Excuses women use not to sleep with men on the first date

This article is the result of very serious investigative journalism. Cough. It confirms that no matter what one thinks one knows about women, one is always, once and again, proved wrong.

www.mordantorange.com
www.mordantorange.com

Typically, what you find out there with the help of Google, or Cosmo of course, are tons or articles on the following topics:

  • Why it's NOT a good idea to sleep with a guy on the first date
  • Why it IS a good idea to sleep with a guy on the first date
  • What will a guy think if a girl DOESN'T sleep with him on the first date
  • What will a guy think if a girl DOES sleep with him on the first date

What I haven't found in my extensive research (cough) is this: What excuses women use to avoid sleeping with men on the first date when they actually want to. That is, excuses women work out for themselves, not for the guy in question! Funky, uh?

You're probably thinking, why ever would a woman need to find an excuse for herself if she actually wants to sleep with a guy? Beats the bejesus out of me, folks, and the thing is, women are really not my area of expertise, so I can't rightly answer the question.

So without further ado, here are the three most frequent excuses women use to STOP THEMSELVES from having sex on the first date when they know if they don't have the excuse handy they are simply going to fall into bed, or into the nearest sofa, with their unsuspecting lovers-to-be.

Credit: Bootsy5000 @ Flickr -- Here we have a perfect example of underwear a girl can and will probably use if she wants to avoid temptation!
Credit: Bootsy5000 @ Flickr -- Here we have a perfect example of underwear a girl can and will probably use if she wants to avoid temptation!

Top Excuse: I'm wearing ugly underwear

Here you have it, ladies and gents. When women want to avoid all temptation to fall into bed with a guy in the first date, they pick their ugliest underwear and get as far away as possible from sexy lingerie.

So they will go for granny panties, sports bras, and totally, blatantly, absurdly ridiculous pieces of underwear which, you can bet, they keep in their underwear drawer just for this purpose.

Apparently, when a woman is wearing one of those cotton, high-up-to-your neck, likely white but also skin colored knickers, they simply won't fall into temptation's jaws. I mean, temptation completely goes away, they would sooner die than air their ugly undies.

Guys, I know you're shaking your head sadly, even probably banging it against a wall, all the while thinking, "I don't care if it's a rag, I won't even look at it!" Sorry, fellows, this is not about what you will or will not look at, it's about how women feel when wearing them ugly knickers. Voila.

dailymail.co.uk -- Hair, check. Foundation, check. Blusher, check. Mascara, check. Lipstick, check. Body lotion, check. Nail varnish, check.... SHAVE? NO, DON'T
dailymail.co.uk -- Hair, check. Foundation, check. Blusher, check. Mascara, check. Lipstick, check. Body lotion, check. Nail varnish, check.... SHAVE? NO, DON'T

Second Excuse: I didn't shave

No need to smirk, now, and listen up. Generally, women spend a good bit of time preparing to look nice for a date, they put on makeup, do their hair, their nails, their... geez I don't know, everything, right?

Then they pick their clothes and shoes to impress and feel sexy, and the thing is, most of the times they succeed in getting that look that says, I did this for me, not really for you, you know, I'm just this pretty any which way you look at me.

In short, women generally know how to make themselves look scrumptious enough to make a guy fall on his knees.

So what if they want to cause this very reaction from a fellow, enough to get to the second date, but don't want to make him so hot and adoring that she turns to a puddle and falls into bed with him on the first date?

They don't shave! And what's the problem with a little hair, you fellows are thinking? Most of the women interviewed for this investigative piece (cough) would just as soon be shot in the head than jump into bed with a guy if they haven't shaved, so "a little hair" from a girl's perspective is just as obnoxious as killing puppies or global warming, so again, they achieve the perfect antidote for succumbing to temptation.

I know most of you don't care, guys, but women do, and that's what counts here, the excuse if for her own benefit!

At least, if a girl gives you that excuse, you can be fairly certain that she's hot for you, and you just need to patient until the second date! Voila.

Third Excuse: A friend called and she's distressed and needs help

This excuse is pretty elaborate and needs planning, so at least you'll know the lady has the hots for you if she went to this trouble to avoid sleeping with you on the first date.

http://images.meredith.com -- Did you break up with Jack? Oh my god! He was looking at another girl? How terribly awful! Do you need me? I'll be right there, sweets!
http://images.meredith.com -- Did you break up with Jack? Oh my god! He was looking at another girl? How terribly awful! Do you need me? I'll be right there, sweets!

When a woman knows she's in first-date-high-risk, when she fears falling into temptation, into bed, or into the backseat of the nearest car with her date, she will ask a friend to call her at a given time, and this friend calling will be in supposed trouble, most likely guy trouble!

Men know women will help each other, especially through guy trouble, I mean, it's the most natural thing in the world, right?

So she can't let the friend hanging out to dry and will tell the fellow in question that she needs to go, but would simply love to continue enjoying his company some other time.

In those cases, the guy got enough vibes that he knows the girl's in the bag, so to speak, and he will promptly agree to a second date. She gets her second date, and you, my fellows, will get to home base right then.

http://blaugh.com
http://blaugh.com

First Date Serenade

So, girls, am I right, or am I right?

I already said I don't have a clue why women feel they need to avoid sleeping with a guy they actually want to sleep with on the first date. Probably every woman has their own reasons, and that's all cool and dandy. Girls, by all means, do tell, if you're so inclined!

