You Can't Cut the Cord For Him- How to Live With a Mama's Boy

Know What You Are Getting Into

Dating a "Mama's Boy" can be a double edged sword. On one hand these guys make good significant others if you believe in the old adage that you can tell how a man will treat you by the way he treats his mother. These men are normally attentive and considerate and value women in general. On the other hand, you will probably tire of always being in second place to his Mother's needs and wishes.

Is dating a "Mama's Boy" worth it? Maybe. If you choose to pursue a relationship with a man who won't cut the umbilical cord, you must fully accept the fact that he is a "Mama's Boy" for the long term. It is true that blood is thicker than water and if this man is forced into making a decision, it isn't Mama who is going to be packing her bags. To fully accept the lifestyle of a "Mama's Boy" you must be psychologically comfortable with the fact that nothing you will ever do will be as good as the way his Mother does it, nothing you ever cook will be as good as how his Mother cooks it. Your dedication and skill in caring for your home will never measure up to his Mother's techniques. To survive a relationship with him, you must be prepared to spend all of your free time with his Mother and not complain about not doing the other things you would rather be doing.

If your "Mama's Boy's" mama really cares about her son, she will treat you with respect and respect the boundaries of your relationship with her son. She will appreciate your relationship with her son and consider your needs as well as her own. If she can't do that, then your relationship probably won't make it.

It is the role of your MAN to establish the boundaries with his mother. If he is unable to do this or to "whipped" to do this, it is best not to enter a relationship with this man. Nothing you can do will change the situation.

The Red Flags that He Is a Mamma's Boy

If you listen very carefully on those first few dates, you will soon learn if your date is a "Mama's Boy". There are some subtle and early red flags:

  • If a man excuses himself during your first few dates "to call his mother", he is probably a Mama's boy.
  • On your first or second date, he talks excessively about his mother. If you attempt to make plans with him, he says he has to call his mother first.
  • If your man is contemplating a big decision or considering buying a large ticket item but says he can't act until he gets his mother's opinion, he is most likely a "Mama's boy."
  • If your date cancels out on your date because his mother needs him to do something, run!
  • If your date is very pushy and requesting you meet his mother too soon before you are even a couple, he is probably under pressure to get her approval of you before he gets too involved. Run!
  • One obvious sign that your date has an unhealthy attachment to his mother is if his phone or computer screen reveals a picture of his mom or he and his mother together.
  • For some reason or another, if his mother is in your day to day conversations, you probably have a problem.
  • If his Mom is still doing his laundry for him, he is probably a "Mama's Boy."
  • If your date stops at his mother's house daily to eat, or if she brings him his meals and cleans for him, he is a "Mama's Boy."
  • If your beau calls his mother about every detail about your relationship, calls her after every disagreement you have, or shares intimate information about your dating details or relationship, this is a big indicator he is a "Mama's Boy."
  • The most damaging sign that he is a "Mama's Boy" is if he takes her side on issues and does not defend YOU if need be. It does not matter if he is afraid of her or of hurting his Mama's feelings, you should always be his first priority. If your man isn't willing to put you first, the relationship will not make it.

Thank you for reading and feel free to share your horror story with a Mama's Boy or overbearing Mother in Law!

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Comments 57 comments

Sunshine625 profile image

Sunshine625 4 years ago from Orlando, FL

Excellent pointers for women to watch out for! I know some mama's boys but never dated or married them. How about daddy's boys? Voted UP!!!

tammyswallow profile image

tammyswallow 4 years ago from North Carolina Author

Thank you for being the first to comment Sunshine! I imagine there could be Daddy's boys too or the equialent for men.. the Daddy's Girl. It takes so much work to find someone who is emotionally healthy these days. I appreciate you taking the time to read this!

kelleyward 4 years ago

As a mother of 3 boys this was very informative. Great Hub!

Cagsil profile image

Cagsil 4 years ago from USA or America

Interesting and informative hub Tammy. Some people should be extremely careful to not categorize some men in this category because they fit into just one of these pointers you've put forth. I am currently living at home and have all of my life, however it doesn't put me into this category. My mother is my best friend and the main reason I continue to live at home is due to honoring the last wishes of my father while he was on his deathbed. He had only one request and that was to make sure that she was never completely alone. And, I've had several relationships with women and I've told them in advance about why I live at home. Each has said they didn't have a problem with. Good hub!

Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago

Okay, were you thinking of me when you wrote this hub?

If not is fine. I can be considered mammas boys until certain degree. I was raised by a divorced mom, so she was there for us most of the time. But I;m fine, I take my life...not so serious... and try to be understandable toward women. Any problem with that? If so, call mom! or ask Tammy... you know?


fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

Tammy....Oh Lord, what a "can of worms!" All "Mama's Boys" are not created equal....nor do all adages translate the same in all cases! Please allow to me suggest a different slant, in the interest of "sharing." As for considering how a man treats his mother being a gauge as to how he would treat a wife? Well, consider the man who NEVER GOT ALONG WITH MAMA, didn't think very highly of her & couldn't wait to get the heck away...their "choice" of a woman, will most always be a female as different from his Mama as possible...and therefore, appreciate, respect and love you BECAUSE of this....just the opposite reason we may think Mama's boys have. Many guys who "appear" to be Mama's boys are in reality, just dedicated, loyal sons who want to give back to a Mom whom they greatly appreciated and admired throughout their life with her....and yet they are strong, independent men who specifically draw a clear line between Mom & the woman in his life. The Mama's Boy you describe is the extreme and I sincerely advise any woman to run for the nearest exit and don't look back. To be fair, I would give this same advice to men in terms of a "Mama's girl/"Daddy's Little Princess." Oh GAWD....that latter one? Run, buddy RUN!! lmao. Loved this hub, Tammy!! Up & awesome

tammyswallow profile image

tammyswallow 4 years ago from North Carolina Author


We have much in common. I too rose three sons. I was a single parent so we are all close, but they aren't dependant on me. The best gift you can give any child is that of being able to take care of themselves. Thank you for reading!

wonderful1 profile image

wonderful1 4 years ago from Southern California

Very useful tips for spotting them, and I can relate. Especially the last line made me cringe a bit. When I was dating my ex, I made the mistake of telling his parents that he was moving in with me, and an argument between me and his mother ensued-- all while my ex sat there quietly watching us, too afraid to step in. I should have taken that as a major red flag, but I was only about 21 at the time (and very naïve).

I could add a few more to the list:

*He makes sure to give his mother a gift for special occasions that he spent just as much on as if he shopped for you. Or you might be shocked at the extremes he'll go to to please her with gifts or favors.

*He will compare you to his mother, in cooking skills, arguing skills (his mother has a sweet voice that you couldn't get mad at), and parenting skills-- and you will look like the slacker no matter what. After all, his mother held a full time job, came home to clean the house, cook dinner and still watched the kids while her husband sat on the couch watching TV. And she would bring him a beer, too.

*He won't praise you for all the loving acts you do, but he'll have a few examples of kind gestures his mother did for his dad (that YOU don't do).

*After you break up, he will tell his family and friends how "unappreciated" he was during the entire marriage, even though you spent your waking days pedestalizing him. Behind the scenes will be his mother, telling him how "that" woman never deserved him. She might have even encouraged him to break up with you.

I could go on, but it brings up bad memories. I'm just lucky to be free of my baggage known as the "momma's boy." Unfortunately, he now defends his mother against our kids, and that CHAPS MY HIDE!

Thank you for warning women about these types-- you really need to be careful who you fall for, because the effects can last generations.

tammyswallow profile image

tammyswallow 4 years ago from North Carolina Author

Thank you for your comment Casgil,

I think you represent those guys who make good catches because you appreciate women. There is a big difference between being a Mama's boy and taking care of your Mother. It all boils down to a man not being his own person! Great thoughts.

tammyswallow profile image

tammyswallow 4 years ago from North Carolina Author

No Lord,

I wasn't thinking of you and your Mom here. There is nothing wrong with respecting your mom, being close to her, spending time with her.. that is all very admirable and makes for a great, fun, family environment. These men are those who can't function outside of their mother's existence. In these relationships, the mother and son enable eachother's dependence upon one another. I highly doubt you are a Mama's boy but a great son with a great mom.

