Women Who Change Gay Men Straight And Women Who Change Straight Men Gay

This is a phenomenon that scares some gay and all homophobic men. It’s quite simple when you understand sexuality and how it works.

Human Sexuality

First of all, there are very few people who are 100% heterosexual or homosexual. Most people are bi-sexual, meaning they find both the opposite as well as their own gender sexually appealing. People will deny it but it is true. When you understand this it makes the title a bit more understandable.

In some cultures it is acceptable to be whatever you want to be with no sexual hang-ups. These people are psychologically healthier than those in countries with religious handcuffs. People are born attracted to one or both sides and trying to reprogram the brain only does harm.

Myths about sexuality


Not all gay men are effeminate and not all effeminate men are gay. Some behavior is learned while some is genetic. Having a father who is effeminate can produce a son who is as well. Men who are raised primarily by women and having mostly sisters will have more feminine traits.

Effeminate men can be bisexual but not always.

Not all macho/butch men are heterosexual. That manly guy who drives a truck, is covered in tattoos and seldom bathes could be gay. Only his lovers can tell the tale.

Men who aren’t interested in women are not all gay.

Some men are into objects (blow up dolls, cars or even structures); some are asexual or have medical conditions that hinder sex or the interest of it.

You cannot automatically tell a man is homosexual by looking at him.

Homophobes


Usually men who speak the loudest against gay men are in denial about their bisexuality, the side of them who are attracted to men scares them to death. Many are religiously brainwashed into thinking homosexuality is bad and the thought of someone changing them into one gives them nightmares.

Most totally straight men don’t care and have no problem with homosexuals. They just ignore them… because they can. Homophobes have feelings that make them uncomfortable so they can’t ignore gay men. They think if they extinguish these people it will go away when the fact of the matter is: what they fear most is themselves and their unwelcome feelings.

Women who turn gay men straight


Somewhere out there is a woman some gay men fear, she’s the one who could change him or his lover’s mind about his orientation. These guys are not totally gay to begin with so “turning or changing” is not really accurate.

I emphasize the word “some” because not all men have this worry, most don’t care and some find it amusing or even intriguing that a woman could change his mind about who he loves or beds.

For the record, most women who do this do not have an agenda to change the world one man at a time... it just happens. Some of them are aware they have this ability and some can only change a few or even one man but it does happen. She doesn’t have a certain look or appeal so you can’t pick her out of a crowd. She is whatever that particular man needs or wants, usually easy to talk to and makes him feel at ease.

It usually starts out as a friendship and this is why bisexual lovers will sometimes forbid their partner from having female companions. Secure completely gay men seldom have a problem with this so if you, your partner or your friend’s lover has a problem with this type friendship he is more than likely bisexual.

Some women don’t get along well with other women and prefer the company of gay men. They feel safe in a relationship where there will be no sexual tension but on rare occasions these friendships become more if he is bi-sexual.

Women who change straight men gay


Again, these guys are bi-sexual to start with and what happens is that after being married for a while or long-term relationships with a woman, some men will start to have a curiosity about a same sex encounter.

Sometimes they aren’t getting what they want in their sex life or they aren’t getting enough. They know men are usually more sexually open to new things and have more desire so they start to experiment.

They usually still love their wife or girlfriend they just aren’t happy sexually. Some men can only be happy when having sex with both sides of the coin and some are just bored with what is going on in their conjugal bed.

Many don’t want a separation they just want a fling on the side but some hope they will be caught because they aren’t really happy in their current relationship

There are many marriages today with open relationships where the wife turns a blind eye to her husband’s philandering on the side. Some think they are having affairs with women while some simply don’t care as long as he leaves her alone. These women don’t like sex and are possibly bi-sexual themselves but I won’t go into that right now.

