FLIRTING TIPS FOR MEN - ONLINE DATING (Part One)

I promised recently to write more Hubs about love, flirting and dating.

Whenever I write about any topic, I do the research all over the Internet. While doing research for this Hub, I have found many hundreds of pages with flirting advices for guys - written by guys. It is majority. I was really shocked how bad and misleading can be advices which man can give to the other man. Many of this texts treat us, females, as hunting animals...I am not surprised that such advices cannot really work.

My personal online dating experiences are the following:

Last summer my friend invited me to join one society page, I did not know that it was a dating one. (Really did not now: picture of Kofi Anan was on the front page. You must agree that Kofi Anan is not person someone would be connect with dating, Bill Clinton would be more under my suspect). After 1 month, all together I got more then 400 dating offers from the men all around the world, age 20-65, although I wrote down in my profile that I am interested for friendships only). But guess what? None of these offers was interesting enough to make me really curious. Actually it was just one, because guy was really witty and funny, and had great sense of humor, what helped him to establish first conversation. On the end of story, after one month, I closed my profile and run away completely exhausted from receiving all those messages. One month was enough time for me to gain online experience so I can share my conclusions with you and give you, as a women, some valuable advices...

Flirting is an art, and is best that women teach men what we like. Most often, the guys who write or talk about their rich love&sex-experiences just want to present themselves as great lovers while making up fairy tales based on their hot imagination.

 

Why does a man take it for granted that a girl who flirts with him wants him to kiss her - when, nine times out of ten, she only wants him to want to kiss her? ~Helen Rowland
Why does a man take it for granted that a girl who flirts with him wants him to kiss her - when, nine times out of ten, she only wants him to want to kiss her? ~Helen Rowland

What is your goal?

Statistics say, that they are much more men then women searching partners on dating pages- usual men-women ratio is 60:40, what is great for females, but not so good for the guys.

But, despite statistic`s facts, remember that there is nothing on this world that you cannot be, do or have, if you really want it, and if you invest enough of effort in gaining that.

Before you start to scroll over dating Internet pages, wishing to find girl or woman of your dreams, take a little brake to think. At first, be honest with yourself and decide what you want from your dating experience: love, friendship, just sex, long-term relationship, romance, affair...Whatever is what you want, when you are honest to yourself and you focus upon that, you will get it, I hope my tips will help you.

Once when you set up your goal, the best is too choose filtered pages for the specific goal you have..... If you want deep, honest relationship, do not try to find that on the adult pages or on sexy sms-chates. Miracles can happen everywhere, but is best that you do not fall in love with fantasy blond girl you see there, sexy angel of your dreams, because on that places profiles and pics are usually fake ones. Girls and women are there to earn money, at the first place, men come there to have virtual sex without any commitments, so everybody is "happy". Do not expect anything more of that. So many men fall in love on such places, while not being honest to themselves: instead of virtual sex, they actually need love. Result is always - deep unhappiness.

If you want just virtual affair, do not go on the pages where girls and women are asking for real long-term romance and some sort of commitment. On that way, if you get what you want, you will hurt the other person, because you did not fulfill her real expectations. Girls are not just objects of men´s passion, these are human beings, the same as you are.

The most women DO WANT and EXPECT some sort of commitment in relationship. There is no such thing like relationship without any responsibility at all.You are very responsible towards your buddies and male colleagues. Women deserve at least equal treatment. If you want just dating or little romance, your level of responsibilities will be lower then while building permanent relationship...but not without any at all. Honesty is most important: exactly say what you want: at first to yourself, than to the girl or the women you want to be with. It is horrible if you tell her the truth after sex, or even worse, if you just forget to tell the truth at all and suddenly run away, after you reached your goal - if the goal was just passionate night (or 5 minutes, whatever). After such experiences women become bitter and angry, while misused...even can pay you back with some sort of revenge.

Angry woman often can behave as wild panther
Angry woman often can behave as wild panther
Trust and friendship are basics of love
Trust and friendship are basics of love

Why female connect sex with love

Usually men do not think when they are attracted to the girl or women, or to the goal they want to rich. They just follow their basic instincts, process of thinking comes later...very often too late. If the goal is sex only, after desire is fulfilled, men loose interest.

On the contrary, girls start to think about possible relationship, they fall in love, especially after good, passionate sex. Female sexual organs are very sensitive, deeply connected with emotions, love, acceptance...because of role of maternity. For carrying somebody else, inside you for 9 months as women carry the babies, your body needs to be full of love.Imagine that, and you will better understand us, The same is with sex...Woman must have a big amount of loving abilities and high level of trust for doing that...because her sexual urge IS the most often connected with the love.

