Woman Who Speakes With An Open Heart - About Forgiveness

Forgiveness

Woman who speaks with an open heart. This symbol perfectly describes my experience of forgiveness.
Woman who speaks with an open heart. This symbol perfectly describes my experience of forgiveness. | Source
This is the painting from the dream I am describing in this article.
This is the painting from the dream I am describing in this article. | Source

My Beloved - How Can I Forgive Thee

My heart, crushed, shattered, that day.
You shoved me across the room.
Why? What? How come?
What had I done?
Afraid to ask, wrenched with pain, I sat,
Stunned: Frozen in time.
The answer never came.
Left, flat, wounded, broken,
My wings clipped, my heart aching,
Longing,
To make it better, to be with you again.
The way we were.
I asked why, are you, me, doing this
to myself?

How could you do this to me, us?
Loving you would make it better,
I hoped, and decided to pour my heart out
Even more fully to you, not matter what.
Denying the pain, I gathered my strength.
Soon, my wounded, heavy heart,
Entombed me.

You wanted to punish me.
My love evoked so much fear.
I felt the fear as well.
It was not that I was not good enough.
Nor was it something I had done or said.
The intensity was mighty scary.
I can forgive these reasons.

Into the depth of these feelings,
I need to go, in order to release them.
Angry, that it has to be me.
Angry that I had not done it sooner.
Finally, surrendering, I gave up the fight.
You were defending yourself.
Understanding why, I CAN forgive.

I have set you free.
And, I am freeing myself from the pain I held.
I allowed the wounding, feeling not good enough.
I let go of all past hurts and grievances.
Starting new with a fresh blank canvas,
I no long hold you responsible for this pain.
You are no longer beholden to me.

Freedom is the reward,
And, freedom is my gift to you.
It is clear to me now, that
Holding on to the pain,
Imprisoned us both.
Now, my Beloved,
The love has become UNFATHOMABLE.

by Valerie Felice


Exploring the depth of my heart has been a life quest for me. I am often in awe of the pearls I have discovered there. I once had a dream of a man, who was standing in the dark, seemed in the ocean. I thought of Poseidon or the lord of the Sea. A woman who looked like the moon was tenderly embracing his face.. Her face was round and she glowed like the moon. In the dream the engagement of these two produced a huge basket of oysters with black pearls. When I painted the image, I reflected on what it might be telling me. Years later I came upon a myth explaining how the moon shines on the ocean and the dew from their union produces black pearls. The Polynesian legend tells of how the moon shines over the ocean and the light attracts the oysters to the surface. This light impregnates the oysters with heavenly dew. The light holds the heavenly radiance within the heart. This romantic legend related directly to my dream. The great mysteries of love are revealed in the idea that it is endless, and deep with many dimensions to be explored.




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Comments 3 comments

molometer profile image

molometer 5 years ago

Hello Valerie,

This was a very interesting and a little disturbing read. The painting is stunning as well as the mythical associations.

It seems there has been a considerable amount of pain to endure to produce such art.

Well written and presented. Thank you for sharing.


Feliva profile image

Feliva 5 years ago from Albuquerque, New Mexico Author

Thank you so much for your comment. i appreciate being heard and valued.

Val


J.B. 4 years ago

It's beautiful! I reconize myself in it. Beautifully put into words.

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