tammyswallow profile image

tammyswallow 4 years ago from North Carolina Author

Hi there fpherj48,

Thank you for sharing your excellent thoughts. I think a misogynist is a DANGEROUS choice for women all together. There are many of these men out there too. They make very poor mates and especially fathers. A think a woman is better off with the most whipped Mama's boy... These men hate women and you can't trust them.

tammyswallow profile image

tammyswallow 4 years ago from North Carolina Author

Wonderful 1,

I think you have met the classic Mama's boy and I am glad you ran far away. This demonstrates the damaged psychology of this individual and the cycle of dependence he could not break. Certain hovering mothers enable their sons to be this way and they really ruin the lives of their sons. They get flattered and an emotional high from the praise and worship from their son's and thrive off of it. They actually feel redeemed when their son's let them rule everything and valued by their son's loyalty. This psychological conditioning isn't fixable in most cases because it is part of the son's cognitive development. He has been conditioned to remain dependant on her for life. This is a very unhealthy way to raise and child and it is why it makes dating a Mama's boy impossible. Thank you for sharing. These are thought provoking ideas!

fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York SAID it! Mysogynist is another whole HUB in itself! I wouldn't touch that with someone else's computer! That subject brings out bad vibes and disappointment!

tammyswallow profile image

tammyswallow 4 years ago from North Carolina Author

Well said fpherj48.. I am sure it would bring them out of the word work and they would leave evil comments.. they don't deserve any recognition.

Healthy Pursuits profile image

Healthy Pursuits 4 years ago from Oregon

Thanks for an interesting hub!

Between the misogynist and the momma's boy is another category to run from. That's the guy who is frustrated because he's still looking for his mother's love and getting it only often enough to keep him coming back for more.

We look at women and their mothers and men and their fathers and think of those relationships as very involved and interesting. But looking at how the mother/son and father/daughter relationships vary is just as interesting.

tammyswallow profile image

tammyswallow 4 years ago from North Carolina Author

Thanks for that response Healthy Pursuits. That is so true. I have definaltley met that man! These parent child relationships really set the bar for how someone will behave in life. You brought up an excellent point!

epigramman profile image

epigramman 4 years ago

......gotta love your wit, charm and your uncanny ability to tell/speak the truth - and there's only one thing to say after all of that - I want to be Tammy's boy (big time - and if it's the last thing I ever do!)

lake erie time ontario canada 5:19am just arrived home from night shift

Eiddwen profile image

Eiddwen 4 years ago from Wales

A brilliant hub which I am so sure will benefit many readers.

Take care and enjoy your day.


tammyswallow profile image

tammyswallow 4 years ago from North Carolina Author


You are TOOO kind! I appreciate you stopping by to read and comment. Always.. My Favorite Hubber You!

tammyswallow profile image

tammyswallow 4 years ago from North Carolina Author

Thank you so much Eddy. I hope you and yours have a wonderful New Year!

kikalina profile image

kikalina 4 years ago from Europe

LOL great hub. Voted up! How about the mum who still buys her married son his underwear and socks.......just saying ;)

tammyswallow profile image

tammyswallow 4 years ago from North Carolina Author

You crack me up kialina.. AND the man who will wear them.. lol.. Thank your for your humor!

marcoujor profile image

marcoujor 4 years ago from Jeffersonville PA

Oh tammy,

Between our love of doughnuts and your writing style, where have you been all my Hub life?

Never mind... I know I am going to enjoy your work! I'm feeling very similar in thought...hmmm! UP & FAB!

Now what kind of doughnut may I offer you, mar?

tammyswallow profile image

tammyswallow 4 years ago from North Carolina Author

Hi Marcoujor,

Hello and thank you for reading. You are too kind. I love Raspberry doughnuts.. I will bring the coffee!

Ardie profile image

Ardie 4 years ago from Neverland

So I married a mama's boy, divorced him, and then later married the exact opposite. Both have pros and cons - can't there just be a happy medium?! Funny idea Tammy. I loved this!

