I approach him like this granting he just came home from work and tired: Honey, is this a good time to talk? I have something on my mind I would like to discuss with you.If he says no, I am tired.Then I ask, when is a good time? He says, maybe later .. Then I say, oh ok.... let me know when it is alright.This is always our route and It works all the time. give him or her space or a choice and do not impose.Give him / her the convenience of agreeing to talk on his own schedule.it is a lot calmer and more civil if done this way.it is a proven method I have used , LOL! and it sure works.