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My wife hates my mother because of my lies, help please

  1. Ruben Rivera profile image79
    Ruben Riveraposted 3 years ago

    My mom raised my sister and I practically by herself.  My father left us when I was 4 and my sister 5, he helped financially but that was it.  As I became an adult I decided I wanted to help my mom as much as I could for taking care of us and not even looking for another husband.

    I joined the military and I started helping her with some money, she barely speaks english and has very little skills besides being a housekeeper, she is almost 63 years old and I just want to help her, my sister is another story and can't help her right now since she has a daughter to take care of.

    Anyways when I was dating my wife she knew I was helping my mom and she even said it was noble of me for doing it.  I didn't think it was a problem until we had our second kid, my wife demanded that I stop helping my mother because that is money that should be for the kids, I still felt an obligation to help my mom so I lied to everyone.  I told my wife i had stopped helping my mother but in reality I only reduced the amount to $150 per month, and I also lied to my mother telling her that my wife knew about it.

    Anyways my wife found out that i was still helping my mother behind her back and even though I had told her that I had also lied to my mother about it, it seems she thinks my mom is at fault for getting the money. 

    I have agreed to pretty much to stop talking to my mom and sister because my wife thinks they are the root of the problem, but it turns out that my wife wrote a letter to my mother telling her to stop being the problem, saying that she should get a job and should leave us alone, she made me read it to my mom and there are a few things my mom didn't agreed to especially when my wife says she is the root of the problem.

    Anyways it turns out my wife read the letter to a bunch of other people, family and have also said derrogatory things about my mom, how she didn't help out when she was over when my wife was pregnant, how she wants to ban my kids from seeing her because she feels my mom is the cause of all the problems.

    Basically I lied to both my wife and my mom telling them everything was ok but now my wife seems to be out to get my mom, talk stuff about my mom with other family.  My mom has never said anything bad about my wife and in fact said to stop the money so we can be in peace but my wife seems to have hatred towards my mom and has even asked me to stop talking to her temporarlly.

    I have said to my wife that I don't agree with how she is spreading all this stuff with family but she says that i'm just defending my mom and not being on her side, she seems to think that my mom is fair game since i lied to her.

    I really feel like i can't be with my wife anymore, she's turned to a complete nutcase and by the way anything that happens she exagerates 10 fold so what should i do, don't want to lose my kids, but don't feel i want to be with someone who will do anything for revenge

    1. prettydarkhorse profile image63
      prettydarkhorseposted 3 years ago in reply to this

      You can always have another wife but you can never replace a mom. She should understand your mom :-) You can apologize to both of them.

      (This is just my first reaction)

  2. psycheskinner profile image83
    psycheskinnerposted 3 years ago

    I think the first step would be to tell the truth, ask for understanding (hope for forgiveness), and get that off the table before deciding what to do next.

  3. ahorseback profile image54
    ahorsebackposted 3 years ago

    Sycskinner is right , Apologize and apologize now , Hold both of them close though , no one has the right to demand singular  rights to you ,  Be honest from now on !