Women who habitually find themselves with men who later turn gay can feel frustrated. There are a few reasons this keeps happening.

a) You are attracted to bi-sexual men and you aren’t fulfilling his sexual needs.

b) You could be bi-sexual as well and not really into men and prefer women.

c) You don’t like sex at all regardless who the partner is and you subconsciously choose men who are mostly gay feeling safe from that aspect of a relationship.

Rehabilitating Homosexuals

This is a ridiculous notion. You cannot stop a person from being attracted to someone. Just like you can’t take a completely heterosexual man and force him to be attracted to other men. It doesn’t work that way.

We are born having desire for one gender or both, putting a person through rigorous brain washing will only cause them to go crazy.

Some who are bi-sexual can be guilted into keeping their actions at bay, but I assure you their mind is still saying what it wants. In fact it tends to work like telling a child to not think about candy.

Celibacy is not true reform.

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Comments 45 comments

hospitalera profile image

hospitalera 4 years ago

It would make this article more credible if you could quote some reliable sources for your claims, or are that just your opinions? SY


Dale Hyde profile image

Dale Hyde 4 years ago from Tropical Paradise on Planet X

Useful and interesting and voted up. What you share here is great information in this hub and well done. Hopefully this will give others a clearer understanding and do away with much misconception that runs rampant in this day and age.


Pamela N Red profile image

Pamela N Red 4 years ago from Oklahoma Author

Hospitalera, some of this I learned in college and some is from observation of women with these abilities or afflictions depending on how you look at it.

Dale, people are insecure about things they don't understand. Hopefully I've cleared up a few misconceptions.


JamaGenee profile image

JamaGenee 4 years ago from Central Oklahoma

I don't know who said it originally, but I remember Jerry Lewis saying it often on his telethons: "For those who believe, no explanation is necessary; for those who don't, no explanation will be sufficient". And so it is with sexual orientation. Everyone on the planet is wired however they're wired. Some are heterosexual and some are homosexual, and some are attracted to members of both sexes (although I have a tendency to think many claim to be for shock value than because they're truly bi-sexual). Gay bashers will never believe their objection to homosexuality is actually based on denying their own attraction to members of their own gender. What a wonderful world it would be if we could all just accept who we are and appreciate the differences, rather than trying to make this a "one size fits all" world. If that were true, we'd all have the same skin and eye color and speak the same language, in which case it'd be a very B-O-R-I-N-G world indeed!


Pamela N Red profile image

Pamela N Red 4 years ago from Oklahoma Author

JamaGenee, it certainly would be boring. Thanks goodness for our difference and those opened minded enough to embrace them all.


BeatsMe profile image

BeatsMe 4 years ago

Interesting observations and interesting hub. I didn't know most people can be bi-sexual. This sure can be an eye-opener for people who are prejudiced about gay men.


georgethegent profile image

georgethegent 4 years ago from Hillswick, Shetland, UK

Very interesting Pamela, I'll look at my society from a different aspect now!!! Voted up.


sligobay profile image

sligobay 4 years ago from east of the equator

Applause, Applause, Pamela N Red for your daring to tackle difficult subject matter. I don't know why I enjoyed the video but I did and thought it was funny. SHUTTT UUP! How funny!


Pamela N Red profile image

Pamela N Red 4 years ago from Oklahoma Author

Thanks for reading, y'all.

Sligobay, I hesitated to put this article here and almost posted it on my Blogger account but then decided to anyway. That video cracks me up. "Do I look like a doily?"


John Sarkis profile image

John Sarkis 4 years ago from Los Angeles, CA

Great article. I especially liked the fact that you don't mind being politically incorrect. I'm so tired of reading articles on HP that try to be politically correct, but fail miserable in their objective..., however, I'm not sure I agree with you, but that's what makes the article interesting...

Take care of yourself - voted up for originality...

John


d.william profile image

d.william 4 years ago from Somewhere in the south

Good article. 99% accurate. Don't ever feel pressured NOT to write on any subject that you want to for fear that someone on this, or any other blog site, might be offended. Lord knows i have offended many many many with my controversial articles. But that just gives me that much more incentive to continue to "enlighten" the ignorant, uneducated, and religiously battered. Good job.


