How...As quiet and calm as possible. I'm a quiet woman, my husband speaks his mind, almost uncontrolably. But both of us have a violent streak in us, mostly self-defense, so when we argue, we try to keep everything quiet, calm, and in one piece. Neither one of us like to argue, even if its a quiet argument, in from of the kids. They don't need to be subjected to that.
Would I try to calm myself, yes, we both do. But depending on who's winning the argument, I either stop talking or I yell louder. Being quiet, my 1st action is to just stop talking. Then he either keeps yelling or he stops when I ask him to stop. After that, we just sit silent.
The reason for the silence is for the both of us to stop and think of a calmer way to communicate to each other why we are so upset and try to come to a compromise or agreement. By compromise, that means we don't agree, but we'll try to change in order to keep the peace. Agreement, we both agree that one or both of us are wrong and again we change in order to keep the peace. Then we go to bed, wake the next morning, and never argue about it again.
We don't argue much, maybe once every other month or so. Sometimes its about something big like how to prioritise our money, but most of the time its about something petty which is why we are able to forget about the argument so easily. You have to be willing to change yourself for your partner or you will never be able to open up completely to them, things stay tense, and the relationship will end.
Don't go to bed mad.