For our gender, sex is not the game, in 95% of case. Women do fall in love after sexual intercourse, especially if there is good compatibility and a lot of passion involved.Unfortunately for us, these are our basic instincts, it is not easy to full the nature.

Importance of profile for succseful online dating

Good profile for successful dating

1. Photo in your profile is just "must". Use the nice, new photo of yourself. Do not use your baby pictures, cartoon-avatars etc. You are who you are. If you do not like the way you look, be aware that good hairdresser can do the miracles. Maybe you would look more attractive with a beard or without it....everybody can look attractive with some simple changes made. Use your imagination, ask your female friends to give you some advices. Right clothes can also do the miracles...and very important, stay dressed.

2. Write in your profile the best about yourself, but do not lie(!), about thinks you like, about things you would like to share with the girl together (I hope that there is more then one activity you can imagine to do with the woman of your dreams).

3.A lot of men use "poor me" attitude to provoke compassion from the girls or women. Women usually have higher sense of compassion then guys, many of men have habit of using that fact for flirting purposes. But, actually, we are all truly attracted with positive energy at first, and is better that woman admire you then pitty you. So, the best key of love-success is to use positivity. If you try to successfully attract the girl, do not use the following expressions like:

"I am just an old dude"...females like bright, active men young in the heart. You are not trying to find a nurse???Or you are to lazy to give the best or yourself....

"My life is disaster".....who would like to share it with you?

"My love-life has been tragedy up till now"....what are you trying to find on dating pages then? New disaster or what?

"I am hopeless case"... we all have seen so many of them, please do not be one more among them.

"Nobody understands me"...with such attitude, believe me, nobody ever would..

"Accept me as I am, I do not want to change because of anybody..."....hm, this cannot work. In a relationship, every person has to change and adjust to the another one. That is the reason relationships are not always easy.But things cannot work the other way.

4. Do not lie about yourself! You do not gain anything with lying in the long term. On the end of story you will have to prove what you were written about yourself, sooner or latter.

One my friend was dating the men who was saying that he was great lover and that he cannot imagine men whose sexual performance is 5 times per 5 minutes. When she discovered that his abilities are just like he was saying they were not, she politely kicked him out from her apartment and never wanted to see him again. Believe or not, the main reason she has done that is because he was not telling the true.

The main reason why is important to tell the true is - when you lie, there is no chance that Miss Right discoveres you.

5. I discovered that a lot of guys adore to write and speak how successful, active, brave and adventorous they were in the past. And very often they still do live in the past only. "When "I was 20 I ...", "In my 30-s I could..." etc. This is very interesting, and all of us like to talk about our past experiences. But, for the women or girl is much more interesting: what are you doing NOW , what are your`s plans for the future, especially what are you planning to do together with her! She did not share with you the moments of your past, but she does want to share with you present time and future!

6. Fill in all questiones in the profile, which are really relevant.

Compability tests

Do not get attracted with the attractive picture of the first sexy girl you see only. A lot of dating websites have good tests of compatibility. Take your time and use them. F.e. there are very usuful tests on the http://www.dreams.come.true.love-match.net:

  • SuperMatch – Find your soulmate
  • SoulMatch – Character matching
  • SelectMatch – Interest matching
  • SensualMatch – Sexual compatibility
  • StarSignMatch – Zodiac matching

If you want to find girlfriend, compatibility is very important. People with many similar interests can establish contact much more easier. It is worth to try. Believe me, there is love - match for everybody on this planet.

 

 

First contacts

1.When you start to establish contact with the person you like, do not post short messages like: "Hello!", "Hi!" or "Buuuu". Even if girl likes your picture, most probably she will think that you are not intelligent enough, because we like men with communication skills developed. Humanity does not live in the caves any more for many thousand years, so levels of communications changed since then.

2. Read the profile of the girl / girls you want to contact, you will find out a lot about her, and then you will know which type of message is the most appropriate, serious one, or humorous one. Believe me, girls & women DO READ PROFILES, and DO APPRECIATE MEN WHO READ THEIRS. On that way you will get many positive points in her/their eyes.

3. Good serious, polite message could start with: "Hi, my name is________, I have seen your profile and see that we have a lot in common. Please, be so kind, and check my profile, we both like_________. etc, etc, etc... In case you are writer on http://hubpages.com, do not worry: you have your Hubs to speak in your name, as well.

