You Know You've Been Married Too Long When . . .
— your partner can hit all of your hot buttons using just 3 or 4 words.
— you realize your next wedding anniversary is the Double-A Battery Anniversary.
— you start wearing the same size pants.
— you know exactly how she likes her tea, coffee and cocoa, know which wines she will or won’t drink and can’t abide, know that pepper is fine on corn-on-the-cob but never on salad, and know that you better not ever place the toilet paper on the roll with the tail of fresh squares hanging forward.
— you both cry at weddings, and it's not because you're so-o-o-o-o happy.
— your not-much-older-than-teenager doctor sees more of your naked anatomy than your spouse.
— the answer to 90% of your partner’s questions is “Whatever . . .”, and the answer to the remaining 10% is “Yes, dear.”
— you start referring to your partner as Maw or Paw.
— you regularly visit rickzworld, and find you have the same favorites.
— you can not only complete each other’s sentences, but you can also — and quite often do — mentally reconstruct both sides of any past argument, making yourself just as angry all over again.
— you feel that recalling your wedding date to the nearest decade is close enough.
— you pore over a riding mower catalog together, to make sure it has the features you both love.
— your partner steps all over the punchlines of your jokes, but for some reason resents it when you finish his better than he could.
— you have one Barcalounger flanked by a TV-tray and remote, and a twin Barcalounger flanked by a stack of People, Us and Better Homes & Gardens and a tea cozy.
— you no longer have a favorite beer or cocktail; any alcohol will do.
— you ordered your spouse’s last Valentine’s Day gift from a 3:00 a.m. local cable TV infomercial.
— sex is limited to about a half-dozen nights of the year: Christmas, New Year’s, your anniversary, his birthday (but NOT hers), Super Bowl Sunday, Valentine’s Day.
— you each own two or more sets of car keys, use the same credit cards, will readily eat off the same plate or drink from the same glass, often raid each other’s wallets, and aren’t all that careful about closing the bathroom door.
— together you’ll sit through a rerun of an old Matlock episode, even though you’ve both seen it before.
— all your laundry gets done on the same washer setting and water temperature, and forget about dry cleaning.
— your increasingly rare bouts of intimacy are termed “getting frisky”.
You will find even more wit, whimsy and insanity at rickzworld, a fun creation of Richard L. (Rick) Zimmerman, author of this piece, architect, cartoonist, designer and expert witness of Solon, Ohio. Forage about and you'll also encounter many other articles on Cleveland architecture and sustainable design.
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