for GIRLS: Things NOT To Do After YOUR Nasty Break-Up

Introduction . . .

I promised all of my girl followers that after I had published my latest self-help, love hub for guys, "Things Not To Do After That Nasty Break-Up," that I would publish its counterpart, in all fairness, for our lady friends who have just been hit with a nasty break-up engineered by some low-life male jerk who has the nerve to call himself a man.

Like in the hub for guys, I start off, ladies, by telling you, "it's over," that five-year relationship with "the" guy you met in line at the music CD store in your favorite mall on that certain early fall afternoon in mid-September. The leaves were just turning their beautiful orange, red, and violent purple colors. You were in a good mood. You had just received your Master's Degree in Sociology and you "had the world by the tail."

Along with your devastating charm and naturally-great looks, you had the personality that those who knew you well could only describe you as "electric." You smiled a lot.

His name was, "Tony." He too was doing some under graduate work in the field of Ghetto Psychology to earn his Master's Degree in Metropolitan and Urban Sociology. You thought he was a dream on two athletically-built legs. He was dressed in his "Hard Rock Cafe" tee, khaki shorts and brown loafers with no socks. This turned you on instantly. And when he softly said, "Uhhh, 'cuse me," when you bumped into him, you were entranced. On the spot.

You stumbled with conversing with him because of his deep hazel eyes with long eyelashes. His "five o' clock" shadow and POLO cologne made you weak in your knees. Oh, this "Tony" guy didn't ask you out that day, but made a quick, funny joke about his "clumbsiness" of meeting gorgeous girls (meaning you), and you jumped at the chance of giving him your cell number. Looking back, you now wish you had just walked away.


NOW LOOK AT YOU . . .

ALL SAD, BLUE, AND DEPRESSED MOST OF THE TIME. YOU HAVE LOST YOUR INTEREST IN LIFE, FRIENDS, SCHOOL AND YOUR PET, A PUREBRED YORKIE NAMED, "DOODLES." IS THIS ANY WAY FOR A GIRL OF YOUR LOOKS AND STYLE TO LIVE?
ALL SAD, BLUE, AND DEPRESSED MOST OF THE TIME. YOU HAVE LOST YOUR INTEREST IN LIFE, FRIENDS, SCHOOL AND YOUR PET, A PUREBRED YORKIE NAMED, "DOODLES." IS THIS ANY WAY FOR A GIRL OF YOUR LOOKS AND STYLE TO LIVE?

So there you are . . .

sitting in the dark in your one-bedroom loft apartment in Boston. You are clutching a CD, "Tom Petty: The Essential," with the song "Free Falling," playing in a loop to remind you constantly how good you had it with "Tony." At certain moments, you join Tom in singing, " . . .she's a go---oood girl. Cra--zy 'bout Elvis . . ." Can you say, "Gullible"? That's correct, my shattered female friend. Gullible. A severely-hurting girl who has learned the hard way that most guys are really jerks, pains in the neck, wastes of time, who love to have their ego's stroked at the thought of using a pretty girl such as yourself.

Face it. "Tony" is history. You gave him the best five years of your life. You sacrificed your time, energy, and body for him. That's right. For "him." And never thought, in your deepest imagination, that he would stab you in the heart, laugh and leave you broken in a trillion pieces on the floor of your nearest Pizza Hut. And to make you feel even worse, he convinced you that it was "your fault," for him putting you through this "hades-of-a-night," with this nasty break-up that has bruised your soul. Punctured your heart. And made you feel like the shell of the vivacious girl you once were before you gave him your cell number in that stupid music CD store. You now swear by all things holy and decent that "this" store had a curse put on it by an evil witch whose lover was killed on purpose by the store owner's great, great grandfather. And you really believe you own demented reasoning. Girl, you are at the bottom and need my help.



TAKE A LOOK AT "TONY" TODAY

HAPPY AS A LARK. CARE FREE. NO RESPONSIBILITY. KICKING HIS HEELS TOGETHER AS HE DANCES DOWN THE ROAD OF LIFE WITH NO THOUGHT OF THE PAIN THAT HE HAS GIVEN YOU.
HAPPY AS A LARK. CAREFREE. NO RESPONSIBILITY. KICKING HIS HEELS TOGETHER AS HE DANCES DOWN THE ROAD OF LIFE WITH NO THOUGHT OF THE PAIN THAT HE HAS GIVEN YOU.

