Have you ever ended a friendship? If so, why?

1. 84

   Marcy Goodfleischposted 11 years ago

   Have you ever ended a friendship? If so, why?
   
   What issues made you want to end the relationship?

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2. 81

   zsobigposted 11 years ago

   Simple answer: my reason was that we were not that close and good friends anymore. Sadly she became a completely different person after the first year at uni. She kinda had new interests and wanted to do/watch things and go for places I was not interested in (and before she was not, either). So after a while I simply stopped trying to get back my friend and we basically even stopped talking after a while. It was bad in the first weeks, but then I got closer to others. Now I have her on FB, and I see I made a good decision back then. She is like she got out of her mind in the past few years .

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      Marcy Goodfleischposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      It's sad when you see someone change and you drift apart, isn't it, Zsoblog?

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3. 81

   LisaKoskiposted 11 years ago

   There are a couple instances where I've had to end a friendship. One was because they tricked me out of money (long story I won't go into here). The other was because they just stopped seeming to care about our friendship so I let them go. If they stop answering phone calls or tend to cancel when we're supposed to hang out over and over I figure we're just not friends anymore and let them be.

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      Marcy Goodfleischposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I'm sorry you were tricked like that, Lisa; you don't deserve that sort of betrayal.  Thanks for sharing.

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   fpherj48posted 11 years ago

   Oh dear Marcy....This is a difficult thing for me to share, but I'm going to woman-up and do it anyway......Friendships are very precious to me and I nurture them and am always grateful for having many good friends.
   I also, focus on BEING a good friend and it's fairly evident that I do a fine job.
   However, I have had to end more than one friendship in recent years, after being quite long term friends. 
   One woman, the first friendship I ever took the step to end abruptly and completely was due to her being deceitful unnecessarily and betraying my trust and honesty in an effort to make herself LOOK better.   At first I was in shock that she could or would do this.  Looking back over the years, I realized she displayed a few red flags that I fluffed off.   I did not confront her.  We did not have words over it.   She got my silent message when I returned NO phone calls,and replied to no emails.    I told myself I had to rid myself of the toxic situation and did just that.   IMO, she knows damned well WHY.
   The second was another long term friendship, but this one existed more to her benefit than to mine.  This woman has no "good friends"...or should I say real, true friends......just people she associates with now and then.  By her own admission she saw me as her best friend and literally her lifeline.   However, this was a dangerous relationship for me to begin with and I was well aware of this.  She is bipolar and also severely narcissistic.....(which may explain why she has no friends?)   I could see that she relied on me too much and depended on me as a shoulder and an "ear."
   She has many more low periods than high, with her illness.  As a result, she has a seriously defensive and paranoid attitude about most everything.  Her worst behavior is her inability to direct anger and bitterness where and at whom it should be directed ...if at all.   In other words......always miserable, always angry......and it spread to all around her, no matter who they were.
   Bottom line?   I had a long talk with myself and my husband as well.  I came to terms with the fact that she was beginning to wear down my patience and at times, plant her black cloud above my head as well.   It was much too unpredictable and far too stressful for me.  I simply made the wise and sensible choice to back away and fade into the distance.  I did the right thing and have not regretted it for a moment.   I hope I have not been too long-winded.....

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      Marcy Goodfleischposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Hi, fpherj - I think you described situations that many of us recognize. It's as difficult to sift through toxic behaviors with friends as it is when your mate behaves that way, and it takes a toll. Thanks for your insight here!

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5. 0

   Emily Sparksposted 11 years ago

   Yes.  I had to end my friendship with my 3 best friends for several reasons.  One was that they were influencing me to do wrong and when I refused, they turned their backs on me and accussed me of things I didn't do.  So, I had to let the friendship go and stop communicating with them reguarly.  I am not mean and I don't ignore them, I just try to avoid them politely:)

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   1. 84

      Marcy Goodfleischposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      You were very strong and brave to recognize you needed to detach from those people, Emily!

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6. 85

   Jackie Lynnleyposted 11 years ago

   After befriending someone for years, entertaining her and husband many times (going all out!)  I saw her looking shocked when her husband offered me lunch the first and only time I visited them soon after their marriage. Needless to say I ended it. She had done things before, such as let me buy lunch cause she was broke then buy a new blouse, lol. This just really hurt me though. It felt the right thing to do.

