to be more than just friends. If you're standing beside her, put your arm around her waist. If you're sitting next to her put your hand on her knee. If you're standing facing her extend your hand and hold her hand.

These are all "moves" that help her understand that you like her more than friends and that you want to be physical with her.

Now, I'm not saying force yourself on her... but you will know when it's OK to hold her hand and when it's not. How? She will tell you, or show you, yes or no.

There is no other way to explain what to do until you get experience doing it, and yes, being rejected too.

Good luck!

moore 6 years ago

I'm 28 and have only had 1 gf: it only lasted 6 months, then she left me because I don't have enough money. I hope to have another gf someday but I know it's not likely.

6 years ago

I'm 21, had some girlfriends but weren't really happy with them. I didn't fall in love with them, but they were still long relationships. Now it's been 3 years since I'm alone, and I feel really miserable and sad. I have a good number of friends, and I think I am quite funny and intelligent. I consider my looks unattractive, though others keep telling me I'm not that bad, but I can't belive it, I just don't see an attractive guy when I look into the mirror. And this ruins my confidence, but even when I get myself together and act confident, I get rejected, and I just get more insecure and inconfident. I really don't know what to do. I have a good number of hobbies and creative activities keeping me busy, and I'm at university, but I feel more and more that I can't go on until I get some energy boost from a girl... But I don't know what to do. A few times I grew very fond of girls and it seemed we'll get together, but then each situation got messed up and I stood alone.

Otherwise I am a positive person, and my friends think of me as creative, intelligent and funny, but my family is upset that when I'm home, I'm often in a bad mood, and I don't want to make them feel bad 'cause this is my problem. They won't believe that all I need is a girl beside me. If I could reach that, I could go on with my life, but now I feel terribly down when I'm alone with my thoughts.

6 years ago

An addition, entitled to Moore. The simple objectivity of your comment, and that you are not whining, only stating your situation made me symphatize with you. I know it's not of much use, but please accept a virtual pat on the back, and do not give up. You are not too late and life may change some time. Be on the look out. Until then, strive for other things you want to achieve, and never lose hope. This may sound silly from someone 7 years younger than you, still I think I know how you feel. I wish you strength and good luck in your life!

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 6 years ago from Canada Author

Confidence is gained, not granted.

There are times top be single, and work on yourself, and there are times to be part of a couple, along with it's own responsibilities.

Accept being single not as an end but a beginning.

jason 6 years ago

i've been single pretty much my whole life, im 21. i've had a couple girlfriends and got f'd over hard each time. not to mention in the last four years after countless dates set i've only had 2 girls actually show up. neither of them had any intentions of going further than that one date either. I've been told im attractive enough, i have a great sense of humor and am excellent at conversation. actually do a little small time stand up comedy every now and then. i have been open about my intentions from the start with most women as well as patient, to a point. i don't need another friend. i have plenty

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 6 years ago from Canada Author

To Jason:

Stop being open with your intentions. Likely you're drawing a "dating map" that scares the women away.

Try to be the guy that "takes what happens" with each date and you'll last longer!

Maybe all the dates need to start as "date friends" and you're pressuring them to much to be anything else.

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 6 years ago from Canada Author

Guys: I've made a video for you... I hope it helps:


Art 6 years ago

I think I'm aiming to hi, and the gas problem doesn't help.

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 6 years ago from Canada Author

Hi Art... you'll have to explain that. Are you flatulent around girls?

bobby 6 years ago

I'm not sure if a same problem was stated. But I'm 19 and I have a problem with the friend thing, when I think a girl likes me or seams to like me, the next day she's dating some random dude she never mentioned before. Am I Just going to slow paced or am I doing stuff that suggests that I just want to be friends? How do you tell if a girl is giving you signs that she might be into you? I always look backk at the girls I've hung out with and can't help thinking about the things I should of done or if she even liked me. I know its a bunch of random problems but if you could give me some pointers I would be thankful.

Gingerbread Man 6 years ago

Hello Guys,

Like most of you, I'm also single, and still looking for the girls my dreams. I learned that through perseverance and constant motivation you'll succeed. Likewise, you have in balance. You have to respect yourself first, developed and hone your personal and technical skills and live with a good health. Just don't quit!

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 6 years ago from Canada Author

Hi Bobby,

The girls will not TELL YOU that they want more, they'll wait for you to hold their hand, kiss their shoulder, whisper in their ear... these are "forward movers" that a lot of guys are just too scared to do, so they end up with the "friend badge" stuck to their forehead and don't get a girlfriend. But now that you know what you're doing you can change this behavior, right? After all, it is up to you to act differently, not for the girls to make the "forward moves'.

For Gingerbread Man,

Perseverance... YES. If you get turned down 99 times out of a hundred you still get one girl... how many more do you want?


And a site for you to get to:


Don't ever tell me I didn't put words in your mouth!

Zac 6 years ago

There have been so many posts I don't kno if that's has been asked, but Im 18 and I have a problem a lot like bobbys, but is there a way to get out of the 'friend zone' cause every girl I try to go out with, I get pushed in the that 'friend zone' I know too well. Any tips?

Bas 6 years ago

I cant even get a friend zone.

Fel121 6 years ago

This is all such bullshit, it is nice for generalities but sometimes simple, just go get it, answers are as transparent as the people giving them.

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 6 years ago from Canada Author

Hi to all, firstly:

Zac, you don't get pushed into the "friend-zone" you lead the way. Change what you do, and you'll stop getting penalized.

Bas: Smile, chat her up, get her email, take her "gift shopping for your mom because you need a girl's point of view for a great gift. That's your one try pass to the starting line of dating her.

Feli121: Ass. "answers are as transparent as the people giving them".

You not only are a scared little boy, you're a sad example of men "in general" because it's little wussies like you that make it harder for every other guy to get past that "friend zone". If you said "Hi" to girl ONE in the last 3 months I'd be surprised.

You don't "get it" because women are supposed to be "handed to you". Right?

If I had a dime for every guy I spoke to in the last ten years with your attitude I'd have realized how much time I've wasted talking this stuff instead of traveling to exotic locales versus by expanding bank account.

The next time you need to talk about getting a girlfriend, either ask a real question or offer real advice. No guy needs to hear your wimpy-ass mouth.

Bas 6 years ago

Firstly How do you chat up a girl?

And what do you mean by this, (take her "gift shopping for your mom because you need a girl's point of view for a great gift. That's your one try pass to the starting line of dating her.) ???

I cant even find a girl to be friends with, its hard.

C.S. 6 years ago

I am a 20 years old guy, and I'm just desperate. I didn't have a girlfriend for 3 years now (and those 2 I had back then were lucky coincidences), and I have no idea how I could change my life. But I must, because I'm awfully unhappy. I have self-confidence in other areas of my life, but none with girls. I see myself ugly, and when I go out with friends, inside I always feel that every one of them is more attractive for a girl than me. This is terrible. I love my friends, I would never have ill will towards them, but I can't help to be jealus as hell for their confidence, and their at least average looks. It seems so easy for them. When I meet a girl I like, and I get to know she has a boyfriend, I feel revealed deep inside, because I don't have to try and fail again as so many times before.

It's easy to tell "be confident" when you've had positive feedback on yourself. I never had. Even my past girlfriends told me they didn't like me at first, only when they got to know me. But most women won't let someone they don't like get that far with them. Why would they? I wouldn't get together with a girl whom I don't find attractive, but she's kind, intelligent, etc. Relationships are partly about sex, and there's no point being with someone you don't find sexually attractive. So I can't even blame them for that.

But then again. How could I have confidence after so many rejections? Also, it is very humiliating to be rejected. If you don't try, it hurts less. But I can't live this way any more. I'd do anything to change my life. Anything.

BOSKO 6 years ago

If the world was communist then these people won't be suffering like this. Because we live in a capitalist world a lot of women go for the men in the top hierarchy. Women are after money now and confidence. Communism should be spread so that the world will be more equal.

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 6 years ago from Canada Author

Hi to the latest commenters.

First off:

BOSKO, you're a dink. Should women be divied up like coffee rations? Move to Cuba, enjoy the stay.


You would "do anything" to change things BUT you prefer to wallow as a desperate wussy. To say you'd "do anything" means that you'd actually DO anything.

How about the next five women you see you say to them "Hi, I have a very big third toe".

Or maybe "Why do I have rejected written on my forehead?" Tell you what, take a cooking class, start yoga. Stop living the pitiful life and take charge. It's easy to feel like a loser, it's hard to change things. I DARE YOU to change your life, without worrying about getting a girlfriend. Great women are attracted to confidence, just like you admitted.

So go and learn some confidence as a cook, as a yoga enthusiast, as anything but who you are right now.

Bas: Get a life. Go outside. Now.

Rick James 6 years ago

With lady gaga as a role model setting the cultural standard, this all really doesn't surprise me. I hate to say it, but the majority of the women I came across are all corrupt and contaminated. Everything is a head game and they seek only money and "confidence"(really arrogance). There was this Korean/American girl I went on a date with a while back. She was about the only girl I dated here for the 2 years I lived here. As I sat and listened about her previous relationship with a guy who she had dated for 2 years, who had 2 kids from 2 different women, i couldn't help but start to wonder.

Anyhow, I thought, hey, maybe she really wants to find someone serious and have a good start for a change. I was wrong. She obviously would prefer to be with someone with the baggage and drama, as opposed to someone who was serious and drama free. But then again, that's why reality tv is so popular!

I am beginning to think there aren't any down to earth, simple, humble women anymore in this country. They have all been polluted and have gone extinct by the game.

I still sometimes wonder about going out to a bar, possibly meeting someone human, but it just gets disappointing having everyone ignore you, trying to make you feel bad.

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 6 years ago from Canada Author

To Rick James: "Dated one girl in two years"?

I don't think you have the experience yet to be so jaded. But you should have never let her onto the subject, and if it couldn't be changed, then walk about. Geesh, it's a date, not a counseling session, or did you misrepresent yourself?

Everyone isn't ignoring you, you just feel that way. Become a volunteer, so you can share with there people, something more than just a general distrust of women.

wez 6 years ago

i have been single for a while now and its really bringing me down, whenever i think that i'm in a good relationship i just end up getting used and hurt all i want is to settle down and it seems like that will never happen. i'm reaching breaking point here, i would say i'm a good looking bloke but i just cant find anyone decent, i've been told that i'm too nice and i get walked all over. please give me some advice as i am losing hope :(

Mo 6 years ago

It's so easy to get so cynical these days when it comes to dating and trying to get an effin date!!! Women these days have a list beyond belief that they think they must follow and make dating as hard as can be and make it just as hard as getting and effin job. Are ya kidding??????????????? Dating is not an effin job search. Oh yeah then when it comes to getting a date women are very judging on the very first date and if you’re not this and this and this and have your top top game going than a lot of women on the first date are like ugh well then no second date for him, no if's and or buts. Jezze give us an effin BREAK we may be EFFIN nervous, everyone is different, not everyone is absolutely perfect at carrying on the most perfect conversation right off the bat. It's no wonder so many women are still single because so many women these days give the heave ho to the first date and give him no second chance. If women just effin CHILL out and actually get to know him, who knows it may take 2, 3 or 4 dates until he can start to open up, start to relax etc. I think men feel so threatened on the first dates anymore because women are so incredibly judgmental and makes the men fell like if he's not at the extreme top of his game then she will just run because she has in her mind mainly from media that there is this guy, he instantly walks in immediately can take on the conversation, never has a pause, the conversation is flawless, he instantly makes her weak at the knees and she will fall in love with him instantly on the first date and ride off on the magic horse with him etc etc etc...... It's MEDIA and that's like less than 1% out of BILLIONS of men YES BILLIONS and that’s IF he even exists. That's SO NOT REALITY!!!! Most men and women it takes TIME to get to know each other, to start opening up, starting getting the conversations going.

Mo 6 years ago

Ok Jon or whoever you are.. It's serisously not that bad... Nothing is worth taking your life. Were all just letting out frustrations but not sucidial... That's way too extreme... We all will eventually get a girlfriend, just have to keep going for it and eventually it will happen.... Also think about the positives about being single for the time being. There are a lot of positives to being single or bachelor until the girlfriend comes along... For instance being a bachelor you can do whatever you want without having to consult with a girlfriend, if you want to go out then you can go out, you can watch ever the hell you want on TV, you can do you're dirty dishes when you want etc etc etc..... There are positives and negatives to both sides... Maybe think of it this way yeah it would be great and nice to have a girlfriend but in the mean time I can do what ever the hell I want to until I get a serious girlfriend, no nagging, no having to give up your Xbox if you have one etc etc..... But certainly don't go sucidial, no chick is worth that lol :)!!!!

The ugly 6 years ago

I think all the "personality" stuff is bullshit.

I'm 28, never held hands, never kissed a girl, never dated one, never got attention.. The only time I had sex was when I paid for it and that was a one time event only. I want more. I want a girl to love and i want to be loved.

I am ugly and that is the only reason why I don't find a girl. Of course not having money, a job, a car and all the rest that is required to impress girls these days apparently isn't helping either.

I am really unhappy with this situation and gave up looong ago. I'll never find someone. No sex for years is bad. But a future perspective without any love and to die alone is truly horrofying.

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 6 years ago from Canada Author

Hi Wez: toughen up then. Stop telling every girl you love her and start being a prick to them.

You, like most other guys, confuse being "too nice" with being "too desperate".

Think about it.

Then go check out http://dyd2.com and get back to me.

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 6 years ago from Canada Author

Hi Mo: maybe you should pay for it more, you're obviously not learning anything anywhere else. Go read a book, you know, those paper things people used to get delivered to their front door every day.

I bet if you spent 1/3 of the time you do watching tv or surfing for porn you'd be a more interesting person.

You certainly seem to have a point of view, you just need to learn to express it in a way that isn't demanding.

And stop wearing hats. Geesh. (Go ahead, ask me how I know.)

nick 6 years ago

i have had girlfriends in the past, but certain things happened in my life where i was stuck in my house for 10 months without being able to leave. that combined with multiple family problems lead me into a deep deep depression, and talking to girls was pointless at the time. before this happened, i used to have 0 problems with women, not to sound cocky. obviously ive been rejected, but rejection never got to me and i just brushed it off. but now i feel like i have lost the charm i used to have, i used to be able to get any girl i wanted when i "zoned" in. now that i have a car a job and am able to go out again, my confidence is coming back and i am slowly getting back to the point i was once at. the main trick is hoping for the best but preparin for the worst. take the attitude of okay, you want to turn me down, you don't know what you just gave up. tell that too yourself everyday. also, one thing i learned is when women see you get rejected and DON'T let it bother you, they can tell and are turned on by this. you show your self esteem. just a piece of advice for everyone i thought i should share.

Greg 6 years ago

Thanks to all the fellows on here who were actually bold enough to open up about their misfortunes with women. I have run across some real helpful advice on here to actually take to heart. I'm also a single man who can't seem to find a woman for a serious relationship. No matter how much of a gentleman I am towards them, no matter how nice and polite I approach them, no matter how many dating sites I go on, I continue to get rejection left and right. And whenever I do get lucky with women (such as sex) it always comes in spurts. I'm 34 years old and I've had better luck with women when I was in my 20's. Now, all I seem to run into is women who are materialistic and all about themselves. I am a real laid back, down to earth, kind of old fashioned type of guy. And all I really want is a woman who I can connect with who has those similar character traits. I want the type of woman who's down to earth and can appreciate the simple things in life, but, yet those type are so hard to find these days. Nevertheless, I'm not on the verge of suicide though. I do have fun hobbies and things I enjoy doing though. For instance, bowling, skating, going to the movies, trying new restaurants, going to the park, going to the bookstore. I live in Atlanta, and I also sing, play keyboard, lead guitar, write songs, produce, etc. I don't know if it's appropriate to leave my email address, but, I am looking for some positive feedback. Not only when it comes to women, but also any positive advice for how to start my career in music. Or just talk about life, period. Anyway, my email address is bluecreekforest@yahoo.com . I wish all you fellows the best of luck in your pursuit of women. Be blessed and take care!

Chris 6 years ago

It's not a bad guide although in terms of getting a girlfriend..it really randomizes and extremely depends..sometimes you can't usually tell what a girl thinks..i've read past guides on the ideas of acquiring a girlfriend but the same method doesn't work for every girl/woman...sure it may work where you live and such but in different places and location it really depends on how social you are on that period...for example if your from NYC and your trying to get a girlfriend...chances are you might find girls that only interest in dating men that are only handsome/have money etc. and chances are most girls would only want both at the same time...It's sometimes not a Male's problem..MOST problems come from women that demand a status and attribute of certain men..So where's the love in that?...There is none..considering how society is...Women usually have to realize that not everything is about the tech you have and the amount of money you have..but rather how positive and how social the male is...Trust me...Most Good Looking Beautiful girls are usually the ones that want demands that's practically not even a love search...you will hardly find Beautiful women that don't care about materials and care about love.

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 6 years ago from Canada Author

Hey Chris, It takes a real man to decide to make positive changes to his life and stick with them.

There are plenty of confidence building materials out there but the main ingredient is always your commitment to doing things differently and approaching women differently. If you can't change your own mindset then you'll never get the confidence you need.

Chris 6 years ago

I mean come on...Let's be real on this..Women tend to have problems that seem to be ridiculous at some point. For you all guys posting here...Usually don't stress yourself saying that the guide is not helping...It really depends on the women your encountering..For once you all make it seem like this guide is the trick to get women but that's not entirely true considering you need to play mind-games just to get a woman which is absurd and ridiculous..Women nowadays tend to be not open-minded and they usually give a disgust thinking of how you feel about them. and one TRUE fact is that most women in the world are completely spoiled probably because the path they chose will make them look good around others. plus race ideas from women tend to play a part as well for example i'm going to write what most women will say when meeting them:

Woman 1: Sorry but i only date White/Japanese/Black. because white men make more money or black men have long "censored"(Which is not entirely true) or japanese have this or that..

Chris 6 years ago

Woman #2 Sorry but you gotta upgrade your phone or must have expensive clothing etc.

This is one of the most dumbest things i've heard a woman say. For once women think technology plays a part in a relationship but that is completely stupid...for once sure you need a phone to get in contact with your mate but to brag or demand something that isn't necessary is stupid. For example if you have a SideKick LX..and your girl ask you to upgrade your phone? why should you?...as long as you both get in contact right?..women tend to think they get embarrassed to be with a man who is smart about not upgrading a phone? ridiculous...you should only upgrade when you REALLY sure you want to upgrade...

You see...Guys need to understand and stop becoming soft on women...Girls Really take advantage of that and most likely keep you on lock and have a somewhat advantage to break up with you...If you ask a girl out and she rejects you...Surely you will have the time to ask is there something wrong?...If she answers what the problem you have..at least she was honest and explained to you on your approach..but women that simply just deny you and clearly walk away...Don't just walk away...If you hate that disrespect you have every right to talk back and say "Oh that's how you really feel? Alright see you broad or whatever names you want to call her. trust me you will definitely feel good on the inside because you told her straight up about the way she rejected you without a response or a disgust face from her..It's all about self-control and mind games.

Chris 6 years ago

@R Pseudomen..Are you sure you understand what i'm saying? You do realize that your Guide is not 100% accurate?...Here let me jot this down for you...6 ex-girl friends & 1 girlfriend at the run for me so far...basically i am getting girls at an alternate pace..Takes a real man to decide positive changes? Yes that's true however men tend to give up too easily because the shyness or the personality of theirs is bringing them down..If the person feels like he's not ready then he has all the time in the world to be ready...it's not about forcing.. and yes it's about confidence..however confidence itself is usually not the problem...Confidence building materials?..are you Patronizing me? My mindset has already changed and it sure as hell works for women...Spoiled women = Bad society..Look your guide is amazing and it jots the basics down but it's not 100% accurate..what i'm saying is that Men shouldn't give up and at least try to bypass the shyness or the rejection..there will be times you'll get rejected but that's life..however MOST cases seem to be also women's problem...They simply cannot think of a saying to you when you ask them out so there goes for 1 simple answer they don't know what to say...."Rejection". reasons? none..(Sometimes..Not all rejection is that simple unless the woman herself is intelligent.) asking them the reason why is sure to help the person..if she's honest and tells him..he has a strategy on what to avoid and follow the explanations she has given you...my major point is that women tend to just simply deny you because of what you look/are without actually telling you.

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 6 years ago from Canada Author

Hey Chris, I'm not saying what you're saying isn't valid, it likely is as it pertains to you. But for the majority of guys out there, they don't even know where to start and they don't have the type of "male support" available to kick themselves in the ass and tell them what they are doing wrong and how to make the changes necessary to get the type of girl they want. Sure, we all want to date the super-model type of woman, but if she's out of your class, and you refuse to give up your ripped t-shirt and jean shorts, then who's to blame? Society or your own unrealistic desires?

Women, like men, fear rejection. And this MAJOR POINT explains why women won't give you a chance and won't tell you why. It's a failed sense of "kindness" by not confronting the guy and saying "Look, you'd be a great date but you need to lose 30lbs." Seriously, besides maybe your mother or an older sister who would tell a guy that? This is why he needs the guide, it's a starting point, not the be all and end all.

This is understood, right?

Chris 6 years ago

@R Pseudomen

Yes i understand you perfectly...And i'm well aware that your guide is an amazing starting point. however my response is somewhat to the guys that already tried and the random minds of women...and yes i also believe that women also fear rejection..but that doesn't really count to the women that already experienced being asked out in general...Most women usually know what's coming to them when a male meets them...It's practically similar to Psychological relations. women response is something like: "Oh wow a stranger just simple walked up to me...he might try to ask me out but since i don't know him..i might just reject him if he does ask me out" (usually at this point the male didn't even get the chance to get to know the female because of the female way of interaction). or "Oh no..this guy doesn't meet my conditions...going for the rejection"...these are just examples..Women are just as unpredictable as men...anything could happen..if women was predictable by a male's standards..men wouldn't be posting here and they will have all the time in the world..but women like us are human..(sorry for the little nostalgic reference there.) but seriously it's like meeting a friend for the first time...sure this person looks like a good buddy but in depths of that he might be a different person than you actually think...and people can change sometimes...especially women. Women chooses a path that is simply wrong and have no intention of changing that without actually meeting her satisfaction needs.

Chris 6 years ago

Chris 6 years ago

It is either this or becoming spoiled...if you ever find women that is charming and understand your situation...Good. but i'm actually talking about the women that are quite opposite of that in personality-wise. Women can also be Spoiled/Harsh/Not open minded to conversations which leads to a point of simply give up on that one girl and look for another.

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 6 years ago from Canada Author

Hi Chris, I do understand what you mean but you talk specifics, which are different for every situation and I talk generalities because it reaches the most guys and once you understand what can happen any guy will be better educated about dealing with specific situations.

Bosko 6 years ago

Alot of women are very harsh, spoilt and not open minded because of the capitalistic system of the modern day world. I'm not trying to take the piss but the way the society is run these days is bad in a way because there is a very big gap between the socio classes. Women these days mostly go for their perfect male who has talents, sense of humour and of course money. They think that men with no money or that they are boring to them are not men. There is actually no love here.

I'm 22 years old and never had a girlfriend. I am trying really hard to improve myself concerning my attire and social interaction. Also I get ideas from these advices given here by Mr R Pseudomen.

But I think because of this capitalistic system that we have to live in makes it harder for men like here to find a girlfriend. But these guys suffering from this should never give up and put their chin up high and find ideas to improve themselves!

