Help! My fiancé got another woman pregnant! (while we were on a "break")

Your fiance makes cute babies when he impregnates other women.
Your fiance makes cute babies when he impregnates other women.

5 Things to Do When Your Fiance Has a "Break Baby"

Did you and your fiance have a big argument a few months before the wedding, and subsequently decide to take a "break" from your engagement? And did your fiance immediately sleep with another girl and get her pregnant? If so you're in good company. The so called "break baby" is just a new twist on an old problem. Man cheats on girlfriend/wife, man gets another woman pregnant, man wants to get back together with girlfriend/wife and forget the whole thing ever happened. What us old fogeys call straight-up "cheating" is now called "taking a break" by young'uns, but the aftermath is still the same. If you are a woman who finds herself in this situation, here are the 5 things you must do.

(1) Run

Don't wait for the paternity test results to come in. Does it really matter if the baby turns out not to be his? If your man can't help himself from sleeping with someone while you are supposed to be planning your wedding, what makes you think he will keep it in his pants after you are married? Run now while you're still unmarried.

(2) Get Out

Seriously, why are you still hanging around? If kid is really his and you decide to go through with the wedding, did you know that in some jurisdictions your income can be used as a basis for calculating alimony payments? That's right, before you even get a chance to have kids of your own, you'll be supporting his -- the baby he should have had with you.

And just wait until you get to take on the role of evil step-mother, or rather, have the role forced upon you. Imagine weekend visitation where you have to endure a child who has been poisoned against you by a woman you don't even know, whom you never did anything wrong to, yet hates your guts and uses her child to make your life miserable every two weeks. Get out of there and don't look back!

The Red Flag Phrases

"I need some space for a while."

"I don't know if I can sleep with one woman for the rest of my life."

"Let's have a trial break-up."

"What do you think about having an open marriage?"

(3) Dump His Cheating, Child-Abandoning Ass

Ask yourself what kind of man fathers a child with one woman and then tries to marry another? If he can easily abandon his break baby, he can just as easily abandon you and your future child someday. Right now you might be thinking "at least he chose me over her in the end!" but if you really think about it, it's only making a bad situation worse. Sure, it might sting more if he breaks up with you for good to be with the mother of his child, but at least he'll be giving an innocent child a fairer chance in life. By leaving his baby momma and marrying you he'll rarely be there for his child.

(4) Don't Look Back

Your relationship can never go back to the way it was when your partner has a child with someone else while you were planning your future life and future family together. Start over with a new man who has morals -- and no kids.

Actress Gabrielle Union goes ahead with engagement to athlete Dwayne Wade after he fathers a "break baby" with another woman. Having hit her 40th birthday, she is almost certainly too old to have children of her own, adding insult to injury. He already has three other kids from a previous relationship! Gabby, have some dignity.

(5) Get Real About "Breaks"

"Taking a break" is not a trial break-up; it's the coward's way of breaking up for real while pretending there's a chance that things can go back to the way they were before. The only way things can return to normal is if both parties commit to the relationship and work out their problems and disagreements by talking and making compromises, not by indulging in side activities.

The next time you get into a relationship and the topic of taking a break comes up, decide if you are going to make things work or part ways for good. Studies show that couples who have a history of breaking up and getting back together over and over (or taking breaks) have a much higher rate of divorce if they ever do get married. It doesn't bode well for a marriage if one or both parties needs to sleep around with other people a few more times before they can commit.

Bonus (6) Hock Your Ring

Don't forget to take your ring to the nearest pawn shop for a little mad money to spend on yourself. Or post a listing on eBay. If selling your ring online, be sure to concoct a romantic love story about your "family heirloom" for potential buyers; never divulge a true story about a broken engagement when selling a ring. Many people think second-hand jewelry can carry bad luck from previous owners!

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Comments 6 comments

dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 22 months ago

" If your man can't help himself from sleeping with someone while you are supposed to be planning your wedding, what makes you think he will keep it in his pants after you are married?"

