Are You Dating a Loser? - 7 Signs You Are Dating a Loser

Are You Dating a Loser?
Are You Dating a Loser?

7 Signs That You Are Dating A Loser

Dating a Loser can result in months, if not years, of frustration, confusion, tears, tantrums and potentially physical or emotional damage. It can also have a long lasting effect on your future relationships. However, that when you are deeply, madly in love with someone, you become so infatuated that you cannot, or will not, acknowledge your partner’s failings.

It is not always easy to realise, lest admit to yourself, that you are dating a Loser. Your friends or family may spot the signs and try to alert you to their concerns. Nonetheless, you are oblivious to the issues they raise and dismiss their fears without so much as a second thought. The danger in doing this, is that their views are usually far more objective than yours.

The most important thing to remember is that the problem is NOT WITH YOU. Invariably, you may well discover that your partner has a history of this type of poor behaviour, has a borderline personality disorder or, worse still, is narcissistic.

Here are 7 tell-tale signs that you are dating a Loser:

1. He Tells You He Loves You Too Quickly

The Loser is usually very quick to tell you that he loves you. Typically, within weeks of dating, he will be talking about your long term future together. He may discuss moving in together, having kids or even propose marriage!

Whilst this is all very flattering, you really need to sit back and ask yourself if this behaviour is that of a normal, well adjusted individual. Yes, of course we have all heard of whirlwind romances, but these are the exception to the rule and not the norm.

So why does the Loser do this?

Why bother telling you that he loves you, if he really doesn’t mean it?

Why bother making plans if he has no intention of following them through?

In truth, what he says means very little to him. The Loser has extremely superficial emotions and falls in and out of love on a whim.

2. He Blows Hot and Cold

He loves me, he loves me not! From calling and texting you daily, you may suddenly not hear from the Loser for days or weeks on end. Just as you begin to get over him, out of the blue, he contacts you! He behaves as if nothing has happened and expects to pick up the relationship where you left off.

3. Your Friends and Family Don’t Like Him

When your nearest and dearest tell you that they don’t like the Loser in your life, you really need to view this as a red flag. They are viewing the relationship from an objective perspective. Remember, they love you and want nothing more than to see you happy. But, they see how the Loser treats you. They see what effect it has on you. They see how dating the Loser has changed you. Don’t berate them for being honest with you.

4. His Actions Don’t Match His Words

The Loser has a tendency to say one thing but to do the complete opposite. He also has a tendency to lie. Often badly. But he will never admit that he was lying, even when he is caught red handed. At best, he may admit that there was a “misunderstanding,” but he will never admit that he was lying.

What Would Make You Dump Your Guy?

  • You discover he is married / has a girlfriend / is living with someone.
  • He is unfaithful to you.
  • He asks to borrow money off you.
  • He fails to turn up for a date.
  • He is physically and/or verbally abusive.
  • All of the above.
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5. He Is Self Obsessed

He thinks only of himself. He talks only of himself. He expresses very little interest in your life, family, friends, work or your activities and interests. Your “job” is to make him feel good, not bore him with the minutia of your life!

6. Your Feelings Don’t Matter

The Loser lacks empathy and does not stop for one moment to consider how his actions will affect you. His inability to accept criticism also means that he is never wrong. Consequently, any attempt by you to challenge his wrong doing will simply result in feelings of anger or self pity.

7. He Asks To Borrow Money

At the beginning of your relationship, the Loser usually insists on paying for everything. But do not be fooled. This is simply a ruse to deceive you into believing that he is financially secure.

Slowly, but surely, he will then begin to milk you for all you are worth. He may explain that he has “cash flow” problems and begin by borrowing small amounts of money. He may even repay you back initially. A small token gesture which is only intended to further increase your confidence in him and make you lend him even greater sums of money. The Loser will view you as his personal ATM and even develop a sense of entitlement to YOUR MONEY!