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   1. 84

      Marcy Goodfleischposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Wow, that would indeed be a stunner, Jackie - I don't blame you for ending it!

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7. 62

   LatestDudposted 11 years ago

   I ended my friendship with my best friend recently. I'd known her for 2 years. She was my bridesmaid at our wedding. I never thought that our friendship would end.
   
   Here's what happened: I took her with me when I went to visit my family. After knowing my brother for 5 seconds, she ditched me for him. She was in our family home - my mother and father had spoken to her about how it would be disrespectful and inappropriate for her to 'hook up' with my brother.
   To make matters worse, my brother was in a long term relationship (he has one child and his partner is pregnant) and it was on the rocks. The day after we arrived, he broke up with his long-term partner.
   Everyone had spoken to both of them about the issues and the situation. They both stood there and lied to our faces.
   One night they attempted to seek out together and were caught - which didn't stop them. They went out anyway and didn't come back for 3 hours.
   So, long story short, my best friend ditched me so she could go and sleep with my younger brother, whom she had only known for 5 seconds.
   To me, it appeared our friendship really meant nothing to her and I was very hurt and very disappointed - still am. But, when all is said and done, she showed her true colours and I don't ever want to be friends with someone like that again. She disrespected our family and their home, in which she was a GUEST and she lied to everyone. It's a crying shame.

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      Marcy Goodfleischposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Wow - that sounds like it took a toll on your entire family, LatestDud - so sorry you went through that.

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      LatestDudposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      It did. I just couldn't believe she was capable of being a 'home-wrecker'. When I look back at it now though, it makes perfect sense.

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8. 60

   rlahaposted 11 years ago

   Oh yes. Actually, there was a situation when I was studying abroad in India.  Here is what happened. I had 2 really close friends who came with me to the hospital in India when I had to have my appendix removed. My roommate came and asked me about how my appendix was after I had the surgery. She went and told the surgeon's son about it (no privacy laws back then in the place where I was). I had no idea she had done this. The surgeon's son twisted everything and told his dad that my two close friends said that there was nothing wrong with my appendix and that he should not have removed it. The surgeon got upset and in front of everyone, yelled at my two friends.
   
   Well, after I recovered, they asked me to come to their room so that we could talk. They called my roommate as well. We went in and they asked about the situation. I honestly had no idea as to what had happened. I was just trying to heal. Well, my roommate told us that she had told the surgeon's son about my surgery. My roommate guessed that maybe he had said something else to his dad. 
   
   However, my two friends decided that they could not believe ME anymore and didn't want to talk to me or even interact with me anymore. Go figure. I was very hurt, but what do you do? At least I realized who my true friends were.

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      Marcy Goodfleischposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Oh, that sounds like a nightmare, rlaha - and you were trying to recover from surgery at the same time that drama was going on.  Good for you, to recognize these were not true friends.  So sorry you went through all that.

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      rlahaposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks Marcy. Yes it was a really tough time and it took a while to understand the fact that these girls were avoiding me.

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9. 70

   Alecia Murphyposted 11 years ago

   Yeah. In one case, the person and I had met in college and hung out most of my freshmen year. We knew each other from the ministry we attended and even after he left, I still hung around him. However, I realized how much he complained about things and it started to wear on me. I understand feeling down or angry about something but that was essentially all he did. So I messaged him and said that we couldn't hang out but I wished him the best. I understand needing to vent, but negativity is never going to solve any problems.
   In another instance, I did what some other people have done- I just phased out communication. I felt the friendship had become too one-note and too one-way. I was the person usually calling and leaving messages and while the other person would call back it got to the point I was tired of going back and forth. That and our conversations never got much further than one subject so I just decided to end it instead of lingering or feeling trapped.

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   1. 84

      Marcy Goodfleischposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Wow - I think we may have known some of the same people, Alecia - I've also been turned off by those who constantly complain, or by the 'friends' who can only talk about themselves.  Thanks for commenting here!

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10. 79

    elayne001posted 11 years ago

    Sorry to say, but yes, several. When I was young my mother was concerned about the actions of a girl I ran with. She told me I should not be friends with her, because of her bad influence. Although I was upset and thought we should be friends with everyone, I did as my mother wished. Later on, I was glad about it because she really did mess up her life with drugs. I only wish I could have convinced her to change her ways. As an adult, I have broken a few friendships, mostly because it is hard to keep things going long distance. One so-called friend was upset that I hadn't called her when her mother died (shame!) and hasn't talked to me since. I apologized, but it was not enough. Friendships can be very tricky. My daughter will always be my best friend, since she accepts and loves me no matter what.

