How to Deal With Your Cheating Boyfriend

Busted!

Caught in Act
Caught in Act

Do you have a Cheating Boyfriend?

Or maybe a cheating husband – most if this will also apply to a cheating spouse.

So, you have a great guy and everything is going great. That’s what you think—until your intuition kicks in. He’s staying at work until all hours. He’s wearing cologne more often. He has a new haircut and some new clothes, is acting a little strange. You suspect you have a cheating boyfriend.

Hold on…he can’t be cheating, you think. But, then you check into it and get confirmation. So, after the shock, the anger, the disbelief, and the tears, you need to decide what you must do next.

Okay. I’m a guy. So from my point of view, before you make any rash decisions, ask these questions:

  • · Do you have an understanding about cheating—did you and your cheating boyfriend or cheating husband talk about what the term “cheating” means to each of you?
  • · Are you married or living together? Do you have a mutual understanding about “cheating” as a married or cohabitating couple?
  • · Are you single, not living together, but DO have a mutual understanding? 

Is He a Cheater?

Cheating?
Cheating?

What is Cheating Anyway?

Note: If you have not talked to your man about this, and you DON’T have an understanding, it wouldn’t be fair to get angry. Don’t read any further, but DO talk to him.

Just remember that men have different views about cheating and what constitutes ACTUAL cheating; that’s why it’s important you have a mutual understanding about what the two of you consider cheating. Seriously, some men think you aren’t cheating if all you are doing is making out. Some men think oral sex isn’t cheating either…that only the act of sexual intercourse itself is the REAL cheat.

Anyhow, once you have confirmation (proof or admission) that he’s cheated, you have three options:

  1. Forgive Him and Forget
  2. Take him Back Carefully
  3. Ditch Him and Move On

 

Option 1: Forgive your Cheating Boyfriend and Forget

OK, so Option 1 is the easiest for him and the hardest for you. A lot depends upon your reaction, how much you trusted him in the first place and how hurt you are. He’s probably told you:

  • It didn’t mean anything and he’s sorry.
  • It was a one-time, one-night affair and he’s sorry.
  • Its been too long since the two of you had sex and he couldn’t help himself (and he’s sorry).
  • He loves you and asks you to forgive him (and he’s sorry).

If you can’t imagine life without him and you believe that he’s truly sorry and won’t do it again, go ahead, forgive and forget. But, the forget part might be more difficult than you think. Just remember, if you do this, you can’t needle him about this act of infidelity for the rest of his life. If you do, you’ll lose him for sure. If you are going to forgive him, do it and don’t bring it up again.

Can You Forgive and Forget?

Talk to the Hand
Talk to the Hand

Option 2: Take Your Cheating Boyfriend Back - Carefully

OK, You have a cheating boyfriend,  or cheating husband? But, you don’t think you can live without him?  Consider this “middle-ground” solution.  You probably love this man and you are HURT beyond words, but you can’t imagine a future without him. So now you have to decide:

  • What has to change regarding the dynamics of your relationship.
  • What he must do to earn your trust again.

This middle-ground solution usually requires the help and intervention of a good relationship counselor. You should probably make a list of the things that must change (you will have a date night each week, he won’t work late anymore) and prioritize them.

Once you  have your list, you should talk with him openly about what you think should change.  However, you should also listen carefully about what he thinks because “something” made him a cheating boyfriend in the first place. You need to fix that “something”—if it CAN be fixed. These suggestions work only if he’s being completely honest about why he strayed.

Remember in the Sex and the City movie when Steve admitted he’d cheated—just once—he couldn’t help it? Miranda simply could not deal with it and she told him “you broke us”. So they parted, but months later, Steve was still begging for forgiveness and Miranda’s friends suggested that maybe she should consider taking him back. So, she realized that he was a special man, important to her, and she still loved  him. She took her cheating husband back carefully—after they had counseling.

How to Say "Next!"

Option 3: Ditch the Cheating Boyfriend

You have confirmation. Your boyfriend cheated. Your spouse cheated. Your husband cheated. To you, this is a deal breaker. This means that if he can’t be faithful, he’s OUT. Some women simply won’t accept cheating at any level. If you’re one of these women, you probably wouldn’t consider the other two options I’ve outlined here.

Did you tell your boyfriend clearly and carefully early on that you won’t accept any kind of cheating? If so, he shouldn’t have any excuse. He may have even done it on purpose to sabotage your relationship. Maybe he wanted out, but didn’t know how to tell you?

Seriously, there are lots of reasons men cheat. Whatever the reason, if the two of you had a clear understanding about how you both define cheating, and he did it, give him his walking papers.

