Women ask all the right questions!

My friend Feline Prophet wrote an article some time ago, with the title Men Just Don’t Ask the Right Questions!” and I was reminded of it last night, under the following conditions.

I read in the press yesterday that a Polish couple was married for 14 years and that the wife had the same job over that period. The problem was that the wife’s job was in the neighbouring town, which meant daily commuting for her.

Lately, the wife became less and less interested in the sexual part of the relationship. The husband assumed that it was because of the constant travelling and showed the necessary understanding.

However, the pressure and the stress from the lack of sex built up to such an extent that in the end he reluctantly decided to go to the local “house of ill repute” and to make use of their services. The management asked him for his preferred type of woman and after 14 years of marriage to the same woman, he naturally described his own wife, so that he would feel as comfortable as possible during his first act of betrayal of his spouse after 14 years of happy marriage. The manager told him that they had the perfect woman for him and led him to what he promised would be a woman that was sure to give him an unforgettable experience.

Imagine the client’s surprise when he realised on entering the private room he was led to, that the woman who was to give him this unforgettable experience was his own wife. It subsequently became quite clear that instead of traveling to work to the neighbouring town, the man’s wife was instead working at the local “service” station.

I thought of this story late that evening while in the shower before going to bed, and I ended up laughing to myself. When I came out of the bathroom, my wife wanted to know the reason for the laughter and I thought I would amuse her by telling her the story. When I finished telling the story, to my surprise, she began to ask me a number of questions.

“Was the man working as well?”

I am an easy-going man and I was willing to assume that there just might be some logic in her question, though detection of it without a strong microscope might be beyond the ability of the human eye. I tried to think about what the article had said on the subject and though I was not certain, I felt that from the general tone of the story I could take it upon myself to offer the assurance that the man was in employment.

“How much money were they making?” I was ashamed to admit that I did not know and I had to face the look of derision in my wife’s eye for failing to obtain such basic information. The De Greeks are certified as having unquestionable Norman and Spartan blood running through our veins and war and pestilence is as naught to us. However, my wife’s eye has that ‘something’ which seems to accuse me of nameless crimes and to warn me of mysterious consequences which, however, I am unlikely to find pleasant. I don’t mind telling you that in such instances my blood runs cold. I shuttered.

When my wife next spoke, her question was brief, but it had the density of condensed milk.

“Did they have any children?”

To say that I shuttered again would be to express the matter feebly. From freshly and carefully washed toes to my still wet hair, I was now brimming with pure, undiluted terror of facing that ‘look’ from her, but again I had to admit that I did not know.

I could only hope that the memory of the ‘look’ would eventually fade from my mind like a vague dream, but I knew that I was destined to remain with its powerful insistence for years to come, like the memory of a horrible nightmare.

“What car did they drive?” She asked as if she was beyond any hope of getting an intelligent answer. She gave the impression that she felt that Einstein could lie still in his grave knowing that he was not in danger of being put in the shade any time soon by her other half.

My sensitive soul felt every sting and bite of the specious and unsportsmanlike piece of implied accusation, so I lied.

“A Volvo” I said, since that was the first brand name that came to my head.

She looked at me with admiration and asked:

“Did she drive it to work, or did he?”

Now the De Greeks are a gentle and cooperative lot, but we tend to draw the line at absolute insanity and in such instances we arm ourselves and declare unconditional war.

“What the hell does it matter what car they owned? Just tell me that!”

She looked as if she supposed that she had done something to cause Providence to afflict her with a husband like that, but she could not recall any offence of the colossal proportion which would justify the punishment.

“Not that I could hope that you would ever understand, but a Volvo indicates that they were safety conscious and were a careful lot. That in turn means that they must have taken proper precautions during sex, and that is why it took so long for the man to find out.

My friend Feline Prophet could probably give you a detailed justification of this answer, but regrettably I do not have her brains. I suggest that you read her article on the subject.