Peanutritious profile image

Peanutritious 4 years ago from Cheshire, UK

Ha ha! Did you write this about my ex? Him and his dominating mother had an unhealthy bond. She never liked me and made it perfectly obvious. When I mentioned it to him his response was 'She's always like that with my girlfriends!)Doh! Needless to say, he's history!

tammyswallow profile image

tammyswallow 4 years ago from North Carolina Author

You hit the nail on the head Peanutritious. These relationships are not healthy and if the man is not willing to respect you enough to enforce the healthy boundaries, he needs to go. I am glad you got out of this type of relationship. It isn't good for anyone! Thanks for reading!

Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 4 years ago from Baltimore, MD

I just dumped a Mama's boy. I could go off on a rant about it, but what is the point? I've dated a couple in my time and I hope to never make that mistake again. Voted up and awesome!

tammyswallow profile image

tammyswallow 4 years ago from North Carolina Author

Good for you Jeannie! They are everywhere. You will do better to find someone who will make you a priority.

alocsin profile image

alocsin 4 years ago from Orange County, CA

Good advice -- hard to compete with a man' mother -- so I don't know that getting into a relationship with such a boy is worth it. Voting this Up and Interesting.

tammyswallow profile image

tammyswallow 4 years ago from North Carolina Author

Thanks Alocsin! That seems to be the consensus on this so far. So many people have been through it. Thanks for your visit!

Jackie Lynnley profile image

Jackie Lynnley 4 years ago from The Beautiful South

I so agree with you. Mothers who baby their sons (or daughters) and don't push them out of the nest just cannot seem to see what a disservice they are doing children they claim to love. Great hub.

tammyswallow profile image

tammyswallow 4 years ago from North Carolina Author

Thanks Jackie, They really do. It is selfish of a mother to expect her son to live for only her. I appreciate that thought!

Ruchira profile image

Ruchira 4 years ago from United States

Excellent pointers Tammy :) loved reading them.

Btw I wrote a hub on

Voted way up n useful

tammyswallow profile image

tammyswallow 4 years ago from North Carolina Author

Ohhh.. the mother in law. You are very brave Ruchira! Thanks for the comment! I will check it out.

frogyfish profile image

frogyfish 4 years ago from Central United States of America

You are just right-on, right down-the-line, hitting the nail on its head, with your information. Fun to read, and a great 'flag' for others, I'm sure.

tammyswallow profile image

tammyswallow 4 years ago from North Carolina Author

Thanks for reading and commenting Frogyfish. I am glad you enjoyed it!

lovedoctor926 4 years ago

Voted up awesome!

A very well-written article. I've never dated a mama's boy and I wouldn't be interested either. I've always loved a strong and independent man. Mama's boys are not necessarily bad guys, it's just that they haven't learned to set some boundaries. On the other hand, some of these mother in laws haven't learned to respect their grown son's boundaries. It might work for some women, but not for me.

tammyswallow profile image

tammyswallow 4 years ago from North Carolina Author

Your thoughts are very insightful lovedoctor926. It is a big symptom of lack of boundaries. Thanks so much for visiting and commenting.

Triple Threat TV 4 years ago


Is your boyfriend's mama creating big-time relationship drama?

Does your man act more like a boy when he's around his mom? Do you feel like he's constantly choosing her over you? Does he expect you to coddle him the way his mother does? Has your guy become his mom's pseudo-husband which is making it hard for him to commit to you? Or is it mama that's not yet ready to cut the cord?

Have you reached the point where you're planning tell him that he has to start setting some boundaries? Or are you going to confront his mother directly and tell her to back off?

If you appear to be between the ages of 16-28 and feel that it's time to rehabilitate your mama's boy, email us at and tell us why you can't take it anymore. Please include your name, location, phone number and recent photos of yourself.

uzma shaheen profile image

uzma shaheen 4 years ago from Lahore,Pakistan

very interesting and useful hub. before reading your hub, I used to think that "mama's boy" problem lies in only asian men but after reading it I realised that this is universal. here in pakistan most of the men compare their women with their mothers, I must say there is nothing wrong with respecting and caring your mothers but men should learn how to balance between their wife and mother.

very useful up and sharing.

tammyswallow profile image

tammyswallow 4 years ago from North Carolina Author

Wow Uzma Shaheen,

It is really interesting to learn that this problem happens in other countries. I love Hubpages because we can global views of such situations. Thanks so much for sharing that. It seems we are on the same page!

uzma shaheen profile image

uzma shaheen 4 years ago from Lahore,Pakistan

I think tammyswallow, human nature and behaviours are almost same all over the world. there is just slight change, maybe just because of cultural change.