Pamela N Red profile image

Pamela N Red 4 years ago from Oklahoma Author

Thanks, John and D. This is a subject where people all have differing opinions and theories. Hopefully, I covered it with stepping on too many toes.


marshacanada profile image

marshacanada 4 years ago from Vancouver BC

Thanks for taking on the challenging issues of bisexuality, homophobia and sexual ambivalence. This is an interesting well thought out hub.


JamaGenee profile image

JamaGenee 4 years ago from Central Oklahoma

Pamela, I wouldn't worry about stepping on too many toes. some have needed stepping on for a long time. Sexual preference is the elephant in the room, and has been far too long, so I applaud you for having the courage to write a politically "incorrect" hub. Bravo! Applause! Applause!


Pamela N Red profile image

Pamela N Red 4 years ago from Oklahoma Author

Thank you, Marsha.

Jama, my activity went up but I noticed my hubscore dropped really low. Coincidence? I think not.


JamaGenee profile image

JamaGenee 4 years ago from Central Oklahoma

Funny how that happens. I notice the same thing on my "Gay guys are a girl's best friend" hub. Tons of traffic, but the score is never anything to write home about. Personally, I think (but can't prove) the almighty algorithm is programmed to score down any hub about gays or any form of sexuality that differs from the "norm" - whatever THAT is. ;D


Pamela N Red profile image

Pamela N Red 4 years ago from Oklahoma Author

Jama, I think you are right. I've noticed the same thing. I normally post these things on my Blogger account but thought I'd throw caution to the wind and see what happens.


mysterious-lee 4 years ago

Thank you for that. I am currently going through the guilt of religion situation. She broke up with me because she said she doesn't want to be the reason i go to hell but, she said she loves me. That she cries herself to sleep every night. That she can't stop thinking of me......what do i do?


Pamela N Red profile image

Pamela N Red 4 years ago from Oklahoma Author

Mysterious-lee, she will have to work through her own guilt issues on her own. I recommend counseling by someone who is not affiliated with a church. You should love whomever you want and not worry about what anyone else thinks.

Christianity is supposed to be based on love. According to the Bible, Jesus loves everyone regardless. He mentions not judging and not casting stones and yet that seems to be what most churches do.

Good luck and I hope you can work this out.


Renato 4 years ago

ARE GAYS AND LESBIANS NORMAL PEOPLE?

Of course they are like you or me. They are different into sex because only don´t prefer opposite gender. They feel compatible inside the same ones. They have won or corrected to the nature laws living an existence against tide. The world commonly don´t understand and attacked them. However gays and lesbian are persons who fight hardly at life and get recognition in work. Great artists and scientists have been and are hidden or declared homosexuals. Don´t be afraid to be like them. Get out of closet. Falling into slump is stupid attitude. Make your best effort. Read a funny novel where gay and lesbian stand out in important roles. Open webpage: menoscal.com . A different experience will flood your life.


Made profile image

Made 4 years ago from Finland

This hub is interesting. I understand why you hesitated to put the article here. We are all different and I'm glad you could explain that in this hub and pushed the publish botton.


Pamela N Red profile image

Pamela N Red 4 years ago from Oklahoma Author

Thanks, Made. I write what I know and about things I'm interested in, sometimes it's not so popular but I do it anyway.


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 4 years ago from Shelton

Hey you spoke and wrote your mind that's cool.. I'm straight only because I enjoy women.. they're softer have boobs which I don't and they make an excellent partner in life.. and oh yeah love dem hips on women.. I guess if a man was softer had hips boobs and who knows Huh? LOL great share


Pamela N Red profile image

Pamela N Red 4 years ago from Oklahoma Author

Frank, I can understand your points since I'm straight and never understood the attraction to women. We like what we like.