Dimitris Mita

De Greek





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Comments 51 comments

Gypsy Willow profile image

Gypsy Willow 5 years ago from Lake Tahoe Nevada USA , Wales UK and Taupo New Zealand

You'll have to think of a better excuse for laughing in the shower next time! Good story.


De Greek profile image

De Greek 5 years ago from UK Author

Hi Raye.I have no imagination, so that's my limit. Good to see you again, Kid. All's well I hope? :-)


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 5 years ago from England

Hi, we just like to see a man squirm! ha ha I would love to have heard the conversation from the man and women in the story too!


Diana Lee profile image

Diana Lee 5 years ago from Potter County, Pa.

Two sides to every story and some need to know both sides to form an opinion. Good hub.


Feline Prophet profile image

Feline Prophet 5 years ago from India

If I'm right, your wife is a lawyer as well an eminently sensible woman - what can a mere man do in the face of both? :D


christopheranton profile image

christopheranton 5 years ago from Gillingham Kent. United Kingdom

Your good lady could get a job with the CIA tomorrow, as an interrogator.

Thanks for a very funny story. Just what I needed to wake me up.

Any information on how the Polish couple got on since?


De Greek profile image

De Greek 5 years ago from UK Author

Nell Rose, I for one can imagine what the man must have told his wife after he recovered from the shock. It would be something like:

"I was just passing by and I thought I would pick up my friend George and give him a lift home." :-))


De Greek profile image

De Greek 5 years ago from UK Author

Diana Lee, some events speak for themselves ;-)))


De Greek profile image

De Greek 5 years ago from UK Author

FP, it is very difficult living with genius :-)))


De Greek profile image

De Greek 5 years ago from UK Author

Christopher, can you imagine them actually making up? :-)))


JamaGenee profile image

JamaGenee 5 years ago from Central Oklahoma

Your wife's logic following your outburst about 'what difference does it make what kind of car?" made perfect sense to me. On the other hand, your wife's questions remind me very much of the questions Alice comes up with after Geraldine tells her a hysterically funny ha-ha at the end of each episode of the "Vicar of Dibley". Thanks for another good laugh, DG! ;D


Green Lotus profile image

Green Lotus 5 years ago from Atlanta, GA

You are a master at joke-telling, but I do believe you wife is a master at setting one up for a great punch-line! Thanks for a very amusing read.


De Greek profile image

De Greek 5 years ago from UK Author

Hi there friend JamaGenee. It IS a fact that my wife has a very annoying sense of humour at times and she catches me out quite often :-)))


De Greek profile image

De Greek 5 years ago from UK Author

Green Lotus, in truth I am the perfect chump for my wife, because I never fail to fall for her jokes. She really has a rather odd sense of humour :-))


christopheranton profile image

christopheranton 5 years ago from Gillingham Kent. United Kingdom

Not so easily.


drbj profile image

drbj 5 years ago from south Florida

Nice to find you here, Dimi. I'm not sure whether women are the only ones who ask all the right questions, but I have found that they generally dig deeper for the answers. They make fantastic prosecutors because they usually want to know the 'why' as well as the 'what.'


lisadpreston profile image

lisadpreston 5 years ago from Columbus, Ohio

Now this was hilarious. I'm not sure which story was more funny. The polish couples incident or the questioning of your wife. I had to bust out laughing at your wife's first responding question...Did he work too? the particular questions are more funny than the fact that you wouldn't know the answers. And a volvo! Ha ha ha ha! I'm still laughing. Now I am a woman as well so.......Did he get the good sex he paid for? Did he leave a good tip? Did the husband not get the sex and ask for a refund? Does she still work there? How old were they?


