Years into a marriage your spouse decide they want to have sex with others what

1. 68

   davenmidtownposted 12 years ago

   Years into a marriage your spouse decide they want to have sex with others what do you do/say?
   
   You date,  you get to know someone, you decide you can spend your life with this person and then after you are married... your spouse decides that they want an open relations... what is YOUR reaction?

   replyreport
2. 63

   moiponetsokaposted 12 years ago

   My reaction i dont satisfy his needs.this is heartbreaking

   replyreport
3. 94

   Daughter Of Maatposted 12 years ago

   My reaction would be to not let the door hit your a$$ on the way out. It's essentially cheating with permission. Cheating in any form is a deal breaker for me. A spouse truly in love with their significant other wouldn't need an "open" relationship.

   replyreport
4. 75

   msshandriaballposted 12 years ago

   i would take it as  a free pass to cheat also .why not just seperate for awhile?

   replyreport
5. 61

   duffsmomposted 12 years ago

   If my spouse decided they want to play around that would tell me our relationship was done.  I would not stay. I would end the relationship.

   replyreport
6. 60

   stevenmarkbrownposted 12 years ago

   For me there is only one answer, it has been wonderful being with you, but when it comes to our relationship I am very selfish, so please let me go and have a wonderful life.

   replyreport
7. 84

   wychicposted 12 years ago

   I'd tell him that's fine, he can have sex with whoever he wants, whenever he wants. With the one exception that he won't be having sex with me anymore. Or living in my home. Some people are open relationship sort of people and some aren't -- I'm a decidedly closed relationship kind of person. If I'm not what you need then there's no helping that, I am who I am.

   replyreport
8. 49

   chester23posted 12 years ago

   That would be totally unacceptable, however I would try to get to what issues are causing this. You may want to find out if she has actually had relationships outside of the marriage or if she is just thinking about it. Depending on the facts and your desire to save your marriage you may want to seek marital help through counseling or online help.
   
   In no way should you accept her suggestion of an open marriage. Let her know that you are willing to work on saving the marriage but that the open marriage thing is a deal breaker.

   replyreport
9. 60

   tammybarnetteposted 12 years ago

   Well I would say no, and then if He could not be happy with just me I would love him enough to let him go:)

   replyreport
10. 81

    peachpurpleposted 12 years ago

    I will ask my spouse to go to hell ! Open sex life is totally unacceptable and brings more problem to marraige. Might as well end the relationship or get a divorce.

    replyreport
11. 60

    YvetteParkerposted 12 years ago

    You have certainly posed an interesting question. What a sad situation! Counseling would seem to be an option. If the spouse insists on an open marriage after counseling; then separation would be my next step. After separation, if the spouse consented to a monogamous marriage, then forgive and all is well. If not, then I would not live under those conditions. That is not the original plan of holy matrimony.

    replyreport
    1. 68

       davenmidtownposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       could you trust him/her again? I don't think I could I for me the relationship would have ended at that question... but that is just me. I like your approach to counsiling though.

       replyreport
12. 69

    grinnin1posted 12 years ago

    Very hurt and very angry. And glad I have a clear understanding of who this person really is now, rather than later. Every person deserves someone who will love them back fully and completely- without any "distractions". That is a person worth spending your life with.

    replyreport
13. 60

    royalblkroseposted 12 years ago

    goodbye. Marriage is monogamy- and to flip the script in such a fashion is UNACCEPTABLE to me. One of the purposes of sex is to deepen emotional bonds, and after establishing a deep emotional bond within the marriage, to suddenly break it with the desire to engage in an open marriage is trouble.

    replyreport
14. 59

    50 Caliberposted 12 years ago

    No children? No problem. 50/50 split on debt and expenses, separate bedrooms, but quitting is not an option. No more exchanges of bodily fluids. Wait for them to come to their senses as to why  the marriage was done in the first place. Hopefully for more than sex. Otherwise it was doomed day 1.

    replyreport
15. 83

    JessicaSmetzposted 11 years ago

    Any guy that does that to his wife is scum. They want to cheat freely and have no guilt. What is the point of a marriage if he breaks his vows and is intimate with other people? I would say bye and run the second that happened. Divorce seems scary but I'd rather be divorced than be used and cheated on.

    replyreport
16. 57

    seojointposted 11 years ago

    Its clear that your spouse want to end the relation.  Bitter but truth...

    replyreport
    1. 58

       onlinereputationsposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       I would say goodbye Marylou hello Sue.  If you're unhappy walk away!  Don't turn back.

       replyreport
17. 89

    Danieljohnstonposted 11 years ago

    If there was a conversation about an open relationship before I would understand, but if it is just randomly after a long time of being married it sounds like boredom. Seek counselling, or have an honest conversation about if they are just bored with you. If they are bored, try to spice it up or just decide that you need to move on yourself. There are plenty of fish in the sea no matter how sad it is to break up.

    replyreport
18. 60

    wewillmakeposted 11 years ago

    Its totally unacceptable. This is the other form of cheating your partner. Marriage is an agreement not only by 2 bodies but by 2 souls.. so can't accept it a bit..

    replyreport
19. 0

    Team Leaderposted 11 years ago

    Hello davenmidtown,
    
    My first question is what is your reaction?
    Maybe you are someone who does not mind maybe you do mind very much?
    
    I would say: 'I am letting you go, all the best.' Then I would get my self-confidence back and I would find a really nice guy.
    
    Your 'Team Leader'
    P.S. Of course I'd have to burn his car, hijack his cat and put a nest of woodworms into his house, too :-)

    replyreport
    1. 68

       davenmidtownposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       Hello Team leader... myself... I would never tolorate an open relationship... I am just worth more then being shared... and many other reason... I like the woodworm ideas...

       replyreport
20. 60

    Disturbiaposted 11 years ago

    It wouldn't be the first time. I've already been in an "open marriage" so this is nothing new to me. We would have to have a talk about it, make a plan, and come to some sort of mutually agreeable arrangement. An open relationship is far different than someone sneaking around behind your back, cheating, and making a fool of you.

    replyreport
    1. 68

       davenmidtownposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       Hello disturbia... open marriages are more common then most would think... what eventually caused your marriage to end?

       replyreport
21. 89

    Caradwyn Cooperposted 11 years ago

    I would have to say that I would end the relationship. I am not closed minded to the idea of an open relationship. I have personally never been in one. However, if the relationship did not start as an open situation, you cannot suddenly change it to one.
    
    If the relationship was initially open, so be it. A relationship that becomes an open one in the years after marriage, is seriously on the rocks. I would be evaluating the entire relationship to see where it went wrong. If it cannot be repaired, then there is no point in prolonging the inevitable.

    replyreport
22. 51

    skytreeroadposted 10 years ago

    It is not that uncommon. I think that is why they invented swinging. Communication is key in any relationship. Maybe the spouse wants to know boundaries, maybe the fun is out of the relationship, maybe it is midlife crisis. Would it really kill you to talk about it? There are different options. Swinging if both of you agree it is time to fool around. That is a togetherness cheating. Open marriage if only one wants to hanky panky. Divorce if only one of you wants to hanky panky and there is no other resolution.

    replyreport