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    1. 84

       Marcy Goodfleischposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       Hi Elayne - it is indeed difficult to sustain a friendship when distance comes into play.  Maybe your friend will realize that was a factor and renew your friendship.  Thanks for your comments here!

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       MizBejabbersposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       Elayne, sorry your friendship ended that way. I had a childhood friend that my mother didn't want me to associate with.  At the age of 22 the doctors removed a brain tumor from her and she settled down. I was so glad I stayed friends with her.

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11. 82

    Tonipetposted 11 years ago

    Yes, I did once. I like making friends, to be honest. But after being introduced to a good-looking man (who was married) and made friends with him along with my long time bestfriend, his motives have changed he seemed to want me. It could sound silly having good friendship with a new friend for days and the next week I've had to end the relationship. He was married!!! and I never imagine myself getting involved with such a situation. I had to steer clear for obvious reason, I ended it by avoiding him.

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    1. 84

       Marcy Goodfleischposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       Ooooh - bad guy!  I think guys who specialize in running around are really good at sneaking up on people with that idea - they make friends first, and then go in for the kill.  You dodged a bullet, for sure!

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12. 68

    Angela Blairposted 11 years ago

    I've not "ended" friendships by addressing the particular person involved but have very quietly let some friendships fall by the wayside. As a senior citizen -- and in fact age doesn't really matter at all -- I try to maintain an "up" attitude, stay cheerful and complain about anything as little as possible. A few of my friends take the attitude that ageing is the worst possible thing that could happen to one and center their lives on the subject -- kind of like "poor me" on a daily basis. This isn't good for the person exhibiting that attitude nor the people they interact with -- so I've gradually let those friends fade into the far distance. I'm not talking about a friend with a true illness -- that's reason to support someone -- I'm talking about day-to-day negativity that takes too much of a toll on anyone. Everyone has an occasional "down" day -- but a "down" lifetime -- no way am I going to support and be a part of that.

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    1. 84

       Marcy Goodfleischposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       I completely understand those times when we 'drift away' from the negative or 'downer' people in our lives.  If you don't take care of yourself, those people can drag you down and they are almost toxic to be around.  Thanks, Sis!

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13. 0

    vonda g nelsonposted 11 years ago

    Well for me I've ended friendships for many reasons, but one of the reasons I definitely will end a friendship for isdisrespe ct.  I think some people have a twisted belief and think you will accept just about anything when they know that you are really a friend.

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    1. 84

       Marcy Goodfleischposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       That's an interesting take on it, Vonda - and I think you make a great point.  Loving someone unconditionally doesn't mean you put up with just anything.

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       vonda g nelsonposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       Good Morning Marcy ***wink***

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14. 0

    Darkmetalyposted 11 years ago

    I have newer ended a friendship but friendships have ended in my life not because of any difficulty's. Me and my old friends just grew apart.

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       Marcy Goodfleischposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       People. Indeed grow apart at times - thanks for reminding us that our paths can take different directions, Darkmetaly.

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15. 59

    Amberjewellposted 11 years ago

    Some friendships are beneficial as they bring the best out in you and make you a better person. Some friendships are toxic and bring you down.
    I have ended numerous friendships with people who were full of drama, pulled me down emotionally and mentally, and brought out the worst in me.
    I want to only have friends who are uplifting, encouraging, give me constructive criticism and love me regardless. I have found that when I was young, I thought it was great to have a ton of 'friends' who were not necessarily the type of people who would have your back, tell you when you were going in the wrong direction, and love you genuinely expecting nothing in return. The numbers seemed to be the lure in that mentality.
    Now days, I have two close friends and only a few 'friends' (whom I know from church and know they would be there if i ever needed them, I just haven't developed a close relationship with them yet). I am completely satisfied with it. The quality of my friendship is much more important than the quantity.

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    MizBejabbersposted 11 years ago

    When you get my age, you will have seen several friendships end. Usually mine have just drifted apart and we greet each other enthusiastically when we happen to meet, talk awhile and go our separate ways. However, I ended one permanently a couple of years ago because a "friend's" husband misquoted me. When I tried to explain the misquote, she didn't accept my explanation and went into a chat room and told everyone what a horrible person I was. I considered that a real betrayal. She ordered me to delete her email address from my address book and never contact to her again. So I did. Six months later, she called my house and kept calling. When her calls were ignored, she sent me a friend request on FaceBook. I deleted it. Because of her nature, I think she really wanted to be friends again, but I will not have anything to do with someone who has betrayed me, especially publicly.

