Help! My fiancé got another woman pregnant! (while we were on a "break")
5 Things to Do When Your Fiance Has a "Break Baby"
Did you and your fiance have a big argument a few months before the wedding, and subsequently decide to take a "break" from your engagement? And did your fiance immediately sleep with another girl and get her pregnant? If so you're in good company. The so called "break baby" is just a new twist on an old problem. Man cheats on girlfriend/wife, man gets another woman pregnant, man wants to get back together with girlfriend/wife and forget the whole thing ever happened. What us old fogeys call straight-up "cheating" is now called "taking a break" by young'uns, but the aftermath is still the same. If you are a woman who finds herself in this situation, here are the 5 things you must do.
Don't wait for the paternity test results to come in. Does it really matter if the baby turns out not to be his? If your man can't help himself from sleeping with someone while you are supposed to be planning your wedding, what makes you think he will keep it in his pants after you are married? Run now while you're still unmarried.
(2) Get Out
Seriously, why are you still hanging around? If kid is really his and you decide to go through with the wedding, did you know that in some jurisdictions your income can be used as a basis for calculating alimony payments? That's right, before you even get a chance to have kids of your own, you'll be supporting his -- the baby he should have had with you.
And just wait until you get to take on the role of evil step-mother, or rather, have the role forced upon you. Imagine weekend visitation where you have to endure a child who has been poisoned against you by a woman you don't even know, whom you never did anything wrong to, yet hates your guts and uses her child to make your life miserable every two weeks. Get out of there and don't look back!
The Red Flag Phrases
"I need some space for a while."
"I don't know if I can sleep with one woman for the rest of my life."
"Let's have a trial break-up."
"What do you think about having an open marriage?"
(3) Dump His Cheating, Child-Abandoning Ass
Ask yourself what kind of man fathers a child with one woman and then tries to marry another? If he can easily abandon his break baby, he can just as easily abandon you and your future child someday. Right now you might be thinking "at least he chose me over her in the end!" but if you really think about it, it's only making a bad situation worse. Sure, it might sting more if he breaks up with you for good to be with the mother of his child, but at least he'll be giving an innocent child a fairer chance in life. By leaving his baby momma and marrying you he'll rarely be there for his child.
(4) Don't Look Back
Your relationship can never go back to the way it was when your partner has a child with someone else while you were planning your future life and future family together. Start over with a new man who has morals -- and no kids.
Actress Gabrielle Union goes ahead with engagement to athlete Dwayne Wade after he fathers a "break baby" with another woman. Having hit her 40th birthday, she is almost certainly too old to have children of her own, adding insult to injury. He already has three other kids from a previous relationship! Gabby, have some dignity.
(5) Get Real About "Breaks"
"Taking a break" is not a trial break-up; it's the coward's way of breaking up for real while pretending there's a chance that things can go back to the way they were before. The only way things can return to normal is if both parties commit to the relationship and work out their problems and disagreements by talking and making compromises, not by indulging in side activities.
The next time you get into a relationship and the topic of taking a break comes up, decide if you are going to make things work or part ways for good. Studies show that couples who have a history of breaking up and getting back together over and over (or taking breaks) have a much higher rate of divorce if they ever do get married. It doesn't bode well for a marriage if one or both parties needs to sleep around with other people a few more times before they can commit.
Bonus (6) Hock Your Ring
Don't forget to take your ring to the nearest pawn shop for a little mad money to spend on yourself. Or post a listing on eBay. If selling your ring online, be sure to concoct a romantic love story about your "family heirloom" for potential buyers; never divulge a true story about a broken engagement when selling a ring. Many people think second-hand jewelry can carry bad luck from previous owners!
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