4. Compliments: Do not give the compliments on her body only: use expressions like "Your eyes are beautiful", "You look like very sweet person", "I like your interests, your attitude and the way you look..I think you are amazing and gorgeous", "You are very special, nice and beautiful" . But say that if you really mean it.

5. Humorous (but polite) message can be connected with her interests or photo. We like humour and laughing...and original comments which show, that you took the time to see the details on photo or read the text in the profile.

6. If you are writer on the http://hubpages.com do not forget to mention that and give her link for one or two of your good and popular Hubs, especially if she likes writing...except majority of your Hubs are about hot sexy pictures of the actresses. On that way, i doubt that you have a lot of chances by providing the links, girls like exclusivity in relationships. Even then you can be honest: "OK, I am posting hot sexy pics to get more publicity and much more money earned through www.Google.com ( Google AdSense , www.Google.com/adsense ), but I find you more interesting and attractive then all of these actress are. You are real and nice, these actresses do not belong to the real world..." or something like that.

7. Be patient, do not expect everything immediately. In Europe we say: "Rome was not build in one day".

8. Flirt – Can you flirt online? Absolutely you can.But you cannot start communication with immediate flirting. Sending love in the first message, or sexy comments, usually do not work. Girls do not believe in that, think that is stupid, and such things usually scare them away. Flirting comes natural, when communication is already well established. Many online dating services provide you with special tools specifically for flirting. You can wink at someone, blow kisses, and send special messages. But do not insist on sexual comments, if you see that the girl would like you to know you better, for the beginning.

 

 

 

 

This Hub is just beginning of my serial of dating tips.

If you want advice for good dating page, I recommend you the following:

http://www.dreams.come.true.love-match.net

It has perfect ways of communication between members established:

  • Free E-mail – Contact others for free
  • Phone support – Personal and direct
  • Browse free – Member galleries
  • Video communication – Webcam chat
  • Voice direct – with new technology
  • Phone 2 phone – Anonymous!

For very serious dating (marriage, long term relationships) this one is good:

http://www.soulmates.united.love-match.net

These two have free option for the first month, but my opinion is that relationships and dating are very serious, people who pay the membership show that their intentions are not just joke. There is not possible to get something for nothing...

Wish you all the best from all my heart...  

 

Brad Paisley, ONLINE

Paisley Online 2

More by this Author


Comments 31 comments

Mike the salesman profile image

Mike the salesman 7 years ago from birmingham alabama/sherwood oregon

good article Tat.. Men somehow think a predator Casanova combo is attractive. youtube Brad Paisley's Video.. "im so much cooler online" very funny..amd very true! Thanks!


Tatjana-Mihaela profile image

Tatjana-Mihaela 7 years ago from Zadar, CROATIA Author

Thanks, Mike for your kind comment. I understand men, but they can become more succesfull if they learn what women really like. Life can be more easy with more mutual understanding...


MamaDragonfly2677 profile image

MamaDragonfly2677 7 years ago from New York

Isn't that the truth!!!!! I totally agree. Great hub tatjana! (I think the guys on here are pretty good at flirting...hahaha)


Tatjana-Mihaela profile image

Tatjana-Mihaela 7 years ago from Zadar, CROATIA Author

He, he, he, some of them are, some of the are not. The best are ones who do not think about themselves as good!


bgamall profile image

bgamall 7 years ago from Las Vegas, Nevada

I'm Good. Just kidding!!!!


Tatjana-Mihaela profile image

Tatjana-Mihaela 7 years ago from Zadar, CROATIA Author

He, he, he, Bgmall, you know that women ALWAYS need the proof!

Thanks for the comment & stopping by.


Melissa G profile image

Melissa G 7 years ago from Tempe, AZ

Nicely done, Tatjana. This is full of practical advice. I actually dated a guy I met online who wrote a blog called "I'm really annoying (a.k.a truth in advertising)" and listed all his most obnoxious qualities. I thought he was kidding, of course, but after dating for a while, I realized he wasn't. :) I also went on dates with a few guys who used profile photos that were probably taken about 5-10 years ago, in very good lighting and at the perfect angle. Yes, we want to present a nice representation of ourselves, but I think people should be honest about their current appearance, especially if they plan on meeting in person! I met my current boyfriend through the same website, and I didn't think much of his photos, but he was funny and nice so I figured after 16 months of corresponding online, we may as well "meet and get it over with." When we met in person, I was blown away by how charming and handsome he was. There's a lot you can learn about someone through their profile, photos, blogs, etc, but I agree that you shouldn't fall in love with the idea of who they are, because you never know what the chemistry will be like in person.