So here it is, just for YOU,

"Things NOT To Do AFTER Your Nasty Break-Up" . . .

  1. DO NOT stay cooped-up in your one-bedroom loft apartment in Boston. This is probably the worst thing you can do to recover from your "Judas Iscariot-type" of a break-up. Get out. Meet people. A few new people--GIRLS, not guys. You are far from ready to meet anymore new guys. Strike-up a conversation with someone you think will be your friend. Go out to eat. Have "a" glass of wine, not three bottles. Talk. And moderately-share how "Tony, The Creep-O," ruined your life.
  2. DO NOT make a mad dash for your favorite supermarket to load-up on cookie dough, chips, Rocky Road ice cream and other unhealthy foods that girls love to eat when they have been given the "shaft" by a non-caring, heartless jerk-of-a-man.
  3. DO NOT call his cell number constantly to see if he is home. Are you stupid? This only prolongs your emotional torture. You hold your cell phone in your hand so tightly, foolishly-thinking that "Tony" will call and say he has reconsidered, that you almost crush your 4G TRACFONE that still has 200 airtime minutes. Listen. "Tony" is NOT going to call. Okay? The sooner you put him out of your mind, the better. And calling his number to hear his voice on his answering machine will NOT help you in any way.
  4. DO NOT keep ANY of the things he gave you. Send them ALL to his address via UPS or FedEx. His pictures he signed "Good Luck, 'Janet," and the cheap dime store bracelet. And charge the bill to him. Hey, don't you pay for it thinking that this one nice gesture will change his mind. Girlie, girl, you are alone. All alone. Get used to it. You do not need his New York Yankees teddy bear signed by Derick Jeter. You really didn't like it in the first place when big spender "Tony" splurged and spent $5.50 on this stupid bear.
  5. DO NOT head to the bar where you and "Tony" frequented so many times as a couple. It's your turn, "Janet." Live a little. Drink some Johnny Walker. Cutty Sark. Maybe a few Miller Lite's for you are watching your pretty figure. But do not get wasted. Stop when you start "buzzing" and then dance with strange guys. And act tough like Joan Jett of the Black Hearts. Remember her? No male creep ever pushed her around. Pattern after Joan this one night and see if you do not feel more empowered in the morning.
  6. DO NOT make a fool of yourself when you are drinking. I mean do not get into a crying spree telling the wasted "barfly" on the stool near you all about "Tony," and how you loved him more than Quaker Oats, the cereal you ate when you were six. This "bar fly" doesn't know you. Or anything about Quaker Oats. Save your dignity. Just keep quiet. If "Tony" and his new chick does come into the bar, DO NOT stagger up to them and try to tell him off with your slurred speech. Just glare at them. No law against that. He and his new "victim," I mean, girlfriend, will soon grow uncomfortable at you glaring at them like a hungry Falcon, and leave.
  7. DO NOT wear any of the clothes you wore when you were with "Tony, the Jackass." Throw it all in the trash. Or dumpster behind your apartment building. Hey, you might meet a new guy there. Sorry, just thinking out loud. Buy a completely-new wardrobe out and out. And get a complete make-over. Go by his workplace and fill-out an application for work. No, you don't need a job, but allow him to look at the "new you," and foam at the mouth at what he threw away. Yes, this is cruel, but so was the deal he gave you.
  8. DO NOT answer your phone if "Tony" should call. Please tell me you have caller i.d. Let him keep calling until his finger is wore-down to a nub. Then answer him in an aloof tone of voice. "How ya' doing, Janet?" he says in desperation because his new girlfriend took up with her physical trainer and moved into a Motel 6 together. "Who is this?" is all you have to say. He will chuckle. And start allowing anger to seep into his voice. "Hey, I made a mistake in breaking-up with you, and I, uhhh, thought we, uhhh, could . . ." "Stop it right there, clod!" you snap with authority. "You had your chance. I'm the happiest I have ever been. Without YOU," then giggle and hang up. Don't you feel great?
  9. DO NOT walk in public with your head down as if you committed a crime. I realize what I am asking is tough, but believe me, I know about nasty break-ups. Hold your pretty head UP. Smile even though it kills you to do this. If "Tony" should see you in public acting all confident, sexy and powerful, he will feel so bad that he will become clinically-depressed which serves him right. Don't you agree?
  10. DO NOT be so hasty the next time a cute guy says hi to you. Remember this is how you met the vermin, "Tony," so keep a guard on your heart. Be polite if a new guy speaks to you. But be brief. Please do not linger hoping that he will ask you out. This is your time now. Do not throw away all the hard work you have done by following my "Things NOT To Do AFTER Your Nasty Break-Up."

