Both my mom and mother in law have a habit of telling how much they are doing fo

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   dipsmiposted 12 years ago

   Both my mom and mother in law have a habit of telling how much they are doing for us
   
   Both my mom and mother in aw have a habit of telling how much they are doing for us whenever they visit us! They start cooking even before I am awake and annoy with the dominance they show around my house. It is easy to convince my mother that  wwhat she is doing is by her choice and no one has told her to do it (with great help from my father). Howeverr my pa in law doesnt open his mouth in front of my mum in law. My husband doesnt want to say anything to either of them(mom and MIL) cause he thinks he may sound rude and leaves the matter to me.How can I deal with this attitude of my mom in la

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   deannachaseposted 12 years ago

   Proceed with caution with MIL!  If neither of the men in her life are able or willing to stand up to her, they may know the wrath is not worth it.  I suppose it depends on how much time they spend with you.  You could try talking to other freinds or family like a sister in law to see if they found an approach that works.  I'm assuming you don't have kids or I'm sure the comments on your parenting from the grandparents would have been another example in your question.  I am a firm believer that the spouse is responsible for managing their own family so it is not reasonable for your husband to expect you to manage his mother.  In fact that dynamic is dangerous.  Best of luck

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      dipsmiposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      deannachase, my husband is "blessed" with a bad tongue. He is willing to help me but I know things will get worse if he utters anything cause being a mom she will be hurt by his harsh words but will blame me for coaxing him to scold her.

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      deannachaseposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Difficult balancing act

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   katyzzzposted 12 years ago

   It's a tough one, maybe they think you are not coping very well.  Are you?
   
   You could say very sweetly, mother in law that's very sweet of you to do these things but really I like the way I do things and you are taking away some of the pleasure of running my own home.  Please do not think I am not most appreciative of everything you do, but I do need to feel I am responsible for my own household. 
   
   Please try to understand, I wouldn't like to hurt your feelings for the world.
   
   good luck and let us know how you are getting on.  I only wish I had had such helpful parents when I was young.
   
   Maybe your mums don't have much of a life themselves.  But tread carefully, the time may come when you'll be very helpful for all the help you can get, and as for your husband it's a good cop out for him while he has both sets of parents doing things which lets him off the hook.  Is he lazy? or just unsupportive?, you should talk more to him about it.

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      dipsmiposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      katyzzz, my MIL has allowed my husband's cousin and family(financially sound) to stay with them. She cooks&pays for all expenses.  However she keeps on dominating them due to this reason. In my case,we pay all the exp but still she tries to domin

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   mathiraposted 12 years ago

   As age catches up, women tend to feel that their work is unrecognized and they are doing a thankless job. Show that you appreciate her care and always include her in your decision, Though the final decision should be yours, just ask your mother in law her opinion in certain things. This might thaw the ice and she might feel softly inclined towards you.

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      dipsmiposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Dear mathira, i have tried doing that but she insists on following her decision and there's where the problem begins.

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   arbposted 12 years ago

   option 1) don't let them visit
   option 2) when they visit - leave
   option 3) make sure there isn't any food in the house to cook!
   option 4) on her arrival date, give her a drink - mix 1 part vodka, 4 parts tonic and two parts valium. When she wakes up, her visit will be over.

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      dipsmiposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Arb, you have really sweet suggestions but alas! i cannot follow them  Moreover I want my in laws to visit us as I think it will nt be fair for my husband.

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