When friendship dies, where do you go to say goodbye?

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   Laura Schneiderposted 11 years ago

   When friendship dies, where do you go to say goodbye?

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   dashingscorpioposted 11 years ago

   When something dies you bury it.
   There are two basic reasons why friendships die.
   1) Neglect
   2) Quarrel
   The first one is often a matter of lives growing apart as priorities or circumstances change. Maybe one person moved a great distance away or something else eats into their time.
   The second one could have to do with a "final straw" moment, an act of a betrayal, or one person reaches the realization that they are the only one who has been putting energy and effort into maintaining the friendship. I've heard of people who stopped calling a friend to see how long it would be before their friend called them. They (never) got that call. Apparently the "friendship" had been dead for quite sometime.
   Not every friendship was meant to last a lifetime. Some people are in our life for just a season. A wise person knows (you don't change the seasons), you learn to work with the seasons. When it's over accept that it is over and move on.

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      Laura Schneiderposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks, dashingscorpio! That was a very good analysis and conclusion. I like the analogy of learning to work with the seasons.

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   lburmasterposted 11 years ago

   I don't go anywhere. It's just saying good bye in my head, especially if the friendship ended on bad terms.

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      Laura Schneiderposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Hi Iburmaster! Yes, I can see where keeping it to yourself would be the best solution especially if the friendship ended on bad terms. It's respectful of the nature of the original friendship, rather than heated words or whatever.

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   duffsmomposted 11 years ago

   Journaling the details, or a letter to the friend (that may never get mailed) but closure is important.  I think if it is a friendship that ended badly, then I would lay it all out in a letter - take those things in your head, and put them on paper and then you can say goodbye.

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      Laura Schneiderposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I think that's a good idea, too: making sure to get closure. Writing things down helps me work through many things, and regardless of how friendships die it would probably help. Good answer! Thanks!

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   connorjposted 11 years ago

   
   
   If we were rather static not subject to change over time then I would agree that there are probably indeed 2 reasons (i.e. "neglect and quarrel or disagreement that escalates"); however, I would like you to consider a third and perhaps most significant of all. We simply change and sometimes that change disrupts current situations/relationships. If we are on a journey in this life perhaps it is inevitable that we may leave some relations behind...
   As far as to where one should go to say goodbye I would simply reply that there is no substitute for direct communication (in person) to the one that you are parting with. This not only offers complete closure but more importantly minimizes the potential for misunderstanding. Thus, I would make very effort to chat in person with the one you are parting with...

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      Laura Schneiderposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      connorj, I think this growing apart over time is the way many friendships die, also. Talking directly with the person is daunting, but I agree that it minimizes the potential for misunderstanding. Perhaps writing about what you will say first...

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      connorjposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Yes I would agree, growing apart (over time) is indeed a significant reason fro death of a friendship; however, perhaps just perhaps the reason for growing apart is change from within...

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      Laura Schneiderposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Change within is just one way friendships grow apart; one friend's marriage/divorce, moving away, baby, new pet, major illness/handicap, or new obsessive hobby (both internal and external changes for that person) can also be reasons for the parting.

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   Lor's Storiesposted 11 years ago

   A friendship usually dies slowly.
   I had one good friend since high school once she had a baby the friendship slipped.
   She became obsessed with her child.
   So we just stopped calling each other.
   I know she's still around but I don't call her, and she only deals with people who go to visit her.
   Friendship is a two way street. If they are stuck at a stop light while it'd green I just go. They are the ones stuck in an idling position.
   I have two great friends. That's all I need.

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      Laura Schneiderposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Great answer! Thanks, Lor's Stories!

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