Sorry, I planned to just write a quick comment saying nice job and I got a little carried away!


Tatjana-Mihaela profile image

Tatjana-Mihaela 7 years ago from Zadar, CROATIA Author

Well Melissa, this is exactly the type of message I was waiting for! A lot of guys are so shy that are not aware how charmig they could be when they do not pretend they are different then really are.

And is also interesting, majority of them have no idea what we really like or dislike....

Thanks for your comment....


Madison Parker profile image

Madison Parker 7 years ago from California

I loved your hub even though the only place I'm ever dating again will be, well, never!

If I was suddenly single again, I just wouldn't want to date. My one love is the love of my life and I don't have enough years left to train another one! No would I want to. But for young people looking to meet someone with their own values, the internet is definitely an option.


VioletSun profile image

VioletSun 7 years ago from Oregon/ Name: Marie

I met my mate online five years ago, but neither one of us was looking for a relationship as we both had ended our relationships with our respective mates, that was less than joyful, and both of us wanted to be alone. We met in a forum, started to talk online and then corresponded by email.  I fell in love with the beauty of his spirit, kissed the monitor, hehe, as I had never encountered a man who had such depth. We exchanged photos, and when we met in person after corresponding for over a year, (Melissa and I are kindred spirits, we have a lot in common) there were no surprises, we both look like the photos, and we both are the same online as we are offline, in other words we were genuine with each other.

Should I suddenly end up alone again, like Madison,  I wouldn't want to get into another relationship -had enough of them in my life, and after the one I am in, no one could match the kind of life I have with Phil. I am just grateful, I found true love at last.:)

Enjoyed your hub- I love your honest energy and your earthy ways.

Thumbs up!

 


Tatjana-Mihaela profile image

Tatjana-Mihaela 7 years ago from Zadar, CROATIA Author

Hi, Madison, thanks for your comment. I am so glad that you have found love of your life. I agree with you: it takes a lot of energy to establish relationship - it is not easy, and when one good is well established, people should not give it up!

Nice regards to you and to your husband. Be happy and enjoy your love & togetherness.


Tatjana-Mihaela profile image

Tatjana-Mihaela 7 years ago from Zadar, CROATIA Author

Dear VioletSun, you are the best example that people can find true love anywhere, even online. I am so happy because of you. True love really lasts forever...You deserve it...Blessings.


Cris A profile image

Cris A 7 years ago from Manila, Philippines

And I thought i was already an expert until I read this - there's so many things I have yet to learn! LOL I'll put your tips to practice and i'll tell you how it'd go! :D


packerpack profile image

packerpack 7 years ago from India, Calcutta

Remember you have written sometimes back about how to flirt with women on hubpages? and now this one, what a contrast!!! But its great. I have not read it completely but will complete it soon and will comment again. And hey it's part one, that means there are more to follow? Hope it help me get a girlfriend soon ;)


Tatjana-Mihaela profile image

Tatjana-Mihaela 7 years ago from Zadar, CROATIA Author

Hi. Cris thank you very much for stopping by and commenting.

Wish you the best luck possible.


Tatjana-Mihaela profile image

Tatjana-Mihaela 7 years ago from Zadar, CROATIA Author

Hi, PP, well, life is full of contrasts. I wanted to write this article since I wrote first one.

There will be more Hubs about that subject, of course. The best way to find the girlfriend and have successful relationship is to read more what girls THINK and WANT. A lot of people are lonely just because they do not communicate with opposite gender and do not know enough...

How can I understand the men if I do not know enough about them?

Wish you all the best and waiting for your next comment...


packerpack profile image

packerpack 7 years ago from India, Calcutta

As promised that I will complete reading your hub and will come again with comment. So ..... I am back.....

I liked your advice that one should first of all understand what he wants. That is where most of men fail. Though I have not been in any relationship till date but I have have seen some of my friends, they say "All I need is a girlfriend. That's it".

It is very important to be yourself and not lie about yourself as mentioned by you. I strictly believe in it. Let the girl like you in the way you are. One may be able to go in a relationship by posing as someone else but the day he comes back to his original being, he will most probably loose everything. It is just like cheating.

Yes I liked this too, "Rome was not built in one day". We men most of the times fail to understand that a relationship should be given time to mature. I am a kind of person who wants to go for a permanent relationship, have family etc etc and to take any relationship to that level, I have to be patient, its logical.

This is a very good Hub and almost completely reflects the way I too think (although you were the one to put it as a Hub first ;) ). But there is one thing I do not agree with; you said "Women do fall in love after sexual intercourse, especially if there is good compatibility and a lot of passion involved." Somehow I feel it is the other way round. It is my personal opinion. It is best to be in love and then go ahead for sex. Sex I believe should be a complement to love.