I know a woman who dated a guy for several months and found out he was smoking black tar heroin in her bathroom. For her, the rule was—if he does drugs, he’s gone! It was her deal-breaker. And when it happened, she didn’t blink an eye. She told him to leave, even though he was crying and lamenting that he only tried it once and didn’t even like it (the oldest story in the book). In her case, she had no tolerance for drugs. For some women, a boyfriend cheating is a deal-breaker. It causes the death of the relationship. It’s a done deal and there’s no going back, no matter what the guy says!

In this case, just do it. Don’t waver. Don’t give in and regret it later. You know what you will accept and what you won’t. Tell your cheating boyfriend, your cheating spouse, or your cheating husband to leave. It’s over!

Get Out and Get On With Your Life

Get On With Your Life
Get On With Your Life

Which is worse?

Which kind of cheating is the Worst?

See results without voting

Is slow sexy dancing cheating?

Is slow sexy dancing cheating?

See results without voting

Seduce Your Lover With Hypno Poems

Hypnopoetics...: Modern Love Poems and Hypnotic Inductions
Hypnopoetics...: Modern Love Poems and Hypnotic Inductions

Paperback - The Original and still the Greatest book of Hypnotic Seduction Poems

 
Hypnopoetics: Poèmes Hypnotiques de Séduction Hypnotique (French Edition)
Hypnopoetics: Poèmes Hypnotiques de Séduction Hypnotique (French Edition)

Paperback - The Original and still the Greatest book of Hypnotic Seduction Poems in French

 

More by this Author


What Would You Do if You Knew He Was Cheating? 34 comments

Sabesyatro 21 months ago

oh my god, your question in almost identical to the question I posted today, except that my marriage problems are not caused by infidelity, The people saying that you should NOT join your husbandb4s family, even if you decide to try to save the marriage are right!!!You need to make him clear his cheating is unacceptable stay home and if you really canb4t find any friend to spend some time with (just like me) go and pamper yourself in any way you can..go shopping, to the movies, to a beauty salon etcand if you feel really lonely come over here and I am sure youb4ll find other people feeling lonely at christmas who want to chat with you Ib4ll send you an email with my email address so you can mail or chat with me (I prefer not to post it on here)good-luck to youReferences :


sabina 3 years ago

it is the 3rd time he is saying sorry after getting him red handed.we are married with 3kids .am so pissed and ready to move on now.


Donna 3 years ago

My boyfriend of 4yrs admitted cheating on me, Im so hurt, not sure what to do with him. I still love him but not sure If I can feel the same if we get back and work it out. Life is never fair for us good people.


Jordan 4 years ago

Me boyfriend and I just had a baby a few months ago. Yesterday I opened his phone to check the weather an his texts were open... There was a messgae he sent to a girl telling her he wanted a blow job when they hang out.... Yet he works all the time and claims he has no free time. We live together and I dot know how to handle this... I confronted him an he acted like it was my fault for looking at his phone. Denys everything even though I saw the text... I don't know what to do it's making me sick. From the time I became pregnant I have found messages similar to this one. I'm so upset. It's likei wasted the last 4 years on someone who doesn't love me back.


tin 4 years ago

I'm 5 months pregnant and I have a bf for 3 years. I just found out that he was flirting with my friends, colleagues and classmates since the day we've been together. He sends them sms, private messages in facebook, yahoo and skype. He phones them using viber so there will be no evidence in the bills. He wants to meet up with them privately. It hurts me so much for I always see and talk to these women. I feel so humiliated. I don't know what these girls are thinking about me. I know behind my back they are`laughing at me.


Jynzly profile image

Jynzly 4 years ago from Marion, Indiana, USA

A cheater is always a cheater, he does not deserve an honest and decent woman. let him have all the loose and promiscuous women in the world. I'd rather have no man in my entire life than to have a man who has no backbones. Cheating is cheating whatever the form. A sensible man, a husband for that matter should be smart enough to be aware of his own feelings and thoughts when he sees a woman other than his wife; if there is lust in his heart with lust in his heart, then he is cheating, he is diverting from the sanctimony of his marriage vows...take note...feelings and thoughts whether enacted or not... then I won't need a man...I strictly value integrity in marriage.


lyn 4 years ago

Shanique# i understand your feelings but he doesn't deserve you. you deserve someone who respect you for who you are, someone who cherishes your love, someone who earns your love, affection, loyalty. Pick yourself up dear and move on


SAM 4 years ago

My boyfriend used to look for hookers years ago. when we started dating i asked him if it would be something we would struggle with in our relationship he said no. A couple months later i was pregnant with his kid and we moved in together. About 2months after our baby was born i found out that he was looking online for escorts. I confronted him about it and he said it wasn't cheating because he didn't have sex with anyone.