And if this "Tony" character should be reading this, remember it was YOU who broke "Janet's" heart. Not she who broke yours.

Oh, that's right. Sorry, "Tony," you do NOT have a heart.

IS THIS HOW YOU WANT TO LIVE

SAD, DOWN AND OUT, AND NUMB TO THOSE AROUND YOU? FINDING A DIVERSION BY GAZING INTO LAKES WITH NO NAME? IF THIS IS YOU, MY HURTING FEMALE FRIEND, READ MY ADVICE ON "THINGS NOT TO DO AFTER YOUR NASTY BREAK-UP" JUST ABOVE THIS PHOTO.
SAD, DOWN AND OUT, AND NUMB TO THOSE AROUND YOU? FINDING A DIVERSION BY GAZING INTO LAKES WITH NO NAME? IF THIS IS YOU, MY HURTING FEMALE FRIEND, READ MY ADVICE ON "THINGS NOT TO DO AFTER YOUR NASTY BREAK-UP" JUST ABOVE THIS PHOTO.

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Comments 26 comments

Kristen Haynie profile image

Kristen Haynie 4 years ago from Modesto, CA

This is a great hub! Thanks for writing this version for the ladies. It's all very true, and it's genuinely good advice, but it's still so funny and entertaining! I loved it!


meow48 profile image

meow48 4 years ago from usa

where was this hub, say um, thirty two years ago? thanks for giving this advice, i hope all those who are going thru a breakup will see this. take care.


WD Curry 111 profile image

WD Curry 111 4 years ago from Space Coast

How did you know all of this about the ladies? You don't fool me, "Tony"!


anndavis25 profile image

anndavis25 4 years ago from Clearwater, Fl.

Hey Kenneth. So sweet of you to write this column so quickly. You are a genius. Your advice is spot on. Your 'do nots' are oh so helpful and well thought out.

B U T......that just ain't me. I would make a date with him so as to give him back his Teddy Bear, and say "dinners on me"...

Then, I would talk to him in Ghetto psychology (which he majored in and understands) Then I would pull from my big Gucchi purse, a no.8 iron skillet and birds would twitter over his head.

A Degree in Sociology trumps the Ghetto philosophy.

Very cute and smart hub. Funny man. up and awesome


breakfastpop profile image

breakfastpop 4 years ago

Good advice. I say do go shopping!!


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dear Kristen, I appreciate your honest comments. Honest. How do I know more about ladies than guys? I was raised by my mom, who was an old-fashioned stay-at-home mom all of her life. My dad made a good living for us. She loved and advised me when the time and (my age) was right. She was so wise in telling me that I always needed to respect ladies, all ladies, no matter what THEY Do to me, I am not justified in hurting them even in vengeance, for women are second to Jesus in God's Majestic Creation Plan. And over the years I learned, she was right.

Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

. . .:) Thank YOU, meow48, I do covet your input on all of my work. Your comment tells me that YOU are very wise in the ways of life. And that type of advice I will always be needing. Happy St. Paddy's Day!

Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hey, WD, see my reply comment to Kristen. That should answer your question, "Tony," and LOL, do you feel better at dumping this hot blond? Yes, a hub about the DUMPER may be on the horizon. Oh, FYI, I work part-time as a soothsayer.

Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

:) Helllo, Sweet Ann,

thank you for your nice comments. I love them very much. And I promised you and all the classy ladies that this hub was coming. And I agree, "your" style of talking to a jerk who has dumped you, fulfills more than mine did. Skillet Socialogy. I love it.

Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, breakfastpop, okay. Do the shopping gig, but NOT while doing Jack Daniels. Okay?