Robert Louis 6 years ago

Well I feel that one must certainly have money & a stable job history with a high college education, to have significant other in this modern age of reform. I would certainly assume that most women are only interested in how much money you make or how prestigious, you are. They want some who is intelligent & prominent at the same time. Which I am defiantly not, I am what you call a southern back woods loser... I am 28 years old & I have nothing to look back on, I live in a gang redden community, with no chance of success. I have always had trouble achieving my dreams & aspirations (to no avail did I ever succeed). I gave up a long time ago & I think its best that way, are destinies and paths our chosen at birth. Therefore, I feel that if you just set back & take what life has to offer you, you will finally be at peace with yourself. If you never find true love, will that's just the way it is and you have to accept the reality of the world, we certainly don't live in a world of fantasies & make believe. So instead of complaining about not having a girlfriend, we should try to work on helping others achieve there dreams… My dreams may be over, but not the young generation, they still have a fighting chance. The only advice I could have given myself when I was younger was to be extremely positive & absorb as much education as I could have. All education is the key to success weather it is academic, political, or artistic. However now it is certainly too late, for a grown man who is almost in his 30s…Lost Youth…

pete 6 years ago

I am 17 now and still haven't got a girlfriend, mainly because I haven't tried.. But my problem is, I don't see any girls outside school, and its kind iof hard to build up confidence and look like an idiot asking a girl out at school, because I care to much about what other people around me think of me. I like a many girls at schol, some because of physical features, but others because of talking to them in class. But I just don't want to break my compfort zone and look, well, I don't stupid infront of people..I guess thats my biggest weakness...

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 6 years ago from Canada Author

Bosko: If you live in Cuba or an old Soviet republic then maybe your words make sense. But not here, not now.

And yes, women go for the best and brightest, the most popular and the richest.

But there are so many men like that and only so many perfect 10 women.

I'm not saying to lower your expectations but I am saying to move yourself into the real world.

If you have something that needs work, then work on polishing it up. Maybe you're not a good conversationalist, maybe you have a weird nose.

There are personalities that attract women just as much as money and property.

You, my friend, have to decide what your "magic and charisma" is, because there isn't a girl in the world that will say to you "I'd like you more of you had 'this' or if you looked like 'that'."

You have to identify what you can offer a girl. Maybe all you have to offer is love, not money, not property, not even handsome children.

But it's up to you, and you alone, to make yourself a more desirable person and to be in the places where you can meet the women that will like you and care for you.

Good luck!

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 6 years ago from Canada Author

Hi Robert Louis: I have to wonder why you have given up on yourself. It seems to me you have a lot to offer, despite the circumstances you are in.

You only lose what you have allowed to slip away. I didn't marry until the ripe age of 35, there is always hope.

Best wishes, RP

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 6 years ago from Canada Author

Hi Pete: Breaking free of your "comfort zone" is what dating is all about.

It's facing rejection head on and being willing to pick yourself up and dust yourself off when it happens.

And if you want to make it easy to meet girls, go where they go and start a conversation!

A guy 6 years ago

hey i hid my name for personal reasons.

i'm 19, never realy had much of a relationship, and dont really have many people i could call friends, i'm not the worst looking guy around or the least caring (infact, i class myself as quite caring) i listen and am sorta shy.

i'm pretty much most of the things you'd expect from a decent enough guy, but i suffer from a skin condition and i think thats what turns most girls away from me, normaly i have times where i just can be happy by myself but then i get times where i feel like i'm missing someone in my life since every couple i see is... happier then me :(

please give me some advice.

thanks :)

Chris 6 years ago

@R Pseudomen

Specifics or not..Encountering and finding the right woman is all randomized. also with your reply about Bosko with something related to Cuba/Soviet...i vastly disagree on that...Spoiled women are everywhere in the world and NYC is one of them..and yes many beautiful women go for the brightest and the richest but since there are many men like that..Competition is enabled. Most women tend to enjoy moments like that...A male has a date and meets a woman...This is an example and i'm pretty sure this common and it happens..The woman will go out with the guy but she's not really happy about it ...Next day your girl is in a diner by herself..another guy comes in (Handsome, has money etc.) and pretty much tries to score with your beautiful girl without you knowing and play a set of mind games like everyone does...For example: "Listen babe..You should come with a real man like me..I have Money...Cars..I'll take you anywhere babe".

Chris 6 years ago

At this point you cannot be sure if the girl you started going out with from the previous day is faithful..Is the woman lucky enough to find a man like that?...She might say "This is my only chance to find a man like him". and then the next day she stops calling you or she no longer answer your phone calls..THIS is Partially what i'm getting at.There is no high chance to find a faithful woman or a type that will really understand oneself. iIt's all a random-based trial of a guessing game to see the woman you approach is what you think...Most problems is women themselves which is a fact...The women problems are Before the Results & After the results...So basically Not all problems come from men..and i'm only stating that to the guys to make sure they don't go depressed because they think it's all their fault they couldn't find the right mate...First you think...Follow up to a solution to what you think might of happen..then you best avoid it next time...For women on that part they have to decide on that...but since they usually don't realize that..this my friend is a major problem.

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 6 years ago from Canada Author

Hi "a guy": I will not be the one to say that some type of mark on you physically will keep many girls away from you. When a guy has a "condition" her often uses that as the crutch that allows him to not try, to wallow in "girlfriendless" hell.

Get fixed with what is wrong, then star a new brighter chapter in your life. And I will add that there are now many cosmetic items for men that have great successful applications that can be considered.

Good luck!

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 6 years ago from Canada Author

Hi "a guy": I will not be the one to say that some type of mark on you physically will keep many girls away from you. When a guy has a "condition" her often uses that as the crutch that allows him to not try, to wallow in "girlfriendless" hell.

Get fixed with what is wrong, then star a new brighter chapter in your life. And I will add that there are now many cosmetic items for men that have great successful applications that can be considered.

And you will always see what you're missing if you look for it. try looking out another window, strive to complete what YOU want to be, and you'll find success in all other areas of your life, that much I am sure about.

Good luck!

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 6 years ago from Canada Author

Hi Chris: You're getting it.

Sure, there's a little luck in who you can meet, but the real point is to make the best of those meetings. Waiting for the next supermodel to drop in your lap is unreasonable, for every guy!

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 6 years ago from Canada Author

Can we find the truth inside ourselves to share with someone we want to love?


usermethis 6 years ago

hmm, interesting thread. obviously i have found this due to my recent feelings of insecurity. not going to ramble on about my story...but theres one thing Pseudomen:

you have been very helpful and straight forward with these ppl. but after reading through just about this entire thread i have found an error. "you stated that we arent born with confidence" very true. but that we are born with a fear of rejection. not true. we are born blank slates for the most part(socially and economically) rejection, fear of rejection, and confidence come in many forms to us when we are growing and learning.

we are conditioned from the day we are born. just like you arent born riding a bike; the same goes for having confidence or fear of rejection. now...it is possible to have fear of rejection at an early age. depending on how you are raised(mom dad leave you alone alot, always say no, blah blah) but not "born" with it. im not here to prove you wrong as much as i am trying to prevent these ppl from actually believing its an obstacle they have faced since the beginning of their time. which is not fact, they were only conditioned to fear rejection. nice article/words. your pretty knowledgeable. props. but GUYS, just start talking to women, start with "hi" if you have to walk after that...do it. try again until you get to "hi, how are you?" etc. once you start talking to women, youll realize that you had better luck reading braille(abc?)then actually getting rejected. youll find that many women are very receptive to a smile and a "hi" you just might be making THEIR day! peace and good luck fellas.

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 6 years ago from Canada Author

Hi usermethis:

Thanks for the props but I disagree with what you disagree with:

You said "i have found an error. you stated that we arent born with confidence"

We are not born with confidence and this has been tested in various ways over the years. From our earliest moment outside the womb we seek acceptance and bonding. We need, we live for, that special connection that can only be between baby and mother. The very basic of confidence building blocks we will find throughout our lives.

After puberty we seek that special bond that can only be understood by a guy and a girl, together, that have common feelings for each other.

Confidence is learned form these first pees, those poopy diapers. Toilet training, dressing yourself, all these confidence boosting activities that we all grew up through.

We learn confidence through training to do the appropriate thing and being awarded accordingly about the completed task (Good boy, went potty by himself, did you wipe your bum?)as well as through acceptance.

If there is no acceptance, you can be the loneliest "self-confident man in the world" but I don't think so...

do you get my reasoning now?

usermethis 6 years ago

first, you basically just agreed with me agreeing with you. I said that i agree with your statement: "we are NOT born with confidence." did you even read what i wrote? second, I quoted you...YOU stated "we ARE born with fear of rejection. NOT true. then i gave my reasoning. I completely lost on how you missed everything i said. My paragraph didnt even remotely come close to explaining reasoning why "we are NOT born with confidence." why? because i agreed with your original statement.

My argument was me explaining my disagreement to YOUR statement: "we ARE born with a fear of rejection." which again is not true. re read what i wrote carefully. it makes sense. aren't means are not.

remember: i am NOT disagreeing with the statement: "we are NOT born with confidence." i fully agree. please understand this is not out of bitterness or anger or feeling superior, I'm just trying to meet equal ground here. there was just a misunderstanding during the "reading" part. Thanks.

bullshit 6 years ago

Pseunonomen, are you getting chicks ? You watched those David D courses, right ? So, you transformed yourself like I did too, but my situation is still the same.

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 6 years ago from Canada Author

Hi usermethis: after re-reading your comment you are right... and so am I.


Hi Bullshit: you want a pic with me holding my DVDs?

Here ya go: http://boardheads.com/2010/08/david-deangelo-dvds/

If you take the time to do more than watch them, then you'll be a better catch for any woman.

shadowball68 6 years ago

hello everyone.

well im 19 years old and single. it seems that im kinda afraid to ask out girls. i keep getting told from different girls that im a good listener and a girl would be lucky to have me. but yet, girls who tell me that just dissapear from my life. dont get me wrong, i dont make them feel uncomfortable or anything like, but we just start slipping away, and it seems lie theres nothing i can do. i love to listen and help people with their problems, and be the person who makes people smile and laugh and feel better, especially girls. if i respect girls, never push them away, always listen. and always make them laugh. why is it i cant keep a girl in my life long enough to where i can even hve the chance to ask them out. im not fat or ugly or anything like that. theres no annoying habits i have. so what am i dong wrong? any idea or advice?

Coolio 6 years ago

Thanks for the article, and some of the links you posted as well. I am 16 and never had a girl friend, I actually had a girl want to date me but she was playing hard to get games and I'm not good with that stuff so I didnt take initiative and now that girl isnt even interested anymore =( I have been working out and I'm ok when it comes to talking to new people. I have quite a few friends including some of the "popular" kids, but that might be a problem in and of itself. Every time I meet a new girl and sit by her at school and talk during lunch or something my friends are close by and they tend to be more interesting than me so they steal the spotlight. I would think my time to get a girlfriend is coming up soon though, I also hope so because Im planning on joining the military when I graduate high shcool and I want a girl to call or write to when I'm gone, as odd as it sounds, I want someone besides my family who will miss me.

Another thing I have noticed about my difficulty getting a girl friend is that I am an only child, and I have heard that when a guy has a sister (particularly older) they have a better chance of impressing a girl because their sisters sort of tell them and give them advice to winning over a girl. As far as I can tell, this is true, I have 3 friends with older or same age sisters and they all have girlfriends, I also have a friend (and myself) who is an only child and has never had a girlfriend.

I wouldnt say I'm uncomfortable around girls, I have hung out with girls many times and I would consider some girls to be better freinds than most guys but I guess I'm just not interesting enough, I am pretty plain but thats my style Im not going to wear skinny jeans and spike my hair up because thats not me.

David jones 6 years ago

Lots of useful stuff here. guess i'll have to write them down :p and i find it interesting on the posts made by chris, i have to agree on alot of what chris says. Lately i've met a bunch of girls that act like that and i felt like i'm nowhere near the level of achievement =( and believe it i have confidence! mostly everyone i go to i tend to say hi first but i feel as women just deny conversations like all the time. i even shower daily and i'm pretty good decent size or higher than most girls. i made 9 tried this whole week and what i saw was eyes being rolled back, a harsh look away, and heck i managed to finally get a girl to respond back but turned out she was the same as the others and i have to admit but i felt hurt when one girl says i wasn't her type and another which i felt really shocked from her response when i approached her on a restaurant, i asked her if i can buy her a drink? and alas the result was a bad looking expression on her face =( Pseudoman can you please help? it's probably not even worth it but i want to add some enjoyment to my life for a much better life. So far i've only talked to beautiful girls with amazing physical appearances and body features. Not to be mean or anything but i don't want to settle down with a girl i don't like.

Also here's my bio of me:

Age 21


Athletic (Close to body building).

Shower daily

Low cut caesar hair with daily hairline cleancut

Matching clothing (sometimes matching colors for a nice bright style.)

That's about me so far but maybe it's because how i look? i mean i look at the mirror sometimes and i can't really tell if i'm ugly or not and if i am ugly how can i bypass that?

Mike 6 years ago

hehe it aint hard to get a girl...you guys puttin too much into it...

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 6 years ago from Canada Author

Hi shadowball68, you're no different than any of us here. Inexperienced with women and (choke hold here) afraid to "make the moves" that make a woman think less of you if you asked them out.

Now then get this: rejection is not your biggest fear, it's what if she actually said "yes" when you ask her on a date.

I would LOVE to put the words in your mouth - but I can't - YOU need to step up and actually say "I'd like to take you out Tuesday and go to the (museum, play mini-golf, library, a play - anything but dinner - anything but a movie)--- there ya go.

AND tell a girl to piss off once in a while. You can't be all things to all women, stop trying to be their friend when what you want to do is squeeze her melons, wring her tight ass in your hands...

scare a girl now and again with something unexpected, ok?

- RP

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 6 years ago from Canada Author

Hi Coolio,

I think you're putting too much pressure on yourself.

You need to focus on being a great single guy for starters and stop trying to "friend" every girl you meet, when you really have the intention of asking her out. Stop fearing rejection, stop putting yourself under all of your other friends and start saying "Hi, you're new, can I show you around?"

Then the next thing is "You're really interesting, can I take you out for an ice cream after school?"

be the guy that "creates" motion, not the guy that is "carried" by motion.

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 6 years ago from Canada Author

Hi David Jones,

I would think that your approach needs to match the type of woman. 10's get hit on a lot, so you've got to not use the lines and come across as a more sincere guy. Maybe try this: "Can I buy you a plane ticket to escape this place with me?" You want to be a little cocky and add a touch of humor. Do the unexpected and you'll make a positive impression rather than a lost puppy, or a guy on the prowl.

shadowball68 6 years ago

R pseudomen,

thanks. i actually realized that was something that was lacking. but you know, a week has past by. so things have changed let me give you a scanario, let me see what you would do

ok: theres this one friend i have. she has a boyfriend. everyone hates this guy because he judges people before he gets to know them. so no one likes him, except my friend. but when me and my friend hang out with other people, people think were a couple by the way we act since were always hugging, lay down real close to each other, and everything else (except kiss. btw, her boyfriend doesnt hang out with us, nor does she talk about him.

so she went on vacation for a while. but we still texted we other everyday. well she has a friend that i met. she is someone i barely know, so i figured i would get to know her. so weve been hanging out alot lately. but me and her get along real well. that if i ake her out, id know she'd say yes

now heres the thing, i dont have the same feelings for the girl that i just met that i do for my friend. but lately, ive been feeling more and more sadder when i hang out with my friend. because i know that all the affection, isnt real, at least isnt real for me. she doesnt say she loves her boyfriend, but theyve been together for months.

so what do i do? do i keep gong after the girl i like, or do i go ask out the girl i have less feelings for. if i tell my friend how i feel about her, im SURE she wont feel the same way :(. i keeps saying im such a good friend. so what would you do if you were me?

Broken 6 years ago

R Pseudomen, this question/comment is specifically for you. I've had plenty of women in my life. Some flings, some "real" relationships. From the ages of like 12 to 24, I had a steady stream of females, with no "dry spells." At 17, I met the mother of my children, and was with her for 7 years. This is when she left me, and almost immediately got pregnant by another guy. I haven't had a girlfriend since. I get the occasional flirt on the RARE times that I leave the house, but I never act on them. And I'm still finding out things that she did while we were together, like sleeping with my uncle. My entire family knew about this, and I'm just now finding out 7 years later. To make this as short as I possibly can, the great confidence that I once had, is now non-existent. I have major trust issues (can't even trust my own fake ass family). I've been in a state of major depression (not clinically diagnosed, but I have all the symptoms) since she left. I have been taking steps to get myself back to normal. I just started working out again (had let myself go). I just haven't been able to "break through." At 30, it seems like I've let my best years go by, and when and IF I ever snap out of this, my options of suitable, fertile, unattached women will be severely limited. What's holding me back here is the fact that, trying to get myself past this isn't working cause I didn't do anything about it. How can I call myself a "man" when I let my uncle and the mother of my children disrespect me, and there were no reprocussions. Although, I did not find out about the uncle thing till this year, my other family members have been constantly calming me down throughout the past 7 years, telling me "not to do anything stupid." Were I come from, you don't disrespect someone to that extent, then just walk away scott free. I need some real advice here. I can't keep living the way I have been, and I can't move forward until I put the matter to rest. I have no one to confide in. As you can tell from this story, I CANNOT trust my family. They all conspired, and kept this secret from me for years. I have no close friends, as I distanced myself from them all when in this relationship, trying to be the ultimate "family man." I haven't totally given up, YET. Please give me some advice here, man to man.

Dean 6 years ago

Some interestin comment's on here, im in the same boat with a lot of guy's on here, im 24 and have only had 1 girlfriend in my life which was 7 years ago, nowday's i find it impossible, i just cannot seem to get any girl's to date with, i even find it hard to get them to talk online, like for instance i try to speak to them on dateing sites but they never reply, im not a bad guy quite good lookin and slim, i dress pretty well too, i dont have any friends, i live with my parents still, i dont get out a lot either, been unemployed for a while which wont help, somnetimes i think girls want talk to me because i havnt got a job, other than that ive no idea, its on my mind everyday :(

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 6 years ago from Canada Author

Hi shadowball68,

There is a rule: Don't mow another guy's lawn.

She is more comfortable with you because she does have a boyfriend, so you're "safe" in that she can be whoever she wants to be (and act out however she wants to) because you are NOT her boyfriend.

This is a classic "bitch" move because she can hug, kiss, and keep you close all the while knowing she will not ever date you.

My advice: drop her, stone cold. Be less available and see what happens.

Sometimes the guy gets the girl, sometimes he doesn't.

But no matter what, in the scenario you have made, she's using you and not caring about your true feelings.

And now that you know this, YOU are the one responsible for the next move and where you are in a day, week or month.

Good luck!

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 6 years ago from Canada Author

Hi Broken,

Yes, I think we're all agreed that you've been f-cked over, royally.

And I'm not going to suggest some stupid revenge trick, like placing ads for roommates or house renters and send a lot of people their way.

It is time to learn to trust again and you'll need counselling to handle the changes and explanations that you need.

And it's perfectly ok to cut off your family from contact to help you heal.

Sometimes it is "Don't forgive but forget."

I'd like to give you more advice but you need to separate yourself from these very bad events and people, and find a way to restart your life.

Not all women are bad, not all women are cheaters, not all family members hide evil secrets.

best wishes,


R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 6 years ago from Canada Author

Hi Dean,


I don't want to preach, so I'll keep this short:

sometimes you need to be single to prepare yourself for a great future.

Take it easy on yourself.

Find a job. Get your own place.

Then, and only then worry about the girls.

Trust me, this is the best advice you'll get!

KuJay 6 years ago

Hello, R Pseudomen. I'd appreciate your response to this specific issue of mine, since I'm really not sure what to do or where to go with this.

Thing is I have an extremely "specific" problem when it comes to this. Where I live I'm surrounded by a common crowd of people, that is, almost all women are the "same" in terms of interests and the things that they enjoy and how they are. I completely desire to find a girl that's different than all these..mind you, this is in personality and who she is, NOT her looks (I care very little for physical appearance, though I appreciate someone who takes care of their health, naturally.)

I'd dive into specifics on what I mean, but it probably isn't needed to get my point across. Also, no, these aren't perverse or bad things that I seek in a girl. It's actually a specific positive attitude, able thinker, and common interests that are (sadly) different than what a very large percent of everyone here shares.

I'm 24 and haven't had a "serious" relationship since I was 17. Even then that relationship was more a "hey we're physically attracted to each other, let's hook up" it truly wasn't built on a strong foundation.

Because finding a compatible girl is such a "one in a million" (due to my specific situation) I get extremely dejected and I feel very little desire to approach any woman..they all just seem the same over and over, it's like a hopeless search. On top of that I *am* extremely shy about approaching anyone to begin with, but if I knew she was someone I could connect with and form a meaningful bond then I would be less reserved.

I can handle conversations and have given many powerful speeches before (or so I've been told, It depends on the subject matter). I speak normally and (providing common interests) can have a great time just talking with someone.


I'm capable of social interaction, though I am a timid and shy person on the "approach". After that phase I'm a very good speaker and listener. I simply can't find a girl that isn't just the same as the 10000+ (or whatever) others living here. This concept completely depresses me and dumps me into a deeper loneliness.

Rado 6 years ago

I want to know why women like bad boys and why nice guys finish last. I really want to know the reasons for that. Do alot of women like bad boys? Why is it like this?

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 6 years ago from Canada Author

Hi KuJay,

Without a doubt I believe you're much too superficial. be it looks, brains or intelligence, not every asset a girl has can be exposed in public.

Give yourself, and every girl that crosses your path, a break and start to enjoy the company you keep, rather than spending time rating every woman in your midst.

You'll feel better and you'll be rated better by the people that will meet the future you.


R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 6 years ago from Canada Author

Hi Rado,

Women like "bad boys" because this guy-type keeps a woman wondering what will happen next; he isn't wimping out trying to please her, he's sly and sometimes even unavailable; he sees a lot of women but doesn't play games.

The moment you wimp out, she's going to drop you. Become a real bad boy http://www.dyd2.com

Nice guys finish last because they don't know when to be a man, instead of a wimp controlled by a woman's desires.

KuJay 6 years ago

Settling for less hasn't worked out too well in the past, so I have to maintain that level of superficiality in this day and age. Thanks anyways, I was curious to the advice you'd give regardless for personal studies.

-Good luck everyone!

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 6 years ago from Canada Author

Hi KuJay,

One thing I would have to say is that if it hasn't worked in the past why would the future be any different? Sounds crazy to think that way, doesn't it?

If your expectations are high of the women you meet and of the one that could possibly become your girlfriend or bride for you then your own personal standards have to be even higher to attract her.

In this post we've covered a lot of ground of men and women interactions and yet the truth remains.

Good luck!

RW 6 years ago


I've been reading a lot of dating and self-improvement articles as of late. I won't bore you with too many details, but basically growing up I was in a pretty hostile school environment for many years with little assitance from the faculty, and I cracked, withdrawing into myself - basically hiding from my problems. My confidence was non-existant, literally, but in the later years of high school I began to claw my way out of the hole in which I found myself. I wanted a girlfriend. But, to put it bluntly, I didn't know shit about shit and the subsequent rejections (being flat-out ignored was the worst) just tore me down again. By my Senior year it was really too late, as most relationships don't survive the college transition anyways.