Whatever you do, NEVER EVER lend the Loser any money and most definitely do not borrow money or co-sign a loan for him.

Don’t believe me? Just set aside a few hours to watch "Judge Judy." You really do not need financial ruin on top of heartbreak!

Getting Rid Of The Loser In Your Life

Ultimately, you will discover that the trouble with dating a loser is that they are not always that easy to get rid of. As soon as you start pulling away, in an attempt to end the relationship, they usually pursue you with renewed vigour. Whilst this may generate feelings in your head that you may have made a mistake, please remember that this is not necessarily a sign that you were wrong. Just ensure that you see him for the person he actually is. Not the person you want him to be.

If you are having problems dumping the Loser in your life then you should try implementing the No Contact Rule.

Copyright © 2012 Marketing Merit - All Rights Reserved

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Disclaimer

Please note that this hub is not intended for use as a source of professional, psychological or medical advice but is provided solely for informational purposes.

Readers are advised to seek the services of competent professionals in these fields.

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Your Comments Are Most Welcome! 5 comments

sapphire99336 profile image

sapphire99336 4 years ago from Kennewick, WA

Good advice!


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 4 years ago

You offer some excellent points in this hub. However I would have to slightly disagree with you about the problem not being "you" in the article. I realize we live in an era where everyone wants to point the finger at someone else or anything else when it comes to dealing with issues. The truth is each of us (chooses) our own friends, lovers, and spouse. There is no getting around that one.

If I go to the grocery store to purchase an apple but buy an onion instead...whose fault is that? Do I curse the onion for not being an apple? No. I have to learn to become a better "shopper"!

You are responsible for your own happiness. It's your life. Take the wheel! One man's opinion! :-)


Marketing Merit profile image

Marketing Merit 4 years ago from United Kingdom Author

The one thing we do agree on DashingScorpio is that we are all ultimately responsible for our own happiness.

The point I was trying to get across is that sometimes it is easier for someone on the "outside" to gain a better perspective of situations than someone who is entangled in the middle of it.

Thank you for your interest! ;)


Levertis Steele profile image

Levertis Steele 3 years ago from Southern Clime

There was a time in years past that elderly family members had much to say about their young people's choices of mates. Then, more young people listened to them. The Generation Gap, Women's Liberation, and Children Divorcing or Suing Parents Movements did not help much with this practice of family involvement. Now, young people mostly make their own decisions about a mate and marriage without consulting their fathers, mothers and grandparents. It is true that we are responsible for our own happiness, but that includes being responsible and sensible enough to listen to wisdom and people who love us and have always looked out for us when we could not help ourselves. A good, loving father or brother is usually able to assess the reliability of a daughter's chosen partner. Guys know guys.

I beieve that these signs are on target. Well done!


Vicki 17 months ago

I have to give my take. Read about sociopath, psychopath, narcissistic personalities and what victims of these munipulating non-human beings do to a person psychologically, emotionally, financially, spiritually. I am a counselor and was almost driven to shoot myself. This monster deliberately tried to give me hiv all the while playing on my empathy and love for him, while telling me it was all my fault. It was impossible to tell the the truth from fiction, I questioned my sanity through out. The worst and most eye opening experience of my life. Please, stop insinuating to victims that it is part their fault for being deceived and manipulated. It is a very painful ordeal and personally I felt like the stupidest person on earth, and got attacked and blamed by his realm of friends and family who are also being manipulated and lied to and don't have a clue. Those statements of blaming someone who has done no wrong and is going through such a moment of questioning their self worth and devastation cam mean the difference between life or death. I have so many clients I run into who thank me for helping them, can you imagine if a monster like this had gotten his way only to replace good deeds with his evil intent. I had no idea such evil people existed in real life. Look up the symptoms of a sociopaths victims, then you will have a small minute glympse of the torment a person was blindly led into. Like the lobster, being put in the pan before it is heated doesn't realize it is being cooked to death to be feasted upon.

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