"Do Not Shop And Drink," is a great motto.

Thanks for your kind support and terrific friendship.

Kenneth


catgypsy profile image

catgypsy 4 years ago from the South

Another great one Kenneth! Again, funny but oh so true. You sure have the human mind figured out, my friend!


picklesandrufus profile image

picklesandrufus 4 years ago from Virginia Beach, Va

A funny hub, but good advice! Enjoyed reading recommendations from the male perspective!


Angela Blair profile image

Angela Blair 4 years ago from Central Texas

Way too funny and right on target -- been there done that many years ago (in fact I think several times). Although tongue-in-cheek you've actually written excellent do's and don't for the ladies after a break up -- how perceptive of you! Wonderful and voted up. Best/Sis


WD Curry 111 profile image

WD Curry 111 4 years ago from Space Coast

Yeah, it's hard to be a full time soothsayer. It's feast or famine and people don't want to hear bad news.


ImKarn23 profile image

ImKarn23 4 years ago

Great insight, Kenneth! There are a couple i might quibble over - but - why quibble? Overall - great advice, and i hope women sit up and take note! Whining and begging gets them nowhere but to a place where they can't respect themselves!


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dearest Catgypsy, thank you, first of all, for your warm comment. I appreciate it so much. I try. And try. To figure out the human mind but that only makes MY mind hurt. Does this make sense?

Have a great day and visit with me again!

Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, picklesandrufus,

thanks so much for your sweet and MUCH-needed comment. I mean that. I like to go at things not only from a male viewpoint, but from angles that arent so obvious. I learn more that way.

Have a great day.

Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dear Angela,

I bet you have been there, done that. I would also bet that YOU were the heart-breaker and not the one whose heart was broken by a low life. Am I right? Just my ESP at work. Thanks for your lovely comment.

Your Friend,

Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

You are correct, sir!

WD, I tried full-time soothsaying, but had to lay my two apprentice soothsayees off. They just didn't have the temperament for the job. (Dalton from Road House). I had to say farewell to soothsaying and take up selling snake oil online...LOL. No, Hubs is all I really have a passion to do. Hope I can help only ONE person.

Thanks, Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi,ImKarn,

Thank YOU so much for your support. You are right. Ladies should never, or at least try not to, cave in and weep when a jerk hurts them. They should smile and be so passive that the jerk worries day and night if he is going to be dealt with.

Right?

Kenneth


Sueswan 4 years ago

Dearest Kenneth,

Great advice that is delivered with warmth and humour.

Voted up up and away!


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

THANK YOU SINCERELY . . .Dearest Susan. And thanks for the votes. Just love to make YOU laugh and that way, my existence on earth is not in vain.

Have a happy day, Susan.

Kenneth :)


Captin John smith 4 years ago

I have a problem with my pregnate wife she is pregnate and has a master in psychology lol I guess I just hang in there and yes John smith is my real name and I'm from California


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, Captin,

ouch! a master's degree in psychology. Well, just be Yourself--honest, warm and listen to what she ways. Women love to communicate through feelings. This is a fact, so whatever problem you are having, Im sure can be helped by talking. It sure wont hurt. Women hate it when guys clam up.

Kenneth

PS: this advice was FREE.


cece 2 years ago

Hello, Mr. Kenneth!

I'd like to start by saying, "WOW!!!!!!!" I am amazed on how you nearly hit my situation on the head! Simply genius! Yet, sad and scary for me in personal ways.( Im having a tough time healing I guess.) However, after I have read the much needed help. I'm left with one question. How do I get rid of everything he bought for me? IF that means EVERYTHING....... AND I MEAN EVERYTHING


Kenneth Avery 2 years ago

My Dear cece,

And easy fix. Be totally-honest with yourself. Do this first. Then in a methodical, precise way, sift through all of the things he bought for you. Then decide, if this was given to you at a good place in the relationship, or a rough place.

Keep the gifts given in a good place because you will only be left with the good memories of your relationship.

Offer the ones you are not keeping, back to him. If he refuses, depending on what the remaining items are, give them to other people or if you can sell them, do it.

If eradicating these items, the ones given in a bad place in your relationship, means happiness for you . . .trash them.

And let me know how it turns out.

Your friend,

Kenneth

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