So now, I find myself in college, almost 19 years old. Being far away from my town, and by extension my relatively painful past, I'm ready to pick myself up and start living. I've been working hard on improving my posture and my general demeanor to make myself appear more confident and happy, and it seems to be working a little so far. The nature of the environment means its not too difficult even for me to approach some women and introduce myself, but I still have some issues.

Time and time again I've read about the importance of eye-contact, especially initially. A man is supposed to hold eye contact with a woman of his interest for potentially a significant length of time to establish "sexual tension". Despite my efforts I still find this extremely difficult; it's been an issue for really my whole life. Sometimes I just can't help but think of myself as being creepy, and even if I don't, it's still very unnerving to me. I'm not sure why, though I'll keep trying until I get over it. I guess it's just a little unfathomable to ME that women might enjoy being looked in the eyes for that long, likely from a stranger.

Regardless of my troubles I've managed to get a couple of phone numbers so far, but both of the women ended up having boyfriends already. Being a little down on my luck urges me to resort to my earlier, destructive habits of non-action and wallowing in self-pity, but I'm trying very hard to resist the urge. I just have to keep reminding myself that I have time, and that it will happen.

Have a little confidence, and - dare I say - have a little faith guys. Keep trying, and learn a lesson from every encounter.

Tokemz 6 years ago

Its not my personality thats the problem, most* women are dirty cheating sluts these days.

Joe  6 years ago

I've come to realize that most of the reason guys, like myself, often have trouble finding good relationships with attractive girls is because this generation's girls are absolute trash. Girls care about money and looks. And every girl cheats. That's actually a fact. I really don't need to start going into details about anything, because it's a very simple concept. Girls are recyclable trash bags. If any girl is reading this and is offended, good. Fuck you.

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 6 years ago from Canada Author

Hello RW: Yes, life would be so much easier, with the women, if one rule fit all guys and we could stare them into compliance. Your sudden "bad luck" in selecting women that are already dating another guy leads me to think that you're not as self-confident as you think you are.

You're still picking "safe" targets that won't let you down too hard because there's no where to go with them, no real "hard rejection" because they have the perfect reason not to date you, right?

While eye contact allows you to prove your self-confidence (a guy that can't look a woman in the eye has lost his chance before he starts) there is a fine line between proving your interest and freaking a woman out with a stare.

Have some faith, you're in a huge pool of women and I bet most of them haven't dated yet either.

- RP

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 6 years ago from Canada Author

Hello RW: Yes, life would be so much easier, with the women, if one rule fit all guys and we could stare them into compliance. Your sudden "bad luck" in selecting women that are already dating another guy leads me to think that you're not as self-confident as you think you are.

You're still picking "safe" targets that won't let you down too hard because there's no where to go with them, no real "hard rejection" because they have the perfect reason not to date you, right?

While eye contact allows you to prove your self-confidence (a guy that can't look a woman in the eye has lost his chance before he starts) there is a fine line between proving your interest and freaking a woman out with a stare.

Have some faith, you're in a huge pool of women and I bet most of them haven't dated yet either.

As you said "You have time".

- RP

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 6 years ago from Canada Author

Hi Joe: I thunk every girl is offended. Every single girl, and some married ones too.

Time for some anger management classes, eh?

RW 6 years ago

So it's a subconscious thing? I know that I don't consciously pick "safe targets", because I know that I want a relationship and it would just be stupid to start talking to a woman I can't get that from (...or am I just deluding myself to believe that?). How can I avoid this in the future, as since I first posted the same thing has happened twice more? Of course I'm not very self-confident. I haven't been in a long time, indeed mostly by my own fault. I let things get to me long ago that I shouldn't have. But I'll be damned if I can't muster everything I have to at least try to make it appear as though I'm confident, until I build up some actual confidence. I hate how miserably I lived before - at least it's a start.

Every few days or so I'll go out and exercise for a couple hours. If I come across a woman I'll practice good eye contact, and it has produced positive results. Perhaps in my last post I wasn't quite as clear as I wanted to be. Conversationally speaking, I have no trouble looking a woman in the eyes. It's the initial contact that I had difficulties with, but I'm improving.

I have no trouble admitting that I'm utterly terrified of being the guy who fails with women and romance - the guy who will be alone. It's out of that fear that comes the desire to better myself so I can avoid that. Thank you for your time, R Pseudomen.

TSE 6 years ago

Hey! I am an 18 year old that is just about to go to uni and has never had a proper gf like many here. The only one I have had lasted a week and after she told me she did it for a dare in front of all my mates. Personally I don't find myself attractive at all (I know not a good thing lol) however that doesn't mean I don't try. Recently I asked a girl out by recording her a CD of me singing (People pay to hear me sing so I am reasonibly good), it obviously failed. I realised my mistake and moved quickly on. Next I started talking to a girl on prom night, over a period of about 4 months we became really good mates and I finally plucked up the balls to ask for a date, she shot me down in flames via text. Currently I am in a weird position with a girl whom I like, she clearly likes me (We've kissed 3/4 times and she is very into cuddling me) however when I asked her for a proper date she said no and says she is too into another bloke. I am rather confused! I am told I am a good listener and I like to think I am quite funny, I just don't want my current luck to continue into uni. Any extra advice you can give? It would be gratefully recieved. Thank you!

Coolbeans 6 years ago

I liked the article! Gave me a bit of insight and what exactly I should try to work on...unfortunately, I'm the kind of guy who is quiet even around his family. The only girl I ever talked to already had a boyfriend, we did get along good, but I think I prefer being alone. I'm not a party person at all, and I believe myself to be completely independent. It annoys me when my friend asks me "Have a girlfriend yet?" My response is not that I don't, it's that I don't want one. I don't feel the need for the extra commitment or the priority I need to give. If it's not going to last forever, why even start in the first place? I barely sign on my facebook once a month, and I feel happy enough on my own. I know I CAN get with someone, but I'm not sure if I want to.

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 6 years ago from Canada Author

Hi RW,

I suggest you start a journal and pick out the three or four top qualities that you found attractive in the women you have been meeting. I think that inside that framework you will find the "safe" targets and be able to consciously expand your search from there.

Are you going after the nine's and ten's?

Are there sixes that have any attractive qualities, anything appealing about them?

It's a start...

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 6 years ago from Canada Author


Does she tell you all of her secrets? Does she hug you out of nowhere and then just change the channel on you?

I think that:

1. you listen too much

2. are too kind to the women you like

3. try very hard to be "friends first"

4. and you end up being their "girlfriend"

Try blowing a girl off every once in a while (be unavailable, not what you "were" thinking, dirty mind!)

Stop listening. When a girl says to you"the thing I don't like about most guys..." or she tells you she really likes another guy, then just walk away. If she asks why you say, bluntly "I'm looking for a 'girlfriend' not a 'girl friend' so good luck with your man hunt."

If you stand up for yourself as a suitable dating choice you'll get the women you want.

If you 'friend' things up all the time, you're just another girl friend for her, not a man with a sex drive.

All you guys out there, if you're 'hanging out' with a girl you like, if you're always listening to her, texting her, IMing her, emailing, constant contact, if you console her when she says her life is awful and the guy she likes doesn't like her back - walk away.

You're just not going to be 'her type' and if you think you can change her mind about you then I feel very sorry for you, because you're lying to yourself and the invites to your pity party are in the mail.

So sad, so very sad.

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 6 years ago from Canada Author

Hi Coolbeans, good for you. Stand alone and stand strong. There's no sense making a move on a woman for a night of fun if it doesn't lead to a more meaningful relationship.

You just wait for true love to come and hit you on the head and drag you off for a lifetime commitment, family, work and all of that "real" life stuff. (Yeah, total sarcasm there.)

Knowing that you CAN get along with someone and actually DOING it are two total opposites.

I suggest you throw your hat in the ring and play on the next girl that comes your way. Maybe, just maybe, it WILL be true love knocking on your door and you're just too self-satisfied to get out of your chair, away from the television or computer screen, to take the chance.

Take it!

chris 6 years ago


i have never had a girlfriend and im not sure why, people tell me a nice guy and that but every girl i have asked out has just said no to me, the only thing i can think of is me being abit overwieght. is this the problem or is it sumthing else?

John 6 years ago

Truthfully, all this 'advice' given about attraction and dating--what a woman unconsciously wants but does not tell you she wants, strategies for attracting women, keeping a 'positive' attitude--is at most mildly usable, and most of the time a total placebo.

Everywhere you'll hear the same thing--"have a positive attitude"; "don't get discouraged"; "don't be clingy"; "make a good first impression"; "be confident" (followed by "you can be confident by doing xyz"); "be scarce (at first) and make your time valuable"; "don't be afraid of rejection."

The problem is that these platitudes don't take into account the biological and sociological factors involved. By the time you reach 25, your brain has fully matured and the way your psyche functions is solidified. The way you process social situations is fixed; you are operating off of social skills or a lack thereof learned (or not learned) during these 25 years of development. Up until then, you can learn it through mimesis or just experimentation--after that time, it's not going to come naturally. And women pick up on that, and reject it. They don't want a man with a lack of social skills; and they CERTAINLY don't want a man who tried to learn his social skills late in life by reading self-help books/columns/blogs. Exceptions to these well-established biological and sociological laws are exceedingly rare.

Which is problematic, because those rare cases are precisely the same people giving this 'advice.' They think "If I did it, why can't everyone else?" They fail to see that they are the exception to the rule, and that nine times out of ten following all the advice in the world doesn't do anything if you are naturally awkward.

Lastly, all this 'advice'--bought on CD, downloaded off the internet, posted on a blog, whatever--proves to be a bit of a sham, because it only ever works in the following way: A.)You have a problem with socializing and getting dates; B.)The advice, like forms of therapy, eliminates some of the bad emotional symptoms, which puts you in C.)a state of mind in which you think the problem has disappeared. The hope of any advisor is that 'part C' is enough to start getting you dates. But ultimately it only ever treats the symptoms; the underlying problem--one's underdeveloped social skills--remains, and will ultimately catch up with you.

In other words, the ugly truth is that 95% of the time your only solution is to get lucky. The 5% that don't follow this formula write the self-help columns oblivious to the physiologically and sociologically overdetermined nature of their readers' problem. And, at the end of the day, while experience can very mildly improve your odds, it's still luck. You are not--and never will be--in the driver's seat.

K. 6 years ago


I'm 21. I didn't have a girlfriend since I was 17. My looks are totally average, but I'm intelligent, refined, funny, I have my style and I've reached things that very few people do so young by their own effort.

I'm not the one to walk up to girls, I never knew how it works and I never felt shame for that. I've had chance to get to know girls through my friends, through school, etc. and it's ok. In almost every case, when I felt attraction towards a girl, and she agreed to meet me, they liked me, and wanted to see me again. They always told me I am one of the most interesting persons they know, and they like my attitude, the way I see things, the way I look at them, my positive attitude, etc. Occasionally I was even "handsome".

Yet, when I wanted to make the step, I always got refused, with explanations that barely made sense. And this happened so many times it just tears me apart slowly. I can't understand, and I'm beginning to think the problem is in me. I just don't know where, or what it is.

I really want a woman by my side, someone to care for. The occasional moments when I can take care of a girl, make her comfortable, give her safety - even if it's just a false illusion of a relationship - are the only truly happy moments in my lafe lately. And while woman keep telling this is what they want from a relationship, I never get the chance to show that I'm just like that.

I don't know what to do. I couldn't and don't want to change. I love myself just the way I am. I just can't understand what am I doing wrong, or what's the problem with me. Any idea?

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 6 years ago from Canada Author

Hi Chris,

Unless you're extremely overweight, it's rarely a problem, it's all how you handle yourself.

Look at all the football players, some are obviously holding a huge sack up front, but they handle themselves like gymnasts.

Be active, be funny, and follow the advice from posts on this page.

You'll be glad you did!

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 6 years ago from Canada Author

Hi John,

So, the people that had the natural success with women are the exception to the rule and this success can't be explained or learned by others.

Under-developed social skills can not be made up for later in life.

You're a dink.

First off, the majority of guys that are looking for this advice are 14 -25, which are the ones with the still-developing personality and brain skill set for people interactions.

Secondly, people can still learn things later in life, look at all the grey-hairs getting their computer for the first time, or all the big-mouths (you) learning how to conjugate verbs and write somewhat scathing diatribes about how people can't learn and that they'd better be satisfied with an unsatisfying life.

You really do suck.

If you believe that your life is 95% based on luck, then your life just wasted the 5% of it's fact-based mission (and still lost).

Guys - read this - the ones that will try to tear you down don't want you to know the secret of getting women, which John explained in his manifesto - develop your social skills. You don't need to be "Mr.Manners" but a little kindness and social grace goes a long way.

Meet a girl, ask her name, and say to her "You're the nicest person I've met all day. Can I ask you to crack my back?"

Have fun with life.

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 6 years ago from Canada Author

Hi K.,

You're starting off on the right foot, being comfortable with yourself, but you need to have a better understanding about women.

Take this with you: women always know what you want, friendship or sex.

Don't try to "hustle" them into a friendship then try to convert them into a girlfriend later on. This is a huge, but common, mistake that most guys make.

The next few girls you meet, try to be more open about your needs and desires.

Ask them, within the first few minutes "why they're still single?".

This question offers you two basic answers that most guys play around with without ever asking: if they have a boyfriend and why they are still single in their own estimation.

You'll get answers and can then decide whether to continue to chase them or not. But be bold and don't try to become their gf like so many guys do, the guys that fail with women.

Good luck!

Peter 6 years ago


Im 25 and never had a girlfriend. First I dint care much about it, I was thinking that it will come later, but it didn't. Im little bit overweight and ugly. When I look at the mirror, I want to vomit.

Everybody tells me that I need to have a self confidence to get a girl. But how am I supposed to get a confidence when Im nothing and hate myself. I cant even imagine to have a girlfriend. I also have really rubbish job with rubbish pay. Im starting to hate women for being self centred and shallow.

Why it must be this way???? Why somenone can get tons of girlfiends and I cant get even lousy one??? My time is ticking away and i dont want to die alone. Its NOT FAIR!!!

Any advice please???

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 6 years ago from Canada Author

Hi Peter, Yes, life isn't fair. That being said you need to do two things before you do anything else.

1. Save up some money and then go shopping. Go to a very high end men's clothing shop and get yourself two shirts that cost at least one day's pay each. I have a couple of shirts that are expensive and I know that my confidence jumps hugely when I wear them. Of course these aren't every day shirts, but when I go out, it's in style with these expensive shirts on my back! And the girls know it too!

2. Obviously a job that is rubbish and pays rubbish needs to be replaced. Do whatever it takes to get a better job. Finish your education, take night school or specialty classes... get yourself in a place where your life means a lot to you, because right now this isn't it.

The girls are there. they just don't see you as you are and they won't change their view. Not in a majority way. But you can find a better class of woman once you are satisfied with your own life. You need to take the first steps.

I know you want to do it, but will you?


TSE 6 years ago

Hey thanks for the advice, I backed off a bit and ignored her etc when she talked about this other bloke, and well shall we leave it at the fact it worked?


Thanks again!


R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 6 years ago from Canada Author


Glad I was able to help, keep up the good work, you'll get the girl you want.


L Nguyen 6 years ago

Does ethnicity really matter on what girl you are getting? Because it's hard getting a girl for an Asian American guy like me...and I never have been in a relationship with anyone before.

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 6 years ago from Canada Author

Hi L Nguyen, It really depends on the person, there is no "black and white" (so to speak) answer for the question.

If you have the basics covered, that is you're clean, you use deodorant, your hair isn't greasy, there's no reason, other than the girl's personal bias, as to why you couldn't date any girl you want.

good luck!


M. 6 years ago


im 18 and i've never really had a gf, im average looking and dont smell but thats not the problem, whenever im around a girl i like and think i have a chance i get really nervous. i can converse with a girl and joke around but i don't know how to close the deal( actually get a gf). it seems like most girls just brush me off as the friend type.

any advice would help thanks!

Erik 6 years ago

I am 26, been single all my life, and it's horrible.. The worst thing is I think about this for hours every day, even though I know it's probably very contraproductive. I always end up in the friend trap with girls. I get to know them, I like them, they like me, but for some reason we always end up as friends. I think it has something to do with shyness and lack of confidence, and lack of experience. It's probably best to have a lot of positve experiences in the teens. I was mostly a loner then, I didnt kiss someone before I was nine, and no sex before I was 21. I've only had sex a few times. So what is your best advice to not get caught in the friend trap over and over again? I feel I'm soon giving up, as I get older and older.

Terry Grant 6 years ago

first off pseudomen, i just wanna say i appreciate you being her for ppl for the last 2 yrs. it takes a lot to do that for that period of time. Thank you.

My story is that i am 22, never had a gf before either...i dont know what is wrong with me, i have a car, a good job, and work out and in realy good shape. my looks are average i think to most, but i think i always look good, but obviously i have my off days and not appreciate what i see int he mirror sometimes. we all have those days. anyways, for the past few years i couldnt really focus on my education because i was single and had no female attention. My game has really improved the last few yrs. i have a good group of freinds and meeting girls is no problem. starting a relationship is. the thing is, i have high standards. the girls that ive gotten dates with are considered hot and have always been checked out by other guys when we go out. I could say some of them are even better looking than I am. at the end of the day they would always say were nothing more than freinds, ihave gotten it too many times and now im torn apart just depressed in my room. another major problem i have is this. PLEASE READ ON and if anyone could relate please give me a shout or email.

whenever i start to catch feelings for a girl, i start to think about her day and night to a point where I could barley eat or sleep, soo afraid of rejection that i start to get nervous around the girl and somehow always end up expressing my feelings like a weakling. i am no longer the cool, charming funny guy. i have caught feelings and now i act like a worthless scared loser thats lost for words and say the wrong stupid things...it always ends up with her rejecting me. friend speech, or "i just got out of a relationship speech. I have thought about suicide a few times but know i wont do it. Please help

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 6 years ago from Canada Author

Hi M,

It's always easier to talk to a girl when there's no pressure. But, and you have to admit this, the pressure you feel is only what YOU feel. The girl either doesn't feel the pressure at all, or she's so much more freaked out about the possibility of being your gf that she's just going to agree with anything you say.

The next time you feel the pressure to "close the deal" say to the girl "You need to buy me a coffee (or whatever) or I'm going to think you don't like me!"

No matter what the reaction is, say to her "Great, here's my email, let me know when but it's got to be in the next two days or I'm finding someone else to date".

When you're direct you get a much better response and when you're out in left field she'll know that she's not your only option so it's more likely that she'll try to hold onto you.

Trust me, this works more times than not. And rejection is your friend. It's better to be told by her to piss off right away than being strung along for a while so you don't move on to the next girl.


R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 6 years ago from Canada Author

Hi Erik,

You don't want to be caught in the "friend trap"? Stop being available to every girl you meet.

"Friends" are available to each other all the time. There's never a refusal about when you can talk, call, IM, email, etc. You're always there with a reply, or to be the shoulder to cry on.

The girls you know, tell them, face to face "I thought we could have dated but now I see that it's not possible. Can you set me up with one of your friends?"

Be direct and by saying this you're putting yourself into the singles market and at the same time telling them that they missed their chance with you.

You have nothing left to lose, right?

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 6 years ago from Canada Author

Hi Terry Grant,

STOP being afraid of rejection.

The girls you say you make friends with so easily, do you have any physical contact with them whatsoever? A touch on the shoulder, or hand.

Do you lean in to whisper in their ear or are you always 3 feet from them, leaving so much space a jumbo jet could land in between you?

You idealize women so much that you forget they pee and poop like the rest of us.

The next time you feel ike a worthless loser in front of a girl say to her "I feel like a worthless loser. I'm so tough on the outside and so scared on the inside. Do you ever feel liek this?"

Open up. Be honest with her and yourself.

Get rejected a few times. Feel real hurt, not the imaginings of a lovesick teen.

Become a real man, feel the real pain.

And then ask this woman that has hurt you so deeply if she has a sister, because she's so hot that a sister of her's should be able to burn you twice as hotly, and make you hurt for being a man that wants a real woman to hold his heart.

Be smarter, be faster, become the player you want to be.

6 years ago

thanks alot for the advice i also read the advice you gave to the others and it makes alot of sense i've never tried this before, i just have one more question.

i'm actually trying to go for this girl i work with right now, shes alot of fun very flirty and theres definately alot of physical contact when were joking around.

my only concern is that she flirts with other guys to its very obvious because i see the wall to wall facebook messages on my homepage (btw im not a creepy lurk the messages pop up wen i scroll down my news feed)

srry for rambling but i just wanted to know if maybe im just wasting my time going after this girl and shes just a tease??

once again thanks alot for your help!!

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 6 years ago from Canada Author

Hi M,

If she's flirting with other guys the same as she is you, you're wasting your time with her.

I bet she's quite different outside the work place, but why bother?

Have fun at work and look elsewhere for a gf.


Erik 6 years ago

Thanks for advice! Yeah, I don't have anything to lose when it comes to getting a girl friend other losing a few friendships I don't care so much about anyway (although I have female friends I want to keep, and I don't think there's anything wrong with having oppsoite sex friends, it can be a good thing looking for a girl friend even). Maybe the problem also is I'm trying on girls who are kind of out of my league, cool girls with hundreds of friends, good looking.

6 years ago

Alright i'll take your word for it kind of a bummer havent hit it off with a girl like tht for a while.

thnx for the help!

Bob 6 years ago

My issue may be a little different than others. I'm 27, I am active in Toastmasters, give good speeches, work in customer service where when I'm behind the counter I LOVE helping the people. I feel like I can be myself there. People comment on my wonderful personality all the time!

I have a problem with wit and flirting with women. I can be physically playful, pushing, blocking, dancing, smiling but I can't crack a joke and am not really funny. I don't see myself as boring because I sing to my favorite songs blasting on the radio, dance, smile..etc. I just can't flirt, let out my wit. My conversations are all "Hi How are you" "Good, glad to hear it" "Tell me about X" "What do you do"..etc. I understand people like to talk about themselves. I certainly don't have much to say, so I'd love to just listen and learn!

It's odd. I had the confidence the other day to teach a girl that I like to dance Salsa in the electronics store where I work and she is a customer. However, can I have a "fun" conversation with her? No. I mean she was giggling though the whole lesson and do I ask her out? No I say "come in again" and she says "Oh I will!" Grr... And BTW, i didn't say "hey I'm going to teach her to dance." I just walked around the counter, said go like this, took her hands, and told her how to step..etc.

I also have no real "freinds", nor a best friend. I have a couple good friends that I've had for YEARS. They are all WORSE with women that I am, some are even boring and they make me think I'm boring when I'm with them.

Some guys are able to just talk with a girl and get her laughing in seconds, and I want to be able to do that.

Some guys say to a girl "Hey me and my friends are going to a party, you should come" I would not want to subject a girl to some of my friends! It's like she'd think less of me because I don't have guys to go play poker with, or watch sports, or go to a BBQ.. (not that I care much about poker or sports) It sucks..

I've been to 5 third world countries and never been on a DATE. or KISSED a girl! Oh I dream of it though.

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 6 years ago from Canada Author

Hi Bob,

Not everyone needs to be the loud-mouth of the party. Stop worrying about what might be and practice just asking a girl for coffee. Now, I wouldn't suggest doing this on the job, but whatever works is fine with me, "You are very thoughtful, can I buy you a coffee when I'm done with my shift?"