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17. 40

    securityproducts3posted 11 years ago

    Yes. Some of my friends got hooked up on different kinds of drugs. I obviously at first tried to support them and get them off of it, but after a while, I just decided it was better if I didn't surround myself with them any longer.

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18. 60

    Opulent1posted 11 years ago

    It was because as I grew healthier, the friends were intimidated by it. They chose to hang with people that were at their threshold and could not find themselves making changes in their lives.

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    anuwsposted 11 years ago

    Yes, because of the misbehavior of my friend. slowly I stopped getting in touch and now no touch at all.

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    towen1posted 11 years ago

    I was friends with someone I worked with at a prior college and had gotten him a job at the college I was teaching at the time.  Well, about 2 years after he had been there, he started getting creepy.  I was married in 2008, and he brought a date and was the only one to not bring a present-not even a card. To make matters worse, he split after he ate dinner.  I decided to overlook this thinking maybe he didn't have much money. Well, at work, he would always stand over me and my other colleagues to see what we were doing on the computer. One colleague was checking his bank statement to see if his direct deposit went through and this guy was trying to read his information.  To make matters worse, he was caught stealing food from my desk and one of my coworkers caught him going through my desk. When the other coworker confronted him, he told them he was looking for a movie. He never asked to borrow any of the videos(which were all mine). In case anyone is wondering why I had videos, I taught Criminal Justice at a local university and used them in some of my classes.  Well, I reached a point to where I snapped at him, then he had the audacity to ask me why I was being mean to him.  After that incident, I stopped speaking to him and he FINALLY got the hint.

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21. 73

    algarveviewposted 11 years ago

    Yes and the reason ... money... my mom always said we shouldn't lend money to friens... obviously I didn't listen and I lend some money to a very good friend... the rest is history...

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    ReneeDC1979posted 11 years ago

    I ended 2 at the same time this year.  I recently co-founded a nonprofit -we write and produce plays.  We asked two of our friends to create all original music for our upcoming production.  After signing a contract with them, they became lazy.  We had certain deadlines for them and they would lie just to buy time.  We had to replace them with a more committed, dedicated band.  I wrote letters to both expressing how I felt and the last line of each "I Wish You Well, But It's Time To Move On."  I am learning everyone that appears to support your passion and successes, doesn't went their selfish intentions get in the way.

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23. 60

    Cordelia Bayposted 11 years ago

    Yes, an some that were quite important to me. I find that when trust is broken it is hard to believe them again.  Especially, when they won't up to their own choices or actions that have created conflict....situations or circumstances. But, I am not willing to give up easily and keep trying for quite some period of time. Somethings can happen unintentionally, but when continued to be repeated are no longer unintentional....they are intentional by knowing the result and doing them anyway. I would rather have one true friend than a hundred fly-by...pretend to be....friends.

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24. 60

    cerefoposted 11 years ago

    No this makes you coward. Ending a friendship is not a good thing. Can you please tell me how do you have 100 hubscore! Its awesome thing

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25. 69

    Mazzy Boleroposted 11 years ago

    I ended a friendship because I finally realized that the other person was not really a friend at all.  My mother was on her death bed. I was utterly emotionally exhausted and heartbroken, and this so-called friend telephoned and demanded that I should drive over to her place around 20 miles away and take her to a singles club! I told her I was in no state to make small talk with strangers in a singles bar, but she just kept trying to brow-beat me into doing what she wanted.  When I finally couldn't take any more and said, "I'm not coming to any singles bar tonight and I'm putting the phone down now." she shouted, "I think you are very selfish!" and hung up.  I had put up with all kinds of abuse from that woman and made excuses for her but that was the last straw.

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       Haynzieposted 9 years agoin reply to this

       I'd have told her, you don't demand anything of me, I'm not your slave, call a cab. What nerve. With friends like that who needs enemies right? It's sometimes hard to make friends, cause a lot of times you don't know what their allterior motives are.

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26. 49

    Anonamysgirlposted 11 years ago

    Yes! Her name was Jaci and she always thought she was right!! We got in a fight and my other BFF made me choose so I ended up crying, but then the "pops" comforted me and so I'll hang out with them but I thought of all the things me and Jaci did together (half of it was fighting but I remembered those goood times and regret it!