JamaGenee profile image

JamaGenee 4 years ago from Central Oklahoma

Pamela, it occurs to me it was once thought left-handedness was an "abomination" that needed to be "corrected". Now, of course, it's no big deal. Just the way that person is wired. Some day, homosexuality will also be accepted for what it is - just the way that person is wired and no big deal. ;D


Pamela N Red profile image

Pamela N Red 4 years ago from Oklahoma Author

JamaGenee, I certainly hope so. It's getting better with the new laws but we still have a long way to go.


ExLeftist profile image

ExLeftist 4 years ago

The forever glorification of the "bisexual" male. I would always hear of the straight male with the fantasy of converting a lesbian. Many of my fellow gay men with their fantasies of converting straight males. And in modern more "gay-friendly" times, the fag-hag or fruitfly, after years of condemning straight male fantasies, shows her true colors. Sorry, Pamela. The world is not as you perceive it. Male sexuality isn't the same as female sexuality. The way you feel inside vs how men do is very different. I'm sure you've heard of the fluidity of female sexuality. But it's not like that for men. I get along much better with my straight male counterparts once I became more in touch with my masculine side [internally]. The fantasy of the bisexual male can be destroyed by the reality. You find straight males who sleep with males in prisons. Where the most depraved of society end up. Where rape and violence dominate. For straight women who fantasize about the masculine bisexual male, the truth is the men who think they can lean in that direction are pretty effeminate. After years of being taught that traditional masculinity and societal norms are bad they've internalized this belief system and are prone to depression and neediness, brought on by low testosterone levels. Just like many women. Fear of being alone dominates their non-public lives as well as low self-esteem. Many a gay male in 2012 is all about bareback sex or can easily be convinced. The number of HIV+ gay males or ones who have hepatitis is comparatively high to the straight community. The best looking ones, who've lead very satisfying sexual lives in these easy online sex times, will surprise you with their confessions of being HIV+. In many gay male forums, I've read my fellow gay males complain about straight women who are welcomed into gay bars or parties who then behave as if they're in a room full of possible boyfriends. Because they are women you can't say anything to them. And gay men are worse about this because they're very needy and don't want their female friends or even strangers to not like them. Women are treated differently than men. For the most part if a gay man went to a straight bar and behaved this way he would get his ass kicked. You are confused in your take on male sexuality. You will get along better with straight males if you learn to understand that they're different from you and that's ok. Because when you need to be rescued from a fire or need your country to be defended you will need the differentness of the masculine male to save you.


Pamela N Red profile image

Pamela N Red 4 years ago from Oklahoma Author

I sense a bitterness in your tone. Those men in prison who sleep with other men were in fact bisexual before incarceration. A truly straight man cannot and will not sleep with another male regardless of how desperate he is.

Not sure what HIV+ has to do with this story. Truth be told there are a lot of straight people, male and female walking around with STD's.

I realize some women befriend gay men in hopes of changing them but I was never like that and you shouldn't assume all women are. That isn't what this article is about. I'm talking about people who inadvertently change another person without trying.

I've had many gay male friends over the years and we are great friends. Sorry if you don't get along with women. I'm sure there is backstory to explain that.


ExLeftist profile image

ExLeftist 4 years ago

No bitterness here. Once again what you perceive is incorrect. That's two for two. Name calling/putting someone down is an old tactic. It works only in crowds where people are of little intellect. What I explained to you is harsh because often times reality is harsh. I didn't create the complaints by gay men of some heterosexual women and their behavior in gay bars. That's a reality that I identified from gay male forums. Where there is smoke there is fire. Males do have the capacity to be "bisexual" as the example of men in jail. But for a male to be bisexual he has to break down internal barriers and walls. The way those same walls that are broken down to make them drug addicts, burglars and murderers. Women are more fluid. Men are not and aren't meant to be. The resulting product isn't pretty. I didn't assume all women are like that. I responded to your article :/ . I didn't say I don't get along with women. I have women in my life that I love. Both family and friends.