I also love and enjoy hubpages, it allows me to know different people and their views on different issues.

ishwaryaa22 profile image

ishwaryaa22 4 years ago from Chennai, India

A well-advised hub! I totally agree with you as I myself have heard a lot about them. Also, there are Daddy's boys who listen to their fathers in every way which can be equally tiresome as Mama's boys! Yes, you are absolutely right that the man should establish the boundaries with his mother and takes very good care of his wife or girlfriend. Your list of red flags are clearly stated. While reading this engaging hub, the film 'Monster-in-law' popped up in my mind - in this film, Jennifer lopez's finacee was quite a Mama's boy though he loved his finacee very much. However, after many stifling consequences with her over-pushy would-be mother-in-law Jane fonda, in the end Jennifer advised Jane to accept the boundaries with her son, they patched up and all ended well. Well, this is one of the fewest exceptions! If any man is a typical Mama's boy, better avoid him! Well-done!

Thanks for SHARING. Pressed all the buttons. Voted up & Socially Shared.

tammyswallow profile image

tammyswallow 4 years ago from North Carolina Author

Great thoughts iswaryaa22. I saw the movie Monster In Law. There is no way any woman should be in such a demeaning relationship. You are right about Daddy's boys too. Thanks so much for your insightful comment.

DoneWmmboy 4 years ago

I've been w a mamas boy for 20yrs. When asked why he never defended me, he says I deserved it. His mom took over my home and my children. We tried to make it work, but instead he started hating on my own mom, for completely made up reasons!! So on top of everything else, he is a compulsive liar. Outside of these issues, he appears loving, is a good dad to his boys and girls, but I also think he is incapable of divorcing me (although he has made threats). The answer almost seems obvious, but what should I do? We tried therapy 10yrs ago, but I will not recommend that since he thinks everything his mom did to me was right (not liking my American clothing, my cooking, and even forcing me to go places w her). Advice???

tammyswallow profile image

tammyswallow 4 years ago from North Carolina Author

So sorry Donwmmboy. After 20 years of this, he probably thinks you will tolerate anything. I would be afraid that this attitude will affect your daughters one day. He sounds like someone who doesn't respect women. All I can say is you can't change him. You can only change how you allow him to treat you. He has to be the one to draw some healthy boundaries between the both of you and his mother. I hope things get better for you.

Thelma Alberts profile image

Thelma Alberts 4 years ago from Germany

Excellent pointers for women on how to find out if their men are mamas boy. It´s very difficult to compete with the mothers of mamas boys. Thanks for sharing.

tammyswallow profile image

tammyswallow 4 years ago from North Carolina Author

Thanks for reading and commenting Thelma. There are so many people dealing with this issue. :)

Rolly A Chabot profile image

Rolly A Chabot 4 years ago from Alberta Canada

Hi Tammy... I smiled when I read this because I know a couple where the man is a Mama's boy. Often he forgets about his obligations at home to tend to Moms needs and it has started to cause a great deal of friction.

There is also the senario of Mom's girl that should be considered. It can go both ways...

Hugs from Canada

tammyswallow profile image

tammyswallow 4 years ago from North Carolina Author

Thanks so much for reading and commenting Rolly. You are absolutley right. There are lots of Daddy's girls too. Some people just don't go into a relationship realizing they need to put their spouse first. It does go both ways. :)

Confusedd81 4 years ago

I dumped my bf of 2.5 years bc he told me his mother came first but that I was one of his top priorities. He is a 34 year old man that could not commit to sleeping over my place. I knew he was going to propose within the next month or two. I freaked out knowing that he was ready to propose but couldn't sleep over my place 1-2-3 times a week because he said he needed to stay home to take care of his mom (whom is an able bodied 60 year old) He knew exactly what his mother did bc he would tell me "my mom makes me feel guilty for wanting to sleep over your place". He never really put his foot down. I really love him so much and I am hoping and praying that by me dumping him and cutting off all ties, he will realize.

pat 3 years ago

"On one hand these guys make good significant others if you believe in the old adage that you *can tell how a man will treat you by the way he treats his mother*"

This is one of the most misleading stereotypes I ever saw that will make many women fall in the arms of complete momma's boys. What that stereotype tells is that society does not accept that the son go away from the mother... it's taboo.