Hello, hello, profile image

Hello, hello, 5 years ago from London, UK

Of course, we do and say always the right thing. Didn't you know that? We are just perfect. lol


De Greek profile image

De Greek 5 years ago from UK Author

Hi there DRBJ, good to see that you remeber your old fiance :-))) Yes, I am no longer a regular visito to HP, but only because of other important things I must do. When I have finished, you will probably get fed up with me :-)


De Greek profile image

De Greek 5 years ago from UK Author

Lisa my love, all perfectly reasonable questions. I would not have considered them so in my youth, but now I know better. In fact, the whore house gave him a trade discount and he got his money's worth. However, his wife told him that she would not kiss on the mouth. She finally relented when he put a hundred dollar bill on the table.

I hope the above answers all your girlish questions.

And, by the way, I have bought that tent we were talking about :-)))


De Greek profile image

De Greek 5 years ago from UK Author

Hi there friend Hello, Hello! I hope you will forgive me my long delay in responding and my long absences from getting in touch with you. Other commitments is my only excuse :-))

And yes, you women ARE perfect :-))


JamaGenee profile image

JamaGenee 5 years ago from Central Oklahoma

Of course we are, DG! And that's why we never get fed up with YOU! ;D


De Greek profile image

De Greek 5 years ago from UK Author

Ahhhhhhh............ how sweet ....... no wonder I love you so much :-)


lisadpreston profile image

lisadpreston 5 years ago from Columbus, Ohio

Oh good! I better apply for my passport!


De Greek profile image

De Greek 5 years ago from UK Author

What, no passport? Oh, the pain! You are just toying with me! :-)))


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS

Dearest Dimitris-

GOOD to see that you occasionally take a break from all those other pressing things to visit us here!

With this visit, I couldn't help thinking of this song:

(Remember it?)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QVdhZwK7cS8

I was tired of my lady, we'd been together too long.

Like a worn-out recording, of a favorite song.

So while she lay there sleeping, I read the paper in bed.

And in the personals column, there was this letter I read:

"If you like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain.

If you're not into yoga, if you have half-a-brain.

If you like making love at midnight, in the dunes of the cape.

I'm the lady you've looked for, write to me, and escape."

I didn't think about my lady, I know that sounds kind of mean.

But me and my old lady, had fallen into the same old dull routine.

So I wrote to the paper, took out a personal ad.

And though I'm nobody's poet, I thought it wasn't half-bad.

"Yes, I like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain.

I'm not much into health food, I am into champagne.

I've got to meet you by tomorrow noon, and cut through all this red tape.

At a bar called O'Malley's, where we'll plan our escape."

So I waited with high hopes, then she walked in the place.

I knew her smile in an instant, I knew the curve of her face.

It was my own lovely lady, and she said, "Oh, it's you."

And we laughed for a moment, and I said, "I never knew"..

"That you liked Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain.

And the feel of the ocean, and the taste of champagne.

If you like making love at midnight, in the dunes of the cape.

You're the love that I've looked for, come with me, and escape."

"If you like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain.

If you're not into yoga, if you have half-a-brain.

If you like making love at midnight, in the dunes of the cape.

You're the love that I've looked for, come with me, and escape."


De Greek profile image

De Greek 5 years ago from UK Author

Hi there, Kid! Missed you :-)

Yes, I remember the song :-)


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS

;-> Good!


lisadpreston profile image

lisadpreston 5 years ago from Columbus, Ohio

LOl, well, as you know, my going out of the country privileges were revoked years ago. But I'm going to try again!


neeleshkulkarni profile image

neeleshkulkarni 5 years ago from new delhi

listen men would have asked only one question- what is the address of this house of ill repute? can you answer that one?


De Greek profile image

De Greek 5 years ago from UK Author

Lisa, I am not surprised that the country wanted to keep you to itself for as long as possible, and used used mean methods like revoking your travel privilages to achieve its aim. I would have done the same myself.....;-))


De Greek profile image

De Greek 5 years ago from UK Author

Neelesh, women just cannot comprehend simplicity :-)))


lisadpreston profile image

lisadpreston 5 years ago from Columbus, Ohio

Ahh, my charming De Greek, but believe me when I tell you, it wasn't because they like me so well. Quite the opposite. And my feelings are mutual to them. However, I will find a way to get to you. I may have a long swim.