I'm sure you have a lot to talk about, use your pleasant voice and stop planning a boring future.


Mr. X 6 years ago

Hi R! My problem is I always come close, but never more than that. It seems I'm liked by girls. I have heard I'm handsome by some, I easily make them laugh, I think many find the things I talk about interesting. I'm quite inexperienced even though I have passed twenty five, maybe it's got to do with lack of experience, what works and what doesn't work? Maybe I don't know how to flirt even though I think I do? Maybe I'm just unlucky? Too shy when I need to be non-shy? It always seems like I come close, but when I make my move I get rejected without knowing why. But I have started to become used to it, so I'm not dissappointed anymore.

Bob 6 years ago

Its alot about communication when trying to get girls. You need to communicate in a way that will attract women. I dont know how to communicate to attract women so its hard.

Jeremy 6 years ago

So I have been going to the strip clubs a lot lately. I get shot down by all of them. Am I ugly? I don't really understand how I am to pick up any of them at all. Can someone please help?

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 6 years ago from Canada Author

Hi Bob,

Yes, communication is the key, just talk about what you want to talk about and follow along with asking the woman a lot of questions.

That always does the trick, to get them to talk to you just ask the questions. You break the ice by talking what you want to talk about then ask her a lot of questions. Get it?


R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 6 years ago from Canada Author

Hi Jeremy,

Want to date a stripper? Go with $2000.00 and tip half to the one you like as soon as you get there.


Robert 6 years ago

I'm 27 years old and can't get a girlfriend. In fact, I can barely get a date. Despite nearly two master's degrees, strong athleticism, six figures in the bank with no debt, and a good sense of style, I've only been on three dates in my entire life. Women these days have impossibly high standards. If you are even slightly imperfect or different from her ideal in any way, you will be immediately disqualified. In our modern society, the vast majority of women no longer need men and will NOT settle. Attractive women have the power; they can literally get whatever they want whenever they want it. In my experience, the only thing that works is treating them like garbage. Unfortunately, this is the only thing they respect. So keep your heads up, gentlemen. Even successful, athletic, good-looking guys get rejected constantly. Especially if they're "nice".

Bob 6 years ago

I know it sucks that nice guys get rejected but WHY? I don't what I have to do to get a girlfriend. my chances are so limited as well which is very unfair. this dating game is a crisis for me.

lonely dude 6 years ago

Got to say man thanks for the article. However I am real close to throwing in the towel on the gf thing. I am 23 and I have never even been on one date before ever. I don't think I am ugly or anything. Six foot four in the army national guard. Have my own cars etc. For some reason the only ones that like me are the older ones like 40 plus. Never kissed a girl or even touched one really. I am very close to getting myself castrated or something to remove this feelings from me. Not sure what to do!

Larry 6 years ago

I have a problem that i still don't understand is a very complicate to explain, i feel i losing myself, i becoming totally different, i trying to get i date i am the funniest guy in the classroom all the girls know me and want to be around me, some chick friend that i am lucky because i am attractive but when i try to date a girl is just don't work i don't know what is wrong, look at first they are the ones that call me and want to know me, i make them laugh i hear what they told me but when i give them complement like u have petty eyes they just act totally different, some girl even tell me don't look at me, i already give her gift in valentine day whats wrong i am losing hope, i am gaining hate, losing love. i am to nice??

Manny 6 years ago

Hey im 17, and I feel like im never gonna find another gf ive had a few but always got cheated on. So I gave dating a break now that im back on the scene I feel like I lost my touch I have no self confidence. The girl I like just considers me as nice, what do I do to get off the nice to I like list. She told my friend im not her type is it already over? But I am lucky enough to have her as my homecoming date what do I do to get her

Ninguna 6 years ago

I saw the guy up there at 22 who was giving up, I'm going on 27 and the longest relationship I've had was 1 month, and that was because she was a psycho and wouldn't stop calling me. I've gone on many many dates lately but none of them work and last night I took this girl out on our second date and she wanted to go to a party. So we went and she kept fluttering around flirting with other guys, I pulled her away from one; about an hour later I went to make a call and she was literally screwing this jagoff in the bedroom like it was senior f'ing prom, and the other a*holes at the party didn't tell me she was in there and this one guy was f*ing with me telling me she was waiting for me; I guess he meant sloppy seconds, or he was just an a*hole.

After some pounding on the door by the owner of the house, the door opened and my "date" was cleaning up after a twenty-odd minute romp with a guy twice my size, who had two friends a head taller than me.

I guess the lesson is never date a chick with a tattoo you think is dumb as hell emblazoned on her wrist who makes you feel like she's siphoning more and more of your brain through your ears the longer she talks.

But yeah, it's pretty damn hard to be positive right now.

To Terry G 6 years ago

I'm probably not the best guy to give advice but I have been in a few relationships and understand the "standards" issue you speak of.

At my stage in life I find that in order to avoid the problem of feeling like you really met someone special, is not let it affect you too much until it's reached a certain stage of commitment. I literally tell myself, this is nice, but it could blow up at any time to remind myself that more often than not it will. And I also give certain girls I ordinarily wouldn't feel are strong gf material a chance because you never know what might happen and I find that the more girls I have dates with or are talking to the more confident and approachable I appear to be (or feel to be).

I think the other half of that equation is to never stop looking unless you've reached a certain stage of commitment with someone--cast a wide net and you're likely to catch at least one good fish I guess.

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 6 years ago from Canada Author

Hi Robert,

You've been meeting the wrong class of women, obviously. I'd like to know where you've been meeting them so I can warn off other guys.

If I described you to my sister you'd be a catch, so whatever is going on is very serious.

Maybe an attitude adjustment. Are you really so much better than all other guys? Do women sense a feeling of superiority from you so they react negatively?

Certainly you are around women, how do they respond to you?

Do you get a lot of the "Let's just be friends" crap?

I look forward to you following up your post.


R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 6 years ago from Canada Author

Hi Bob,

Please follow up by what you mean are "limited chances"? The real limitations with getting a girlfriend are often self-imposed. So why do you feel this way. It's impossible to offer any advice based on the limited post you made.


R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 6 years ago from Canada Author

Hi lonely dude,

It's often we value ourselves by the things we don't have as opposed to the things we do. But girls, it's always that they aren't interested, or unavailable, or old.

I would ask you what real attempts you make to go out and meet girls. Is going to a bar every Friday night, and seeing the same tired faces, really enough to say you make the effort?

You sound moderately successful and have your life headed in a positive direction. So why no luck with women? What attracts these older women to you and how can you use this to catch the kittens instead of the cougars?

Maybe you want to get a little closer to one of these cougars and find out more about what attracts them to you. Mostly older women are quite willing to share with their experience and help younger guys out. Go, ask them the tough questions, I bet you'll not only be surprised by the results but educated as well.


R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 6 years ago from Canada Author

Hi Manny,

Yes, it's already over. But, why communicate through her friend? You just might be getting the wrong info. Ask the girl directly, and I mean face-to-face, not text, IM or email.

Get the info right from her, ask her straight out "Why won't you be my girlfriend?"

It's only through honest rejection do we learn a little more about ourselves, and if she's already set on not being your gf then you have nothing else to lose, do you?

Stop tormenting yourself and ask her the tough question!!


R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 6 years ago from Canada Author

Hi Ninguna,

Really, you took Nicole Ritchie to a party? Wow!

Seriously though, lesson learned.

Don't get overly worked up, better she screwed around on the second date than the sixth, or twentieth...

The rule is never be out of control of the situation on a date.

You have to have a plan and that always means "have a plan". You tell her where you're taking her for a date, be it the first, second or thirtieth.

You keep in control, women respond to that, all I've ever met (except the psycho, right Ninguna?) want a guy that has control.

The definition of being a wussy is not having control, of accepting "whatever" to be a part of life.

Stop accepting "whatever" to rule you and you'll gain an incredible step forward into the secret world of being a true PUA.


Ninguna 6 years ago

I completely agree with you, I think I need to learn my city better and find out what's out there and where to take dates. I always have trouble figuring out what to do with them once I get them.

I also need to not mistake easy-going for just easy.

And to realize I really really don't like keggers or house parties because the ratio is always more guys to girls and I don't want to have some creepy bald guy bs me about how many college girls he's managed to score with while his buddy nails my immature inebriated 22 year old date.

Good advice

manny 6 years ago

well thanks for ur advice bro, but she juss got done telling me that she juss wants to be friends but its all good ill juss get at someone else. any other advice u got for me bro? ohh im going to homecoming with her, does that mean its gonna be awkward?

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 6 years ago from Canada Author

Hi Manny,

Homecoming is good, but wouldn't you rather take a girl that wants to be your gf? Rather than being with her when she's hunting for other guys?

Stop texting, start talking with girls in person and let me know how this change of approach works for you.


manny 6 years ago

I do talk to girls in person I juss think im 2 picky, cuz the ones i like are always super hot and the ones that like me arent. Any advice?

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 6 years ago from Canada Author

Hi Manny, start lower of the rejection risk factor. Once you're with a girl the other ones interest level rises 1000%.

Give it a go with the next one that shows real interest.


R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 6 years ago from Canada Author

To Dav,

It's not that I have anything against you, you just didn't offer anything new to the conversation and balanced that mess of words by saying I let others insult me here so what's wrong with your posts?

Seriously, leave the youtube videos out and speak plainly, maybe you won't be spammed out, but no promises.


ThisGirlKnows 6 years ago

It's amazing how there are certain guys like this, who have never had a date, or a kiss, or a hug, from a girl --- and they wonder why. These types of guys are woman-repellents. Unfortunately, some guys have too many negative qualities about them. It doesn't matter if you are ugly if you have a fantastic personality, usually. Some girls are superficial but those are the ones you shouldn't consider worth your time anyway. It's your personality that is the problem. I think of one guy, for example, wonders why he is 26 without ever having any romantic encounter with a woman---He's a diehard Christian but can't answer why he has faith in God, he has no real answer, he just believes it because his parents told him to, he is not a critical thinker, he is not a free independent thinker, he cannot grasp deep conversations, he cannot analyze himself let alone others, he cannot pick up on body language cues, he's very selfish---always looking out for himself, can't ever do anything nice for anyone, of course you have the complete opposites, they are creepy---always buying things or trying to do nice things and are just downright overbearing and freaky. They have extremes. He's ADD and and interrupts everyone when they talk. Every time. Then he says something, and can't sustain interest in anything longer than 5 seconds. He's a party pooper, a sore loser, has an awful personality and can never go with the flow or try something new. Watch out guys, cuz this might be one of you.

ThisGirlKnows 6 years ago

Lots of guys like this have no backbone---and then the other problem is, they think that having a backbone means being an asshole. Ya guys like that just don't get it all.

Robert 6 years ago

It is serious. In fact, it's ridiculous. And I wasn't trying to imply that I am better than other guys. My point was that given everything I have going for me it shouldn't be so difficult. I admit that my attitude could be better but it's hard to be happy and optimistic when you're constantly rejected. You also mentioned that you thought that I was meeting the wrong class of women. I agree. Attractive women are the wrong class. In my experience, attractive women are evil. They lie constantly and have an amazing sense of entitlement. I think they actually enjoy humiliating men. For example, instead of admitting they're not interested, they'll give you their number with absolutely no intention of ever talking to you again. It's sick. This happens to me constantly. I am always respectful and straightforward when I meet a girl. I don't use any stupid lines or play games. I just introduce myself and ask if we can go out sometime. Then she'll give me her number and then I never hear from her again. It's like she's just trying to get rid of me or something. But it's weird because it's always a real number. All I know is that I've become seriously jaded.

jonny 6 years ago

I am Asian guy, I am kool, 5-10, with good body shape. I m studing post graduate. I have good moneyas well. I am located in UK, and I m on study visa. I am nver able to get a single date. I usually ask girls (in indirect way, like do you like to have coffee) for date which have bf.

I am getting older now, 27, but still no experience?

help me pls?

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 6 years ago from Canada Author

Hi Jonny,

STOP being indirect. Girls know what you want, ask them out, straight up, let's go on a date and talk.

Do this!


Brian 6 years ago

They left out no money- the absolute lynchpin of finding a woman. A woman is so greedy, and so much of a slut, she cannot function around a 'poor' guy.

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 6 years ago from Canada Author

Hi Brian,

Like everything in life money makes things easier. Not all women are greedy, not all women are sluts.

Not all guys are really ready for a gf.

What would you sacrifice to have a classy woman in your life?


profile image

scorpiozone 6 years ago

hi there im 24 and had a few long term gf in the past, but recently just seem to be getting no luck at all. was seeing this girl for few months then she just backed off and 'didnt know what she wanted' now shes seeing someone else?? im quite outgoing but not as confident and arrogent as i used to be and find that girls im texting/ talking to on fb arnt really interested to meet up or take things beyond frienships now?? it really frustrating because cant help thinking im doing something majorly wrong?? anyway ive come to the conclusion you need to put yourself first and not try and chase women and focus on a gf.ive decided for a change and applied for uni next year and going to focus more on my mates alot more in the meantime, then just see what comes my way :) do you think thats a good move?? oh yeah people at work dont seem as drawn to me as they used to when i was younger for some reason??

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 6 years ago from Canada Author

Hi scorpiozone,

You do need to tighten up what you're doing to get dates. Texting and instant messaging doesn't work, I think most guys will agree with me. But your questions really require a long answer so I've published it here: http://www.alovelinksplus.com/advice/double-your-d...

Good luck!


Beowulf 6 years ago

I don't know what I'm doing wrong at all. I know for sure a few girls have liked me and I have givin them hints back that I want something more but then it's just like out of no where they asking some other guy out and I get rejected out of the picture. I've asked my friends which are girls of what's wrong with me or what I'm doing wrong and they don't know either. My current situation is that me and this girl are close. We enjoy being around each other and flirt around but she doesn't want to go out with me and instead stay in a dying relationship with her bf that cheated on her

Steve 6 years ago

I am 19, I have just about to give up, i am good person i accept myself and other people i always believe in giving everyone the benefit of the doubt and to give everyone a chance and have been described by my friends as one of the most witty funny people they know but i just haven't had a girlfriend in so long i have already had myself fooled into thinking one person liked me but no i was wrong, i just don't understand what it is im doing that is wrong here.

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 6 years ago from Canada Author

Hi Beowulf,

Two things:

1. Stop "hinting" to girls that you want to ask them out and come right out and ask them. Stop playing these "I like you but don't want to tell you" games;

2. Stop hitting on unavailable girls. If you've read this post you should know that girls that have a bf are only interested in talking to a guy and training him into being another "girlfriend". So stop it.

If you want to find a girlfriend the first step is to make sure she's single. Once that is known you can move forward with her or move onto another girl.

A lot of times a guy tries to get another guy's girlfriend because he's so afraid of rejection that this girl is a "safe " target because rejection has already been done simply because she is with another guy.

Stop playing it safe, get turned down 99 times and the hundredth just might go out with you.


R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 6 years ago from Canada Author

Hi Steve,

Stop waiting for the "I Like You" signal from girls and start asking them out. Dress nice, be clean and shaved and ask a girl out. Simple and straightforward, just like your post.


Steve 6 years ago

Sorry to re-post but I'd like to know what exactly about being a good person makes me a loser?

Peter 6 years ago

Hello! I have and have always had problems with getting girls. I have showed interest in many, by asking them for a beer or a coffee, but often don't get a straight no even.. I never try with anyone I don't feel I have a good connection with. Maybe I meet to few people or that I'm too shy. I never know how to make the right moves. This may sound general, but how do you think is the best way to ask someone out and show interest? Do you think I have to do it face to face? Also, my lack of experience has always bothered me, is this something I should care about?

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 6 years ago from Canada Author

Hi Steve,

I didn't say loser anywhere so I don't know where you got that from.

Guys that "play it safe" when trying to get a date, or a girl to like them, are actually sabotaging their chances to get the girl to date them.

It's like they're playing a game to get the girl to make the first move.

Guys, stop waiting!

Say hello, then say, can we meet at so and so place because you're someone I'd really like to get to know better.

Then once you have her info, get away from her as fast as you can so you don't open your big mouth and say something stupid and turn her off from liking you.

Guys always make the mistake of hanging a round. It's quite pathetic actually.

They'll spend hours "hanging around" hoping that some type of magical spell will land on the girl and suddenly she'll love you no matter what you do.

It doesn't happen like that and every guy on this post can tell you that too.

Losers think that by being near her she'll like you more.

No no no.

Any other questions?


Oliver 6 years ago

Hi, so I'm 21, in college, very smart, very funny, and in my opinion a pretty attractive guy. I am awful with women though. I always feel like I'm competing with 20 other guys in any kind of social setting and I always feel like I'm the least likely for any girl to be interested in. Why? Well simply because thats how it's always been. I've only had sex with one girl, my girlfriend of q year and a half who I just broke up with after finding out she had been cheating on me with multiple guys. It makes me feel like it's my fault because I caused her to lose attraction in me. Anyway I don't care about her anymore for screwing me over, but now that our relationship is over I feel like my sex life is too. Never have I ever been able to pick up a pretty girl from a party or bar, it's too nerve racking, I scream insecure if I approach any girl. Also, I love to dance, it's one of my favorite things in the world. I cant remember the last time I danced Anywhere though because I always seem to get rejected by girls even on the dance floor. I feel like I have so much going for me, but sadly will die looking back on my life and feeling extremely regretful for being shitty with the ladies.

Liam Marshall 6 years ago


Found this page today after finally becoming fed up with my lot. I'm in my mid twenties and the only experience I've ever had is a 3 month fling with a friend of a friend where I ended up being her rebound. I'm a shy reserved guy, don't often talk about myself because of my private nature so unless its close friends my conversations usually revolve around the other person/people. I also don't 'fall' for many women, sure there is the whole physical attraction thing, but I want more than a fling so I like to get to know women better before I end up liking them... not that it ever seems to come to anything!

Anyway to cut to the chase.. I found this quote in the comments sobering:

"2. Stop hitting on unavailable girls. If you've read this post you should know that girls that have a bf are only interested in talking to a guy and training him into being another "girlfriend". So stop it."

Reason - This is exactly my situation atm. I've been into this girl who I have to see everyday for a few months now and she truely seems an amazing person but she's taken. I'm pretty sure she knows I like her (I can be kind of a flirt when comfortable and she flirts back) and have dropped hints, but alas she'd rather stay with her cheating, low life boyfriend (not slandering him, he actually is) than take a chance with me. This has only darkened my perspective as I really am a decent guy but cannot catch a break whilst I see guys like the above having so much joy, then not even appreciating what they have. This is based on past experiences also.

The quote above opened my eyes though, if she's made her choice I'm going to have to withdraw and move on, though I do have to see her everyday! I don't want to be used and feel the way I do now. Though with my past form I can't see why anything will change in the future.

As another poster said you either got it or ya don't!

thedirtygupta01 6 years ago


thedirtygupta01 6 years ago

What! This is a load of typical feminist crap. U can't be anyone's doormat and keep getting rejected left and right. Being too nice or too mean hell just act the way u want 2! Women don't know what they want, except 2 suck a man dry with no money and a divorce!

bullshit 6 years ago

wow no help i'm gonna go kill myself now

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 6 years ago from Canada Author

Hi Liam Marshall,

I'm glad that your eyes have been opened.

Guys also chase and flirt with unavailable women because there is no fear of rejection.

It's good that you can flirt with her but you really need to use that energy and experience on a single girl.

Why not start with an online dating service and just chat it up until you feel more comfortable?

Good luck!

- RP

Lightning_Archer 6 years ago


I know that you've answered a lot of questions already, but I was wondering if you could help me, too. I'm a 19 year old college student that can't find a girlfriend. Girls think I'm way too young for them because I look really young and I can't find any that is interested in me. Also, I can't find any I would be interested in, either. I usually have a "poker face" when I'm with people I don't know, but the more I get to know them the more I talk, laugh, and show emotions. I believe I'm kind, decent looking, and funny, but I just can't seem to find anyone. Help?

K. 6 years ago


I've already written there maybe 2 months ago...

What you've said was useful, though there are still problems, and I'm becoming more and more depressed by this every day...

I just can't seem to find the common language with girls. Either I'm too kind and then they take that I'm a "wussy", or I'm too confident and arrogant (yet I don't feel this, I just act as I always), and they think I'm rude. Or, if they talk to me more, they think I'm some weird mixture of the 2. Funny. I have no idea what are the certain things that I do wrong...

Like there was that girl in the last few weeks, we met on a party, I talked to her and made her laugh many times, she said I'm funny, we then agreed to meet again, on another party next week. The first few hours were good again, but then from one moment to the next, she became "hostile" towards me, and she stayed that way the whole night after. And I have no idea what could I have said or done. I didn't change my behavior. I just can't understand and this is so bad, because I mess it all up every time...

I wish I had someone beside me who could analyse my every step and then tell me where did I go wrong...

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 6 years ago from Canada Author

Hi Lightning_Archer,

You have defined "interest" very well, it is a two-way street. As you stroll down this street you need to be prepared to meet and greet people as well as decide who will be friends, who will be casual acquaintances and who you will just pass by.

Once your comfort zone is reached it's easy to smile and be more open with people. This is natural.

What you need to work on is expanding your comfort zone and take some chances on the people you'd normally pass by in life.

Smile, make a comment about the weather, offer to lend a helping hand.

Once you can expand your comfort zone you'll find the girlfriend you seek.

Good luck,


Try http://dyd2.com and join the newsletter for more great tips on meeting women.

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 6 years ago from Canada Author

Hi K,

Where you went wrong with the girl was the second party and "after a few hours she turned hostile". I have to wonder how many "go" signals she gave you without you noticing.

Next time don't wait for 2 parties and countless hours to hold her hand or try to kiss her.

You'll learn.



K. 6 years ago

Belive me, I can notice signals, there weren't any. Infact I didn't manage to get in a situation where we could be alone. So that wasn't the problem.

Erik 6 years ago

Hi! I wrote earlier, a few months ago, about always coming no further than the friend zone. Nothing has happened since then. Where I live I don't have a very rich social life with close friends and I don't get introduced to a lot of new people (I'm not living in my hometown). What can be done about this? I'm not the type to go out to bars alone.. Also, there is a problem that every time I ask someone out I get a yes first, then I get a no/maybe (that turns out to be a no off course) later, before the actual date? I'm not kidding, this has probably happened to me ten times last year. Or I go to what I think is a dinner invitation because she is interested, then I come there, and there's another guy there she's kissing! This happened to me, I just sat there looking angry and sad.. Part of my problem is I think a bit negative and lack confidence, but again this comes from bad experiences with girls (read: very little experience). I don't want to become an anti-feminist woman hater, but why are they sending me a text writing "I like you very much", then when I ask them to go for a beer or whatever, they don't respond even (even after trying many times)! If I were paranoid I would think they were having a conspiracy against me, giving me hope, then crushing it every time. Girls have told me I'm quite handsome (not Brad Pitt handsome, but not bad either), that I'm funny and other good things, so I don't know why it's so difficult. Any advice how to get out of this horrible situation, how to not get rejected everyone I meet someone I get a good connection with? It seems they often find faults with me also, like if they were searching. WHY? Please say something smart, you seem to know a lot about the subject.

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 6 years ago from Canada Author

Hi K,

There are ALWAYS signals. Rethink your strategy and start again.


