How the HELL to deal with an unbearable dad ???

Abusive, angry and non-caring parents!

Duh! They exist :( and not only do they exist but they are intent on making their children suffer and most of the time they don't even realize the emotional turmoil they put their children through. Now, I can't go around the world teaching parenting, but! I CAN suggest the children how to 'fix' their problematic parents. :)

Now, before we start I have to tell you that we will NOT fight fire with fire, however, we may be using a combination of water and some bricks ( the bricks are to build a protective wall around you, in case, the water doesn't put out the fire :) ) So, here we go . .

Step 1: Know what your parents WANT ?

No, not from you, probably they have told you that a zillion times ( I only tell you to do ONE thing and . . , When will you learn to clean your . . etc ) but what do they want for themselves, the things they like to do, like, what sport does you dad like to play or watch ? , which series does your mum follow ? How do they like coffee ? Whats their favorite pass time ? What do they like to talk about the most, topics of interest ? I'm sure you get it but still let me tell you that the goal here is to find ALL the things that make them tick! ( in a good way, of course ) When you've all the information you think there is, move to step two!

Step 2: Show your parents, you CARE!

How ??? Well, you have all the information from step 1, aka, you've found the paths to their hearts! Now, its time to make a change (Yes We Can ). Talk to them about their interests, yep, from step 1 you know what their interests are. Start casually as if their particular interest just caught your fancy and you want information about it. With time you can go into details but don't EVER let them know that you're doing it intentionally or they will resist. For example: Ask your dad about the score, who scored highest, who won the football game, what's going down at his workplace, watch that dreaded series with your mum even if its The Bold and the Beautiful :D , ask her how she manages to cook such delicious food or how she manages to be a wife and work at same time! This does two things: First, it makes your parents feel that you are on the same wavelength as them. Second, they will feel important!

Step 3: Do activities with your parents.

Play your dads favorite game or sports with him, take your mum shopping voluntarily, offer to help her with her cooking! go fishing with your dad, again, voluntarily. I hope you sense the drift. The trick here is to form activities around the things from step 1 ( the things your parents like ). you may ask WHY do I have to go through this ? The thing is they will ENJOY these activities and the most important thing for you will be is that they will be enjoying it with you! So, subconsciously their mind thinks "feeling good = YOU " which will result in your parents wanting to spend quality time with you and showing their love for you!

Let me tell you that human beings, more than anything want to feel GOOD! This is the basic driving behind some of our biggest accomplishments! So please, don't underestimate this step.

Step 4: Keep the bricks handy!

As I said in the beginning we will use a combination of water and bricks. So, we've delved on water lets talk about the bricks, that is, to protect yourself against their abuse. The above steps should be applied FIRST and most probably you will not need this fourth step but if the above fails or even if it works but at times your parents go back to their abusing self then don't let them do it to you, you will have to take a polite but firm stand. It can be anything from just telling them to stop in a firm tone or getting away from them at their bad moments to reporting them to the authorities ( last choice, should be avoided if at all possible ).

That's IT ?? And this idiot thinks it will WORK ?

No, I don't just think it will work, I know it will work, but, why ? For this, you have to know something about the human psychology, humans are the most social of animals, that is why they've formed huge socities, that is exaclty why you like to have friends, dont you ? But they want something in return from the society, what do you think that is ? You nailed it! Acceptance, importance, love, a feeling of being wanted, feeling as if someone does give a damn about them. But at the same time human beings need to be reminded of their limits that is why, societites have made laws which are there to instill some fear into the wild ones and to protect the good ones.

So, you see, humans can be motivated to do a thing or to act a certain way both with positive and negative reinforcement and in my experience and according to psychology and all major religions the best way to do so is to use a combination of both but keep in mind that the positive reinforcement should always be way more than the negative reinforcement. So, they will work hard to get the hapiness and try as hard to avoid a negative outcome.

Throughout the article we have successfully adressed both reinforcments in detail, that is why I know it will work. Plus this comes from a man who hated his parents more than anything but now I'm in love with them but I had to take these steps little by little to get to this.

If you can promise me to put your heart and soul into this, I promise you that you will make a change. I wish you all the luck with your life because I know that you deserve what you want if you're willing to take a step towards it. Take care!

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Comments 2 comments

changer22 profile image

changer22 4 years ago

This is an interesting hub. It's sad that children get abused by their parents.

Flowing Colors profile image

Flowing Colors 4 years ago from Islamabad Author

Feels good that you find it interesting changer22. Yes, it's really sad. I hope it changes though! :)

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