De Greek profile image

De Greek 5 years ago from UK Author

A long swim! What a wonderful idea! You shall arrive and walk out of the foam of the sea, like Venus, and look like Venus de Milo as well, because the exercise will trim you down to the perfect feminine figure! ;-)))


lisadpreston profile image

lisadpreston 5 years ago from Columbus, Ohio

Did you just call me fat?


De Greek profile image

De Greek 5 years ago from UK Author

How could I ever do that? ;-))) A shapely woman who swims for exercise becomes Goddess-like. That is what I said. How's that for a response? Am I good, or am I good??? ;-))))


lisadpreston profile image

lisadpreston 5 years ago from Columbus, Ohio

sorry, that was not a good enough explanation, dear.


De Greek profile image

De Greek 5 years ago from UK Author

Then let me try again :-)))

You have a model. She is pretty and shapely. BUT she still dreams of being like Venus de Milo.

That is a typical female condition. Meaning that you have a beautiful woman who, NEVERTHELESS, invariabky wants to reach perfection by becoming like Venus de Milo.

How's that? :-))))))


De Greek profile image

De Greek 5 years ago from UK Author

I am now going to bed, but I shall hasten to read your response first thing in the morning.....;-))))


lisadpreston profile image

lisadpreston 5 years ago from Columbus, Ohio

So, in other words, you think I'm fat.


De Greek profile image

De Greek 5 years ago from UK Author

.

......... ;-)))))))))))))))

.

You are such a clever and funny girl :-)))

LOVE YOU! ;-)


lisadpreston profile image

lisadpreston 5 years ago from Columbus, Ohio

Love you too!


habee profile image

habee 5 years ago from Georgia

Too funny! I'm still waiting for a book from you! lol. voted up, my dear friend.


De Greek profile image

De Greek 5 years ago from UK Author

Ah, my sweet friend Habee, you know how much pleasure I get from seing you ;-)


Jaspals profile image

Jaspals 4 years ago from India / Australia

Interesting. You know how to lead a tale. Enjoyed reading.


De Greek profile image

De Greek 4 years ago from UK Author

Jaspals, thanks for the comment ;-)


arb profile image

arb 4 years ago from oregon

Enjoyed the tale, much endowed by your obvious gift to write it. Having been married about as long as dirt has been around, I've concluded she doesn't ask questions to solicit answers; she ask questions to solicit conversation intended to exhaust a mind, which had other intentions, but, must now surrender to the exhaustion of dribble and babble. Of course if her ploy fails, she can resort to the infamous and always successful "head ache." Her cunning will always exhaust our indigenous passion to avoid conversing with an alterior motive!


arb profile image

arb 4 years ago from oregon

BTW. Wrote a hub called, "Men Listen, They Just can't Hear!" My humorous surrender to the conversations between husband and wives and proof that we weren't created to understand them, we were created to nod our heads.


De Greek profile image

De Greek 4 years ago from UK Author

arb, you have made me smile :-) And thank you for your kind words in the fan mail :-)


phdast7 profile image

phdast7 4 years ago from Atlanta, Georgia

De Greek - Wonderful, wonderful story, both of them. Stories within stories have always appealed to me whether they are funny or suspenseful. Yours is clever, well-constructed and extremely funny.

You have a great ear for conversation and there are many good writers who do not, myself included. I already like you and your wife! Such is the power of a well written piece of literature. :)

I came to your home page, because arb esteems you so highly, so I knew I would appreciate your work. I enjoyed this a great deal and look forward to reading more in the near future. :)


De Greek profile image

De Greek 4 years ago from UK Author

How kind you are! Thank you (and arb) and hope to see you again. I do not write here as I used to, as I am concentrating on writing my book, but perhaps our paths will cross again :-)

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