R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 6 years ago from Canada Author

Hi Erik,

The best advice I can give you is to stop asking the girls to meet you and be more direct. Don't say "Would you like to meet me..." blah, blah. Say instead "I'll be at xxx, meet me there are 7:00pm tonight."

Stop asking and start telling. This method will eliminate any women that aren't "into you" or already have a boyfriend.

Rejection is 99% of dating, you're going to get a lot of rejection but that is a good thing. That means you are actively looking for a girlfriend instead of what most guys do and not try at all because of their fear of rejection.

You'll be fine.

~ RP

Erik 6 years ago

Just a short follow-up answer (if you can use that expression): Saying "meet me" might sound as a command, and I don't think Scandinavian feminists like that. But doing it the right way it might work, and I totally agree about being more direct. It's only that I'm in a small school environment where you know people a little too well it's hard to break out of the polite (semi)friendly contact. It feels like you need to be more cool and know the social codes, whatever they are. Life is difficult..

Erik 6 years ago

Plus the thing is maybe that the girls I talk about are not that into me as I hope/think, but I see all kind of people, with little charm, intelligence, money/status etc having great success. What I want to do is make them want me, become one of those guys. The question is how.

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 6 years ago from Canada Author

Hi Erik,

You say you "want to be one of those guys" and I just explained how to do it.

Life is only as difficult as you make it. re-read my previous answers to you and work what I say into a couple of your "social situations". there is a certain amount of "distancing your prey from the herd" that is needed, but that's what dating is all about.

get going!

~ RP

dave 6 years ago

i'm 18 been single all my life and always been told i'm ugly and a nerd even though i suck at studies. I'm naturally skinny and not just skinny i look like a stick.

i had a few friends who were girls in school, not close though and they always thought i was a "nice" guy and thats all. Most girls in fact will never date me because i look like a kid i'm just 5"6 and my very skinny frame makes me look 14 so i've been told by some girls.

I don't have many friends and i don't expect to get a girl friend as girls want a mature looking guy who can stand up for themselves not an "innocent" looking nerd.

I've decided to just accept it, as there's nothing i can do about it. I have no confidence as i'm so ugly as well.

K. 6 years ago

Erik you are totally like me. Such shit happens to me all the time. Seems girls just enjoy giving hope to men and then kicking them in the balls.

Guy 6 years ago


I have a problem that gets me more depressed each day. Im 17 and never had a girfriend.. never gone beyond 2nd base either. I dont know what my problem is. In my honest oppinion i'd say I am fairly good looking, better than average, been told it a few times too as proof. I have no problem at all talking to girls, im especially good at making them laugh and being whitty. I go to the gym too and have quite a good body too, and this is what drives me mad so much. Every girl I ever talk to seems interested at first but then changes her mind, and there's always a reason for example the ex boyfriend or they all of a sudden fancy my best mate, or decide they arent ready etc. I just feel like life is taking the piss out of me now. My best mate looks like a donkey, is worse at talking to girls than me but has never had any problems at all. I try and stay positive and confident and some days think, hey maybe im not that bad looking i should be able to do this, then after getting fucked about by the next girl i hit rock bottom harder than the last time. I get a bit conscious about my size, only being 5 foot 6, and after the latest dissappointment I think I have hit real depression now. I feel so strongly right now that theres no point anymore and life just doesnt want me to be happy. I really don't know what it is, it's not looks or personality its just the way the world seems to work. I really do try and keep a chin up and think there are people worse off than me but somethey they all seem to be able to get girlfriends!

Lucky Dog 6 years ago

I'd like to ask a question. What do you do about bad luck?

And I don't mean generic, Oh no girl likes me, kind of bad luck, I mean situational long-lasting bad luck on a few levels.

First, I'm a confident guy, not arrogant really. I'm 23 (balding bad, but had surgery to correct this so it'll be reversed in the near future. I don't normally tell people that, especially in person, but I do still appear sort of bald and will for a while.). On a scale of 1 to 10 for looks, I range anywhere between a 6 to a 8, I've been told, and I'd view myself as such anyhow. I have good people skills, make girls laugh, am good conversation, and able to make friends with little effort, overall. I'm normally not the life of a party at each party, but I every so often I step up and chose to shine in a fashion like that. I'm a natural flirt - so much so as it's built into my personality. I never take other guy's girlfriend, or flirt with them once I find out who they're taken, I respect the boundary. I have a lot of fun flirting, though I do so with some moderation, but I'm getting to where I'd kinda like to cut flirting and look a little more seriously around, but I can't really seem to get anywhere. The girls I could have a deep connection with are either taken or just not interested - not much I can do about that, so I just don't worry about them. If I go out with my friends, who are fairly attractive guys, though all taken, they get noticed immediately, as I, while not ignored, fall to the background, as they're considered hot and I'm considered cute: if say, there are 5 of us going out, then pecking order for getting attention from women results in me being the 5th.

When I'm on my own, I do allright, but again, I can't seem to make much headway. I make girls laugh a lot, though I don't come across as a clown. I'm smart with common sense, for the most part at least, cause every person has dumb moments. For the most part, I'm thinking it's just really bad luck. What do you think, and can you toss me any advice?

K. 6 years ago

Guy, I know how this feels like... It sucks when;

- You are intelligent, refined, ambitious, humorous, interesting, and live a healthy life

- and someone you know is rude, lives a meaningless life and takes his fill of booze and weed as much as he can

and still, the girl you are interested in will choose him instead of you. Quite a kick in the head -.-

Erik 6 years ago

Yes, being more direct is a good advice I will try to be more aware of. However, when years pass without any success you start to wonder what really is the problem. One thing that has happened to me many times is that a girl says "come to visit me" (in another town), but when I say "I can come then and then, is this a good time for you? I look forward to seeing you again" etc etc I don't get an answer at all. I wont write more now.

dennis 6 years ago

hi i thought id share my expreriences as an ugly guy. no matter how nice, confident, funny, well dressed i am i will never get a girlfreind. im a 21 virgin and never had a proper girlfreind. and its all because i have a big nose that makes me look ugly how pathetic and sad.no matter what i do and how hard i try its impossible for me to get a girlfreind which sucks becauase i would love to have one. no matter what people say, girls will rather go out with a good looking guy that treats them like shit than an ugly like me who would really aprreciate them and treat with the upmost respect. so what chance does a guy like me stand if a guys good looking and has a nice personality? 0%.im not being sad or feeling sorry 4 myslef im just being realystic.ive realised im just one of the unlucky ones, cursed and destined to never experience such a nice thing as a nice relationship with a girl, and so i have to accept my fate as a loner. if anyone that has a girlfreind is reading this i urge you to appreciate your relationship and know how lucky you are to have a girlfreind, its the stuff guys like me can only dream of.

Eric 6 years ago

Hey I feel like this article is well put together. I'm 19 (turning 20 soon) and was always had a girl problem but then realized something I was doing wrong and that CONFIDENCE is the KEY!!!! I've never had sex am still a virgin but that's more my choice than anything else. Lately I've wanted to try going out on a date and I tried talking with this girl who's in my psychology class. She's not the best looker in the world but she's above average (6 or 7) with a decent/nice smile. We took the bus to our stop (get off at the same area) and we were just chatting it up and I was making her laugh with some of the stuff I said (looked at her in the eyes for the most part) and was CONFIDENT doing it. When we approached the bus stop she had told me there was this nice place that serves good drinks right across the bus stop where we got off and she said if I wanted to join her (unfortunately I had to pick up my brother so I couldn't -_-) I told her that but then said how about the next time we have class after we finish if you want too and she said sure.

Do you think I did good there RP? I think confidence is truly the key. I'm not the best looker in the world (I'd rate myself a 5, 6 at most and 7 on my good day lol)

I think the best way (I think) to approach woman is too chat with them for a bit. Figure out stuff bout them (like where are they from, what their interests are, etc.) then afterwards tell them if you want to meet up sometime for coffee, lunch, or at the park, etc. To talk more and or just get to know them. Then take it from there and see if the girl really likes you or not. You could even tell her how you feel about her.

That's my take and this is coming from someone who hasn't been on many dates. What do you think of my analysis RP?


Owner of a broken heart 6 years ago

Hi, im Chris ( 16 years old, Holland)

i've met a girl for like one week ago and i think i like her soo much, i would really do anything for her.

but i dont think she likes me

and beleave me... it sucks being me right now

i dont think im that ugly i absolutely have got no idea why she doesnt want me

there are a lot of ' players and loverboys ' in the world (especially in holland) but my meanings and feelings are for her so true

But the main question of this story is:

How the (..) can i make her to be my girlfriend? i would do anything for her

Thank You


R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 6 years ago from Canada Author

Hi Eric,

You did exactly right, but don't let time slip b y, hook her quick and keep up the positive and confident attitude.

Honestly, good looks might get you in the door but it's confidence and a positive personality that makes her attracted to you for more than just her own personality needs.


R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 6 years ago from Canada Author

To dave,

It's not that I have anything against you, you just didn't offer anything new to the conversation and balanced that mess of words by saying I let others insult me here so what's wrong with your posts?

Seriously, leave the youtube videos out and speak plainly, maybe you won't be spammed out, but no promises.


Al 6 years ago

hey RP, I asked this girl during the summer if she'd like to hangout with me since she only lives up the street. She said yes and things were great I was so confident and I was able to just let everything out so easily that day. Because of it she told me she really liked me that night and that she felt very comfortable with me while holding on to my arm and she even rest her head on my lap and fell asleep while we were watching a movie. Anyways we hung out for a bit more than a week after that and she was so great to be around, she would constantly say that she liked me and she got very close to me... things like grabbing my hand and putting her fingers between mine, or hugging me.

Anyways, I had to leave for a month to visit family in wales before school started. I made sure to message her everyday on facebook while there because I missed her and in every message of hers she seemed so interested in how I was doing there and how much she wanted me to come back.

When I returned home, I made sure to see her the next day because I really couldn't stand not being with her any longer. I went to her house, gave her a gift I bought there that she loved but I just wasn't as talkative as I usually was... I don't know I was just so nervous all of a sudden but I didn't want to be. I feel like because of me being so nervous that day I have destroyed what we had... She got a job and started to go to clubs while I was on the trip so it was hard for us to just spend so much time together like we used to. Anyways, we have a class together and every time we are in it she just doesn't seem like she's as interested in being with me anymore... she'll always speak more with her friends. I sent her a text today asking if she's free at all this week because i'd like to hangout with her. She replied that she was very busy this week due to work and school. I don't know how to respond to any of this... does she not want to spend time with me anymore? Is she actually just very busy? If she doesn't want to spend time with me anymore, is there anyway that I can recover what we once had? I think she's so special... everything about her is amazing and I feel we share a lot in common... I just can't stop thinking about her and it's hard to sleep... it's hard not to think about how I once had this amazing girl all over me and now it's all gone.

evan 6 years ago

I am 27 and only dated a couple of times ,because I am new to dating life ( in my back home country no dating life exists )

I improved my self a lot within these two years and I consider my self above average , but the problem I don't know any body here in America , therefore I completely depend of hitting random girls , but the problem I cant find girls to pickup them , I tried to go to many places ( bar , supermarket , library , etc ) but believe or not the young women is very few , I just wonder where can I go to find girls , I have job, car , good looking , and did alot of eye contacts and some pickups , but as I said cant find girls to pickup

echo73 6 years ago

I'm 37 and at about to give up. I was expecting to have a family and kids by this point, but I'm still alone. I've already lost all my hair, and I have permanent back injuries from a car collision. Internet dating was a bust and women laugh at my looks at bars. The rest of my friends are all happy with their families, yet I am always alone. The one girl I got in college was just taking my money and cheating behind my back. I'm running out of time to have a family.

Brice 6 years ago

Good blog but stop trying to sell shit man. Guys, all u need to do is be yourself, its when u give up and act or try to be someone else is when you get into the habit of confusion. I dont care if your excuse is your butt ugly, have 14 toes or have man boobs... thats YOUR!!! excuse. you need to get over it - if you dont you will be sitting at home reading about why you cant find a gf until your 80... if you make it that long. If you are absolutely yourself 100% of the time - YOU WILL find someone. It's when you give up and go on sites like this to figure out whats wrong with you. Time is key..& the key is time.. gl people.

dave 6 years ago

To RP,

Its not my fault that my post "didnt offer anything new to the conversation". I'm just laying out the plaim bare facts that an ugly guy like me will never get a girl. If you can't offer a solution (which there isn't) don't try and change the subject.

kongl337 6 years ago


You're clearly wrong.

Chris in Vegas 6 years ago

Why are you worried about it!! A girlfriend will make your life hell. Here is some advice.. finish college, get a good job, work hard, save money, stay in good health and shape and travel abroad a few times a year and date hot foreign women. Trust me you will not want to be tied down to just one girl.

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 6 years ago from Canada Author

Hi Chris,

Although you have some good advice you also have to remember: the guys that have visited this page/article/blog generally have yet to have a first girlfriend. The thing here is to get them to that place where their confidence is high and the women are hot.

I can only do/say so much but I will add, if anyone hasn't yet visited http://www.DYD2.com then it's time to invest the $20 in your future. And if you don't like the ebook return it and get your money back... it's all that simple.


rob 6 years ago

It's alot to remember i don't think i can keep all of this in mind if i try to talk to a girl.

I'm 19 and have also never come close to having a gf.

chris 6 years ago

My name is Chris, I'm 20 years old, and I've never had a girlfriend......ever. I have been searching my whole life to find just ONE girl that will show some way,shape, or form of attraction to me. I'm not a bad looking (6'4, 280 pounds, I've lost roughly 60 pounds since the start of this year and still losing weight, and attempting to become a bodybuilder). Now I have the confidence to ask a girl out, that's not the problem. The problem is, absolutely NONE of the women I know, want to go out with me as a boyfriend, they all tell me that they see me as their brother! Now I have a great personality, I can change to fit the situation at hand on a dime. I'm outgoing and kind to everyone I meet, but the one shred of self-confidence I have has been cut thanks to them saying that.

I see couples walking around all the time and it makes me want it so much more but, it's like I already know that it's never going to happen. I hate not having a girl to hang out with, (much less have a relationship with) for just a holiday (say the 4th of July or Christmas). I'm losing my mind thanks to all these years of rejection.

I have asked just about every woman I possibly can out for just 1 hour of their time to go on a date or something. I got nothing back from them after a week or so, or either they had something come up and can't go. I have no clue what's wrong with me, but it seems like a rat has a better chance of getting ONE date than I do.

Any advice would be great.

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 6 years ago from Canada Author

Hi Chris, It sounds to me that you might be coming off as a little desperate to the women you ask. maybe it's time to widen the search area and change the question.

Let's go for a coffee is a lot better than give me an hour of your time. Are you looking for a date or a hooker?

More questions? Just ask.


rob  6 years ago

i feel hopeless.i seriously think i'll be single my entire life.it's really depressing when i go out to places and see hot girls and i can only stare at them cause i know it's not in me to do anyhting about it.and even more depressing when i hear about my friends getting girls or having sex or making out.cause i've never done any of those things.

what can i do?

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tavie9 6 years ago

well im officially hit rockbottom.i havent been in a relationship for four years and i feel like im not handsome.i mean i always thought i was growing up but when u been turned down so many times or women just dont seem to look ur way it starts to dawn u that u might not be as handsome as u thought.im 21 and im really lonly.i mean iv been laid several times and had one night stands but havent been in a relationship in forever and i just want someone to share things with now.all the girls that seem to approach me r trolls.women that r like....4s and 5s i want atleast 7s.i mean i guess i could but some new clothes.i havent in a while.but women just dont seem to find me attractive nor interesting.its getting to a point where like alot of people here im starting to resent women.they just seem to be a different species then us simple men.they always seem to be turning men down lol me included.im goin to school soon so i can have the money appeal but i want women now not after school.iv given up on women for three years now but i want to try again.just not sure how.

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 6 years ago from Canada Author

Hi Rob,

You need to figure out why you're not getting the women you feel you deserve and then make the necessary changes to your life. Nobody is there to hold your hand and make the introductions for you, you have to do this for yourself.


R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 6 years ago from Canada Author

Hi tavie9, Wow, you even bored me with that "cry for help'. I have to hope, for your sake, you're more interesting in person. When you're with a group of people do you have complete conversations in your head but you don't say anything out loud? Start your days with a cheery "Hello" to every woman you see or pass by. It's a start!


ian 6 years ago

hello, im 14, and i have had 2 gfs in my life, though it was luck. But i KNOW i can get one somehow, some way, though i dont think im trying hard enough. I have an anxiety disorder, and have low self esteem. I'm sure confidence is in my reach, but i dont know how far to reach, or when to reach. im in the 9th grade, i can impress many girls, because i perform magic tricks at school. im VERY good at them, i play guitar, (intermediate level) and i also do graphic designing. I have all these plans in my head, though when it's time to start the convo, i become nervous. I have some confidence, but apparenly not enough. and I'm very social, i can start a conversation about anything, have lots of friends, and im a good listener... a lot of people think im mr. therapist or something. what do you think i should improve on, or do differently? should i just walk up to a girl, talk, get info, and go from there?

Arash 6 years ago

I am 22 and not so good looking,maybe ugly.1st semester in my uni,i loved a girl.but she chose a good looking boy and he is my best friend.now,i didn't know before that beauty is so important for boys.i have tried some more girls and they rejected me for the same reason.but i have a good result which they don't care.now,i am so frustrated.should i give up?what should i do to forget my frustration?

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stricktlydating 6 years ago from Australia

I think this is good advice, especially "How are you with problems, turns of events, when things don't go your way?". A great read, thanks!

richmonchillin 6 years ago

Ive hit a super rough patch since i broke up with my last gf about 2 yrs ago. im 26 now and never had a problem finding a date or sex or anything up until after my last gf. recently ive just been thinkin that maybe ive gotten ugly, or maybe im not funny enough or something. Im a person with tons of friends, all the girls in my group of friends are gorgeous, but they all have bf's. they often try to introduce me to other friends they have, but never turns into anything. They never seem to be interested in me. ugly girls like me sometimes, but im not a person that is going to settle for less. i dont need a ten, but only threes and fours like me. anyway i just dont know where to go from here, i dress nice, am employed, a tad chubby, but not fat or anything. maybe im saying something wrong... i dont know, i guess thats why im google searching my situation...got anything for me

AVM 6 years ago

Well folks, if you thought you were bad at getting women - you aint seen nothing yet. See I am a 33 year old man who in the last ten years has tried his luck unsuccessfully on approximately between 10,000 and 15,000 women. I am the worlds biggest loser and have been named the most undesirable man in the world.There is no man in any corner of this planet who is as bad as me in getting women. It has gotten so bad that I have quit approaching then. Through online dating, bars, clubs, my places of residence and at colleges I have studied at in the past I have had horrible luck in getting women. I bet that no man on this site will challenge me for the most undesirable man in the world crown because I am just that horrible in attracting women. The only time I could honestly say I had a girl-friend was when I was 17 and even that was more of a pen-pal relationship which never went beyond hand-holding. The main point of this post is just to let you men out there who are having trouble attracting females that there I am worse than you are in attracting women and that you cant be that bad. It does not get much worse than this. I don't think I am bad looking. I am a hard worker, I am not rich but I am not poor but all of what I have tried just seems to always fail. I have held the same job for a long time and I am good at what I do. I have bought books on how to get women and paid a lot of money to these dating gurus for tips on how to get women but all that has been a waste of money. I have even approached the women which many men tend to not approach i.e. women who are considered obese, ugly or with "baggage" but even they will not give me the time of day. I have been the subject of ridicule and scorn from friends and various others for approaching some women who seemed like nice people but they carry a few extra pounds. I never cared about what these people thought about my choice of woman but what really hurt is when the women would turn me down. After looking at the numbers and doing a calculation, it is estimated that the chances of me getting a girlfriend is 1 in 216 million. For all the guys out there who feel they are having women problems - I have some advise for you. If you keep trying, you more likely than not will find a nice woman because you have way more women attracting skills than me.

In the area of dating/relationships with women I am damaged beyond repair!

farce 6 years ago

this is a farce, it is all about the money, no money = no dating, dating can be very expensive and most poor guys who are not only socio-economically disadvantaged but also economically disadvantaged eg: uni or professional school graduates can simply never find the right girl. Going out costs cash and nobody these days in this economical climate can afford any of this. You're judge on what you wear, how your face looks like, whether you work or not, what job you are doing and generally on the type of a car you drive though that might not always be the case "the care you drive that is", its always almost about the money and women tend to gravitate around money, and money can do wonders, open up almost all doors in the world and hence in return make you look good and attractive. So many decent cool good hearted guys miss out because they come across characterless women who simply destroy them in sight, just because his runners are cheap, because his jeans is not of a brand name and just because his jacket is a cheapo one or he looks too simple, classical and so 1989 yet lost in time and space of the 2000s and 2010s.

I am sure that most of you will agree with me. Dating these days is simply impossible unless you have a decent amount of cash on the bank account potentially your own house or apartment, a decent V8 powered car that gets you in the back of the seat and good looks, all this requires either inherited property and money or hard work and savings based on your education and merit or simply hard work.

These days there are no more feelings, its all money and the heart, true character , soul and love is gone, the end result is money money money and the human element has been extinguished for ever.


David 6 years ago




(When you've got the money, you'll always have friends, girlfriends f$##R$ buddies and activity partners, but when you do not have the money or the looks you will be rejected, pushed away and or forgotten as if you've never existed on the face of this Earth!)

thank you all for reading this is not without an objective reason interpreted from a subjective stance.

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 6 years ago from Canada Author

Hello Ian,

Stop being "Mr Therapist" and start being a guy that wants to help but can't. Good listeners bring things to a conversation. They ask questions that require the other person(s) to consider their answer carefully and expect a response accordingly.

Your type of "listener" is simply an ear to cry into. At your age everyone needs someone to talk to, someone to agree with them and offer support but they will only spill out their heart to someone that will take the time to listen. And that someone never get's a girlfriend. If he does, that gf becomes so jealous because of the attention spent listening to others girls that the relationship ends.

While this is an great endeavor, it does not get you girlfriends, it turns you into one.

When anyone (and I mean anyone) comes to you to talk their heart out, don't listen, take yourself mentally to another place. And when you're asked if you're listening respond with all sincerity "Sorry, what did you say? I was thinking about boobs."

If you want a girlfriend you have to stop being "everyone's friend".

Do you get my meaning? I hope so.


tr 6 years ago

I'm 16 almost 17, i had 3 bestfriends growing up but about 5 months ago they all got gfs, 2 of them r dating twins the other friend is basically a man whore, he gets new hot gf every week....curveball, i was probably the best looking and funniest while we were all hanging out 5 months ago. Thing i think is my problem now is im antisocial, im 6'3 170 lbs, i work out 5 times a week but i still am in my bedroom every friday night playing xbox or WoW, a girl likes me now but i consider her to be like a 3, she is cool but not hot at all, i was thinking of going out with her just to get dating experience, is that wrong? what should i do?.....By the way im a nervous wreck around hot chicks...it sucks.

tr 6 years ago

i read my first post and i hated what i wrote so im going to rewrite. As u know im good looking and a complete loner, i plan on enlisting in the army or marines right after high school....I have NO WAY to meet girls, besides at school and most girls probably think im weird because i never talk, i have kissed a girl before and it was awesome but she just wanted to stay friends, never really had a girlfriend before, how can i meet girls that won't think im weird?

