Teen Angst: Wining Strategies For Break Up Games
Look For The 'Potential Breakup Song' video At The End Of This HuB
Is it possible to end a relationship without pain?
Sure... it's all in the style.
Look at the break down on break up styles to see where you fall in the game.
The he said... she said game
Way before the breakup is official, people reluctant to end things will tell friends it's off, then turn around and tell the person they want to break up with that it's all good.
This is done because nobody really wants to hurt someone's feelings and come right out with..."Oh btw, I don't like you anymore."
While saying something outright might seem cruel, it might hurt a little less than knowing the entire sophomore class knew about the break up before you did?
Be discrete and honest.
Yes, it will hurt, but it's better than a week long game of emotional ping pong.
The say nothing game
This might sound silly, but it's a technique even adults use. It plays out like this: You don't call and hide out for awhile, hoping the dumpee will get the hint.
Keeping someone guessing will only make them want answers. This puts the breaker on the spot since they probably can't answer why they're not interested anymore, and if they do know they're afraid to say why.
The breakee will get the closure they need if you came right out and say, "I just don't feel right in this relationship and can't give you 100 percent. I'm going to move on because you deserve better."
The breakee can move on now because they are not trying to figure out if something is wrong with them.
3) The yo-yo game
There's a saying in the south that says... "people always look better on someone else's arm."
In other words, the guy or girl you just broke up with suddenly looks really good now that they're dating someone else, so... now you want to rekindle that relationship.
But know this, the reason your old boy/girlfriend looks so good is because they are happy.
Leave them alone. They've moved on. It's your turn.
Think about how it feels to stick your hand in a flame. Going back will only burn you both twice as much the second time around.
The bounce back game
You're in love, but not with the person. It could be sex, their car, even their family. Yes, people do fall in love with families, like a girlfriend's dad who happens to be a NASCAR driver.
If you find that you only like one thing about someone, you're eventually going to find someone else who you like more completely.
But how do you keep the sure thing while pursuing the new thing?
You don't. By playing sure and new, you're risking all.
Not to mention you're preventing sure and new from finding someone who's wants to give them their all.
The blame shift game
Making Clean Breaks
In order for a break up to be 100% successful there will have to be some physical space between you.
This isn't always possible in a school setting, but here's some help to ease tensions in the classroom.
Don't call your ex to ask how he/she is doing.
Don't talk about your ex negatively among friends.
Don't ask your friends about your ex.
Don't send negative or positive email/ text messages to your ex.
Don't parade new "loves" in front of your ex.
If you work with your ex or their parent's start looking for a new job.
Don't take all the pictures of the two of you and mail them to your ex, or distroy them...
Don't forget there were good times once... keep that memory, for healthy future relationships.
Sometimes people not interested in pursuing a relationship will do things to sabotage it.
They might cheat or start arguments to make their "partner" crazy enough to do the actual dirty work of breaking up.
It relieves the "blamer" of any guilt but... it leaves the "partner" wondering if they made mistakes in the relationship... leading to regrets about breaking it off.
Unfortunately, what usually happens is that the "blameless partner" loses a little bit of self-esteem each day they put up with the abuse...
causing them to cling for dear life to the very one that wants out of the relationship. People with threatened self-esteem feel the bitter life with an abuser is all they're entitled to.
Face it... if you are playing the blame game you are literally driving your soon to be ex over the edge and accomplishing the exact opposite of your intentions.
Best Advice... always tell the truth
If a relationship is not working, it surely won't be repaired with lies and deceit. The faster and more complete the break the quicker your ex will heal.
Once more, be swift, be honest, and believe when I say that breaking up is hard and it hurts, but avoiding it is worse.
For Safety's Sake...
Let's say that you have a gut instinct that the break up didn't go as well as planned and you feel like your ex is a threat...or...
feel that your ex might be considering harming themselves or others...or
you are having feelings of deep despair and are considering suicide.
Get help from a trusted adult.
Gut instincts are primal messages that warn you of danger...
And they can save your life... and the lives of those you love.
Parents, School Counselors, and the Principal are your #1 resources… But… Do You Need More Help?
- National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY) - Break the silence, make
Get help here, if you are afraid of your ex.
- Covenant House New York - Changing Lives, Creating Futures
You can call this site's "nine line" for all kinds of crisis situations.
- ::1.800.SUICIDE - National Suicide Prevention Hotline::
Call immediately if your or your ex are considering suicide. Kristin Brooks Hope Center, Program Manager of the National Hopeline Network: 1.800.SUICIDE (784-2433), Suicide Prevention Hotline.
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Aly & AJ - 'Potential Breakup Song' video (World Premiere)
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