Are you kidding? He has no business seeing you while still being married. HE IS BAD, and at 44 you know better too.
Now, that said, get off your pity party, get out and meet some single men. Go to some clubs (not night clubs but like recreational clubs, hiking club, garden club - etc) get out of the house and get involved where you meet people. Soon you will meet someone who is single and probably pretty wonderful.
If you put your mind to it, you can meet someone in a short amount of time. Just be yourself and don't be shy. Be outgoing treat people like an old friend and before you know it... you're in love with someone worth dating.
You did not blow it with anxiety and pushing him to sort out his affairs. You blew it because you dated a married guy who was lying to you about the status of his marriage. When you pushed for more it became clear that you were a liability to the marriage he was still in - so to keep his wife from finding out he was "shtupping" you in between "shtupping" her - you had to go. He had the best of both worlds and you threatened that status with your pushing.
Stop dating married men, you got no business and neither do they and I don't care what he says about where the marriage is at because chances are good he is lying so he can get what he wants from you AND at home.
I am confident there is nothing wrong with you. You are not broken and there are many men who will find you a wonderful person to be with - who are not married.
Now you go get you the man you want... many are wondering where you are - and Fishcake... keep your heart in your shirt until you find out if he is married.
- Best Wishes