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giffondh 6 years ago

ok i have alot to say but im going to try and keep it short and clean as possible. I am 23 going on 24, i live orlando and a college senior. I have never been in a long term relationship, and neither had sex. Just like every guy on here i tried so hard to find a girlfriend but its not working out for me. I have both the personalty and persverance. Girls tell me that im cute and attractive but never wants to date me. They say chemistry is most important thing in finding a relationship and so far its seems like i have alot in common with some the girls but still no date. I go to school that is the largest in the state and 2nd largest in the country and still cant find a girlfriend. I asking my friends girlfriends to set me up and they never do. What am i supposed to do? i feel so depressed and lonely.

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brucedwolf 6 years ago

hi R Pseudomen,

you've really offered some great advice to a lot of guys I just hope you can help me out the same way. Please take time to read this.

I am somewhat in giffondh's boat. Same age just live a million miles away in Asia!

But the story's quite similar, never been in a real relationship ever and I haven't even touched a girl in over 3 years, to put a long story short was in love with my best friend, "thought" we had a relationship turns out I was the rebound to another older ex and later she the slut went running behind some rich dog who had, well more currency than brain cells.

Anyway I was heartbroken blah blah for a long time, and whatever I did I couldn land a date despite having good personality and decent looks( not trying to boast). Nor did I wanna hurt some girl just to get over that dumb bitch but the girls I like just didn give a second look and boy are the weekends lonely. Nothing's working and I thought I'd never get out of this rut until recently.

Finally I met this girl who happens to be a dentist, she's really pretty and thankfully I haven't managed to make a dufus of myself infront of her (yet!), here's the thing, I have managed to get a younger cousin for some treatment but its winding up and I may get to talk to her only a few more times before we are done. I really wanna get to know her better, she's makes me forget my shit(not to mention i might be in love with her) but I have no idea how to get her to like me in a short time, or at least get to know me better. Please help! I need some outside perspective on this.

orion 6 years ago

i feel u guys.im 23 in final year at my University,plays soccer.i just dont know what girls want these days.i cant be myself at all around them, like im cheating myself for the sake of impressing them.but probably anotha thing is im having serious family problems n maybe that has affected my confidence n my effort. for a 23 yold guy im a lil bit small on the outside, but im a top student in my class, active i sports. but whenever im close to girls im always finding ways to avoid a conversation.i feel scared to embarrass my self.i do have friends but v have probably nothing much in common.i dont even go out on the weekends,my family important for me.but i really feel empty n just downright useless at times.i wana have a good career a simple life. n enjoy life.i dream a lot of having a wife, kids, in laws, n a big family.sometime i just feel that will never happen.ever.

n anotha thing is probably ive fallen for the wrong type of girls.girls who dont share my aspirations n needs i life.i have got rejected like 4 times.

i feel i wana give up n compensate girls for pets..

i do feel depressed at times with problems at home, n i so desperately need some1 to talk to, to hug, kiss, n just look into their eyes.but every time i do make an effort it just goes wrong n im left dejected n sad.but i know myself if i love sum1, dat person will be the luckiest person alive..

maybe some guys are meant to be by themselves.

6 years ago

hmmm, i dont think its too late at 30+. I am 31, and finding women attracted to me now more often than at 21. I have always had an avoidant personality (that i fight against) after having taken huge amounts of bullying at school - and this has meant me breaking contact before anything could be achieved in every contact with women.

Sometimes I belive that was the reason I was bullied so much... to stop me reproducing, because I behaved differently at school and didnt really try to fit in with the norm.

orion 6 years ago

R Pseudomen, would love a perspective from u

6 years ago

fact is, girls... if you asked them "what do you think of this picture of this guy", they would say "oh he has confident eyes, or kind face"; guys would say of women "she has nice eyes... nice lips... etc". Women are way more up on personality, and they even link it to looks. You can be a reasonably OK looking guy... but if you cant project your personality positives (that you do have because they were selected by someone in the past), you're dead in the water. Women want confident guys.

You can even be shy and confident, speaking in a soft voice... just so long as you don't give out any negative vibes, that usually go with actual self doubt. Do that, and its game over. Do it first time you meet and its a serious up hill struggle from there to get back any kind of positive vibes with that girl.

Its easier to stick to the above if you've had a good solid childhood without abuse or bullying. Parents can only do so much... they cant control what happens at school.

6 years ago

It's quite obvious that this was written by a guy who's never had any dating difficulties in his life. I'm 30, I earn decent money, I'm a chef. I communicate pretty well (I have to because of my job), and am in the presence of women and able to talk to them on a casual basis quite regularly (also because of my job).I make people laugh, don't focus on my negatives and can comfortably talk about almost anything. However i'm pretty bad with alcohol, I get overly drunk too easy which has caused me to more or less stop drinking more than 2 or so drinks or to not drink alcohol at all. This doesn't work well in a social environment, especially in a society that for some fucked up reason sees the abilty to get stupidly drunk as something attractive and to be revered. I have one of those metabolisms that mean i never lose or put on weight, I've been a very skinny 60 KG's since i stopped growing, It's almost impossible to put on weight or muscle, when i do try it's expensive, time consuming and i simply can't eat that much. I'm not overly shy, but i'm far from confident. i can talk to girls without a problem, but making my move is very difficult. I am a pretty awkward looking guy, kinda ugly in the face, have big ears that stick out and have uncontrollable curly hair that i can not do much with. I've asked out about 6 girls in the last 8 months, all have either said no, lied to me or stood me up. However, I can grow very nice dreadlocks. I have better success with women when i grow them, they see me as interesting, rebelious, and quite attractive. Last time i had dreadlocks i went from not even so much as kissing a girl for over 2 years, to getting asked out and having a date with a girl (a doctor, no doubt) the first time i went out with my dreads. In fact i've never even kissed a girl unless i have dreads. In the 2 or so years I had them last i dated 2 incredibly sexy, beautiful, interesting women. Women would come on to me. Since i've cut them off, women treat me either like a child or like i'm scum. The difference is black and white. They are sexually condescending to me ("i'm too crazy for you"). I am the exact same person the only difference is my hair. The fact is that people these days (not just women) are shallow, materialistic, superficial pieces of shit. They only care about good-looks, confidence or power. If you don't have those, you are screwed. Since i cut off my last set of dreads i've become a very cynical, negative person and have (unconciously) started to resent women. My point is, it might seem very easy to just say "oh all you need to do is just be positive and keep persevering". Put yourself in the shoes of someone who has these problems and you'll find it's a lot fucking easier said than done. I've seen it from both sides, and the evidence says that it just comes down to the reality that people are shit. I want to get plastic surgery and become incredibly attractive, just so I can turn down every woman that swoons over me just to spite them.

orion 6 years ago

D...nice ..at least uve kissed a girl.

n ya i totally agree with u.

6 years ago

I think truth is everyone who is an older inexperienced guy has a different reason... like everyone who is long-term unemployed has a different reason. I hate to draw similarities, but they feel very similar don't they? They both rely on people accepting us... and on us seizing or creating opportunity. I am not long-term unemployed, but I have been in the past, after leaving university... and it sucked too.

It was a big shock for me to be 23 and find it all passing me by, because, when I turned 15-16, I suddenly got the signals you get from the opposite sex at school that should mean all is well... but at the same time, due to large scale and long-term bullying, something in me snapped, and I became terrified of groups of people. I began to find it impossible to make eye contact with people - to the point of it being so painful that I would have to look in the opposite direction of a stranger in the street, as we passed. I began to think everyone was focussed on me whereever I went (I was not taking drugs and was not ill). I missed most of the last year of school. Then the years between age 16 and 21 felt better because I was now avoiding social situations all-together. I didn't realize how wrong this was. I thought my sex life would start when some girl would come along and bridge all of my barriers and ask me out; I didn't grasp how big my problem was and how impossible this was, considering I would have to at-least give out some positive body-language first (no good if I look in the opposite direction!)! Eventually, at 20, I realized I had to move far away and drop in to university... but when I got there I naturally discovered myself woefully inexperienced, even in normal social interaction... so all this had to be picked up again from scratch, in a painful learning process that should have taken place at 13-17 and not 21-24! Lots of lessen were learned the hard way, for me! I never completely erased the forces that made me avoid people at age 16, but they are much weaker and I have learned to avoid the feeling better rather than all the people. I am the kind of guy who will fall for one girl who I trust (only if I am attracted to her), and then pursue her, or I will fall uncontrollably for a girl who I don't trust, but I cant help myself anyway. I haven't approached many women, that's for sure! The ones I have, I have had some success (where success is measured in their reaction and feeling rather than me getting a home run). Often circumstance gets in the way (they have a boyfriend... etc).

I don't hate women at all. I harbour no bitterness against them, as it is my problem that has kept me like this. Women have been this way since the cave-man days.

I still have reasonably strong hope that I will enter that world soonish (I am now more confident than I have ever been), although I absolutely dread having to explain why I have zero experience. When to bring it up?? How to bring it up??

I have come a long way though!

6 years ago

G -When you do finally get a girl into bed, just be honest with her and just explain your situation. Chances are she'll appreciate the honesty and probably find it cute. You're a clean slate that she can form into her own mould, you can be her sexual project so to speak. When i first slept with the second of those girls i was with, it was really bad, I had trouble staying hard, i was just too nervous etc.. It could have ended there and then as she thought that i was unattracted to her. I just explained that I hardly ever get laid and that I was nervous and under a lot of pressure to perform. After that we slept with each other every night for about 2 weeks straight, even if i would say no because my back was so goddam sore after shagging every night, she wouldn't take it for an answer. She persevered untill i was as confident as someone with a regular sex life. Even after this 2 or 3 year drought i'm in at the moment, i feel like if i did meet someone tommorrow i could fuck like a champion. And it's all due to honesty.

I don't want to be resentfull towards women, but it's something that has just come about, it's not through consious thinking. I blame society and partly myself, not so much women.

123Tynz 6 years ago

It's ok to feel that way. Women in general are complicated beings. It's more of a cat and mouse game. To some it sucks, but women, even in this generation, let's face it-wants to be wooed.

If one turns you down it's their loss, not yours. Get yourself back up. If they don't appreciate you for who you are then she's not the one for you.

The world is round, expand your horizon.

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 6 years ago from Canada Author

Hi tr,

First off, you can date to get experience dating, but you need to at least like the girl. Not all guys are man-whores and those that are lose out sooner or later on the good ones that he dumped.

Second, if you're weird you will NOT meet girls. but just because you think that way doesn't mean they will or do.

It's all in your head and a lack of confidence but you will overcome it.

Why don't you just start with "Hi" and then ask her a bunch of questions about why she's where ever she is.

Good luck!

Drake 6 years ago

The question related to the above post is how can you stop being weird. I don't think im weird but alot of people around me thinks im weird for no reason and its limiting my chances with women. I dont know how to make people around me not to think im weird and also I dont know how to attract women. Some women think im weird but i ask myself the question why. How can i change?

6 years ago

Drake, Maybe if you are meeting a girl through a common friend with the girl who doesn't think you're weird, then that would really solve the problem of them thinking you're weird.

Maybe you need to find a new crowd of people who don't think you're weird.

Drake 6 years ago

well the more people i meet the more the word weird i hear behind my back.

6 years ago

Why don't you ask for an honest opinion about why they think you're weird. Weird usual relates to interests, style or personality. Its not always a bad thing to be a bit weird, then again it depends; it could certainly hold someone back, if that opinion is floating around. You cant fix what you don't understand.

XMZERO232 6 years ago

I'll Try It.

6 years ago

Actually, my problem is I live a rather isolated existence outside work, accept from my immediate family.

I get on with the people I work with - and am being accepted. I'm funny and can joke around (have OK social skills)... but there are hardly any available and suitable women wherever I go. Being a guy in his early 30s, I'm a bit beyond going for girls in late teen and early twenties, which of most of the very few girls who pass through our way, they all are. All the 24-30yr old women, at work, are taken... naturally (24-28 is my rough target age). I don't really have a social network, locally - as I live in a rural village a motorway's journey from clubs and bars... and most of my previous friends, from uni, are spread out across the country (... the UK that is). I could go and visit some of my friends I haven't seen since uni, but its a long trek, and I cant see me being able to do it for a sustained enough period to meet anyone.

I certainly don't have the money at present to move away to change things... and I'm at a dead-end in trying to get my brothers or loosely connected friends to introduce me to other groups of people.

Then, there's the online dating scene, of course... but to be honest, it scares the hell out of me so much that I keep looking at it, but wont sign-up... don't know why!

I can imagine people saying... "well, find clubs and interests where you know you'll meet the people you want", but its far easier said than done. I kind of think my life is set up in an unnatural and rather isolated way at the present time.

Then there's the random encounter with strangers where there is some positive energy, but these are people who work in shops... and I'm not the kind of guy who would try to get a random girl's number, after chatting her up for 5 minutes... that's just not me. I've never really tried to do that.

So I guess that just leaves only the online dating scene or hoping the right girl walks through the doors at work, as a new person... buy they keep hiring a lot of young guys, and taking on a few college girls.

Drake 6 years ago

well i cant really ask them coz they always say it behind my back from far away. I dont think alot of people accept me. I live in the uk but i find it here really discriminating. Alot of people wont accept people who are different. i have no female friends. If someone is a bit weird to them, alot of people comment about that behind their back n wont accept them in their social circle. this is a common behaviour among middle class or upper class people. I did however get along better with the working class despite the fact that they did take the piss sometimes and fighting but they they never called me weird. I dont know if america is like this or not concerning the attitude towards people who are a bit different, i need an answer to that,

but anyway UK has probably the most discriminating people on earth. They seem to be less racist but their attitudes towards people who seem a bit different or odd to them is severe from what ive been experiencing. women are worse than men concerning this situation. I just want to be accepted by the british people around me into their social circles and to have fun and laughs with them, i really want to change, but the people are not helping. Alot just ignore me, take the piss behind my back or just use me as a second class person. I want all that to change, get a girlfriend, make more friends but i literally dont know how to do it.

Walawala 6 years ago

Hi Pseudomen ,

Is it safe to still go after the girl you like when you have sort of messed up(shy, show lack of confidence, can't hold eye contact, trembling) in front of her several times? Is it still safe to chase her? Is there some hope in getting her?

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 6 years ago from Canada Author

Hi walawala, Yes you can. When you get caught fumbling up just tell her it's hard to concentrate, your parents are waiting to receive their MegaMillions lottery check for 433 million but it's taking a while so you're preocuppied.

That should keep her on the hook for a couple of dates. Then, finally, the lottery folks disqualified their winning ticket.

Good luck!

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 6 years ago from Canada Author

Hi D,

you're thoughts about my personal experience couldn't be further from the truth.

I did consider myself a loser, ugly. I was awkward around women and couldn't even connect with the threes unless they weighed twice as much as I did then.

I had a dry spell all right. 1990 - 1997. It wasn't a lot of fun.

But here I am, now in a committed relationship (we're married 11 years this Sept.).

Life can change around for you. You don't have to have a 7 year stretch of celibacy, but this is my background, I hope it is acceptable.

As well, I read a lot of relationship books and pickup guides. Gotta keep the iron hot, if you know what I mean.

Any other questions about my worthiness?

I look forward to continuing this conversation with you D.

Obadiah 6 years ago

Well here's the deal. I turn 18 very soon. I am in high school and it seems like regardless of my efforts I can't get a real girlfriend. Last one was last year around august. It's pretty sad. And the longest lasting one was only 7 months. So total, I've had 3 girlfriends. I make out wit em, we cuddle, all that good stuff. I haven't been laid though. In essence it feels like I haven't been able to keep a solid functional relationship recently because of my feeling of wanting to experience having sex. I am 6'3 300 lbs. defensive tackle on varsity and it seems like everyone else gets girls to fuck them but I can't manage it. I'm handsome, half black, and I have great eyes. I'm the strongest kid in my school. You'd think a girl would wanna get on my nuts. But nope! Somehow they don't. I'm not some pervert who's only interested in sex, I look them in their eyes, I'm usually confident, and I'm a fantastic listener, please give me some feedback as to why you think I may be stuck in this predicament. It's akward when friends talk about sex because I haven't had it yet. Thanks bro

Seeking hot girl 6 years ago


I am 27 and have not had a girlfriend. I reckon I am decent looking, I dress in designer gear and have a hot car but the best I can do is get a few glances from girls. nothing more. What should I do to get a date in the first place?

q4298y8o 6 years ago

The biggest reason I can't get a girlfriend is probably because I don't know many people my own age, and I don't come into contact with people that often. I just really have no means (non-stalkerish means, I'm against meeting people on the Internet)of meeting people, or getting to know them well. I don't have any "groups of friends," which I interpret are necessary for getting a girlfriend/boyfriend the "socially correct" way.

mellow 6 years ago

Hey R Pseudomen, thanks for being out there. I was a bit on the downside, but I read a few comments from you which you gave to all the commenters here, and you made me realize that a part of my method of reasoning was flawed and that flawed reasoning did make me feel miserable.

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 6 years ago from Canada Author

Hi mellow,

"You're welcome!"


Joey 6 years ago

yeah BS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yeah i tried that too many times and it doesnt work

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 6 years ago from Canada Author

Hi Joey, You tried what? Lifting your skirt?

Long long dong 6 years ago

This site is a bunch of skunk shi**. Im not saying i am a casanova but ive dated several women. Sexed a few. And, its about confidence, trial and error, but mostly chemistry. Men and women wont even stay togeather unless there is some magnetic pull. You think all the confidence in the world will allow you to keep your dream girl with no chemistry? Thats why these guys set themselves up for falls. You have to realize by the initial contact not only was there attraction but chemistry. Thats my current problem i am in a relationship with a perfect girl but there just not chemistry that binds couples. It's causing me discomfort. My humble advice from experience, is to be yourself, dont play games. You need to realize dating is a numbers game, if she doesn't think your the greatest thing since sliced bread her bestfriend might. Find that chemistry!

jimmy 6 years ago

this did not help all girls think i am ugly as dirt and i will not get a date to prom this year.

q4298y8o  6 years ago

isn't there a way without trial and error, or to minimize trial and error?

one of the things i'm worried about that happens as a result of trial and error is if a girl (i don't have a specific girl in mind, i've never asked a girl out, although i had 1 unhealthy relationship 6 years ago in which the girl asked me out) says "no "... i'm scared that everybody that knows that girl will then know that i have bad social skills...

then i'll lose my chances with all the girls that know her, and all the guys(i don't have guy friends, but i think guys that have mixed groups of girl and guy friends get dates easier, or more in number) that know her will tell all the girls and guys they know, and all those people will think i'm a loser and won't accept me, and i'll lose my chances with all the girls that know any of those people

i've come to accept rejection (even though i've never asked a girl out lol, i've mentally prepared myself for rejection), so it's not rejection itself i'm afraid of

in short, i'm scared by asking 1 girl i'll lose my chances with all the others...

btw i'm 20 and college (it's pretty big and most people commute, so no one really knows each other that well), i'm not even sure if the social circles matter so much anymore after high school?

Lonly 6 years ago

Well i am 17 years old, have had no dates at all. I met this girl in school but she already has a boyfriend. I feel like if i would do anything for this girl!!! Any advice??? Anything will be apreciated.

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 6 years ago from Canada Author

For all you guys that posted in the last few days - get real. Yes, you need confidence, yes, you need to have less (or none) fear of rejection. yes, dating is a numbers game but so is experience. If you don't put your foot in the pool you'll never know if the water is cold or warm.

There is no "magic cure" but there are confidence building materials available for guys that are otherwise lost to fear.

You can start in just a couple of minutes and I urge you to do this, before you waste another minute feeling sorry for yourself. it really is time to do something good for yourself. http://www.dyd2.com GO NOW!

q4298y8o 6 years ago

thank you R Pseudomen

but my main fear isn't rejection of 1 girl, it's rejection of everybody (of all potential girlfriends or even friends)

if i ask a girl and am rejected by her, will that make everyone (girls and guys) think i'm weird, a creeper, or a loser?

i have confidence in everything but my social skills... i actually think well of myself, i'm just worried about what others might think of me

q4298y8o 6 years ago

Oh and R Pseudomen, like your 7 year dry spell, it will soon have been 6 years for me since the only date and relationship i've ever had...

maybe 7 will be my lucky number too? lol it seems doubtful though, it just seems like something that might end up never happening... i'm getting older and older and not moving forward with girls or even friends... i'm almost 21, it seems too late, you have to date at least 10 years before marrying to have a lasting marriage, but it's not nice to your kids to have kids any later than 30 years old...

although a majority of the part of me thinks I don't want a relationship or even friends because i like doing my own thing and a girlfriend or friends are time-consuming, stressful, and i would have to deal with their drama,

i also realize that i probably like being alone better than around people because i have social anxiety and when i'm around people i'm out of my comfort zone...

because of not fitting in all the up through my high school years and people making fun of me to my face or behind my back, when i'm around people i feel very awkward like everyone is watching, laughing at, and talking about everything i do and thinking i'm weird or not cool by just looking at my body language

the thing is i don't know what people really think of me, but i have a feeling they think i'm weird, messed up, or simply "not cool"

also i like being alone because i'm very selfish and like being able what I want to do all of the time instead of what other people want to do, but when other people want me to do stuff, i can't say no--i act like a pushover but am really selfish deep down

also i'm afraid to get close to people because they will eventually find out i have almost no friends (and no guy friends) and am by myself most of the time, that i never got drunk and never had sex at almost 21 (not 21 yet, not legally allowed to drink in my country), and they'll think i'm really weird... because honestly that is very weird for somebody my age

yeah i have a lot more reasons why i'm kind of stuck without a social life at this point in my life, but i wanna go to sleep now lol

Adam 6 years ago

I'd just like to say, your doing a great thing here dude.

Really good to see :D

I'm 21 and I've had a girlfriend,

But the past few years I've been invisible,

I read alot of this and it just makes me feel better,

And it's nice to know that when I feel down about it, there's

People here to talk with, thanks everyone x

6 years ago

q4298y8o, I do think your being rather pessimistic for a 21 year old. For example, my friend (same age as me) met someone at 22, then spent 7 years with her, and now he's single again, after a really painful split... so even if you did meet someone at 20, that doesn't guarantee the future happiness, even if you did spend the next 10 years together before marriage. People can meet people at most ages, have relationships and then split-up again... and there is no rule about having kids before 30 (especially for men). My dad was 34 when I was born. He's still fit and healthy and I'm now 31 myself.

Also, there definitely is no rule to say you have to be with someone 10 years to have a good marriage. You could start talking to a girl and suddenly find everything clicks straight away and you're on the same wavelength... and become really close within a year... or spend 7 years in a less than adequate relationship... then tie-the-knot, and have a divorce within the next 5 years.

If you can get out and talk to more girls confidently and put the negative thoughts out of your head, then you could maybe do OK.

Its easy to get into a downwards spiral of "by now I should have done this"... "and that", but they are not worth thinking about in that detail, because that line of thinking is not only wrong, its highly self destructive and will totally hinder you.

TArok 6 years ago

Hi im 23 have tried about everything to have a relationship ,,, went to clubs like crazy when in school went out in groups had many girls as frnds nothin works ! had some relationships that didnt work becuz i get veryy obsesed and nervous that i fuk it up ... then when i put my mind to it i just get more nervous and start thinking about the future and will it work ??? .. so now im out of college nt seeing girls and cant find a job it seems its getting much harder any advice ?