Being unfaithful is cheating.


Ti 4 years ago

Mine cheated on me on my birthday. He didn't take his calls. I sent multiple sms and got a reply, but behold it was not meant for me. The lady was staying at his place and he was replying to an sms she sent to him and it got to me by mistake. There was no sign of remorse. He just didn't care and now I know that I shouldn't either. Moving forward.


Euzebia 4 years ago

Finding courage wthn my slf to try n frgv.i neva thght i ws strng


neo 4 years ago

my bf cheated on me on once but twice and now he is tellin me that i pushed him coz i waz always on ma phone,well yes my dad just passed on and he was hardly there for me so i used da social network to release the stress.now he admitted but he is using it to his advantage that sumtimez when i call him he wouldn answer his or he wil tell me not to come to his place bcz da ada gal is there and that i shud understand bcz i pushed him it really hurts me we have been in a relationship 4 5yrs and am one month preg i dnt knw wat to do i really loved him but ryt now all i wana do is to make him suffer sumtimes he will take my clothes with the ada gal and bring them to my place then he tells me that he just wanet to satisfy her so she doesn think that he was just using her


Christina 4 years ago

I started dating someone recently; it's been four months now. He's treated me so well, makes me breakfast, bought and named a puppy for me, makes sure I get home safely, etc. However, now that he's on a road trip with his friends I have not heard one word from him. Yet, he's on facebook every hour posting pictures and updates from his phone. There is also some evidence that he is cheating, but I can't know for sure since I'm not there. The only thing I can do is ask him about it when he gets back.

The bottom line: he's young, I'm young and we need to live our lives. If he wants to hook up with other girls, that's his prerogative. I can't control what he does, but I can control my own happiness. There's no double standards in my world. He can have his fun; I'll have mine. We'll decide to do when he gets back. After all, you only live once...


annoymouse 4 years ago

We have been dating for years now , and he cheated on me with a school kid just imagine iam so pissed at him and i hate him , how can you cheat with school kid oh please , anyway life goes on.


Juliet 4 years ago

It's been a bit over 2 months since i broke off with my boy friend. It was really bad for me when i caught him cheating in his house.

We were together 3 years and i loved him. Funny thing is, i'm so disgusted in him now and never want to go back.

It was a deal breaker, that he cheated. He makes me sick.

I never thought i was this strong. It feels good.

I'm single, but i want the right man for me. I will never make that mistake again.


Anonymous 4 years ago

I was dating my bf for 6 months and everything was fine, then I found out he was talking to women online/sending/receiving pictures but he said he didn't sleep with anybody and I tried to forgive him. Since then, every so often I kept on finding out new little lies- none of them that he was sleeping with anybody but the same thing with talking to people/searching for people. After 2 years of trying to forgive I was tried of being paranoid and all the sketchy stories and broke up with him. A month after I went for my routine gyn exama nd found out I had an STD. Thank God it wasn't HIV or herpes, but none the less it was an STD. I knew I woulnd't be stable with him before this but after finding this out it was a clear demonstration that he didn't care about me as I had spoken to him about that (if he cheats and giving me STDs since we didn't use protection-I was on the pill). Ladies- the reality now a days is that its not just about being faithful but also about your health! So many people now a days are careless and don't get checked so don't know they have STDs and are ignorant about how they are spread (possible through oral and of course even if there was only one instance of contact)To me that was absolute deal breaker- meaning I never want to hear from you in my life even if you are dying of hunger b/c he put my health at stake and my fertility- completely unforgivable to me.


Caroline 4 years ago

I have noticed that men think that women are not smart enough to know when they are cheating. Even when they are confronted about it, they seem to think that it will be okay if they back off from the other person for a little while, then when all is good with the women they are with, then they can continue with the cheating things that they do.


amy 4 years ago

My boyfriend was so possessive of me and paranoid about me cheating on him. Then wen he went to university I found out he was cheating on me. I took him back but I think about it everyday. I don't know what made him do it.


lee 4 years ago

im in a 4year r.shp wit ma bf, we are xpectin our baby next mnth. I found empty boxes about 4 in hs drawer includin a libido booster. We dnt use condoms dats why ths hurt me so much...dnt knw wat i shud do


Juliet 4 years ago

I think all men cheat. They can't help themselves. it's the way they're wired.

I'm starting to think that being single is better.

