You are asking multiple questions about relationships. Your questions indicate that you are dependent on others, and put yourself in their hands to be happy.
Before one chooses an adult relationship, it would be helpful both parties were mature adults. Your questions indicate this may not be the case. You ask essentially if a person can "love" a person who does not “love” him or herself? Unless that other person is in a position to foster or support the immature person while they mature, the answer is, "No." This does not mean that the "love" word will not be used to manipulate the immature person into doing things they should not do.
Love itself is a multiple meaning word. There are many forms of "love." The Paternal love from God, your parents or Foster parents or the Platonic love of friends Preachers, counselors / teachers / social workers, and so forth. Anyone involved in helping to raise / nurture a child or youth and provide the much-needed affection for growth has a platonic love of that person. The male / female “love” of which you speak is sometimes merely, “lust.” Lust is when the immature person seeks another in order to achieve some goal. Perhaps just feeling whole?
If the person you are involved with is a mature fostering person, perhaps “relationship counseling” might help you both. Since that person failed in a relationship before, it would not be a bad idea for both of you to grow in this relationship. Once you grow into a confident self-reliant person who is confident and happy with their life you will no longer need another person's approval to feel good about your self and will be such a blessing to any relationship, you will have to push others away. Immature people tend to cling onto mature confident people.
Relationships are best when they are between two mature people who bring something positive to another so that each can mutually grow together. As the saying goes, “If you need me, I don’t want thee. If I need you, you don’t want me. If we don't need each other we want each other and will live in peace.”