Ellis 6 years ago

Hi, I'm 18 and the problem i have is that girls only ever seem to want to be friends with me. None of them want to take things a step further. I can only assume that it is something that I'm doing wrong because I am still waiting for someone to want to go over the line from friendship to relationship. It used to bug me a lot, I use to drink a lot and girls was a large contributing factor, but after the last one somehow I lost all of the emotion and passion inside of me, so I'm not all that fussed about finding one, but suggestions as to where I was going wrong would be greatly appreciated. :)

6 years ago

Well, from what I've read, a guy is at his most desirable to women (as a mate) at around 26, then declines over the following years. So, at 18 or 21, you're not anywhere near your maximum value as a mate to women.

Jake 6 years ago

Hey, I'm 21 and have only ever had 1 serious relationship. When i was in High School I was the new kid in school, ended up meeting a really pretty amazing girl. Dated her for 2 years and then in grade 12 she ended up dumping me for one of my best friends at the time... and they won best couple at the grad ceremony.

I was pretty messed up for a year or so after all that happened, I entered into university where I crashed and burned because of a lack of focus and desire due to the fact that I really don't know what i want to do with my life.

It took me 2 years, tons of reading, a serious bought of depression (which led to a very lame half-hearted attempt at suicide mostly because I was so depressed that I didn't even care about ending it all, I was depressed beyond my depression.). All of this led to a massive pendulum like change in my personality, behaviour, and thinking.

After my grade 12 year, I was a high level hockey player at the time, I took steroids to bulk up, I did MDMA/Ecstasy, Coke, smoked massive amounts of weed, did a ton of ketamine, wound up in some pretty sketchy places, with some pretty sketchy people, All this continued until I hit rock bottom and K-holed one night. I had what Maslow described as a "transient experience". For what felt like a lifetime, I cried, I screamed and yelled, but i couldn't get away, I was trapped in a state of being that i thought would never end... I'd say it was an experience akin to a "near death experience". While in that state, something finally hit me. I stopped. I just stopped and looked around, and then I started getting this nagging feeling, I wanted to know... everything... about everything. I wanted to know why this had happened, what caused it to happen, what global warming actually is (it's all a bunch of BS btw, none of the supposed "experts" can actually explain global warming / climate change and all their statistical information is just all the stuff the can't explain mixed together... pretty stupid eh? lol NE WAYZ) What i'm trying to say here is the answer to all the hurt and anger and sadness and hopelessness I felt smacked me right in the face.

The answer is... there is no right way to do anything... there is no 1 answer. and when i realized this, I started to look at EVERYTHING differently. Ok I just realized how epically long this is getting... what happened is I started to empathize and began asking why (curiosity) about EVERYTHING that happened... In a way it was sort of like the movie "Yes Man" with Jim Carrey and I went on this rampage of finding stuff out and being super crazy keen about life... Remember le pendulum I spoke of earlier? this is when it was swinging back the other way... I quit everything, including drinking (I still don't drink and rarely do any other substance) and was super awesome happy man for like 6 months... until I stopped again and looked at myself and was like "wow I want to punch myself in the face for being such a tool".

Anyways to wrap it all up, I am now getting closer to the middle and continue to do so everyday as the pendulum starts to slow down. and the moral of the story is, for all those guys that are all freaking out about not being able to get a girlfriend, my advice to you is this... Be honest with whoever you are with and ALWAYS BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF, Be trusting to those who you feel deserve it and ALWAYS TRUST YOURSELF, and Be respectful always ESPECIALLY TO YOURSELF.

Anyways that was an intense word fest of fury... hopefully it does something for someone... even if that something is you being all like "yo dude check out with this giant n00blet wrote! hahaha what a LEWZER!!!" :) S'all good.

oh and as a side note pertaining to the guy talking about "sex being overrated". Speaking from "a lot" of experience (don't even try to beak me saying that i'm only 21 and i can't have that much experience... shut up i've slept with a lot of women and i'm alright to say that on here cuz i'm pretty much anonymous and if you think i'm lying, that's your choice) sex is most definitely not that awesome most of the time, ESPECIALLY if you are a guy that can make girls cum (3 types of female orgasms btw)... BUT when you meet a person who has gone through a lot f'd up crap like you have, and you completely let go and are completely 1. HONEST 2. TRUSTING 3. AND RESPECTFUL of one another, sex is the most unbelievably amazing experience in the history of experiences and the best part is even just remembering that kind of experience makes you feel pretty awesome. So anyways, went on a bit of a tangent timothy there, but you get my point... It's not black and white but shades of gray. (It's with an "a", I'm Canadian).

To whoever actually read all of this... I'm flattered and thank you :). I hope you drew something at least somewhat useful from it and I wish you the best of luck! :D



Charo 6 years ago

Well done Jake, a great comment, I read it all very interesting. To the rest of the people here I think the whole needing a girlfriend business is mostly induced from outside sources like friends sometimes family especially the media, they make out as if everyone is in a relationship and thats the way to be, anyone not in a relationship is this or that or not normal or whatever. The logical question people need to ask themselves is, IS IT REALLY WORTH HAVING A GIRLFRIEND? IS A RELATIONSHIP RIGHT FOR YOU OR DO YOU FEEL YOU NEED TO BE IN ONE BECAUSE EVERYONE ELSE IS APPARENTLY IN ONE? what was ever wrong with leading the single life? (I know this forum is for people who truly need some advice)but why does this sort of thing bother so many people? I dont understand its not logical, sometimes in life some of us come to realize that it was never meant to be and then when we try to find out why and discover that it was something we truly never wanted anyway but because friends and people we knew where settling into relationships we thought we should have too, for years I wondered why I couldnt find a girlfriend, I saw my friends all settle down but only over the past year I realized I was truly happy as I was, and I only learned that when I dated a few times and found it wasnt what I thought it would be and even got depressed while I was dating which is unusual because its usually the other way around. So people ask yourselves what you really want, if you truly want it then go for it but if you are only doing it to fit in or because you feel left behind then take a long hard look at the situation.

5 years ago

good comment jake.

On subject of why people want to date though: yes, society implies more pressure with expectation, but I feel the biggest pressure comes from our DNA. The DNA that didn't want to reproduce isn't around any-more (because it didnt reproduce), hence all DNA alive today has written strongly into it's code that if the organism isn't reproducing it will feel very bad about it. In effect, its the same reason we are scared of death and pain hurts us and forces us to move away from a hot plate that is burning us; our genes want to survive and be passed on more than anything, and if we are failing in this task, then our genes are going to seriously make sure we know about it! That is why so many people who remain single feel so bad... because their DNA is screaming at them to pass on their DNA. If they still fail, then they will undergo a kind of torture.

Max 5 years ago

Yeah I pretty much cant form ANY relationships with a girl. Its almost like their is a magnetic force that repels every girl i meet and "befriend". Im funny, really smart and skinny but with a developing muscular physique, but absolutely nothing. Last year as a junior in high school, i liked this girl but she wasnt interested. Instead of simply rejecting me she started to screw with me. Telling everybody i liked her, giving me weird looks, chasing me in the subway station, making dumb comments on facebook etc. i got back at her but why the hell did she do all that. thats not fair plase tell me

5 years ago

if you're in school its a totally different ball game. A lof of people are selfish and cruel, because they haven't experienced the world. a lot of guys that do OK later don't do well with girls in school. If you're in school, you're still developing and so are the opposite sex. I wouldn't worry about not being able to do well yet. The number one most important thing to that age is to see life positively, because it will affect your outlook forever, if you get hung-up on negative things in school. That same girl will probably be totally different in 10 years time.

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 5 years ago from Canada Author

Hi Ellis, what you're going through is what I like to call "Rejection Withdrawal". You start to take your hurt and instead of dwelling on it inside you turn it outside and find fault with the women you're with.

Now, guys like you can easily talk to women initially, except the girl they really like where you fall into doing whatever you can to get close to her, which is the line of thinking "If I can be her friend I'll convince her to like me more" and all guys out there know this doesn't work.

I want you to start fresh with the next woman that is the one you want to date. Joke around with her. Get her email and only email her ideas of things to do together. DO NOT offer to do things for her, stay off that path!

Plan things to do with her don't just "hang out". If you need to get a job so you have some date money to spend then do it. No one should have to give you money to date with and no girl wants to pay her own way on a date.

Good luck!

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 5 years ago from Canada Author

Hi Jake, thanks for kicking every guy here in the direction of REALITY. But you need to know that you don't need to have a bottoming out experience to realize your full potential around women, you just need to learn more about the entire dating experience.

Many guys miss this class in shcool but you can catch up on your reading here: http://alovelinksplus.com

Thousands of first-rate articles, plenty written by yours truly. Get to it!

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 5 years ago from Canada Author

Hi Max,

Women are flaky. It's that simple. Get over it and you'll do much better in the future, go over the most recent posts for some tips.


Anthony 5 years ago

r pseudomen i understand getting these people to accept that they can only change who they are and become better men is true i think that saying things "smile more often you sad pathetic thing" etc... isnt helping them feel any better and especially when some are comtemplating suicide the tough love approach isnt probably the best thing to do. i think you should rethink how you deal with these guys looking for advice.

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 5 years ago from Canada Author

Hi Anthony, I think you were reading something else because no where do I say "smile more often you sad pathetic thing". It may be implied and with great reason. You have to understand that many men that visit this website do not have the ability to "pull themselves up from their bootstraps" so they need very good instructions on building up their confidence, of losing their fear from rejection, of learning the simple act of conversation. Thousands of words are on this page (it's one of the most popular on HubPages) and with good reason: help is here.

and help is also here: http://www.dyd2.com It's just up to the guys to understand what their next move needs to be. No on eelse can make them happy, this is an emotion and a state of mind that can only come from deep inside themselves.

Do you understand more now?

- RP

Anthony 5 years ago

What I mean to say Is that sometimes people might think that you are being too harsh thats all, you have a good blog here and It is helpful dont get me wrong and Im sorry that I came across in a nasty tone, anyway thankyou for replying and keep up the good work.

Jack 5 years ago

You CAN get a girlfriend! there are a number of simple things that you need to do to achieve this, but most of all believe in yourself, have confidence. Confidence is so attractive to the opposite sex. If you are struggling for confidence, here is a great way to find it within yourself. Remember a time when you felt confident and remember the things you saw, the feelings that you felt and the things that you heard. Make all those things bigger and brighter and take all those feelings into the situation with the girl you want.

Loads of other tips are available here:


R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 5 years ago from Canada Author

Hi Jack, Good advice, confidence is the key. But just as important is the ability to handle rejection, to understand to your inner core that you may have to ask 100 girls and 99 may reject you, but the one that says yes will fulfill all of your needs by agreeing to date you, to be your girlfriend.


Andy 5 years ago

hi r pseudomen. your blog is really good but earlier you said that you may have to ask 100 girls and 99 may reject you, isnt that really hard to find? I even find it really difficult to find even 1 girl to ask out. i dont know how to get close to women or get her to talk to me. its hard to get talking to women. i cant get the conversation going which is my main problem. i just dont know what to say and when to say what to women and even in general conversations. i sometimes find it difficult to reply to questions. please give me advice.

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 5 years ago from Canada Author

Hi Andy, forget your fears. Walk up to a girl you know the name of and say to her "Sally, you're really cool and I'd like to hang out with you. Can we go to ---- together on Thursday?"

Add endurance and you've got the magic to expand your "little black book" with more women that ever!

Good luck!

Adam` 5 years ago

I think this is helpful and i think i fit what i says but ive been single for 2 and a half years with no sucsesful dates anymore advice?

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 5 years ago from Canada Author

Hi Adam, Stay positive. I was single (with no dates) for about 4 years, then everything really heated up. It was just a matter of not taking a single "no" destroy my confidence.

Good luck!

Brian 5 years ago

Hey Pseudo, you got any websites that go more in depth with the cocky and funny attitude when talking to girls. I read Davids book already and understand the basics of it but sometimes i go blank when I'm trying to think of something that is funny and just end up making it awkward. Nothing makes you feel like more of an ass clown than that! So some help would be appreciated!

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 5 years ago from Canada Author

Hi Brian, I have written quite a bit at http://www.alovelinksplus.com. follow the links on the right side, you'll know it when you see it.

Have fun!

Asian Grandmaggot 5 years ago

For most of my life, I thought I couldn't get girls. Notice I said "thought". But at the age of 37, I am in a real relationship with a gorgeous older woman. It could easily be a younger woman if I wished. How did I break the cycle of dating impotence? Simple. I turned to my inner caveman.

What does a caveman do? He never accepts starvation or death as viable options. If his locality cannot provide him sustenance, he moves. He knows when to fight, when to run, and when to tolerate bad situations. He also thinks primarily of his own survival.

Think of it this way. A cavewoman cannot truly hunt or fight on her own. She needs a man who is powerful enough to scare away other men, or popular enough to enlist other men to help do things, or savvy enough to create a burrow that is impenetrable and totally safe. I, as well as most guys here, fall into the burrow category.

For years, I could not get women. Then I completely changed my life direction and moved out of town. I still struggle, largely because of myself. But everything changed when I got fed up with life and said "I refuse to accept failure as a life goal."

Women everywhere have total respect for a guy who can hold his own in whatever way he can. I earn very little money and have no social status, but I get women because I will not give up. Even if I die trying, women respect my drive despite me not having looks, money, good job, height, or class.

I know guys with everything going for them that women won't mess with. I know guys like me that have nothing going for them and yet have excellent opportunities with women. My willingness to survive at all costs is my most attractive feature, and it is a feature that any man of any age can learn. You won't succeed at anything without that survival mode.

If you cannot meet women where you are, move to a better spot. If you lack confidence, search for the root cause and fix the problem. If some woman doesn't respect you, dump her and find a woman who does. And if you consider yourself hopeless, then get out of your current hole and dig a new and better hole that can accommodate your future family.

Women want strong capable men who will fight to the death for them, provide for the family, and set good equitable household rules that everybody can live by. Be that man and you will put yourself in positions where women will select you. And once you become that man, do not ever quit being that man!

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 5 years ago from Canada Author

Hello Asian Grandmaggot, Good post.

I don't know how many times I've said this, but guys, it all begins and ends with you.

If you need help it's available if you want it. But you have to REALLY WANT IT!

I'm sure you'd gladly spend a thousand dollars to have a date with a hot girl. I will ask you, will you spend twenty dollars to date a thousand hot girls?


Mathers 5 years ago

Psedomnen is it true what these people say about your genetics dictacting whether you get a girlfriend or not? I came on here looking for advice and a confidence boost I suppose, instead I get all this stuff about how it is destiny for me to live alone.

Asian Grandmaggot 5 years ago

Genetics influence dating because genetics influence e survival.

I am a 5'5" Asian guy who doesn't get along with the majority of people. I was bullied through high school and through my early working years. I have had all sorta of dreams smashed by enemies despite my best efforts. I broke the cycle by starting my own business(es) that cater to the select few that will work with me.

Because I have fully established my niche as a lower who does his own effective thing no matter what society says, I am now treated like a decent guy by the majority of women I meet nowadays. I have put myself in places where I am at my best. There are bigger and handsomer and richer guys than me in the places I go, but those things don't matter as much to the women I meet. I should also add that I feel that I am meeting and dating good women who do not think of me as inferior.

The difficulties of Asian guy dating are well known and researched. Yet here I am, dating away. I should also add that the vast majority of Asian women refuse to date me, and I am dating a Norwegian beauty right now. She gets hit on regularly, but I am her guy.

I refuse to be punked by anyone. I refuse to accept a crappy life. I will defend my keep, and I stand by my friends and family. I am far from perfect and do amazingly dumb things, but I try to deal with my mistakes. I feel that I am doing as much as I can wig what little I have. And if that isn't good enough for some woman, it is her problem and not mine.

I am doing the best I can with my genetics. Good women thus see me not as a walking, but as a good real man.

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 5 years ago from Canada Author

Hi Mathers, Genetics predetermines many things about yourself but accepting the fact that you're destined to be alone is totally wrong.

I talked about my own long single years only as an example that sometimes, emotionally, you may really not be ready for an intense relationship. This isn't to say that during those years I didn't have one-nighters, because I did. Just no steady gf.

Finding the confidence you need to feel stronger about yourself is what this whole blog is about.

Rejection from girls is part of the whole dating game but it should not rule your life.

Does this clarify things for you?

Mathers 5 years ago

Yes it does thank you very much, it is just when I was reading through some of the comments on here it made me feel quite hopeless about the whole single life situation, but thanks for the clarification!

5 years ago

I find tiny alterations can massively alter chances with women. If you get out and about and take part in social activities, then you'll become more confident, which will project to women. Also, if you have a regular exercise routine then you will develop an attractive (to women) physique. If you lock yourself in the house with DVDs and computer games, avoid human contact and don't take part in the social (we all go through that period I think), it closes possibilities, because you cant project confidence: social skills become blunt... etc.

There are some things you'll never be able to get, because of genetics... but there are soooooo many important qualifying traits that you can sharpen to win!

hank 5 years ago

What if you are attractive for others, but the problem is like... you hate others. Right from the guts.

Haters gonna hate?

razer 5 years ago

i'm 19 and for me the problem is not how i look....but its that the right circumstances didn't happen so that i may get a girlfriend....and probably because i have no friends but that's not my fault..it seems that i always end up to be surrounded by idiots..the sort of people who you don't want to be friends with....because of that i've become a loner with no friends...things just happen and you just go with the flow because there is nothing you can do...i belive this is called fate.... so i feel bad because i want a girlfriend and i look at others with girlfriends and i feel curious,sad,angry and scared...and i don't show it..i'm good at hiding this and i act like people expect me to act....i know i'm only 19 and i have time to get a girl and get married and all that....but if i reach 30 and i'm in the same sitiuation like now i rather chose death by my hands than live in failure.....i hope fate will solve my case with a happy end verdict

Blackfield 5 years ago

Im 20 and never had a girlfriend. I think Im average looking, I dress well, have a good job and own a car. It doesnt matter what I do, Im always seen as the nice guy (I think a lot of people here know what Im talking about). I do socialise a lot with my friends (who all have steady relationships), but I just cant ever seem to hit it off with a girl. Im already starting to get the questions from family members that are subliminally asking if Im gay. The only thing against me is I have a psychiatric condition (and no its not like I grab the nearest knife and try to stab everyone, Its a simple chemical imbalance that affects my moods on occassions. Im medicated and havent had any issue for a few years).

I have asked my friends if they know any single girls, but they are all either taken or under the age of consent. So Im a bit stumped as to what my next gameplan is. My life right now revolves around going to work, coming home, feeding my dog, going to bed and getting up for work the next morning. I would love to have someone else to share my life is all. (2 things: 1. I know the paragraphs are all over the place but I just scraped through English in school, so bear with me on it. 2. Please dont write anythong like "you will find someone one day". If I had a dollar for everytime I heard that, I could propably buy half the female population lol).

Yeah 5 years ago

Ok perseverance and attitude are great, but what the hell do you do if you have spent your entire life being told by girls that they just want to be friends, or you aren't their type. I'm 275 lbs, ugly, have no car and no job. Girls dont want me, and it's making me sick. My family asks me all the time "why dont you date" and it makes me feel even worse. I'm extremely depressed, i cant even join a gym because i dont have the money, and my family is so strapped for cash they cant spare it. I've tried walking/jogging on my road but my chest and shoulder hurts so much i cant keep it up. You want to know the really pathetic part? I'm 26 years old. I live with my parents at that age, how pathetic. Both my sisters have families and they're younger than me. My friends all have girlfriends because they're thinner and taller than me. I'm so tired of being the fat friend, or the ugly friend.

RJ 5 years ago

This page is interesting reading. I'm over 35 and what I learned is that the world is a big planet. Why are you limiting yourselves within the confines of the U.S.? Work hard, save money, get a passport and travel. Your dating lives will take a 360 degree turn. There's more women on earth than men and as soon as I figured this out, my desire for local women dropped. Having options equal power and with power comes confidence.

RJ 5 years ago

Asian Grandmaggot gets it! People who succeed are people who will try anything. We're close in age and our perspective on life is similar. Whether its moving to a different area, traveling or doing things by yourself, the key is to put yourself out there. Sitting in front of a computer screen and complaining about how the world sucks will get you nowhere.

Yeah: Bro, you need to change your headspace. your biggest enemy is you. You don't need money or gym membership to get in shape. part time work can be found in any major city(minimum wage is better than no wage). Don't worry about what your friends look like, becuase chances are they don't give a damn about you or else they'de be helping you get in shape and meet girls. You have more power than you think bro.

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 5 years ago from Canada Author

Hi razer, I think you're mistaking fate for "doing nothing". If you know your circumstances are bad, if you know that the people you end up hanging around, then don't you think it's time to make changes of your own rather that waiting for some unknown source to change your life for you?


Peter 5 years ago

Hi R Pseudomen!!

I just need little advice. Im 26 and cant establish relationship with woman. Not even friendship. I'm not best looking guy around and I notice that confidence and self esttem is wired to your looks. I mean if I look good I would be much more confident. But unfortunately I haven't been gifted. I feel like women hate me because no woman ever gave me eye contact. But do you know what is worst about all this??? That every friend have a girlfriend or occassional relationship with girl and I can't. It hurts and it make me feel worthless and hopeless because I have never done anything wrong to anyone. Sometimes I go to prostitute but it wont replace the feelings I have. I wish to have just a normal girlfriend that I can talk to and share my life with, but it seems to be impossible. I have learnt that woman wont give you any time of a day if she's not attracted to you. And I cant use my looks because im ugly. I dont have much money and as I said I dont have confidence and most people who are ugly dont have it either. All people around me keep saying that I am miserable but have no other option. And one more thing. It's so easy for good looking or rich person to preach about confidence. But if you are ugly you would speak differently.

Even If I manage to get a girlfriend (which is impossible), I probably would give her up because I have nothing to offer her. She would be probably ashamed to walk with me. And Im not picky or anything like that, I dont need 10/10. Just ordinary but still cant get one. The fact is that when you are born ugly, everyone hates you , not only women. You are outcast and no one wants to talk to you.

Sorry for writing so much. Do You think there is any solution for me except suicide?????? Thank You

Will 5 years ago

Hey. I was wondering alot of the same things other people are on this page, Im 21 i would say decent looking, im in amazing shape. I play soccer and hockey work at the local grocery store go to college and i have an ok social life going out to bars and such once a month or so. Saying this i cant seem to get a girlfriend i have had them before but this was like highschool and that exposed you to alot of people. I have a good sense of humor am friendly and a good person i also can have a good time. i have alot of friends that are girls and we talk when we see eachother but outside of bumping into them at sports or work or school or out on the town it never develops into anything. Just wondering if you had any advice because the nights sitting on the computer alone are sooooooooooo boring.

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 5 years ago from Canada Author

Hi Peter, If you've read through this blog you'll understand that there are things you can change about yourself and there are things you can't. You seem intent on believing that everything about you is something that can't be changed.

Why is that?

If you feel you have nothing to offer to a possible girlfriend, then what about your life can you change to have something to offer?

Is it your job? Do you even work?

Do you need to further your education? Do you have goals in life?

YOU have to answer these questions, there is no "quick fix" that can be done FOR you, the things you need to become attractive to women are the tings WITHIN your power to change.

YOU have to decide to make that first step.

Print out this blog and read it every few days. And go for a short walk, get some fresh air before you read this over and over again.

The answers you seek are here.