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27. 61

    Jennifer Bartposted 11 years ago

    Yes,I wont end a friendship unless I am betrayed and the trust is broken some how.I don't have many friends because I guard my heart closely as I have been burned before but the ones I do have I know I can trust because I would rather have one friend I can trust than a bunch of friends I can not trust.

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28. 84

    Laura Schneiderposted 10 years ago

    Mental illness symptoms (depression, bipolar) has ended several of my friendships--I'm ashamed to say that I could not stick by someone who had a need greater than I was strong enough to provide/deal with/comply with.
    
    This first group of folks was easy to let go of once I knew the truth; the second group just painful. I found out a group of friends had lied, severely broke the law, and together cheated me out of over $100k over the course of several years, attending parties, birthdays, and holidays along the way and acting as though they were my friends. Then I found out that a bigger group of friends who were similarly treated weren't willing to stand with me to win the fight against our cheating friends. I lost my job and beloved house and much, much more money in the subsequent years. And never got a dime from the original group of scum.
    
    It was painful but unquestionably necessary to let this go: Another time, 3 of my "best" friends bullied/roasted me for 2.5 solid hours--I stayed and listened, denying their twisted words, in too much horror to move or leave, hoping for a silver lining or different ending to the story. They took a huge group of friends and supporters away from me by locking me out of our bigger group that I had formed. Only most of the others eventually tracked me down and made it clear whose side they were and were NOT on after they found out what happened.
    
    One, who was raised like a sister to me, just never showed up for any of my important life events: graduation, graduation party, wedding, college graduation, etc. We amiably drifted apart until she died a few years ago of cancer she'd been fighting her whole life, and I'd been able to say a few words to her (but wasn't allowed to say goodbye) on her deathbed, but couldn't get the words out that I still loved her like a sister despite it all. (Crying wasn't allowed either, and I couldn't say it without crying.) Her ashes have been scattered, and there is no marker for me to express these sentiments to.

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    Edward J. Palumboposted 10 years ago

    I loaned an expensive piece of equipment to a friend who knew how to operate and care for it. Months passed and the item wasn't returned, so I pursued it and asked for its return. More time passed. I drove to his home and retrieved it, only to find it hadn't been provided any care or maintenance in the six months it was in his possession. I regarded that as careless, irresponsible and disrespectful. End of friendship.

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    Haynzieposted 9 years ago

    Yes, one time I was hanging out with someone who I though was my friend in school, she and I went to a local convenience store, I saw her put something in her pockets, I said out loud, PUT THAT BACK, she shushed me, I said even louder, PUT THAT BACK, OR I'LL CALL THE MANAGER. She said you're a snitch, I said I'd rather be a snitch than a thief, you're no friend of mine. I went and told the manager, she was stealing, and she tried to drag me down with her. An employee who (unbeknownst) to us was watching us, told me to go, they will handle her. She (the employee) knew I didn't take anything. I bought a pack of gum on the way out and said bye "Sandy", have fun in jail, and walked out of the store. She never spoke to me again, and that was just fine by me. I had a feeling she was bad news, but being a kid who was always the new kid in school, I wanted to have a friend, she seemed to be at first. My intuition was right. Even my mom didn't care for her. She said keep an eye on her, I have a bad feeling about her. I said ok, I kinda have that feeling too, but I'll give it some time. Mom was right, and so was I. So that's the first and only friendship I ended.

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    peter565posted 8 years ago

    I use to have this mate that I don't hang out with anymore, he have serious issue of sex addiction and is addicted to drugs such as ice. I still had to see him while in university, so, I remain nice, but I don't hang out with him, after graduating, I just deleted his contact record.

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    Sreineposted 7 years ago

    Yes of course, she was a close friend but always doubted me which push me a little harder in life. We used to get in trouble together always we almost got arrested once. And at that moment I wasn't having it anymore. I told her she need to find a life worry about her future more she got upset saying I came at her the wrong way she started talking behind me but it didn't bother me not at all because I finally catch up with my homework at school got my grades up,I got a job, they finally let me in the basketball team again and everything was going great for me and her not so much,she had something in her record couldn't get a job,got kicked out of school. The point is I do feel sorry for her but it was a mature grown up decision I made and it worked out awesome I couldn't be anymore happier

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