Maybe this is simply a gender difference.

A "break" is a "breakup" in the eyes of most men!

I agree with your statement 100%.

"Taking a break" is not a trial break-up; it's the coward's way of breaking up"

You're either together or you're not!

If it's a situation where every time things become stressful someone has to have a suitcase packed and ready to take a break from the relationship then what kind of marriage is that going to be?

You can't work on a relationship being apart!

To anyone out there remember there is no such thing as a "practice breakup". If you don't want to see someone then don't expect them to put their (life on hold) waiting for (you to decide) the fate of the relationship!

As for the "break baby" he didn't create the baby all by himself. Clearly both parties failed to use safe sex and birth control methods.

As for the ring traditionally if the woman calls off the engagement she gives the guy back the ring. If he calls it off it's "optional" but the "classy" thing to do is to give it back and move on. One man's opinion! :)

Dr Billy Kidd profile image

Dr Billy Kidd 22 months ago from Sydney, Australia

Move on. Get another man.

S. 22 months ago

once upon a time my bf of 5 yrs said we have to go on a break, he needs space, he needs to think about if this relationship gives him what he needs, but don't worry he'll come back reinvigorated and refreshed and ready to give the relationship 100% blah blah blah. come to find out as soon as he left the apt he shacked up with his ex, he stays there 4 wks but swears up and down they just lived as roommates, no fooling around, she has a long distance bf, blah blah blah. ok so he moves back in after 4 wks ready to give our relationship another go and then barely a week after that the ex calls his up saying she pregnant and omg they have to get married, she can't get an abortion or be a single mom and getting married is the christian thing to do. And he goes along with it, 5yrs of being together down the drain, i'm back at square one and not getting any younger.

oh well, i'm at peace with it now and i got the last laugh anyway. so she had the baby and all but they're still 'engaged' going on 2 and half yrs with no actual wedding date in sight. lo and behold he needs to 'take a break' again. he moves out and shacks up with some hussy while his fiancee at home with a baby, and guess what, he fathers ANOTHER BREAK BABY. two baby mommas fighting over his worthless ass now, meanwhile i'm free of all that drama. good riddance!!!!!

dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 22 months ago

S. , Your story is not that uncommon. It's amazing how many people are willing to put their lives on hold while their mate makes up their mind as to whether to dump them or not. A break (is) a "breakup"!

That's giving someone else too much power over your life while they decide if YOU are good enough for them!

It doesn't sound like this guy would have made a good husband anyway. Five years of dating/living together is better than 5 years of marriage and going through the divorce process! Count your blessings!

In order for him to have been "the one" he would have had to see (you) as being "the one". At the very least a "soul-mate" is someone who actually wants to be with you!

"Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."

- Oscar Wilde

If someone tells you they need a break to figure out if they want to stay in a relationship with you it means they don't believe you're all that "special".

Dawn 22 months ago

I was the woman who had a child with someone's husband during their trial separation. He told me he was 100% single when we hooked up. She called me up and told me to 'get rid of it' and stop trying to steal her man, she went full crazy stalker on me and I had to get a restraining order. And I found out they had only been married for 2 months, and dating for only 5 months before that! She only had 7 months invested in that loser, why was she so desperate to keep him? He wasn't even rich. Some women have no self-esteem.

dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 22 months ago

Dawn, Your comment: "He wasn't even rich." is priceless!

Any married couple that takes a break after only 2 months of marriage clearly must have made a mistake getting married in the first place!

I suspect what motivated her to try and get rid of you is because by you having the child you would have a permanent connection with her man.

Nothing makes a woman crazy about a man more than knowing other women are interested in him as well. It's what makes the TV show "The Bachelor" a hit. It's really not about "the guy" it's all about the competition of beating out the other women.

You called him a "loser".

However it appears you both have the same taste in men! :)

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