Best wishes, RP

Jimmie 5 years ago

Hey R Pseudomen, great article! I have both the personality and perseverance but I've been single since sophomore year in high school. I am 20 years old now and in college. Looking back I realized that I was more outgoing with my friends. I was so got damn funny in high school. I made every single person laugh, even the quite, serious ones haha. My point is that I was able to show my true colors because I was able to socialize and I didn't have the pressures of college in high school. Now it seems, my true colors are suppressed by everyday college work and general work itself. I am so occupied with things that I sometimes think that I am lucky I don't have a girlfriend because I would never have the time needed to sustain a good relationship. I'm not giving up, I'm just going to let life take its course. Wish me luck!

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 5 years ago from Canada Author

Hi Jimmie, Good luck! You'll make a great catch when you're ready, just don't pressure yourself right now. The good ones will wait for you!


5 years ago

I was at a club with some friends recently I hadn't seen for a very long time. I was standing there alone at one point. Then all of a sudden I felt these arms pass through mine and close around my chest and someone press against the back of me. My initial thought were that it was one of my friends (man hug?), but then these hands started to move places that confirmed it wasn't one of my friends. Anyway, I turned around to see a really nice looking girl. I was really surprised and she smiled back at my expression. I looked around again, but was somehow unable to turn to face her. You see very light flirting is well within my experience, but the possibility of actual physical stuff, that's not. I could not even manage the situation. I'm confident with people and all other aspects of my life, but when it comes to this... I don't know, this is what happens. In the end she walked off, but I feel bad for her that I couldn't handle the situation in my early 30's! I could have turned around and said nicely that I had a girlfriend (not true), but I couldn't manage even that. I guess I just didn't really know what to do. I still want to find someone, but it would have to be someone I trust I think. Any other single guy would have turned around in a second though.

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 5 years ago from Canada Author

Hi G, Surprises happen I guess. I'm certain you'll be prepared the next time!


5 years ago

Not really, I would always respond the same way to a complete stranger making such a strong advance, I'm afraid. I don't seem to have a massive prob attracting (atleast some people), although what happened that night was different, for sure. I have a prob responding (always have). Although I must admit, I don't go out to clubs that often really. I don't think I'll be finding someone from a club or bar. But where else? Online dating sucks for a guy. Everyone I know in my work is taken, pretty much.

I have a friend same age who split from his long-term relationship and he's had a string of brief encounters over the last 2 years, but I think where he differs from me is that he can build up an all important rapport with different girls, and eventually he comes across that one that is available and is for him. Me: I find girls tend to react well to me, I can get a bit of a rapport going (they tend to think im cute...etc), but im not that outgoing you see and I always seem to find myself boxed in, socially, where I don't have options to meet new people.

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 5 years ago from Canada Author

Hi G,

The boxes are imaginary and you can tear them down. Please head over to http://www.alovelinksplus.com/advice/ and start doing some serious reading. You'll know which articles to start with, then get out there and put the info to work!


Ben 5 years ago

[I'm not trying to troll, I am simply seeking advice. :/]

Will I ever find a decent relationship ever again?

I've made several attempts with absolutely no success. I've joined several dating sites, attended pub gatherings with friends, went numerous galleries, just to find myself going back to my apartment at night alone. I do take care of myself, make sure that I eat healthy, exercise and I groom consistently, because it makes me feel good and confident. I just do not get it. Why is it that I am having so much trouble finding a girl? I would like to think that I have much going for me - I am in school working towards a possible career in the arts, I have a job, an apartment, I've been told that I am attractive, I am always there when someone needs me, caring etc...

As stated above, I usually make myself available when a friend is going through a rut. Most of my friends are women, mostly because I find it difficult to get along with guys. Most of them consistently complain about how hard it is to find a guy that is truthful, genuine and caring. It would be safe to assume that most - if not all women complain about it at one point in their lives. I just wish that someone would give me the benefit of the doubt and see that I don't fall under that category of men.

I do have issues regarding my self-esteem. I tend to be unsure of myself when approaching a women that has sparked my interest - most of the time I tend to stutter or say something that doesn't completely make sense.

I was in a relationship that lasted four years - it was wonderful, but in my naivety (mostly because of how young I was when I got into the relationship) I lost sight on what was truly in front of me. Now I am sitting here alone and questioning either it will ever happen again.

It's so frustrating!

SpellCheck 5 years ago

Obvious typo rain->reign

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 5 years ago from Canada Author

SpellCheck: WTF are you bitching about...

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 5 years ago from Canada Author

Hi Ben, maybe all the other girls you know intimidate the ones you're trying to make time with? Just a thought.

You need to shop closer to home. Now, I'm going to assume that you've already tried your luck with the girls that are friends you have, so it's time to put the question to them "I'm a great guy, right? Why won't you fix me up with a girl you know? What's really wrong with me?"

If that doesn't get you some one-on-one help then it's back to the basics here, my friend: http://dyd2.com


5 years ago

Ben, wouldn't totally give up on the online dating thing. It can be the most frustrating and negative experience, but it can begin to work if you have a good profile and you wait long enough. Its another avenue...

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 5 years ago from Canada Author

The key to online dating isn't so much perseverance but doing it right the first time. here's a place for some great online dating tips http://www.alovelinksplus.com/blog/online-dating-t...

Good luck!

Castle 5 years ago

Now, try to picture my situation. When I started high school a few years ago, I found myself from the first day in an entire new community which failed to accept me. However, they seemed to leave me alone for two years. It was fine. Then bullying started and for another two years both teachers and classmates told me how ugly, useless and complete failure I am... that I never will get to a college, I will end up drunk and half-drunk in a dark, cold room. I started to believe them, although they were wrong. I got to a pretty good university, then they told me that my life will be so miserable, as it was earlier.

But I wanted to prove that they're not right. They cannot be. But their voice is still whispering in my ears, so it's a messed up situation. How could you defeat ghosts which are continously haunting you? So, I don't have success with people. Low self-esteem. Still. However sometimes a few girls show up, showing interest in me. It's quite surprising.

A few weeks ago a girl dropped accidentally her ring, and I managed to give it her back with a smile on my face. (It's miserable but it was a huge success) Then, yesterday when I walked next to her and one of her friends, she was saying out loud that "there's that cute guy". The friend asked her why, and she started to tell her the story.

The only problem is that either I do nothing in these cases, and say that I'm because it a rude person. Other times I try and mess up everything. Ghosts of the past are still behind my back and try to destroy me. :) It's like devil's circle and I can't get out of it.

Sorry for writing too long. By the way, I found out that I like writing. I managed to create an SF-book (in my mother tongue) and two publishers wanted to read the manuscript. Now, they will decide, in a few weeks time. Maybe arts will get me some confidence, if I succeed. And maybe memories will leave me alone. Don't know :)

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 5 years ago from Canada Author

Hi Castle, I could get all into your head here but really it's quite simple to understand. You've been bullied and your self-confidence has been stolen from you. The good news is you are still a gentleman you do need to overcome your pasts demons though.

Then you say "other times you just mess up". Mess ups, unless you end up insulting the girl, are all a part of the social dance called "dating". Instructions on how to recover would take far to long for me to write here, but the essence is here http://dyd2.com and at http://www.cockycomedyguide.com/

You've got a good head and good character, women love those things in a guy, now it's time to put things together. Check out the links, you'll do great!


Castle 5 years ago

Thanks for the advices, I will try to follow them. My next step may be moving to a country far away, and leave these people far behind. Of course I'm more a fighter than a quitter but everywhere I ever went people said that I should just stop breathing, the world would be then a better place. (And it's not just in my head, starting from parents to the readers of the newspapers where I was a trainee.)

Often when I see hatred in people's eyes, I just try to be more "provocative". I like seeing how annoyed they are when they see that I didn't go to hell, yet. :) But sometimes I just sit in a closed room, listening to a song of Warren Zevon...and hoping everyone will leave me alone from tomorrow.

The thing is that I know people who are in worse situation. Trying not to lose their homes, defeat serious illnesses. No matter what, they don't look back, just keep on fighting.

This is why I've read a lot of Bukowski. For some people life just sucks. It's living on the mirror's edge. Bigger than us. But anyway...winners never quit and quitters never win, or something like this :)

5 years ago

With online dating, I was initially getting no messages and all my messages ignored, although I was getting views and stuff. So I eventually posted a help me post in their forum and whilst some of the posters were a major pain in the butt, some of them actually helped me out.

Thing is we're not used to really selling ourselves in that way, accept perhaps in a CV - therefore my profile looked as dull, boring and generic as a CV.

In the end I removed the pictures of me on my own and I used some pictures of me actually taking part in social activities and I made my written profile section more appealing to read. Now I'm getting quite a lot of first contact messages. Its not persistence in doing the wrong thing that gets someone success; but eventually someone either deletes their profile or seeks help, hopefully the latter.

So what I've learned is:

1) Use a variety of pics of yourself that actually show you to be a social and healthy being. Could be one at work, one out with your mates at the weekend. They're not just to show what you look like; they're to sell you as well.

2) Make your written section fun and interesting. Best approach for that? Close your eyes and imagine you're talking to someone in a bar about yourself, then type it.

It seems to have worked for me to a level I'm happy with anyway.

Castle 5 years ago


I've started to read the DeAngelo book which you recommended. The only problem with it is that he writes that to do all these these you have to be positive plus confident. Now, for someone who was bullied for years...it is just impossible. ('cause you're always down)

He also writes that if you think like a "negative" person, you should delete the book and die where you are. I don't see the point of this book, or how it helps for people. For me, it won't. I guess.

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 5 years ago from Canada Author

Hi Castle,

I think you're missing the points where he gives advice on building up your self-confidence, they are tips that really work. If you have questions more about those tips, just ask!


5 years ago

Castle, your experience seems to mirror mine. I was bullied at school for two years after moving into a new community. I know the damage that it can do. I only started to pick-up to some level of social functionality through real effort, after my two years of being bullied at school (aged 14-16). I spend a very long time (ages 16-20) avoiding people because I was left with a sever social phobia and also left with depleted social skills. But I got myself off to a distant uni aged 21, and initially struggled, because I did lack social skills.

But what I found is that I could eventually gain enough confidence to learn and get back all of my social skills.

If you engineer your life to bring you into contact with positive experiences, then you will grow in a positive direction. 10 years ago my first block at uni started to bully me as soon as I arrived, so I dumped them and found some other friends. My 2nd block at uni were great and really took me on-board (we're talking about the yr 2002).

You need to have positive experiences.

Castle 5 years ago

It seems like I only have weak points. And I fail in doing anything. It's like I played music for almost 7 years but I stopped it because I didn't see the point. Then journalism didn't work out, and now at the uni I get back papers where professors write like "It's very, very, very poor." Maybe I will drop out.

I really don't know why is this. I tried harder and harder and I failed more and more. Funny thing. Losers seem to exist.

Preston 5 years ago

Reading this made me realize that at the age of 18, i still have a lot to learn. I am a man who truly has a big ego and a lot of darkness deep in me. When i was younger I believed i could get a girl, but as the years passed a cynical nature swept into me, making me a bitter person at the age of 18. Thing about me is I have personality, but I don't have confidence in myself. I told a friend about this today and he told me that I must first focus on me. The girls will come around. I like your article, Sir. It made me realize that it is possible to find love. I realize now that "Perseverance" truly is the name of the game for me. Thank you!

Ben 5 years ago

Please don't bitch to me about suicide.

Rant time.

I'm now 23. I've dated a few but nothing really came out of this.

Women (not girl) are really hard to find. Girls are still difficult. I struggle with the fact that I may not be good looking enough. This isn't based upon what I see but results. We don't choose to whom we're attracted too. I understand that much has to do with age and individual people as well. I understand that even if I dated that is at least some "success."

I ENVY that the female gender have it so easy. Everything is WORK to us guys. Calling. Walking up to her. Talking. Making Conversation. E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.G. I'm really tired of stupid teachers (namely "sociologist" and other feminist misfits) telling me that women have it harder because of magazines and other pseudo "social constructs" that destroy these poor females. Strong, smart, and independent...until things become a little tough. Um...is that why men are more 3-4 times likely to kill themselves? Or how they live shorter lives? Laughable.

Call a girl. No response. You took all that fucking time to call her and the bitch won't even take the time to call you back. Really? Now I have respect for someone telling me no from the beginning but to give the number without calling back? And what is laughable is that these girl--no sub-human females--tell me that it is because "they didn't want to hurt my feelings," when in actuality, they were pussies and it was easier for them to ignore. There is a reason why "pussy" is associated with cowardly and weak. It takes a lot of BALLS to call a someone--NOT to be called. It takes a lot of balls to put yourself out there and be rejected--not be the one making the choice. It takes a lot of balls to propose to someone in marriage--not accept or decline.

I'm thinking about suicide because sex is part of man's existence. Love is communicated through sex and intimacy. No sex= miserable sexually frustrated man. If someone can't find another then life isn't worth living. I laugh at the fools who say "happiness comes from within" "or just enjoy yourself." Then after the statement they continuously go after the opposite sex. It is true to some degree, that by enjoying yourself others will gravitate towards you. However, if they reached the epitome of "enjoying themselves," truly it becomes irrelevant to continuously still seek out another, nay? No. Happiness comes from within up to a certain point. But as biological creatures we have drives to be with another. If "happiness comes from within was true" the human specie would be extinct as there is no need to have another person in your life. The "hippy argument" fails.

I'm tired of the female gender. The bullshit that I, as a man, have to put up with. It really sucks. Like I said before, I E.N.V.E.Y. both women and girls because they have it so easy.

5 years ago

Its true that men are pursuers and women are not. That is why love-shy men (men who cannot instigate) are very likely to end up with no partner, whereas shy women are more likely to end up with a partner.

11114lil 5 years ago

im a girl and i came on here to see what guys thought it was like but i have to say some of the things you said were good but others wrong and i honstly think the main reason it is hard for a dude to get a chick is because the anger and the way they treat each other like usally when a dude gets mad they tend to yell and call names unknowing that it is for a totally stupid reason and i think every guy that is having a problem with finding a girl should just keep trying it is not that hard to find someone you like and if they like who you ara too a guy has to be open and try because it is hard for girls to tell a guy they like them without knowing the guy likes them back thank you for reading i wish all guys the best of luck with girls! :)

Castle 5 years ago

I finally finished the DeAngelo book.

Here's the conclusion: if you're not Batman, then the girl will go with Joker to the prom.

"I'm going to paraphrase Thoreau here... rather than love, than money, than faith, than fame, than fairness... give me truth. "

Drake 5 years ago

Some of these online dating ive heard about are sometimes scams but the modern man thingy is supposed to be really good as they demonstrated it even on fox news. Its true. what is the truth to all this? One thang fo sure looks are really important as this gives the first impression. anyone can improve on their looks u know! second go for the one that you think she likes you as these will give a higher success rate. timing is important also. and show confidence and act comfortably. share some interests like! another ting is dont try too hard. get an interest in somtin, join a club/society. go travelling. also read books, watch movies and learn and engage in some humour. well these r my main factors. dont know if r pseudo will agree to all. I dont know wat exactly it is that is holding us back from getting a girlfriend. maybe r pseudo can demonstrate on that. Anothr important thing is put ya head up watevr situation like this ur in!

By th way g the fella thts been tlkin ere for quite a while i dont think its always true tht love shy men(ppl tht dont instigate) are very likely to end up nt having a gfriend. some mite get one out of some sort of luck. also there are certain ppl tht want to instigate bt dont know how to n who are not exactly love shy, dem ones suffer too. anotha thang also and this is to all is rantin alot about this n thinking alot about this problem can be a negative impact on getting a girlfrend. just live life the way you will without such problems and enjoy. try man try! of course get advices tho.

neway gud luck to ya all. God bless to all!

5 years ago

Drake, "Love-shyness is a specific type of severe chronic shyness that impairs or prevents intimate relationships" and that's the actual condition. Its not normal shyness. Most people with the condition actually find it hard to form sexual relationships. That's what I was referring to. Not normal shyness.


Drake 5 years ago

o rite my bad. seems to be a serious thang. i see tht ur frm th uk g, im frm dere too. peace!

deven 5 years ago

im 19 and have never had a girlfriend. im in marine corps so im in good shape but i dont think im very actraive im only 5'6 but have no luck with any girls. id say im funny and have a good personality. i have no problems talking to girls they just seem to show no intrest and its pretty depresing

fatty  5 years ago

I realize that i'm overweight and ive embraced my bad smell why can't anyone else embrace it? i mean, i'm 20 and still rockin the pudding bowl haircut and i'm short so i don't tower over the girls! And still, i've never kissed anyone but my mom, my cat, and my poster of celene dion. Shes my idol. I can't find pants that fit me so my mom makes me orange and red plaid trousers. i also wear a lot of baggy shirts cause i heard thats what the ladieeees want! And still, in all my years, the only girl i've slow danced with is my grandma... Help me get a date please!

dave 5 years ago

Dear Mr. Hypocrit- Your "dating game" is lame, and you,

and others who enjoy it, will always defend it. The rules

are unfair and tilted since you are supposed to "work on

yourself" (when do the women get to work on themselves on

how THEY treat and talk to men?) , but mot "too much".

Can't you see the inconsistency in this. We are

indeed fortunate that we "nice guys" just withdraw so

that we neither offend you nor hurt anybody. You can keep

your lame, lame game!

dave 5 years ago

Also I would suggest you take your page down, it is useless to any rational person.

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 5 years ago from Canada Author

Hi Dave, your rage should not be aimed at me but the movie industry that does not reflect real life but fantasy instead. If you came here to learn a thing or two I'm sorry it was too complex for you. Go get a blow-up doll, at least you'll be able to use the HOV lanes.


Brad 5 years ago

For some reason I find myself having a difficult time getting a girlfriend. I've wanted this girl i met on fb..got her number n now she doesn't wanna see me in person?? Like she's avoiding me. Another girl I was chasing in my class she doesn't seem interested...I feel hopeless sometimes because I feel like everyone around me has someone and I have no one...I've actually had gfs before and I'm not a virgin. all the gfs I had came to me or were off of a dating site...I'm 19 and not even that tall and I'm just losing hope...

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 5 years ago from Canada Author

Hi Brad, You've got to slow down with your own disappointment. from the few words you wrote you have had some success getting gfs, they just didn't work out longer term. That's to be expected. Think back to what did work, how you originally managed to attract each one and work on that, it's your secret weapon!

Good luck,


Thirteen Year Old Colorado Boy 5 years ago

Help! I have a serious dating snafu involving social inequality... To make a long story short I asked a girl out for the first time around a month ago because we liked each other and were not dating but I was tuned down due to the fact that she is "Out of my league". She has may friends and has dated extensively in the past , in fact most kids up in evergreen (where I live) have been dating since third grade and some are in very serious relationships (spooning, lap-dances, buying each other intimately sexual clothing, and even sex) so I am often criticized for being behind on life. For this reason I am in a low social class. And as a result if she dates me she is to. I will admit i am not the best looking fish in the sea(I am Canadian so I am generally considered to be "Big Boned or Heavily Built" can you think of any way that she and I could get around this social ostracism?

Brad 5 years ago

Thanks R Pseudomen but for some reason I dont think that will work, thanks but your advice on this hub page is complete rubbish, maybe I will look elsewhere but thanks anyway.

R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 5 years ago from Canada Author

Brad, open your eyes, trust your heart, and read the important parts on this page again.

If you face continued rejection from the women you want to date you have to up your game. I offer you the advice to do that.



chevy ma 5 years ago

hi pseudomen im 15and im a freshmen in high school im asian and i like only white girls i tried really hard to get a gf this year but it is just not working.im almost 6 ft as an asian guy im really good looking im nice but im not talkative.theres almost no white girls in my school mostly asian girls.theres only a couple white girls but i dont have class with themand theres only one white girl in two of my classes and she like black guys.i tried really hard to get a white gf this year its just way too hard.can u help me out please.

TA 5 years ago

I'm 18 and never had a girlfriend, which is a little strange since I'm a funny kid, reasonably goodlooking, have plenty of friends I hang out with regularly and am friendly with most "popular" kids. Additionally, I dont really find it difficult to "hook up" with girls, but never really get involved in anything past casual hookups (usually at parties) though I would sort of like to. I think the issue is just I'm always laughing and making jokes, and so people don't really think I have "feelings." I'm also pretty passive in pursuing girls and don't really give anyone an image that I'm interested in them.

Most recently, I took the girl that I like at the moment to prom. She actually asked me but it was as friends (though we have hooked up at a party earlier in the year). Once again we ended up making out and uhh probably would have led to more after prom but we went to different after prom parties. Now its pretty much back to normal for us and we talk a decent amount but its just strictly as friends still. Not sure how to advance at all since I'm viewed as basically not having emotions. shit this is an essay im bored

whiteboy420 5 years ago

Guys...It's all about confidence/rejection and how you handle it. I learnt this doing door to door sales. You need to be confident in yourself, (meaning when your talking to her, don't have the shifty eyes going on) look at her and just feel comfortable talking...even if she is a 10. Also just pawning the question on her "can I have your number" who honestly cares if she says no? just go for it, if she says No, then move on to the next "door" and find the one that is willing to "buy" your love

DoctorRain profile image

DoctorRain 5 years ago

Ok.. I am gonna FINALLY type a comment here.

For those of you who think its the short guys who have it hard, Try being extremely close to 6'5. I think some women surely have height requirements that can go from 5'9 to 6'2 and then it stops there.

I have struggled with women my entire life.. If I got any potential girlfriends, many came with baggage or were clingy. I never had a true good relationship like several people who have had most of their lives easy with their work coming easy to them or their social skills come easy to them. I am 30 and I still live with my mom and yes I will be honest about it. I am an alternative free thinker type and this is part of why my development took longer + it was how I was brought up to a degree. I don't relate to a lot of the world and was created to be different ever since I was a kid. I have a small learning disability as well, but can be very intelligent and I do have looks and do not consider myself the average guy by any stretch.

Another problem of mine Pseudoman was the fact that I have not lived in the right location with the right people to compliment me and I have felt helpless about it most of the time since I have been broke throughout my 20s and never saved the money to move. I spent my money on cd's and t shirts and other stuff that I don't buy now.. I live to save money now and this recession has made me a lot better as a person. I am a more matured person now, but I still suffer the effects ntm I have lived far from many of the bigger cities and many materialistic people live around me here in South FL. I am in the outer Tampa far outskirts now and I am moving soon (thank god) to the direct downtown of Sacramento. Its a developing family situation so I did get saved. I get to leave FL and get closer to my goals and I do think I can get lucky there and maybe meet someone and if not, I always have Portland where I have wanted to move to for a long time about 10 hrs driving away.

Online dating has treated me real bad as well and locally to where I currently am, I can't meet anyone if my life depended on it. I have tried too.

My problems with dating I feel have been:

Location/Remotely located/Wrong types of people for me

My height (maybe I was looked at as some clown and not someone to be taken seriously I have no idea what runs through peoples minds)

Maybe I was too good looking that some girls didn't wanna bother.

I am not the average guy (not a sports person either besides NBA)

Politically I lean centrist (becoming a seperatist in the process maybe)

I am honest (in dating site profiles as well)

DoctorRain profile image

DoctorRain 5 years ago

I also wanted to add that I do feel feminism and Hollywood are the reasons why women have confidence issues and are very very selective now with men or have things easier and are all materialistic. Thank you Zionists! Now go die!

I am just touching up on what you said R Pseudoman when you said to someone to not blame you or yell at you about it.

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