Having said so much, I would also like to say that somehow I am not comfortable with the concept of online dating as it is fake almost everytime. I believe you can fall in love with the person you know better, with the person you spend time with. But never mind these are all my very personal opinion.

In the end, it is really very nice hub. Thanks.


Tatjana-Mihaela profile image

Tatjana-Mihaela 7 years ago from Zadar, CROATIA Author

Dear PP, I am so glad you liked my Hub.

Actually, I completely agree with you: sex should be a complement of love, but very often people do exactly the opposite. Men very often have sex, without any love, and girls think that men`s interest is beginning of love...very often it is not, (That is the reason I wrote that "women fall in love after....", because women can easier overcome platonic relationship then sexual.)

I respect your attitudes, very much, there is a lot of wisdom in you.

Online dating today is very common, all my friends tried that. No need to be fake, VioletSun found love of her life-online (pls.read her comment)... It depends,,,,But you are right: a lot of people pretend they are someone else -online.

A lot of people pretend they are someone else even if you meet them in person. Actually one find out full truth when starts to live with someone, not before.

Thanks for your nice comment, I enjoyed it. Proud that you my Fan.


foxility profile image

foxility 7 years ago

Very cute article. I love all the pictures and such. It's hard to date online but it can be exciting also. There's a lot a creeps online/offline and I guess you just gotta sift through the bad.


Tatjana-Mihaela profile image

Tatjana-Mihaela 7 years ago from Zadar, CROATIA Author

I agree with you, there is a lot of people with "strange" behaviour ...too many of them... so is better that we girls start to keep focus on that ones who are OK. Online and offline. Many thanks for your kind comment.


Israelj 7 years ago

Tatjana-Mihaela,

You are fantastic. I absolutely love your writings! Perhaps this topic should be taught in schools-wouldn't our lives be enriched because of it?

A happy and fulfilling relationship IS possible, but it takes mutual laying down of "my way or the highway" in each situation, so each person hears out the other and adjusts for compatibility. My two bits...


Tatjana-Mihaela profile image

Tatjana-Mihaela 7 years ago from Zadar, CROATIA Author

Thanks israelj for your compliments. I completely agree with you: life would be much more easier. and nicer, if kids would be taught in the schools how to attain happiness in healthy relationships.

Relationships are not easy, there is a lot of energy and effort needed to create good one....

A lots of regards, and I did not forget on your request about adrenal glands....

Many thanks for stoping by and commenting.


paul 7 years ago

Hi, what a nice hub,We can friend .Have nice day


Jonathan Smith 7 years ago

Dear Tatjana Mihaela my name is Jonathan Smith and i like your hub ! Is very well done ! But i prefer face-2-face contact with a woman not online ! Your advices are good for sissy boys not for a real men, but there are so many sissy boys in this world....


yxhuang profile image

yxhuang 7 years ago from California

Makes me want to try online dating.... Just never had a chance to do this in the past.


Tatjana-Mihaela profile image

Tatjana-Mihaela 7 years ago from Zadar, CROATIA Author

Dear Paul, thak you very much for your comment.


Tatjana-Mihaela profile image

Tatjana-Mihaela 7 years ago from Zadar, CROATIA Author

Hi, Jonathan, my opinion is that "real man" is that one who wants to have responsible relationship (it does not mean to get married after first few dates, it means to enter into the relationship with heart and soul, not with the body only), if it is only sex involved, is just...childish.

Kindest regards.


Tatjana-Mihaela profile image

Tatjana-Mihaela 7 years ago from Zadar, CROATIA Author

Dear Yxhuang I know exactly what you mean...

Thank you very much for your comment.


zainab kashif 6 years ago

YAPPIIIIIII!!!! I AM A TEENAGER WO.IT SEEM FANTASTIC 2 B 13.I AM SO HAPPY ABOUT THAT.IT REALLY SEEM 2 HAVE A NEW LIFE COZ I GOT UNCOUNTABLE PRESENTS.


Tatjana-Mihaela profile image

Tatjana-Mihaela 6 years ago from Zadar, CROATIA Author

Dear Zainab, that is really great comment. Enjoy being 13 and wishy you to have great and happy whole life!


Felicia@usexything.com 4 years ago

Great and interesting read, and really cute pictures to point out your ideas. I find it really entertaining and interesting. As a woman, I find most of those advice to be true. Practical and entertaining article. Keep it up.

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