Dating Problems? Troubled Relationships? Avoid Making the Most Common Dating, Love and Relationship Mistakes

If you’re making the most common dating, relationship and love mistakes, your relationship may be doomed to fail. Sadly, stupid mistakes are the most common source of dating problems. They can also lead to troubled relationships.

We’ve all been bombarded with so much misinformation — from fairy tales and other bedtime stories we’ve been told as children to movies and television shows we’ve seen as we were growing up. It’s hardly surprising that we’re confused about what is required to avoid dating problems and have a great relationship. Since most people don’t know what to do about them, most relationships are doomed to fail!

Most of the things we think we “know” about relationships are totally wrong — they're based on myths and they can lead us to the wrong partners. What’s even worse is that this faulty thinking can make us walk away from a potentially great relationship with the right partner.

Many relationships don’t work because decisions we make and expectations we have about them are often based on the following faulty thinking or myths:

  • It was love at first sight when you met each other. — You probably had lust at first sight when you met, but instant chemistry doesn’t necessarily mean you’re with the right person. It takes time to really get to know someone.
  • Love conquers all. — No matter how much you love each other, you still may not be able to resolve conflicts and overcome serious problems. It takes good relationship skills and a lot of hard work to resolve conflicts and problems.
  • If your partner loves you, (s)he should know what you want or need. — Your partner can not read or guess what’s on your mind.
  • In an ideal relationship, your partner should fulfill you in every way. — We all have the realities of our lives to deal with. Stress, hurt feelings, disappointments, frustrations, illnesses, responsibilities and obligations can keep most people from being fulfilled at some point in a relationship.

There are so many other common assumptions about relationships that end up causing dating problems or relationship issues, especially for new couples.

Most people think that great relationships are “found” instead of nurtured; so, they go from one relationship to another trying to “find the right one" — they’re always hoping that something will eventually “click”. Unfortunately, this faulty thinking leads to a lot of heartaches, disappointments and unhappiness for most people.

Learning from couples with satisfying relationships could be helpful in correcting your faulty thinking, but most people do not have “role models” for great relationships. And appearances can be deceiving; for example, some couples that appear to have lasting and satisfying relationships are actually just staying together in spite of being miserable.

Does this mean that it’s not possible to have a great relationship? No, it doesn’t mean that at all. It just means that the odds are against many relationships from lasting and being satisfying; so, the only way to have a great relationship is to find a way to learn the necessary relationship-building skills to make it happen and to nurture it.

How can you avoid making the most common love, dating and relationship mistakes?

  • By taking the time to get to know your partner, you won't end up trying to build a relationship with someone who is totally wrong for you and your values.
  • By developing effective communication and listening skills, you can understand your partner's needs as well as express your own needs more effectively. By learning these crucial relationship skills, you can increase your chances of having your partner's and your own needs met. Both of you can, hopefully, feel heard and understood by the other.

By developing more effective relationship skills instead of making assumptions about your partner, you can avoid or resolve dating problems. By loving smarter, you can avoid or get out of troubled relationships. Instead of getting stuck in an unsatisfying dating patterns, you can build a deeper and more meaningful relationship with someone special.


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What do you think? Please share your comments. 4 comments

Cheeky Girl profile image

Cheeky Girl 6 years ago from UK and Nerujenia

This is so true. The chemistry has to work 2 ways. Also, loving with the mind is not enough. The person has to love with the heart. And when the head and the heart agree with each other, this is a good sign. Well, it worked for me, anyway! : )

You have some very good hubs here, Allie. I checked out the SF Health & Welfare website you write for. Wow! Really great writing, Allie! You are very good at what you do!

I appreciate your hard work and dedication too!


allie8020 profile image

allie8020 6 years ago from San Francisco Bay Area, California Author

Hi Cheeky Girl!

Thank you for your comments.

Loving smart is important in choosing the right partner. It's also crucial in developing communication skills and relationship skills that are compatible with your partner. But, you're right. Loving with the mind is not enough.

I do think that you and Astra Nomik have something great going. Loving someone with all your heart and soul is the only way to go in terms of finding authentic happiness and joy.

Awww... You're such a doll, Cassy! Thank you for visiting my SF Health & Wellness column. You know that I think you're a gifted writer; so, any writing compliment from you is huge for me. Thank you for your kind words. I really appreciate your hard work and dedication, too!

You get a HUGE hug!

:) Allie


R.Cochran profile image

R.Cochran 6 years ago from Dahlonega, GA

I think you made some great points, well said.


allie8020 profile image

allie8020 6 years ago from San Francisco Bay Area, California Author

Thank you for your comments, R.Cochran!

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