Why should we put up with this pain of them cheating. We give them love, affection, loyalty, caring, loving, worry about them, ect. We do any thing to make them happy because we love them. And what we get back, is a stinkin, cheating scum bag. They drain us. i hope all the cheats go to hell. We should not take men seriously any more, they are little boys and not capable to really love a woman. So to hell with them.


Socialcavity 4 years ago

my boyfriend and i have been together for 4 years and i never believed him to be capable of cheating. Especially since he seemed to obsess over the subject to the point where it borders on being possessive. Up until this point i have been completely happy and he had given me no indication that he felt the opposite. Browsing through his search history i found a website designed specifically for people to meet online and have sex. I happened to catch him a week after creating the account so he hadn't actually cheated on me yet... but i think his intentions are all the proof i need.Let me just say this is my 1st relationship and my first and only lover so needless to say i am horribly, irreparably hurt. I don`t know how to move forward from this my pride is telling me to scrounge up what dignity i have left and leave but i don`t think i can bear the thought of losing him. help


Thandaza 4 years ago

I hve a similar situation a shanique's. Wen i found out i wz pregnant my boyfrnd startd cheating on nd wen i found out abaut it he promised that he wont do it again bt everytym i check his they have been in contact through calls, sms, face book nd mxit i really lve him bt this is too much. I don't know what to anymore plz help


Taonga 4 years ago

My boyfrend was cheating on me after finding out i dumped him bt i still love hm wat can i do to have him back i nid ur advice


Taonga 4 years ago

Its hard to take hm back cz its so painful bt jst have hm as afrend


Taonga 4 years ago

Its hard to take hm back cz its so painful bt jst have hm as afrend


adams481 4 years ago

sometime during the beginning of your relationship, set boundaries: then stick by them. You are in charge of your life. If someone is willing to kick in your boundaries....shoot them!


pb3131 profile image

pb3131 5 years ago from Amherst, MA Author

Here is what I think about these situations:

If all other aspects of the relationship are good, and a spouse/partner cheats on you, let them know you are VERY pissed off and then forgive and forget. Get over it.

If this happens more than once OR if the relationship is leaving you unsatisfied in other areas, time to kick them out and start looking for a replacement, not necessarily in that order.

IMHO monogamy is neither as easy or as common as Western Society would have you believe.


Alliboo 5 years ago

WELL MY ADVICE TO SHANIQUE IS THAT SHE CAN TRY ANOTHER MAN WITH BETTER QUALITIES


ShaniqueS 5 years ago

I recently found out that my boyfriend of 4yrs is cheating. It is the worst feeling ever!!! It is really hard to trust him. I love him dearly and I really cant see life without him but it is tearing me up inside. Evertime I check his phone i find out he is still contacting this person. what should I do.Even though I love him should I just give up on our relationship? plz someone plz advise me


Mo 5 years ago

I was with my boyfriend 6 yrs, We were happily living together, then one day he saw me hugging a co-worker, just a birthday hug The turned 50! my boyfriend became so upset that when I went to sleep he set out to buy condoms and get a $40 dollar prostitute.Two months later he had a nasty feeling-it was an std. He said he was so mad he did it cuz he thought I had huge feelings for the co-worker. I've been crying and am very hurt. A part of me wants him to leave, but I love him so much. I don't want to be single again. He says he will never do it again. He promises that it wont and I need to believe him.


pb3131 profile image

pb3131 5 years ago from Amherst, MA Author

@chelsie - Call me crazy, but wouldn't it be a much better use of your time and engergy to get them both out of your life and get on with finding someone that you would actually want and deserve?


Chelsie 5 years ago

I'm going thru this rightnow my bf cheated on me with my cousin in my own house I took him in when e got kicked out of his place. Then I took her in because her step mom was abusive. They were both not working I was paying rent and everything working overtime to make ends meet. For what? So they can have a place to sleep together. He even slept with her in my bed. I took him back because I don't want him to be happy with someone else he doesn't deserve it. So I've made it my goal to make him miserable. But I think I've only made myself miserable :(


lala 5 years ago

going through this right now. my long term bf...aka my fiancé, well he was. ive called that off. a girl he works with occasionally has an interest in him. when we decided to get married he started hanging out with her. he has kissed her, he came clean. and i do believe that's all that's happened so far. of course hes promised me he was just seeing if he should be married and now hes saying he knows im the woman for him and he wants me back. i don't know what to do? i love him. this is totally out of character for him, that's why i choose him.


rima 5 years ago

if a guy just do sex and forgot what it means and as if he had come for marriage purpose to meet


sweety 5 years ago

i would leave him..if he has cheated me once, he can do that again, though it is impossible for me to think a life without him, later i would be thankful to myself for doing the same.

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