You Might be a Sucker if . . .
Now to take on a word, phrase that is still around: Sucker. Depending on your feelings about this word, I found out a startling fact: There is much to be said by wiser people about "sucker," and its various extensions and uses.
Let's take a quick look. And to all "English and Grammar addicts," I hope this gives you an adrenaline rush.
suck·er, pronounced /ˈsəkər/noun: sucker; plural noun: suckers
1. a person or thing that sucks, in particular.
• a flat or concave organ enabling an animal to cling to a surface by suction.
• the piston of a suction pump.
• a pipe through which liquid is drawn by suction.
a gullible or easily deceived person.
• a person particularly susceptible to or fond of a specified thing.
"I always was a sucker for a good fairy tale"
"When you hear 'there's a sucker born every minute,' everyone looks at you."— Ken Avery
"I could have played the lead in this film."
Be honest. Have you ever been called a sucker? Have you ever called someone else a sucker? If you answered "yes," for one of the questions, then you are very familiar with the term, "sucker."
Now let us go further. Let's say you were born in a near-perfect atmosphere and had a near-perfect childhood that bred near-perfect teen years that now has birthed a new-perfect adult in you, but one day you are, by events or circumstances, thrown into an entirely new set of surroundings. You are not in control. You are scared. You begin to panic. It's difficult to believe anything you hear or see and that applies to the strangers you meet.
And the worst of all, you might be considered a "sucker," if you are not careful. For a person of your pedigreed upbringing, education and social skills, this would be "the" worst thing possible.
So in order to help you out here, take it from me, someone who has not only been called a "sucker," but have been a sucker for many reasons, so I am like Farmers Insurance. I know a thing or two about suckers.
I now present to you, my terrified friend . . .
Before we go any further
This piece was hard for me to do. I mean by that, to write a complete story about "suckers." On one hand, I do not want you to think that I am here to offend anyone in text or image. I am just trying to establish a beach head of simple information that might be of help to someone who has secretly thought to themselves, "Hey, they way I am treated. I just might be a sucker." That's it in a nutshell.
I am not a psychiatrist. Nor am I a therapist. I have no license in these areas, so I can only rely on truisms that I have seen, heard, and experienced over the years. Fair enough? Okay. So here we go with . . .
Three Places where suckers get the worst treatment:
- Workplace--when a tough project is announced, the sharper employee(s) always devise a clever story to con the sucker into thinking that this tough task was just made for him or her.
- Committee membership--when the chairman asks for a volunteer to go speak to a corporate head on the subject of Industrial Pollution, the wiser committee members have learned that the sucker will always raise his hand and they let him do it as much as he pleases.
- Restaurants--when shrewd waitresses want an extra big tip, they all prey on the hungry sucker and during the times of bring food to his/her table, they casually interject into the conversation with the sucker, "you know of course that it is this restaurant's policy for patrons to tip at least 20 percent of their bill."
- A girl who looks almost like Marilyn Monroe walks up to you out of nowhere and says, "Hey, stud. How about us having a long-lasting relationship with no strings attached? And you believe it hook, line, and sinker." If anything looks or sounds too good to be true, well, you know the rest.
- You sink your entire life's savings of over $500,000.00 to a man who sounds much like an expert stock investment banker who has a "sure thing" in a company that breeds earthworms that are all three feet long and are all one inch in diameter. He says, "fishermen and bait companies will make you a millionaire in less than an hour." And you write him the check without asking for references. Now you feel stupid. You should.
- Your gorgeous female friend talks you into marrying her and then signing over all of your checking accounts, life insurance policies and real estate. Now what makes you a sucker for doing this? Well it might be that on the morning after your wedding night, she says, "Honey, you lay here and rest in this comfortable hotel bed while I pop down to the restaurant and get us some breakfast. Back in a jif. Love ya." You are still waiting on that bacon and egg breakfast now going on 12 years.
- You read a sign (hung by pranksters) on a lion's cage: "Please Pet The Lion," and the beast almost takes your arm off. You still wonder where those gales of laughter were coming from to this day.
- You "give 'til it hurts," to a couple of guys dressed in shabby clothing who come to your door and convince you that they are collecting for: "Legislation to Prevent Cruelty to Rats." Now your son cannot go to college, but a few rats will be treated nice.
- A pregnant woman goes into labor in the restaurant where you are eating lunch and you immediately call "Triple A."
- You get a phone call one morning and the man on the other end of the call tells you that he is a certified Social Security Inspector and in order for him to check your status with the Social Security, you are ordered to give him your social security number. What? Sure, you comply for you are a good American, but you are also a sucker.
- You think that April Fools Day is for you to take off a day from work. Someone took pity on you years ago for thinking this day was your birthday. Man, are you ever glad that they straightened you out.
- Your boss yells, "Jensen, you are fired!" And you reply, "What am I, a shotgun?"
- You think you are very popular for every salesman with a gimmick always calls on you first. But you have grown wiser over the years. That last salesman who sold you a hundred feet of mink fur telling you that all you had to do is sell it to a mink coat manufacturer and you would be rich took you for almost $12,500.00. Oh, you were the shrewd negotiator. He first asked for $14,500.00.
- A sharp prankster tells you to do the "moon walk," and you pack up and head to NASA to apply for Astronaut Training.
- You take a dare from another sharp prankster to see if you or him can eat the most oysters. Of course, this is a prank that he has set-up with his friend, "Billy," the chef in the resturant where this "Oyster Eating Challenge," is being held. The prankster gets "Billy," to server him fresh oysters and you, the day-old oysters, but you, being a sucker--believing everything that's told to you, eat like there is no tomorrow. You even get the whiff of something that doesn't smell well, but you continue scarfing down oysters undaunted. But your shrewd friend "acts" as if he's had enough and concedes. He congratulates you for winning. Then laughs at you for "losing" all those day-old oysters outside in the parking lot an hour later.
- Are on a nature hike with friends and come upon a wooden bridge that looks unsteady and you, the sucker, tell the others, "Don't worry. I have a plan." And that plan is you walking out to the center of the bridge and jumping up and down as fast as you can. Sad. Very sad how your friends waved at you as you fell (with the bridge) into the raging river below. But hey, you did save a few lives. That's not bad.
Oh, yeah. I forgot to share with you that President Obama called me last week and said that I was this year's recipient of the Humanitarian of The Year Award for writing such helpful hubs.
Did you believe me? If you answer was yes, I won't say it.
Good night, St. Paul, Minnesota.
It is a proven fact and even have witnessed that the poor sucker, no matter how many times they are taken advantage of by others, somehow the sucker always manages to at least survive each ordeal with his/her self-respect and dignity intact.
So let's not pity the sucker. Let's take a moment to applaud them. I am serious.
Legal Disclaimer: this guy looking so stupid and even has the word, "stupid," tattooed on his forehead did these things, including looking like a sucker with his own free will. No one held a gun on him.
© 2016 Kenneth Avery
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