What do you think of a woman that tries to ruin the relationship between a mothe

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   UMHiramposted 10 years ago

   What do you think of a woman that tries to ruin the relationship between a mother & her son?
   
   Do you think insecurities and control have a lot to do with a woman trying to put a wedge between a mother and her son? (This includes a girlfriend, fiance or wife) Your thoughts?
   
   

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   dashingscorpioposted 10 years ago

   It's usually the opposite! Most mothers don't believe (any) girl is good enough for their son! It's as though they don't want to share him with another woman. I've even seen this among women who claim "all men are no good". Apparently (their sons) are the exceptions! LOL.
   Life is a personal journey. Each of us gets to (choose) our own friends, lovers, and spouse. The son had no choice in who became his mother however it's HIS (choice) as to who becomes his wife or girlfriend. The son is with this woman because HE (wants) to be. Never ignore that fact!
   Cutting the apron strings is difficult for a lot of mothers.
   Genesis 2:24 "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh"
   One man's opinion! :-)

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      Abby Campbellposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      I agree!

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   Lisa HWposted 10 years ago

   I tend to give most people a little more credit than to automatically assume it's about insecurity and/or control.  (I know some people have those issues, but I don't really think they're the problem nearly as often as a lot of people assume they are.)
   
   I tend to lean more toward assuming there are a couple of different roots of the problem:
   
   1.  The generational differences between the two women.   A lot of young people don't understand why parent-generation folks think the way they do, and can't imagine that some things don't come from parents' wanting to control their grown kids.    A person has to have grown kids herself to know how most mothers absolutely have no wish to control their grown son/daughter.  I think, though, that this worry in the grown kids' generation is there, so they often worry a little more about someone trying to control them than is really necessary.
   
   As a result, sometimes the younger woman will be "all ready for" dealing with the mother.  Also, not being a mother of a grown son/child herself, the younger woman just doesn't know how much normal mothers respect their grown kids' independence and adulthood.  She may "over-interpret" the mother's attachment to or tenderness toward her son as "being too motherly" (and kind of threatening to him).  So she may think he needs her to "stand up for him" or "be on his side".
   
   2.  The fact that the younger woman comes from a different family.  Often, grown kids just (naturally) fit in in their own families and with their own mother.  People from the same family tend to "be cut from the same cloth".  The grown son can feel both "cut from that same cloth" but also want to be separate and grown and "build a cloth" with his (for example) wife. People who don't realize that the mother doesn't (if she's normal and healthy) see it "as a competition" between "old cloth" and "new cloth"  (lol) can kind of build up more defensiveness or caution than they really need to.
   
   When all is said and done I think both women usually have the best interest of the guy at heart.  (Something else, though, is that if the guy has complained about a few things his mother has done, his girlfriend/wife will already be on the alert for the behavior (when chances are he can pretty much take care of himself if mother gets too mother-y, or "whatever"). 
   
   So sometimes it's not about control.  It's just about people not realizing they should relax and be a little less "paranoid" about the other woman hurting the guy.

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      UMHiramposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Lisa, great observation on the generational diffs ... I believe that "respect" is the most important aspect of this whole equation. It has to be practiced all the way around from all parties, that's my belief.

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   peachpurpleposted 10 years ago

   That depends on the situation. If the third party is going after the son's wealth, that is a bad girl

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   Abby Campbellposted 10 years ago

   I don't see why a woman would do this unless a wedge has been placed between the woman and the mother's son first in some way. There are always two sides to a story. Sometimes, there may be no intention of the woman putting a wedge between a mother and her son; it could just be the perspective of the mother.
   
   I don't have any sons, but I have three grown daughters. My youngest two are 18 and 19. I know how difficult it is when children grow up and I'm not needed or wanted as much. However, I realize this is a part of life. Children need to grow up, and mothers need to let go.

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      Lisa HWposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      I'm happy with my son's and daughter's having someone who cares about them and building their lives, and I loved my mother-in-law, and am now enjoying what my grown kids (with their own lives) have added to my life in this new/different way.

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      UMHiramposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      You are definitely right MaximumFatLoss about your child(ren) growing up, that is life; however, people come & go but God gave you one mother. OAN, I don't think mothers have a problem letting go just an issue with a lack of respect from that wom

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   Elderberry Artsposted 10 years ago

   Can depend on the situation. I had this happen to me but in the end his family gave me a fair chance and even though we broke up 6 years ago I still talk to and see them.
   I guess it can be difficult for some mums and you could be suspicious of a girls motives but it's not right to interfere. Children need to live their own lives and make their own mistakes where possible unless there is some reason they need extra care. My son had a bad experience with a girl recently. He has autism and always sees the best in people, it's hard enough to see the bad points in someone you love at the best of times. I told him what I thought and then left it. Over time he saw for himself from her behaviour where the problems where and one day she just stopped talking to him out of the blue which hurt him but he also learnt a lesson and when she came back, after a couple of weeks acting like nothing had happened he told her he wasn't interested.

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      UMHiramposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Elderberry, I think that was a great way to handle the situation with your son. I have a 22 year old son and he has asked my advice. I've given that to him & will respect his future choice. My prayer is that she has been tailored made for him by

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