What I know, however, is that these three excuses are genuine, the Buffoon didn't make them up at all. I mean, seriously, how could I make up such ideas? Women told me these things!

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27 comments

medor profile image

medor 6 years ago from Michigan, USA

Way too funny... thanks for sharing... you know us so well. I had a friend who once told me she never shaved before a first date, so she wouldn't be tempted... whew, i never used that one...i only dated people i already knew... helped out a lot on the excuses


Buffoon profile image

Buffoon 6 years ago Author

See medor? You knew a girl that used the shaving excuse! I mean, I really didn't make them up, I know it sounds funky crazy, but women really told me these things!! :)


Austinstar profile image

Austinstar 5 years ago from Somewhere in the universe

I like the ugly underwear trick. After all, I don't even buy sexy underwear! What's the point? It's what's under the underwear that's sexy!


Buffoon profile image

Buffoon 5 years ago Author

Too true, Austistar, I'm not sure how many women will agree with you, though ... but I'm sure boys do! :)

But see here, women would just as soon kill their kitten than show some ugly undies to a fellow! Wonders never cease :D


SilverGenes 5 years ago

I know someone - a friend of my cousin's accountant's daughter - who recognized the underwear ploy. Very funny and strangely accurate hub! :)


Buffoon profile image

Buffoon 5 years ago Author

Cheers SilverGenes! I'm tickled that you girls commenting here all prove that I really DIDN'T make these excuses up :) I mean, I'd like to take credit for having such vivid imagination, but obviously women beat me in that area!


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 5 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

Thank God I have no intention of going on any more first dates, or my cover would be completely blown by your expose! I did use the "I'm getting my period" excuse once -- it only served to make my suitor more ardent on the 2nd date. LOL.

Great hub. Love your humor! MM


Buffoon profile image

Buffoon 5 years ago Author

Very pleased to make you laugh, Mighty Mom :)

And you know what they say about "never saying never", tsk tsk saying you aren't going into any more first dates may just be calling the devil! And then what if you need to excuse yourself? What then? Ugly undies? LOL


amandavalentine profile image

amandavalentine 5 years ago from new york

Great one! I laugh so hard my coworkers asked me why I was suddenly crying.Those are really the best excuses a girl could bring up. Truly and sincerely,a masterpiece.


Buffoon profile image

Buffoon 5 years ago Author

Thanks Amanda! Making you laugh out loud to the point of tears is the best reward! Feel free to use them excuses :)


amandavalentine profile image

amandavalentine 5 years ago from new york

I used them already.But it not like I can't do it again :))


Alastar Packer profile image

Alastar Packer 5 years ago from North Carolina

Love your optimism and humor-wonderful hub-maybe you could do one on an ex-casanovas opinion on this..lol-thanks


Buffoon profile image

Buffoon 5 years ago Author

I could as well, Mr Packer :) I'm sure ex-casanovas OR current casanovas would see right through the truth of this ...errr ... investigative piece :)


Alastar Packer profile image

Alastar Packer 5 years ago from North Carolina

And what a sight it would be Ms. Buffoon! Thanks


Buffoon profile image

Buffoon 5 years ago Author

uhhh just notice the mistaken identity here: That's Mr, if you please! :D


Alastar Packer profile image

Alastar Packer 5 years ago from North Carolina

Pardon me Buffoon, my head's been a little clogged up recently. After reading your very fine article guess I had the feminine side going in this addled brain...problem corrected and apologize again.


Buffoon profile image

Buffoon 5 years ago Author

No probs Alastar, no harm done whatsoever, here's my Buffoon hat being tipped to you :)


Say Yes To Life profile image

Say Yes To Life 3 years ago from Big Island of Hawaii

How about this; "I'm not interested in koala bears."


Buffoon profile image

Buffoon 3 years ago Author

You talking from experience? Did it work for yourself? :) Just kidding! :D


Say Yes To Life profile image

Say Yes To Life 3 years ago from Big Island of Hawaii

A koala bear eats bush, shoots, and leaves.


Buffoon profile image

Buffoon 3 years ago Author

HAHAHAHA that's a good one dude! Didn't get where you were coming from the first time round :D


cjarosz 3 years ago

This is funny. Never had t use these. Pretty funny will have to share with friends.


Buffoon profile image

Buffoon 3 years ago Author

Cheers cjarosz, glad you found it funny. Hope you find it useful too AHEM :D


fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 2 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

Buffoon......LOL.....I like your pen-name, love this hub and enjoy your sense of humor.

Because I am who I am...I believe only in straight forward honesty and up-front behavior.....despite the current insistence of Political Correctness....(which I have no use for!)

Going back about a hundred years when I WAS dating....if the subject came up....I quite simply and politely said, "No, not today, stud-muffin.' If he was SMART, he wouldn't want to hear some made-up EXCUSE. ....nor would I give one.

Good hub..Up+++


Buffoon profile image

Buffoon 2 years ago Author

Hi yourself! I'm sure I like your pen name as well, even if I'm having a bit of old trouble to get it right :D

Right, here we go: fpherj48 .... bravo me, I got it!

Any which way, thanks for the comment, it does tickle me immensely when my funky sense of humor grabs someone, and even more so when they come and say so! Thank you!


fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 2 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

When we meet again......my name is, Paula! LOL...that makes it easier.


Buffoon profile image

Buffoon 2 years ago Author

Indeed it does! Paula, charmed to make your acquaintance :D

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