When I grew up kids didn't have a "choice". You did what you were TOLD to do or you got spanked. If one is against spanking there are other rewards/punishments that can be applied to encourage or discourage behavior. You really have to know what is important "to your children" and you must have the (back bone) to stick with your promise of keeping them from having what they want until you get what you want. (They're still in their formative years)
As for your spouse.... The only thing you can do is ask.
There are only two reasons why a mate will not give you what you ask for.
1. They don't have it to give.
2. They don't believe you're worth the effort to give it too.
The ball is now in your court and you have to determine.....Is this a "deal breaker"? If it is get out. If it's not learn to live without.
The truth of the matter is "People change when THEY want to change."
Sitting around nagging, begging, and pleading will only lead to frustration and disappointment on your part as well as resentment and emotional withdrawl on their part. No one wants to spend time with someone who is either trying to "change" them or "control" their behavior against their desire. A clean house may not be a top priority for anyone in your household other than you! If you believe they do care then try going on "strike". Simply stop doing anything yourself and see how far things go down hill before someonoe else starts to pitch in.
A compromise may be for you to hire a part-time maid to come in once or twice a week to help out. In the end we are much better off marrying someone who (Already is) doing the things we want as opposed to (hoping) we'll be able to get them to start doing those things down the road.