I brought up HIV+ to de-romanticize gay men to your female readers. Their gay friends they may have a crush on that they're considering acting on isn't who they perceive. Normal gay men are highly sexual creatures who are very nice to heterosexuals in order to put on a good face and be liked. But gay men are men. And in the gay world we have a higher incidence of HIV. All things are not equal so you shouldn't use that argument about STD's in the straight world. The percentage of HIV in the gay world isn't the same as it is in the straight world. My understanding is that there is a lot of herpes in the straight world though.


Pamela N Red profile image

Pamela N Red 4 years ago from Oklahoma Author

Exleftist. I have gay friends with AIDS. Some have died and I miss them everyday. I know all about the disease, unfortunately. If you are going to be friends with a person whether they have a sexually transmitted disease or not isn't something you usually worry about.

I'm sorry if you misunderstood the reason for this article. I am not trying to sell gay men as a possible sexual partner for women. I'm stating what I have witnessed over the years. It does happen on occasion.


ExLeftist profile image

ExLeftist 4 years ago

Pamela. There is no excuse for confusion over one's sexuality in 2012. There is too much information easily available to all. Males aren't complex creatures. We are hardwired and it's easy to determine whether you like males or females. Other examples of "bisexual" males that I personally know of are primarily straight males, who like parasites, attach themselves to gays for drugs: meth, cocaine. I saw this in my younger years. Concerning gay males it sounds like you glorify this kind of male sexuality in your article: "I emphasize the word “some” because not all men have this worry, most don’t care and some find it amusing or even intriguing that a woman could change his mind about who he loves or beds." I've heard of gay men like this in stories I've read but not in the life I've experienced. Even if that kind of individual exists, you're romanticizing the person. Reality on the ground isn't like the movies. There is no happily ever after. Like I said earlier, males aren't meant to be fluid like women. The end product isn't pretty. As mostly an outsider to gay culture you don't have to live and function with the nuances of gay culture. Where straight males are taught you are what you are, gay males are taught they're more like women. This creates a level of flakiness/wishy-washiness in the gay culture. A few years back I remember a friend of mine whose boyfriend came out as gay after years of on again/off again. I referred her to the straight spouse's network. I didn't have the answers. I do remember reading about the scenarios you described along with women who were now dumped years later. They strongly recommended that straight women not pursue the situations you described. Another friend of mine has had to fight her gay ex-husband hard for child support. He intentionally entered the marriage for children and misled her. Now, living off his new man, he has partial custody and no child support. Don't mislead your readers by romanticizing this topic. The facts on the ground aren't happily ever after.


ExLeftist profile image

ExLeftist 4 years ago

Correction: "Another friend of mine has had to fight her gay ex-husband hard for child support. He intentionally entered the marriage for children and misled her. Now, living off his new man, he has partial custody and no child support." - a friend of a friend. I don't know this matter first hand.


Pamela N Red profile image

Pamela N Red 4 years ago from Oklahoma Author

ExLeftist, I've studied human sexuality in college and extensively throughout life. I assure you I am not some uneducated teenager writing speculation. Just because a person doesn't choose to put a label on their sexuality doesn't mean there isn't a term for it in a textbook.

Your last comment explains your negativity. Not all relationships work out regardless of orientation. Being gay doesn't make a man deceitful and conniving. I know many great men who are homosexual. They are all very different.


JamaGenee profile image

JamaGenee 4 years ago from Central Oklahoma

ExLeftist, since you feel so strongly I have to wonder why you wrote what amounts to an entire hub as a comment on Pamela's.