I am myself not a momma's boy at all, have very cold and distant relation with my mother (had too...) but I am not distant and cold at all with my partner. Maybe the difference for me is that I confront my mother and don't make other women pay instead of my mother.

huytongirl 3 years ago

I too have just ended it with mine. He lived at home, at the age of 48. He moved back when he was physically ill, but stayed: they got ill, but he does very little caring. All he can talk about is how he hates his mother and how she "emotionally blackmails" him. But he pays no bills and gets all his housework done. Things were going that way here, too. And every time we argued he'd run home to his parents. Last straw was him taking all his stuff back there without even telling me or leaving a note. This finally made me realise he cannot be trusted not to run home if things are difficult. I was too much of a doormat - too scared to lose him to fully express myself (as were they). They created a bit of a monster, and I fed that monster. I worry I will beg him to come back, and I pray I can resist that. The sole consolation is that if I did, it wouldn't last long. What a bitter set of lessons this has been.

tammyswallow profile image

tammyswallow 3 years ago from North Carolina Author

I am so sorry you had to go through that huytongirl. It seems like you are better off alone. This is a situation in which a Mama's boy has hurtful consequences. Thanks for sharing that!

Ann 2 years ago

I dated a mommys boy for 8 miserable first it was wonderful and i liked his mom. First year i spoiled his at christmas, next year she spoiled him, over the she was competing. He moved in with me after the first year....he would go straight to his parents house until dark and come home.....this went on for 2 years....and when i complained, well i was just a selfish bitch....we ended up moving into one of their houses to save money. Yet we paid rent and i spent over 10k fixing things. We fought constantly. I wanted to move out for my sanity.....he accused me of looking for his replacement....yet i wasn't.....i ended up moving out and buying my own house.....he helped me work on it but he was scheduling it in around whatever his mother needed....for a year he said all i did was nag and bitch.....this is how our last year went..... He would come home after 8 sometimes around 9 .......want to eat, shower and have sex......this was my life...his mother told me that i don't love him and i should kick him out then and he wasn't moving home to them.....after some thought i kicked him out......he packed his stuff and moved home to mommy.....not only did she manipulate me and the situation, i bought right into her plan...he then begged me to give him another chance and work things out....but he wasn't moving back until we "fixed things" she called him daily, txted him.....he would call her and txt her.....anything she needed he jumped and did it.....he accused me of being jealous of her.....dam right i was. He was her partner and she was his......i now see why is dad wasn't happy either.....we just broke up, again......he told me he was tired of me.....tired of my nagging and bitching.....i told him i needed my own partner and he was already telling you its the hardest thing sharing a man with his mother when she relies on him for everything and he relies on makes you go mad, you never feel important, special or even loved.....i felt like a booty call to him and in reality i think i was giving him the only thing his mother couldn't , the stuff he did for his mother, when i asked him to do it, his reply was to get off my lazy ass and do it myself , he told me i needed to learn how to do stuff im 42 and lived on my own since i was 18 ... Im very aware of how to do things, he compared everything i did to how she did things, cooking, cleaning (the house was always a pigpen

In his eyes)yet the man never once cleaned the bathroom , only did dishes maybe 10 times in 8 years, oh and the best part during this time i needed 3 separate surgeries, guess where he was after he dumped me off at home.......with his mommy.......the final straw for me was this weekend, im up against a deadline and seriously needed his help. He told me he was to busy with work, but he would help me within couple weeks, yet he spent the whole day at her house doing yard work.....what i needed help with would of taken him couple hrs tops.......and in that instant it hit wasn't ever going to matter how much i loved this man, he is not capable of being in a loving committed relationship ......his mother will always be number one......and in a relationship ...the relationship should come first.......helping your mom is one thing, but being at her house 24/7 and expecting your relationship not going to happen...

tammyswallow profile image

tammyswallow 2 years ago from North Carolina Author

Ann, I feel for you. You are not being valued or appreciated. These things never change. I hope you will use this as an opportunity to dodge a very miserable bullet.

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