ExLeftist profile image

ExLeftist 4 years ago

Pamela, study of human sexuality in college and the reality on the ground aren't the same. Your article gives the impression that it's all equal. A gay male and straight male aren't just the same. Gay male culture and straight male culture are very different. Gay men make decisions in a world of just men. No babies or laws are involved. That's a different culture than your world. I'm a gay male living in 2012 and know my brethren. You aren't an expert on gay men no matter how many you know. In debating fundamentalist Christians who believe homosexuals can be converted I've easily won by asking the question "Would you want one of these men to marry your daughter?". No. They don't. At least they have enough sense to conclude that. You are coming from a "gay-friendly" side but produce an answer that "yeah, it's ok". I read a critique "The Object of My Desire" when it came out in 1998. The subject of the movie was a female professional who fell for a vulnerable gay male. The critic said it was hardly believable that a sophisticated woman would be so naïve and show such bad judgement. In concluding that it's all equal you demonstrate bad judgement and paint a poor picture of modern women.


ExLeftist profile image

ExLeftist 4 years ago

@ JamaGenee: I know, right.


RicoShae profile image

RicoShae 4 years ago from Ballwin, mo

Interesting hub. My fiance' is often ridiculed for going to school for cosmetology and the fact that he was a cheerleader in highschool. He grew up with just his mom and his sisters without a father in his life, so it's not surprising he picked up some of these interests. Many men and women fail to realize that he also has more "macho" interests as well and immediately label him as being "gay". I think our society should just learn to accept everyone for who they are, no matter what their interests or sexuality. One does not define the other. :] Great post.


Pamela N Red profile image

Pamela N Red 4 years ago from Oklahoma Author

RicoShae, he's brave to stand up for what he wants in life and not letting others determine what is right for him. It's sad that society tries to judge a person by what they do or how they dress instead of what is on the inside. I bet he's a remarkable young man. Thanks for posting.


texshelters profile image

texshelters 4 years ago from Mesa, Arizona

What it ultimately comes down to is, what gender are you interested in having sex with. While I find men attractive, "hot" even, and interesting, and stimulating, when ever there was a chance to have sex with a man, I wasn't interested. I just wasn't born that way.

So where on the continuum would I fit? Some would say, 100% straight. Some would say, in the middle, mostly straight. It really doesn't matter if you love and don't abuse others.

My best friend used to tell people that he's 40% straight just to break the stereotypes. (Most people knew him as "big gay Jack"). He calculated that 40% of his sexual relations were with women and he wanted to make people think. (He ex-wife was a very lovely woman.)

PTxS


Pamela N Red profile image

Pamela N Red 4 years ago from Oklahoma Author

Tex, I've known several men like yourself. There does seem to be a lot of gray area in between the lines and not everyone fits inside a file.

Your friend Jack must have preferred men, nothing wrong with that.


EuroCafeAuLait profile image

EuroCafeAuLait 4 years ago from Croatia, Europe

Great Hub, Pamela. I lived ten years in San Francisco in a predominantly gay part of town and the mixed genders didn't bother me a bit - more refreshing than a repressed sexual climate. These people were cool and open, and I wouldn't have felt threatened by their openness. Thanks for having the courage to explain it in a way that makes a lot of sense to me, as well. Regards, Anastasia


Pamela N Red profile image

Pamela N Red 4 years ago from Oklahoma Author

Thanks for reading, Anastasia. You were so lucky to live in San Francisco, I would love to live there, it's a beautiful city.


Chuck Bluestein profile image

Chuck Bluestein 3 years ago from Morristown, AZ, USA

This was also my wife's opinion so I agree with you. Of course the bible talks about men and women but is that it? In the United States there are 50,000 intersexuals. This means that they are neither male nor female. One example is someone with one testicle and one ovary.


Pamela N Red profile image

Pamela N Red 3 years ago from Oklahoma Author

I think people worry too much about who others sleep with. If we'd all just take care of our own business the world would be a better place.


Kelli L 10 months ago

So much has been gained in the gay community by legitimizing the fact that people are not gay by choice. In my opinion, this "article" reverses some of that. If you are on the spectrum somewhere you have a choice. How do you see the article assertions affecting acceptance of homosexual lifestyles?

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